- Joined
- Jul 5, 2013
- Messages
- 182
THE BACKSTORY
So I met this adorable 19 y/o blonde girl who is my ideal type: super skinny, introverted, independent, ambitious, well-endowed, a good conversationalist, etc. while doing some cold approach on campus. If we are to use the scale system she would be about a 9 -- absolutely stunning -- great body and mind. Her style could easily be called hip (e.g. when we meet her style is as followed: prescription horn-rimmed glasses, tight black pants, leather converse with zippers on them, a blouse with a hint of cleavage, a blazer jacket with slight shoulder pads). I opened her with: "I saw you walking here and I had to come tell you, you look... extremely nerdy actually. My name's Oskar." She was flustered and we had a choppy few second conversation leading to her giving me her number. Next day I text her and it leads nowhere -- she implying that she has a boyfriend (which she did at the time) and saying maybe she'll call me sometime. A week later I text her to come join me at a cafe spontaneously, thinking this a cold lead anyway, but it's worth a shot. No response, so I delete her number. However, yesterday, a few weeks later, I see her in a cafe and go up and talk to her. Surprisingly, she responds well (she previously being rather lukewarm to me) and we decide to meet up the next evening (I take her number again).
I'm more excited about this girl than most, as she's so damn attractive, but I make sure not to psych myself out by staying busy all day. I manage to not think about her much till the meet.
THE MEET
We meet up at a cafe/independent movie theater and I immediately move her to another cafe that has couches and is far more comfortable a block away. In the first cafe are some people I know (the owner and other filmmakers) and their presence causes some good social proofing for her, while her presence is good social proofing for them. We head to the other cafe and have great conversation. She's cooler than I imagined (for example, she once made out with Alice Glass, the singer for one of my favorite bands Crystal Castles), though she's also a bit more innocent than I'd thought she'd be. She's rebellious and sexually open, but still seems a bit inexperienced. After about an hour and a half she wants cigarettes and they are in her car. In our conversation I've already planted some "get her into my house" seeds (show her my music and show her some pics of my travels) and am confident that they'll work, as she's been responding well to my escalation so far. I tell her to drive me home and she does. Then we go up to place and I get her comfortable: some tea, show her my music, conversation, tour, etc. After about 10 minutes she says she's going to go to her car to get cigarettes and as she's leaving I tell her to kiss me (I want to taste her before she tastes like cigarettes) and pull her in. She breathily says "okay" and we start kissing vigorously. I break it off and tell her to go get her cigarettes and she does. I'm now thinking it wasn't such a great idea to kiss her right before she went out to the car, as she will probably come back more logical and expecting me to make a move now. It's not as effective if she's expecting it, you see. She comes back and I reduce tension with some unrelated conversation and let her finish her cigarette. We are watching a movie and I throw her legs over mine. She then asks me "what's your deal?" I guess she wants me to tell her about my relationship status and I tell her "I'm in between things right now, I'm in that stage where I'm not really sure what I want, you know?" She can relate and tells me about how she just got out of another relationship two days prior to our meeting and how the guy before that abused her. Those are some of the only relationships she's had, I'm guessing, excepting perhaps a few drunken one night stands as a freshman. She is comfortable with her sexuality, but hasn't had the chance much to exercise it freely. Or maybe she just isn't used to guys like me. She tells me she's never "gone out" with a stranger before, "let alone this!" We start making out again and she is nervous and shaking with excitement, and I can smell how turned on she is. We dry hump and I suck on her nipples then take her bra off, as that was just nearest to hand. She is responding extremely well. After some more foreplay I move to take her pants off but she won't have it. She suddenly starts giving excuses for why she can't have sex: "I like drinking tea with you, and watching movies, and talking about... but I don't think I'm ready for ... past abusive relationship ... I'm not sure what I want... this is a bad idea... I've got homework... etc. Her logical mind is starting to win over so I take a step back -- flip her around and we spoon for a bit and watch the movie. Unfortunately her logical mind kicks in full force and she decides to leave, the clincher being that she has homework to do (online stuff due at midnight, which she'd mentioned earlier and I believe to be true). She gets dressed and eventually I pull her back into me for one last escalation attempt which doesn't lead very far -- just some kissing and touching. At this point she says "I know what 'you' want", which is bad, as it is her rationalizing me as the pursuer while subtly othering me at the same time. She is acting nervous again, but this time in a less sexually conducive way. She scurries about collecting her things and I watch, trying to figure out how I to get her to stay. I walk her to the door and we make out some more in farewell and she says "If you text me I might come over again sometime." (she's in auto-rejection now) I respond by saying "maybe you should invite me over to your place..." She responds with "Maybe if you're lucky." I give her a skeptical look and she leaves.
REFLECTION
I can only guess where I went wrong: perhaps I had a moments hesitation during foreplay, perhaps I let kissing go on for too long, perhaps I persisted too hard, perhaps I should have disengaged entirely when she started feeling uncomfortable, inviting her to chase... who knows... but it was nonetheless a disappointing end to an otherwise great night. Usually I don't go for second dates but I'm thinking I'll give this girl a second chance. I'll send her a follow up text tomorrow (something like "Great getting to know you yesterday! Always happy to meet a fellow traveler
" then, depending on her reply, I'll invite her back to my place to help cook dinner with me in a few days. I'll let y'all know what happens.
