Lowes' Home (I Mean, Self) Improvement

[Lowes]

I'm Lowes; welcome to my journal!

This is mainly here for my sake, but of course, I'm open to any comments or advice.

To provide some context, I've listed some basic info about me below.

Who I am:

1. I'm a thin, white, average-height, college student.

2. I'm very introverted at times and very outgoing at others. I'm funny and thoughtful, but also very ocd-like.

3. I'm very interested in psychology, business, and the fine arts.

4. My fundamentals are pretty solid all around the board right now. My biggest areas for improvement are my lack of full facial hair, my lack of muscle, and my pale skin.

5. I have a solid grasp of the whole seduction process, but my biggest problem is putting knowledge into action.

6. My game is very generic right now (although much better than any nice guy's). But my planned vibe is a smooth yet witty, energetic yet chill, classy yet rebellious, wildcard with a large serving of Byronic vulnerability. It will have a hint of all of my best traits. Ambitious? Yes. Doable? Hell yes.

Why I'm doing this:

1. I'm a notorious perfectionist, and I like it when things are in order. The only thing I can really control is myself. Thus, I'm driven to make myself the best person I can be.

2. I never want to deal with awkward “nice guy” situations again.

3. I see so many men around me in submissive relationships, where they fear their wives or live as a shadow of their former selves. Meanwhile, their wives don't respect them and are secretly attracted to other men. Divorces spring up everywhere, tearing families apart and devastating children. Both sides despise each other for being unable to satisfy the other. I see all this and I'm intensely motivated to avoid it.

4. I want to achieve greatness, not mediocrity.

What my goals are:

1. To master all aspects of the social sphere, my inner psychology, and my seduction process.

2. To take many lovers, form meaningful relationships, and eventually get an amazing wife when I'm ready to settle down.

3. To live in absolute abundance, be able to find women anywhere, and easily put them in the type of relationship I want.

4. To keep pushing through failure and mistakes until I get the results I want.

5. To become a genuine man and find the sexy vibe that best resonates with my personality.

6. To live and enjoy my unconventional life to the fullest, where I run my own business, travel the world, pursue my hobbies and interests at my will, and take beautiful women to bed all around the globe.

7. To find true happiness and enjoy every minute of my life, for life is worth living.

 

[Lowes]

Today was both great and terrible.

After reading GC material for roughly 10 months, I finally convinced myself to actually cold approach. So I drove to the mall, ready to drown in pussy.

Yes, you could say I was rather confident in my abilities, but that didn't actually happen.

What did happen is that I spent the first twenty minutes trying to find a girl who was by herself. Most of them were walking with their friends, and I had no intention to try to pull a girl from a group, especially since I had yet to even approach a single girl.

Then, I saw one walking straight toward me. I briefly walked past, but thought better of it and walked back to her and tapped on on the arm with the back of my hand. She turned around...

Me: I just noticed you walking here...

(I see that she's ten years older than me)

Me: …and you look like you know your way around this place. Where's the bathroom?

Her: Um... I don't think I know, sorry.

Me: No problem, thanks anyway.

Not exactly an inspiring first approach, but the bathroom is an accurate metaphor for my hopes going down the drain after the next few approaches. It wasn't fun.

I kept walking, somewhat annoyed with myself, and saw another girl who was my age. I waited until she passed and did the same approach from behind.

Me: I just noticed you walking here, and I have to tell you that you have the most stunning walk I've seen all day.

Her: Thanks. (Breaks eye contact and keeps walking)

...lol

Luckily, I did find the bathroom right after. But that was the high point of the day. After, I walked for a solid mile within the mall to look for an approach, and found another woman walking straight toward me. So I turned around the approach her from the back, and she saw this from the corner of her eye, since my turn was too fast. And I saw that she was also like ten years older. So I told her that I thought she was someone I knew and kept walking.

After this, I saw a few more girls by themselves, but I couldn't bring myself to approach them. Instead of drowning in pussy, I was pussying out. So after 30 more minutes of this, I walked back to my car and left. It just wasn't worth it anymore because I was too in my head.

Despite all this, today was a triumph. I made mistakes and psyched myself out after my failures, but it was a HUGE victory to get me actually approaching women. As far as I'm concerned, I'm far closer to my goals than I was one week ago, when I still didn't know when I was gonna approach.

Now that the weirdness of the first day is out of the way, and I've at least done one legit approach, I'm gonna target the mall again tomorrow.

