Lingering Touch

[Dern]

Lingering Touch
After physically pre-opening (by first touching a girl to get her attention), you can use something I call the “lingering touch.” The lingering touch consists of leaving your hand where it’s resting on the girl you’ve just pre-opened, and holding eye contact with her with a warm smile on your face for a second or a pair of seconds before you begin your opener.

A lingering touch might look like this:

A man walks up to a woman and places the palm of his hand on her elbow. She turns to look at him, resting her eyes on his. He moves his eyes over to meet hers, and smiles at her warmly while he gazes into her eyes for two seconds. At last, he speaks: “I saw you standing over here, and I just had to come tell you, that…”

It’s something you’ll see sometimes in movies, in fact, where an incredibly suave, romantic man walks up to engage a beautiful woman he’s just seen. And just as women swoon for it in the movies, they swoon for it in real life, too.

Taken from Chase's article on "Pre-Opening".

Question:

A man walks up to a woman and places the palm of his hand on her elbow. She turns to look at him, resting her eyes on his. He moves his eyes over to meet hers, and smiles at her warmly while he gazes into her eyes for two seconds. At last, he speaks: “I saw you standing over here, and I just had to come tell you, that…”

So in this situation, at what point does he take his hand off her elbow? I always pre-open women by just touching them on their elbow for a second, so they look at me but when I read this example, it seems like I've been doing it wrong all this time. So in the situation, at what point does the man take his hand off the woman's elbow? After his direct opener?"

 

[Nova]

Not something i'd play around with unless you really know what your doing and if you've targeted the girl efficiently.

Its quite a lot to pre-open via touch imo. Can obviously be very attractive if done right but for most people its definitely more efficient to pre-open mainly by getting her to notice you somehow first, and then approaching from the side. It's just less likely to be too much for the girl.

I would take my hand off once she has turned and we are both making mutal eye contact. But honestly its never something I do.

 

[Marty]

Very interesting point Nova, I was skeptical about preopening through touch, at least in a daytime context (I can see how it might work in a crowded bar), it's reassuring to hear this from a more experienced person as I was wondering whether it was my own calibration that was off. Thanks.

 

[Dern]

Thanks Nova, it makes sense to drop your hand once both of you are looking at each other, before your opener. I've been struggling to do this right, some of the times I do it, the girl gets scared. And that pretty much puts her into auto-rejection. So, I'm probably gonna stop making this one of my goals.

 

[Richard]

Dern, personally, I've used kind of a spin-off of your lingering touch idea. This is the overall synopsis.

I walk through a store, catch eye contact from a girl, smile at her, if she smiles back (a real smile shows in the eyes), then I walk past her, wait a few seconds, turn around, catch up to her, place my hand palm-up under her elbow and open regularly. I don't wait the extra few seconds, and I generally take my hand off her elbow, and instead move it to another place like her hand, her shoulder, all depends on what I talk about after the opening.

 

[Dern]

Okay, so correct me if I'm wrong - you only do lingering touch if she first shows interest in you. And right after you touch her, you open, without waiting for her to look at you.

 

[Richard]

Well, I guess interest is right, but I do it rather after I know she's noticed me, the smile means she'll receive it warmly. But yes, you are correct my friend

 

[Dern]

Interesting, I like how you say you do lingering touch after she's noticed you. That's really good for me because I would like to walk up to beside a girl, know for sure that she noticed me, then lingering touch her. Lingering touch requires confidence, and what you do: move your hand from her elbow and place it on her shoulder or hand... takes even more confidence! What do you talk about after the opener that would allow you to do this without it seeming awkward? I usually ask the girl what she is up to today, or if she likes travelling, or about work and school, and I do not feel like these would be good subjects to be able to move my hand to her shoulder or arm. Tell me what you think...

 

[Richard]

Alright Dern, this is how I would normally use your "lingering touch" spin-off:

- I catch eye contact from a girl, then smile
-If she smiles back, I'll make my way around her
-When she notices I'm around, I'll approach after she's looked away
-From the side, touch her elbow and say something like "Excuse me,"
-After she turns around, I compliment her with "I couldn't help but notice how incredibly cute you are, I wanted to come introduce myself. I'm Richard"
-While I'm saying "notice how," I generally move my hand to her shoulder
-After I say, I wanted to introduce myself, I go for a hand shake
-Continued touching during the conversation ( I don't pay much attention, these touches aren't planned most of the time, they're just natural to the conversation)

As a side note, it's best to not ask generic questions like that, girls have heard them a thousand times (give or take millions )
Instead of "What are you up to today," you could ask "So what brings you here, instead of somewhere more interesting?"
I try not to ask a girl does she like to travel, or anything too personal as an opener she usually won't respond too well to things like that so early. Keep it interesting during your light banter, then you can progressively get personal into building rapport and then eventual deep diving

-Have fun out there,
Richard