Leading conversations while low energy?

[Rakehell]

Hey everyone, hope you all are well.

As stated by the title I have a question on conversing and socializing when you just aren’t feeling mentally fit enough to do so.

I think because of this site and my own idealism I have demonically high standards of what an interaction should be, but I feel as though it’s nearly impossible when you aren’t feeling up to it.

And following advice i’ve read from similar posts on the site and the forums, i’ve bared through it and tried to warm up my social muscles.

But I find that it doesn’t work for me atleast not all of the time. I find myself drawing a blank on how to respond or comport myself.

This of course is always an ego hit because I know the kind of interactions i’m capable of leading forward.

I find this to be twice as true with people i’m already associated with because there are less topics to easily branch toward that we haven’t already gone over.

I’m used to being somewhat socially competent and putting people at ease when they aren’t necessarily socially savvy themselves but when my brain isn’t up to it I feel like a deer in headlights.

How do you all deal with this? Is it something you just have to accept or do you have ways to navigate long enough to keep the interaction smooth.

I’m not just talking about on the approach here.

 

[ulrich]

Hard to say.

Not sure if the expectation is correct.
You want to make a conversation longer and more meaningful and asking how to do so consistently?

I guess, some conversations you just have to let die by themselves, do something else and then reapproach.
Sometimes keeping on going on just for the sake of it makes a conversation duller not better.
People need some time to regroup and order their thoughts.

Does this help?

 

[Will_V]

Hey everyone, hope you all are well.

As stated by the title I have a question on conversing and socializing when you just aren’t feeling mentally fit enough to do so.

I think because of this site and my own idealism I have demonically high standards of what an interaction should be, but I feel as though it’s nearly impossible when you aren’t feeling up to it.

And following advice i’ve read from similar posts on the site and the forums, i’ve bared through it and tried to warm up my social muscles.

But I find that it doesn’t work for me atleast not all of the time. I find myself drawing a blank on how to respond or comport myself.

This of course is always an ego hit because I know the kind of interactions i’m capable of leading forward.

I find this to be twice as true with people i’m already associated with because there are less topics to easily branch toward that we haven’t already gone over.

I’m used to being somewhat socially competent and putting people at ease when they aren’t necessarily socially savvy themselves but when my brain isn’t up to it I feel like a deer in headlights.

How do you all deal with this? Is it something you just have to accept or do you have ways to navigate long enough to keep the interaction smooth.

I’m not just talking about on the approach here.

The way I see it, going around thinking you have to have magical interactions with people is a strong sign of neediness.

Think about it like this: there are some people who have a powerful presence who are very socially aware and attentive. Then there are other people who also have a powerful presence, who are self absorbed and inattentive to others.

Can you do both?

Another way to look at it is like this: what influences other people is the way you express yourself (and how they react to that). Influential people are by and large very expressive. However there are different ways of expressing yourself.

Some people express themselves very much toward people, in ways shaped to that person with whom they are interacting (these are socially skilled, empathetic individuals). Other people, on the other hand, express themselves into their immediate vicinity. They don't pay much attention to others, but simply create a vaccuum around themselves by sheer strength of frame and expect everyone to fall into it.

Here's the question: can you interact with a woman giving her very little attention and even being dismissive, and make her feel more and more pressure to invest more into the interaction?

We have days where we have a lot to give to others and freely give them attention. And then there are other days where we feel impulsed to consolidate within ourselves, to give vent to selfishness and require more of the world than what we give out. Nice guys feel bad on days like this and seek to keep away from people. But for others, it's just another day, just another way of doing things and expressing oneself - a way which has at least as many opportunities for reaping rewards, of a different kind.

 

[Rakehell]

I guess, some conversations you just have to let die by themselves, do something else and then reapproach.
Sometimes keeping on going on just for the sake of it makes a conversation duller not better.
People need some time to regroup and order their thoughts.

Does this help?

Close but not quite, i’m not inquiring on the context of conversations specifically but moreso how you retain your process and techniques when you’re low on energy.

