Socializing Lonely at the top? Struggling to find similar people

[Unknownymous]

I've been a reader of girlschase for a while and it has improved my life a lot in many ways.

I'm at a stage in my life where I feel kinda stuck in choosing who to socialize with and struggle to fit in with groups of people.

Most of the people I come across usually have social ladder climbing, passive aggressive and victim / complainer mentalities. I find it hard to find people that I can be friends with without being emotionally drained.

I guess my question is, how rare are people without any of these behaviours?

Any ideas on how I can find these people and what can I change in myself to become someone that these people are attracted to / want to socialize with?

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Oh man, yeah. This isn't talked about much, because most guys don't get to this point, but once you can pretty much be cool in most social circles or can adapt quickly if given enough chances....you get bored.

It's nice, though. It's calm. You feel "old."

It's the same as when you become great in any field. A great actor, rapper, athlete, etc. What it takes to get to a high level in anything requires some talent, dedication, and insane willpower. Most don't do it. It's simple in practice, but most don't do it.

Problem is, you have now molded yourself into a Great Man and then you look around and see underachievers. Everyone has their own path and maybe their virtue is greater than yours, they are just less ambitious, but you can't help but feel some disdain/disgust/boredom/annoyance with most people.

All friendships are transaction at their core. It's not bad, just is. Unfortunately, when you're high value, there becomes a small pool of people who can give you as much as you give. It's a LOT of people, in actuality, but FINDING them is hard.

And what's more is that even if you do find really successful people, they might be horrible people, too.

What I do now, and it seems to be working, is

1. I value good behavior above all; if I see their behavior is shit with others, I assume I'm no exception and keep them not as close. I'm always analyzing those around me, wary of the slightest misstep. It's not paranoia since I only turn it on when they're around or I need to review one of their actions. It keeps me always aware of the energies I bring around me. Once a serious move of disrespect or breach of trust happens, they are given a quick trial and then put on probation (kinda...it's a bit more nuanced, but I always keep the virtue of my friends in check).

2. I value women's opinions of men. The reason is because the guys who I know are not attractive to women tend to be sleazy needy guys 99% of the time. They'll betray you for pussy or status, cuz they get so little of it. He doesn't need to be GOOD with girls, cuz that's a skill, but if he's not pretty attractive to women? Don't know what it is but they always turn up to be bad apples.

Anyone else, cut them out. This is all of course assuming they're valuable to you in other ways (they're funny, you vibe, they are gracious, etc). This is just the "friend quality" screening.

Now...to FIND them, well, you might need to move to a bigger city. Start hanging out in high level social circles (money helps you get here) and combing through the seas of sociopaths for genuine high valuable people. If you have amazing social skills, you can do it for cheap (joining nightlife scene, for instance). Or join business-related clubs (like Rotary).

See how high you can go and then train at that level for a bit. You weren't valuable enough for the higher levels...yet. Grind fundamentals and get closer to the Alphas of the group.

Then onto the next level.

I like to set goals for myself, too. If 10 is a social circle connected to aristocracy/political/celebrity/billionaire-business, a 9 is local celebrity connections (within your country only), 8 is nightlife scene royalty, etc etc., and 1 is incel, where would you rank yourself? And what's your goal?

You're going to burn through LOTS of friends in time. And some will just fade away. I'm only 27 but have cycled through more social circles than I can fucking fathom. I'm a tough personality, to be fair, but I also continue to "level up."

So, yeah, screen for quality and then set goals for yourself, and then put yourself in those environments.

Hector

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Always admire it when a legend gives advice but this is something that has long plagued me too OP. I don't think this topic is talked about enough at all in any sort of a masculine community, in fact the advice goes to "be a man with a purpose" and then embrace being lonely/alone/loner.

I have my sex life on lock to where every two weeks I can get a different girl through a mixture of Hinge, Bumble, hobby/status, and such. Social life has long been an issue for me and I learned the harsh lessons about it because I went to a private university on the East Coast that attracts upper middle class, suburban, Greek life and basic types.

After college, I ended up improving myself so much to where guys who saw me as an acquaintance at best were now trying to be a part of my life due to the girls who liked me.

Most people will always embody the social ladder climbing and passive-aggressive mentalities.

I mean think about it, there is only so much space at the top, the rest of the world is trying to get there and step on each other to be at that place.

The good thing is though overtime, you'll slowly start to realize what guys are worth being friends with, they are unfortunately few. Here are some things I have noticed:

1. Good looking and classically handsome dudes make for better friends. The guys who lack those looks but have ambition will tend to be cut-throat and step on you to get what they want. Conventionally handsome guys have so much access to women that they rarely need to step on anyone or anything for pussy.

2. Women are indeed a good test of it all. I will say winging with a friend and approaching hot girls together can be very telling. If a friend is willing to be honest and true in that interaction without messing up your set, you have found a good friend. Most guys will ruin you or sabotage sets if they feel that you are having more success than them.

4. Always mingle with those in your social class, rarely go below. Men will envy you for making more than them or having more than them, sometimes they will ask you to buy stuff for them. You are best off mingling with those most similar to you in wealth or going above.

I have made 4 good friends in the past year, 3 from conferences and meetups in my career and 1 from an acting class. Comes to show you how much you weed out.