- Joined
- Dec 7, 2012
- Messages
- 234
Minnesota's been frozen over, and for the past few weeks, it's as though the whole place went into hibernation... Not much life in any venues. I've been doing a lot of experimenting these last few weeks without actually doing number closes because the only places I see girls out in public are school and speech meets. Lot's of deep diving experiments going on... And if there was anything that helped me stop seeing girls on a pedestal, it was this combined with my pick-up experiences.
Hollywood depicts the average female as ambitious, independent, and leading very exciting hedonistic lives with all the people around them... While I'm sure this is true in some respects, I saw hardly any of it. I tried starting conversations about what their ambitions and plans for the future were only to find that most of them had none. Conversations about what really makes them happy gives me an "I'm not really sure" most of the time. In fact, about 99% of all the girls I've been meeting had a day consisting of distracting themselves on their phones/social media, hanging out/partying, and going to work/school. It doesn't deviate much from there... Maybe it gets better when they've actually got to start paying bills, but at this age, it's all I see.
While this realization helped me understand the "save her from her boredom" mentality and how ridiculous it is to put a girl on a pedestal, it severely tanked my initial interest meeting a girl. I no longer expect the girls I meet to give me very interesting answers, and I've even considered keeping a tally count for how many times I've heard a certain response. I still approach, but I'm skeptical and vaguely disinterested right off the bat... I'm not as enthusiastic with my getting to know her, because there's a good chance I know what she's gonna say.
Anyway, this is what shaped my current approaching style. Haven't had time to see how it'd turn out since it's so recent, but with luck I'll get to see it some more.
Girl #1:
I walked over to an e-cigarette stand at the mall and began looking at things. I didn't want to flirt with an employee, but it was getting late and I wanted to approach someone. I was checking the stuff out for like a minute before she engaged me.
Her: "Hi! Can I help you find anything?"
Me: "Nope, just looking."
*2 minutes later*
Me: "I'm just gonna be honest here. I only came here because I thought you were cute and I wanted to say hello... I wanted to see if I could have your number before I go. I know you're working so I don't wanna linger too long."
Her: "Haha, thank you. Um... I have a boyfriend though..."
Me: "Oh, okay, well thank you for telling me! Have a good night."
(In hindsight I opened from the front. Next time I remember to open from the side.)
Friend's Girls:
My wing saw a girl he knew and energetically sat down at her table. I followed suit. I'll admit that I was feeling kinda awkward because I hadn't had time to prep, and I never got to tell her I was interesting... And she was cute. She was filling out job applications, so we didn't have her undivided attention, so the topics we talked about were pretty mundane and impersonal... Save for when I told them about a vibrator incident at Spencers that I thought was hilarious, but the clerks didn't. Surprisingly though, she didn't get uncomfortable and leave, and when she had to go, asked for both our numbers so we could follow up on a trip to SkyZone that we talked about.
As we were about to leave, he got a text from her asking if we could give her a ride home. I didn't want to be a yes-man, so I asked if they lived far, and because they lived close, I said alright. We met them at a Wendy's where the interaction went far more interestingly. I don't remember the whole thing... Just excerpts.
Me: "You two come here job searching and don't even have a ride home..?"
Cute Girl: "Holy crap, you scared me!"
Wing: *starts talking*
Me: "Haha, I remember job searching. I did that all of last summer before I got the job at skyzone in August. I always took the forms home so I could look up the information that they expect you to memorize."
Cute Girl: "Hmm... That's doing a lot though.."
Me: "True, but then you have it handy for all the other apps... Of course when I bring them home I always have a procrast-erbation problem and not do them."
Wing: "What?"
Me: "I had a habit of procrast-erbating all the paperwork."
Wing: "What's that?"
Me: "Pushing all the stuff off to the last minute and never actually doing it."
Wing: "You mean procrastination?"
Me: "No, procrast-erbation. It feels great while you're doing it, but in the end you only screw yourself."
Both my wing and the cute girl's friend started laughing at that. Not sure if the cute girl was or not though.
Me: "So you guys go job searching and hope a ride conveniently pops up?"
