Lost Socially

[Ragnorak]

Hi Guys I would love hearing you feedback and Inputs

I'm 21 years old, I don't have a great social life, but recently I decided to change it and go get more social, but it seems I have not been able to break past my odl patterns that make me a lone wolf. Right now I try to hangout with more people, go to more events and try to invite more people to events. The one thing that frustrates me to no end is people seem to not even remember me once I'm not physically present with them, They promise they will invite me and don't (I leave it at that..thinking if they were actually serious they would remember to invite me)hardly invites me to events or to even hangout. Since I haven't been in social circle in a long time, invariably when I do find myself in a group I zone out and am never involved. On most days I remain at home, When I do find the energy to invite other people to events or to hangout most of them graciously offer excuses and back out...Neither people invite me or accept my invitation,I get out only when it is need else I'm inside, How do you guys get out of the house so often, what do you guys do hanging out with people or outside the house?

TLDR; I feel like a ghost socially, I always feel like I'm Third wheeling, and never involved or a part of any group socially.

Would love hearing your inputs and feedback to get my life on track.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Make your own social circle and become the one that invites people to stuff

Going to the movies? Who do you think would love to see what you're going to go see?

Like boardgames? Go find a boardgame shop and invite people who seem interested

Etc.

Without more info on how you interact with people this is the best I got without going general. But overall we invite people to stuff we want to be around. So become so damn awesome people can't help but invite you or make your own

 

[Lover]

They promise they will invite me and don't (I leave it at that..thinking if they were actually serious they would remember to invite me)hardly invites me to events or to even hangout.

If you have to tell people to invite you to something, that will usually come off as desperate. And people don't want desperate people to join their group. Once you're out there, half the battle is to show you're not a social burden.

The other half is showing you have value that will benefit the group.

Value depends on each group. Do you know places you can take them that they would like to go... are you a person that would make it around this group - as in, can you handle being teased, do you have fun stories to share about recent events, girls etc... do you share similar interests... do you look like you belong in the group... do you know other people that may be of interest to this particular group?

In a way, you have to be a salesman of your social persona when you want to join existing groups. But don't take it personally if you don't fit in - just like with girls, it's what you present they will judge, and not who you really are.

The other option is, as @Regal Tiger suggests: create your own group. One way is to meet people through shared interest - such as sport, dance class or other hobbies. Talk with people there. If you think they will blend in, invite them to an event you're hosting. But once again, don't take it personally if they reject your offer. You just didn't have the right offer for them.

 

[think]

I'm 21 years old, I don't have a great social life

your perspective will shift as you get older. I had zero social life, acquired one, got annoyed and got rid of it

The one thing that frustrates me to no end is people seem to not even remember me once I'm not physically present with them

you have to learn to be sticky. it's easy to be a *memorable* person, just walk around naked. what you really want is people to invest themselves in you so they come back for more. get investment, through deep diving, through acquiring compliance, you will have people remember you.

They promise they will invite me and don't

if it is a man who does this to me they are gone, I will never talk to them again. flaky men are a waste of time, they are not your friends. I say this in an absolutist fashion even though there are exceptions, but I just don't see why you should spend the effort to allow those exceptions. men are practical, if they are interested in being your friend they will make an effort to do so, if they are not interested they won't.

Since I haven't been in social circle in a long time

what are your motives for wanting one?

On most days I remain at home, When I do find the energy to invite other people to events or to hangout most of them graciously offer excuses and back out.

sounds like a good time to me, why do you want to ruin it? you can just cold approach if you want to meet girls. you can go to events alone. they are more fun that way in my opinion. I have a sibling who refuses to go to diners/restaurants by themselves, I go to them alone all the time

feedback to get my life on track.

just because you have no social circle doesn't mean your life isn't on track. in fact, many people's goals are independence and freedom, being able to move around without being fettered by society

 

[Troy]

Hi Guys I would love hearing you feedback and Inputs

I'm 21 years old, I don't have a great social life, but recently I decided to change it and go get more social, but it seems I have not been able to break past my odl patterns that make me a lone wolf. Right now I try to hangout with more people, go to more events and try to invite more people to events. The one thing that frustrates me to no end is people seem to not even remember me once I'm not physically present with them, They promise they will invite me and don't (I leave it at that..thinking if they were actually serious they would remember to invite me)hardly invites me to events or to even hangout. Since I haven't been in social circle in a long time, invariably when I do find myself in a group I zone out and am never involved. On most days I remain at home, When I do find the energy to invite other people to events or to hangout most of them graciously offer excuses and back out...Neither people invite me or accept my invitation,I get out only when it is need else I'm inside, How do you guys get out of the house so often, what do you guys do hanging out with people or outside the house?

TLDR; I feel like a ghost socially, I always feel like I'm Third wheeling, and never involved or a part of any group socially.

Would love hearing your inputs and feedback to get my life on track.

Hey

My 2 cents on this situation. This happened to me in high school. I did not have a lot of friends in high school. What I found however was whenever I invested quality time to build a solid relationship with just 2 people, both became very good friends. One of my best friends has a child now and he moved to a different country and we have not been as close since, but we are still friends. He used to invite me over to his house and I had sex with 2 girls at his home before.

My other best friend, is a female. Yes its possible to have best female friends. Me and her have been friends for almost a decade now. Me and her talk almost every week on the phone or via Whatsapp.

What I say to you dude is you are young. Spend more time on developing your monetary skills. And spend more time on building a smaller, higher quality circle. The reality is in order to have a large social circle where people remember you, there needs to be something that makes you stand out. For example:

1. Having a nice car
2. Dressing well
3. Having a niche specialty eg. pro freestyle football, great at telling jokes and stories

This is not just about monetary value. But also personality value. Think about it, why do women like celebrities? Status. So spend more of your time developing skills, and you will meet people who share the same values as you. Once you do that, those people will invite you out more often than not.