Tactics and techniques, the way I move, down to the minuscule such as gestures and expressions.

On a low vibrational low energy day these things seem outside of my reach and it reinforces an anti social mood. This obviously isn’t helpful with maintaining relationships or building new ones.

Hopefully that was more conscise on what i’m inquiring about.

 

[ulrich]

Are tired, exhausted or depressed?

 

[Rakehell]

Depressed? In a word, likely.

 

[ulrich]

Ok, if that is the case it would be better to prioritize that depression/sadness/tiredness you’re feeling.

Calibration is a big deal for this.
It’s very hard to land a good conversation/seduction if your energy is misaligned with your target.
So, in order to land high energy girls, you need to go high energy (somewhat lower than her but still high).

If you’re stuck in low energy and can’t adapt then you’re stuck with low energy girls.
If you’re stuck in hyper low energy… then it’s better to fix that first because it will be hard for you to relate and to relate with you while you’re in that mental state.

So my suggestion:
- If you are just feeling low energy, try to rack some small wins with low energy girls (sitting, waiting for bus, waiting in line, etc) to gain some momentum.

-If you are feeling like crap constantly and often, try to get help and fix the underlying situation, otherwise seduction and conversation will feel like swimming against the current.

 

[Darius]

OP, I definitely feel you, and in fact I think it's a problem that a lot of intermediate guys have, myself included.

To explain why I think it's an issue with intermediate seducers, a lot of guys learn the principles that are detailed here on Girlschase, start putting them in practice, figure out how to do a good enough job applying them, and get decent or even great results. However, they have not yet drilled these principles "into their bones", and must still expend a lot of cognitive effort analysing every aspect of a social interaction in order to do the right thing and have the appropriate reaction. That is what we call calibration.

When you have a high level of energy, it is an easy task and it's quite fun, like sitting a math test where you know all the answers. Your brain can quickly plough through the information you read and your past experiences, so calibration becomes easy. You are afterwards rewarded with social validation.

When you're in a low energy however, you simply don't feel like doing all that work, and so your calibration suffers. Or, you subconsciously reason that all this work is not worth it for the potential rewards you might get, and your brain simply decides to take a rain check. This happens to me for example with girls that I already fucked. There's no real incentive to be calibrated around them anymore, so I just stop doing it until I'm horny again. Often times I've been told by girls that I am a lot colder after sex.

The truth is, leading a conversation or a seduction and always doing the "correct" thing that you learned from a blog or diarying or past experience is incredibly mentally taxing. It's kind of like driving. When you're an intermediate, you can drive but you have not yet integrated the actions of driving into your subconscious, and so you must actively *think* to switch gears or to look in the rear view mirror, etc. It ends up being very draining, very quick, especially in new or awkward situations. Whereas an experienced driver can do it without expending any more energy than if he was on his couch watching TV. It's his subconscious taking over and doing the brunt work.

The solution is simple I believe. We drive i.e. converse a lot, lead a lot, fuck a lot. Until it becomes second nature to you and like an experienced driver that spent half his life on the road, you'll be able to do this stuff while sleeping.

 

[Rakehell]

Sounds about good Uriel.

Your solution sounds like the next feasible step Darius. It’s fair to reason that these things that allude us aren’t fully ingrained. So the only thing to do would be to practice until they are when able.

 

[happynanako]

Just stay home when you're low on energy, her impression of you would goes like "he seems bored with me or he doesn't seem excited or I can't seem to click with him"

 

[Rakehell]

Hey @happyultima, I forgot about making this thread.

I’m past this phase as of now but @uriel was mostly right in the root of it being depression.

In fact I’d take it one step further and say that i’m more than likely manic depressive. My perception gets distorted during the depressive phases but I still hold myself to the standards of when i’m feeling “normal”.

Time waits for noone so I don’t agree with just staying home for someone like me. Like @Darius said I just need to ingrain these things into my being more.