Her: "Well no, it's just that.. My grandma has cancer and we found out today she only has two days to live... And so my step dad dropped me off here, but didn't know what time he'd be back. He told us to wait at the wendy's, but we didn't want to wait that long."
Me: "Oh... Dang."
Her: "Yeah, and I'm not there because, well... It'd just be too hard for me."
Me: "I feel you. I'm sorry to hear that... I think it was like.. a year ago that my grandma died?"
Her: *nods*
Me: "She got to be 94, but one day, she choked on some water and well.. Cardiac arrest."
Her: "Oh wow... But she got to live really long though! 94.."
Me: "Oh yeah, and about 50 of those years were smoker years."
Wing: "What? Really?"
Her: "Haha, my grandma smoked too.. Only hers was weed."
Me: "What? Weed? Noo..."
Her: "Haha, no, seriously!"
Me: "You two were really close then?"
Her: "Kind of.. Yeah, I guess you could say that. She's my step dad's mom, but she's like a grandma to us."
(In hindsight I should have said something lighthearted and inspirational there, but it looks like I dropped the ball)
In the end, we led them out to the car, and my friend immediately gave the cute girl his jacket. Not wanting to seem to nice-guyish or reactionary, I kept walking with mine on without giving it to the other one. After riding in the car with them and talking on the way home, my friend jumped out to walk them to the door, once again throwing his jacket on the cute girl. I made an excuse to stay in the car, and gave them knucks instead of a hug goodbye since they were behind me. Not doing the jacket thing might have been a good move, but staying in the car alone may have been pushing it. Oh well, we'll see how this goes.
Girls #3:
While we were still at the mall, my wing spotted two girls... Sisters I presumed. They were too young for me, and I thought they seemed too young for him too, but he wanted to approach, and so I followed to support him.
Wing: "Hey there! Do you mind if I sit down here?"
Girl #1: "Sure.."
Me: "Sup. I'm his friend."
The conversation shifted from music to The Big Bang Theory to other random topics. At some point he asked how old they were.
GIrl #1: "How old are YOU?"
Wing: "I'm 16, and he's 18, so he's just here because of me."
Girl #1: "I'm 52."
GIrl #2: "I'm 95."
Me: "Actually I lied. I'm 3002 years old. I drank an ancient chinese elixer and I'm immortal now."
Wing: "I lied too. I'm 69 years old."
Topic shifted again and the conversation was beginning to die, so I tried to interject.
Me: "You're too young for me, but I'm gonna try to help my friend out. What's your birthday?"
Girl #1: "Umm... 700!"
Me: "What? I asked what your birthday was."
Girl #1: "Yeah, that's my birthday. Figure it out!"
Girl #2: "Haha, I get it."
Me: "July tenth, 2010?"
Girl #1: "Noooooo! Hahah"
Me: "Well then what is it? I'm a fortune teller. Ancient Chinese secret. I'll show you something cool."
GIrl #1: "Cool! But I don't care."
Girl #2: "I don't care either."
Girl #1: "Somebody out there cares. But it's not us."
Me: "Ooh... I feel like curling up and crying right about now, don't you man?"
Wing: "Yeah... I think I'm gonna go home and *makes cutting motions* how do people do that? Across the wrists, down the arm?"
Me: "I used to do it up here. *Motion cuts to my upper arm*"
Wing: "You used to do that?"
Me: "Yeah, I told you."
Wing: "Naw, you're bullshitting me. I have to call bullshit on that."
Me: "No, seriously, does this face look like a bullshit face to you? *Make a Kim Jong Un serious face*"
Wing: "Yeahhh...."
Girls: "Kinda..."
Me: "You've been calling bullshit on me all night, but it's always turned out to be true."
Wing: "I had to call bullshit on that vibrator story. Oh my god... Tell them about what happened at Spencers!"
Me: "Haha, I would, but I'm not sure if they're old enough to hear the story. How old are you?"
GIrl #1: "79!"
Girl #2: "83!"
At this point I just told them the vibrator story. In the end, they got a call and said that they had to go. My wing didn't make a last ditch effort for a number close, but with that kind of compliance, I don't blame him.