At what point do you think I could have salvaged this? Does my plan of action seem like the best bet for continuing the relationship or can you think of a better way? This is a girl I want to keep around. My game feels pretty solid these days but there are still a few hole here and there when I encounter something new or unexpected, so any other criticism would also be appreciated
Best,
Oskar
So I met this adorable 19 y/o blonde girl who is my ideal type: super skinny, introverted, independent, ambitious, well-endowed, a good conversationalist, etc. while doing some cold approach on campus. If we are to use the scale system she would be about a 9 -- absolutely stunning -- great body and mind. Her style could easily be called hip (e.g. when we meet her style is as followed: prescription horn-rimmed glasses, tight black pants, leather converse with zippers on them, a blouse with a hint of cleavage, a blazer jacket with slight shoulder pads). I opened her with: "I saw you walking here and I had to come tell you, you look... extremely nerdy actually. My name's Oskar." She was flustered and we had a choppy few second conversation leading to her giving me her number. Next day I text her and it leads nowhere -- she implying that she has a boyfriend (which she did at the time) and saying maybe she'll call me sometime. A week later I text her to come join me at a cafe spontaneously, thinking this a cold lead anyway, but it's worth a shot. No response, so I delete her number. However, yesterday, a few weeks later, I see her in a cafe and go up and talk to her. Surprisingly, she responds well (she previously being rather lukewarm to me) and we decide to meet up the next evening (I take her number again).
I'm more excited about this girl than most, as she's so damn attractive, but I make sure not to psych myself out by staying busy all day. I manage to not think about her much till the meet.
THE MEET
We meet up at a cafe/independent movie theater and I immediately move her to another cafe that has couches and is far more comfortable a block away. In the first cafe are some people I know (the owner and other filmmakers) and their presence causes some good social proofing for her, while her presence is good social proofing for them. We head to the other cafe and have great conversation. She's cooler than I imagined (for example, she once made out with Alice Glass, the singer for one of my favorite bands Crystal Castles), though she's also a bit more innocent than I'd thought she'd be. She's rebellious and sexually open, but still seems a bit inexperienced. After about an hour and a half she wants cigarettes and they are in her car. In our conversation I've already planted some "get her into my house" seeds (show her my music and show her some pics of my travels) and am confident that they'll work, as she's been responding well to my escalation so far. I tell her to drive me home and she does. Then we go up to place and I get her comfortable: some tea, show her my music, conversation, tour, etc. After about 10 minutes she says she's going to go to her car to get cigarettes and as she's leaving I tell her to kiss me (I want to taste her before she tastes like cigarettes) and pull her in. She breathily says "okay" and we start kissing vigorously. I break it off and tell her to go get her cigarettes and she does. I'm now thinking it wasn't such a great idea to kiss her right before she went out to the car, as she will probably come back more logical and expecting me to make a move now. It's not as effective if she's expecting it, you see. She comes back and I reduce tension with some unrelated conversation and let her finish her cigarette. We are watching a movie and I throw her legs over mine. She then asks me "what's your deal?" I guess she wants me to tell her about my relationship status and I tell her "I'm in between things right now, I'm in that stage where I'm not really sure what I want, you know?" She can relate and tells me about how she just got out of another relationship two days prior to our meeting and how the guy before that abused her. Those are some of the only relationships she's had, I'm guessing, excepting perhaps a few drunken one night stands as a freshman. She is comfortable with her sexuality, but hasn't had the chance much to exercise it freely. Or maybe she just isn't used to guys like me. She tells me she's never "gone out" with a stranger before, "let alone this!" We start making out again and she is nervous and shaking with excitement, and I can smell how turned on she is. We dry hump and I suck on her nipples then take her bra off, as that was just nearest to hand. She is responding extremely well. After some more foreplay I move to take her pants off but she won't have it. She suddenly starts giving excuses for why she can't have sex: "I like drinking tea with you, and watching movies, and talking about... but I don't think I'm ready for ... past abusive relationship ... I'm not sure what I want... this is a bad idea... I've got homework... etc. Her logical mind is starting to win over so I take a step back -- flip her around and we spoon for a bit and watch the movie. Unfortunately her logical mind kicks in full force and she decides to leave, the clincher being that she has homework to do (online stuff due at midnight, which she'd mentioned earlier and I believe to be true). She gets dressed and eventually I pull her back into me for one last escalation attempt which doesn't lead very far -- just some kissing and touching. At this point she says "I know what 'you' want", which is bad, as it is her rationalizing me as the pursuer while subtly othering me at the same time. She is acting nervous again, but this time in a less sexually conducive way. She scurries about collecting her things and I watch, trying to figure out how I to get her to stay. I walk her to the door and we make out some more in farewell and she says "If you text me I might come over again sometime." (she's in auto-rejection now) I respond by saying "maybe you should invite me over to your place..." She responds with "Maybe if you're lucky." I give her a skeptical look and she leaves.
REFLECTION
I can only guess where I went wrong: perhaps I had a moments hesitation during foreplay, perhaps I let kissing go on for too long, perhaps I persisted too hard, perhaps I should have disengaged entirely when she started feeling uncomfortable, inviting her to chase... who knows... but it was nonetheless a disappointing end to an otherwise great night. Usually I don't go for second dates but I'm thinking I'll give this girl a second chance. I'll send her a follow up text tomorrow (something like "Great getting to know you yesterday! Always happy to meet a fellow traveler
" then, depending on her reply, I'll invite her back to my place to help cook dinner with me in a few days. I'll let y'all know what happens. At what point do you think I could have salvaged this? Does my plan of action seem like the best bet for continuing the relationship or can you think of a better way? This is a girl I want to keep around. My game feels pretty solid these days but there are still a few hole here and there when I encounter something new or unexpected, so any other criticism would also be appreciated
Best,
Oskar
