- Joined
- Jun 28, 2021
- Messages
- 349
I am of an opinion that keeping score of your lay count is something which makes you a less effective seducer.
Why do we keep score of lays?
I believe, because of validation. We either want to be validated by:
- others - when we share our lay count with other people, we are happy when we hear things like: "Really, so many? Well done buddy." Obviously, we value opinions of other seducers even more, as they are aware of the amount of work we've put into this.
- ourselves - even if we don't share our lay count with others, we discuss it internally. We compare it against last year, and make plans for the next year. At least I do. Then we judge ourselves on our results, and we either praise ourselves or diss ourselves depending on our own internal critic, depending on our internal expectations of ourselves.
Here is the problem. We can get this validation from others or ourselves, but it will be temporary. The moment we make a new plan (usually even higher), we automatically get INVALIDATED on the the new plan. So the circle of validation starts again. Notice that we invalidated most of the time, and validated only from time to time.
But how does this work against us in the seduction context? Well, it actually creates a NEW NEED. Let's say, I had 12 chicks last year, so one per month. And this year I want to get better, so I want 2 every month. And how does this translate to reality? Let's say it's almost end of month, and I only had one chick so far. I tell myself, I have to push myself harder, otherwise I will dissapoint myself. This internal pressure to press harder HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CURRENT STAGE OF YOUR CURRENT SEDUCTIONS. There may be no reason to push the seduction further (time wise) but you still push it further just to satisfy your imaginary ratio. This artificial push will DERANGE your otherwise well going seductions. She will ask herself, "He was normal and it was really going well, what is the point of rushing it now? WTF is going on?" She will resist. She will resist just because she is confused (read feeling unsafe about you).
In other words, OUR NEED to maintain our image of an "even better seducer this year" will make us NEEDY. And we know what that means.
I think it doesn't matter, how we keep score. As long as we do, it will influence us one way or another.
What do you guys think? Is there anyone here who DID keep a score and NOW DOESN'T. If so, please advice how you made the change.
Love to all of you,
Jan
Why do we keep score of lays?
I believe, because of validation. We either want to be validated by:
- others - when we share our lay count with other people, we are happy when we hear things like: "Really, so many? Well done buddy." Obviously, we value opinions of other seducers even more, as they are aware of the amount of work we've put into this.
- ourselves - even if we don't share our lay count with others, we discuss it internally. We compare it against last year, and make plans for the next year. At least I do. Then we judge ourselves on our results, and we either praise ourselves or diss ourselves depending on our own internal critic, depending on our internal expectations of ourselves.
Here is the problem. We can get this validation from others or ourselves, but it will be temporary. The moment we make a new plan (usually even higher), we automatically get INVALIDATED on the the new plan. So the circle of validation starts again. Notice that we invalidated most of the time, and validated only from time to time.
But how does this work against us in the seduction context? Well, it actually creates a NEW NEED. Let's say, I had 12 chicks last year, so one per month. And this year I want to get better, so I want 2 every month. And how does this translate to reality? Let's say it's almost end of month, and I only had one chick so far. I tell myself, I have to push myself harder, otherwise I will dissapoint myself. This internal pressure to press harder HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CURRENT STAGE OF YOUR CURRENT SEDUCTIONS. There may be no reason to push the seduction further (time wise) but you still push it further just to satisfy your imaginary ratio. This artificial push will DERANGE your otherwise well going seductions. She will ask herself, "He was normal and it was really going well, what is the point of rushing it now? WTF is going on?" She will resist. She will resist just because she is confused (read feeling unsafe about you).
In other words, OUR NEED to maintain our image of an "even better seducer this year" will make us NEEDY. And we know what that means.
I think it doesn't matter, how we keep score. As long as we do, it will influence us one way or another.
What do you guys think? Is there anyone here who DID keep a score and NOW DOESN'T. If so, please advice how you made the change.
Love to all of you,
Jan