---
That's the end of the field report. So to anyone that might be reading this, what topics can I talk to these girls about if ambition, hobbies, and plans for the future seem to get me nowhere. Also, what's your take on thinking of girls as pretty much similar to each other and not expecting much out of interactions? Is this a destructive mindset to have, or is it helpful? I'll be testing it out to see what happens.
Hollywood depicts the average female as ambitious, independent, and leading very exciting hedonistic lives with all the people around them... While I'm sure this is true in some respects, I saw hardly any of it. I tried starting conversations about what their ambitions and plans for the future were only to find that most of them had none. Conversations about what really makes them happy gives me an "I'm not really sure" most of the time. In fact, about 99% of all the girls I've been meeting had a day consisting of distracting themselves on their phones/social media, hanging out/partying, and going to work/school. It doesn't deviate much from there... Maybe it gets better when they've actually got to start paying bills, but at this age, it's all I see.
While this realization helped me understand the "save her from her boredom" mentality and how ridiculous it is to put a girl on a pedestal, it severely tanked my initial interest meeting a girl. I no longer expect the girls I meet to give me very interesting answers, and I've even considered keeping a tally count for how many times I've heard a certain response. I still approach, but I'm skeptical and vaguely disinterested right off the bat... I'm not as enthusiastic with my getting to know her, because there's a good chance I know what she's gonna say.
Anyway, this is what shaped my current approaching style. Haven't had time to see how it'd turn out since it's so recent, but with luck I'll get to see it some more.
Girl #1:
I walked over to an e-cigarette stand at the mall and began looking at things. I didn't want to flirt with an employee, but it was getting late and I wanted to approach someone. I was checking the stuff out for like a minute before she engaged me.
Her: "Hi! Can I help you find anything?"
Me: "Nope, just looking."
*2 minutes later*
Me: "I'm just gonna be honest here. I only came here because I thought you were cute and I wanted to say hello... I wanted to see if I could have your number before I go. I know you're working so I don't wanna linger too long."
Her: "Haha, thank you. Um... I have a boyfriend though..."
Me: "Oh, okay, well thank you for telling me! Have a good night."
(In hindsight I opened from the front. Next time I remember to open from the side.)
Friend's Girls:
My wing saw a girl he knew and energetically sat down at her table. I followed suit. I'll admit that I was feeling kinda awkward because I hadn't had time to prep, and I never got to tell her I was interesting... And she was cute. She was filling out job applications, so we didn't have her undivided attention, so the topics we talked about were pretty mundane and impersonal... Save for when I told them about a vibrator incident at Spencers that I thought was hilarious, but the clerks didn't. Surprisingly though, she didn't get uncomfortable and leave, and when she had to go, asked for both our numbers so we could follow up on a trip to SkyZone that we talked about.
As we were about to leave, he got a text from her asking if we could give her a ride home. I didn't want to be a yes-man, so I asked if they lived far, and because they lived close, I said alright. We met them at a Wendy's where the interaction went far more interestingly. I don't remember the whole thing... Just excerpts.
Me: "You two come here job searching and don't even have a ride home..?"
Cute Girl: "Holy crap, you scared me!"
Wing: *starts talking*
Me: "Haha, I remember job searching. I did that all of last summer before I got the job at skyzone in August. I always took the forms home so I could look up the information that they expect you to memorize."
Cute Girl: "Hmm... That's doing a lot though.."
Me: "True, but then you have it handy for all the other apps... Of course when I bring them home I always have a procrast-erbation problem and not do them."
Wing: "What?"
Me: "I had a habit of procrast-erbating all the paperwork."
Wing: "What's that?"
Me: "Pushing all the stuff off to the last minute and never actually doing it."
Wing: "You mean procrastination?"
Me: "No, procrast-erbation. It feels great while you're doing it, but in the end you only screw yourself."
Both my wing and the cute girl's friend started laughing at that. Not sure if the cute girl was or not though.
Me: "So you guys go job searching and hope a ride conveniently pops up?"
Her: "Well no, it's just that.. My grandma has cancer and we found out today she only has two days to live... And so my step dad dropped me off here, but didn't know what time he'd be back. He told us to wait at the wendy's, but we didn't want to wait that long."
Me: "Oh... Dang."
Her: "Yeah, and I'm not there because, well... It'd just be too hard for me."
Me: "I feel you. I'm sorry to hear that... I think it was like.. a year ago that my grandma died?"
Her: *nods*
Me: "She got to be 94, but one day, she choked on some water and well.. Cardiac arrest."
Her: "Oh wow... But she got to live really long though! 94.."
Me: "Oh yeah, and about 50 of those years were smoker years."
Wing: "What? Really?"
Her: "Haha, my grandma smoked too.. Only hers was weed."
Me: "What? Weed? Noo..."
Her: "Haha, no, seriously!"
Me: "You two were really close then?"
Her: "Kind of.. Yeah, I guess you could say that. She's my step dad's mom, but she's like a grandma to us."
(In hindsight I should have said something lighthearted and inspirational there, but it looks like I dropped the ball)
In the end, we led them out to the car, and my friend immediately gave the cute girl his jacket. Not wanting to seem to nice-guyish or reactionary, I kept walking with mine on without giving it to the other one. After riding in the car with them and talking on the way home, my friend jumped out to walk them to the door, once again throwing his jacket on the cute girl. I made an excuse to stay in the car, and gave them knucks instead of a hug goodbye since they were behind me. Not doing the jacket thing might have been a good move, but staying in the car alone may have been pushing it. Oh well, we'll see how this goes.
Girls #3:
While we were still at the mall, my wing spotted two girls... Sisters I presumed. They were too young for me, and I thought they seemed too young for him too, but he wanted to approach, and so I followed to support him.
Wing: "Hey there! Do you mind if I sit down here?"
Girl #1: "Sure.."
Me: "Sup. I'm his friend."
The conversation shifted from music to The Big Bang Theory to other random topics. At some point he asked how old they were.
GIrl #1: "How old are YOU?"
Wing: "I'm 16, and he's 18, so he's just here because of me."
Girl #1: "I'm 52."
GIrl #2: "I'm 95."
Me: "Actually I lied. I'm 3002 years old. I drank an ancient chinese elixer and I'm immortal now."
Wing: "I lied too. I'm 69 years old."
Topic shifted again and the conversation was beginning to die, so I tried to interject.
Me: "You're too young for me, but I'm gonna try to help my friend out. What's your birthday?"
Girl #1: "Umm... 700!"
Me: "What? I asked what your birthday was."
Girl #1: "Yeah, that's my birthday. Figure it out!"
Girl #2: "Haha, I get it."
Me: "July tenth, 2010?"
Girl #1: "Noooooo! Hahah"
Me: "Well then what is it? I'm a fortune teller. Ancient Chinese secret. I'll show you something cool."
GIrl #1: "Cool! But I don't care."
Girl #2: "I don't care either."
Girl #1: "Somebody out there cares. But it's not us."
Me: "Ooh... I feel like curling up and crying right about now, don't you man?"
Wing: "Yeah... I think I'm gonna go home and *makes cutting motions* how do people do that? Across the wrists, down the arm?"
Me: "I used to do it up here. *Motion cuts to my upper arm*"
Wing: "You used to do that?"
Me: "Yeah, I told you."
Wing: "Naw, you're bullshitting me. I have to call bullshit on that."
Me: "No, seriously, does this face look like a bullshit face to you? *Make a Kim Jong Un serious face*"
Wing: "Yeahhh...."
Girls: "Kinda..."
Me: "You've been calling bullshit on me all night, but it's always turned out to be true."
Wing: "I had to call bullshit on that vibrator story. Oh my god... Tell them about what happened at Spencers!"
Me: "Haha, I would, but I'm not sure if they're old enough to hear the story. How old are you?"
GIrl #1: "79!"
Girl #2: "83!"
At this point I just told them the vibrator story. In the end, they got a call and said that they had to go. My wing didn't make a last ditch effort for a number close, but with that kind of compliance, I don't blame him.
---
That's the end of the field report. So to anyone that might be reading this, what topics can I talk to these girls about if ambition, hobbies, and plans for the future seem to get me nowhere. Also, what's your take on thinking of girls as pretty much similar to each other and not expecting much out of interactions? Is this a destructive mindset to have, or is it helpful? I'll be testing it out to see what happens.