Takeaways

1. Pickup truly is a numbers game. I only had one rejection today, but I realized that no matter how sexy I think I am, there will always be girls who don't think so. But I've gotta keep pushing to find the ones that do. And I can't take rejections personally.

2. Cold approaching is really tough. Now I see why no one does it during the day. It takes a lot of balls to do, so kudos to all of you guys who do it regularly. I'm happy I at least did it once.

3. I've got to remember to say my name. On the approach where the girl kept walking, I didn't introduce myself.

4. I need to improve my peripheral vision or eye contact, since I mistook two older women for younger ones. I think I'll make eye contact with girls when they get close, and say high in a friendly way if they're older, and deliver my opening otherwise.

5. When I turn around, I must turn slooowwwlllyyy.

6. I will make a ton of mistakes, but that's all part of the process.

7. I've gotta stop psyching myself out.

 

[ray_zorse]

Good man, top stuff. My first approach / outings pretty similar, worse if anything... don't worry, it gets easier. About approaching women walking towards you, Chase suggests to loop back and come up beside her from behind, but I'm not a huge fan of this approach. I think it's better to approach from the front, a bit to the side, and say "hey, stop for a moment"... some won't stop but most of them will. Then you go on to say "I just had to stop you and tell you ... whatever it is ... I'm Lowes". However street stops (or shopping mall stops) are not the easiest thing in the world. I would recommend opening girls who are walking the same way as you. Another very easy way is while you are both waiting for a pedestrian light. You're already on the move (said you walked a solid mile) so you're 90% of the way there. Seated opener "You look like you need someone to talk to" is another good one. Bookstore opener "Hi there. Can you recommend some science fiction / whatever she is looking at". Remember to smile and maintain your fundamentals -- eye contact, posture and so forth. Good luck!
Ray

 

[Lowes]

Good man, top stuff. My first approach / outings pretty similar, worse if anything... don't worry, it gets easier.

Thanks man; it's good to know that it's a difficult start for everyone. I just need to power through at this point until I reach a solid comfort level.

Also, you're one of the people I have to thank for helping me finally approach. I was like, “Ray's right... I need to stop overthinking this and just get out of the house and do it.”

About approaching women walking towards you, Chase suggests to loop back and come up beside her from behind, but I'm not a huge fan of this approach. I think it's better to approach from the front, a bit to the side, and say "hey, stop for a moment"... some won't stop but most of them will. Then you go on to say "I just had to stop you and tell you ... whatever it is ... I'm Lowes".

I agree, the behind approach feels a tad bit... creepy. I was trying to figure out how to do a front approach, but I didn't want to seem too forward. I'll try this out.

However street stops (or shopping mall stops) are not the easiest thing in the world. I would recommend opening girls who are walking the same way as you.

Yeah, the environment within shops feels cramped, so I don't yet feel comfortable approaching there. Approaching girls who were walking by was by far the most natural for me. I've just got to do that some more to get up my comfort level.

Another very easy way is while you are both waiting for a pedestrian light. You're already on the move (said you walked a solid mile) so you're 90% of the way there. Seated opener "You look like you need someone to talk to" is another good one. Bookstore opener "Hi there. Can you recommend some science fiction / whatever she is looking at". Remember to smile and maintain your fundamentals -- eye contact, posture and so forth.

These are also great. I actually saw some cute girls sitting down and waiting, but I didn't know how to approach them naturally.

As always, thanks for the help!

 

[Lowes]

The day after my first approaches, I went to the mall again. With one day under my belt, I was looking forward to doing some more.

And naturally, I was so excited to be there that the sum total of approaches at the end of the day was... 0.

I walked around the mall for roughly two hours and psyched myself out way too much. I saw some girls walking, some in shops, some sitting down, but I was unable to approach any of them.

I left feeling defeated, and when I came back home, I had some doubts.

Is this really what I should be doing? Do I care enough about bettering myself that I have to force myself to do approaches that really mentally strain me? What's the point of it all?

But I realized that these were my emotions talking, and not my logic.

As I said in my first post in this journal, I have big plans, and I can't let my fear endanger them. It will be a pain in the ass at times, but in the end, years from now, all the difficulties will be worth it. I CANNOT forget this.

And I tried to frame the day as a success rather than a failure. Although I didn't approach, I got myself out of the house and (almost) ready to approach, which is another big victory.

I took the next day off, since I had a few things to do and wanted to give myself a mental break, but I was back at it again today.

Today was a mild improvement, but an improvement nonetheless. My inability to approach on the second day gave me some ideas for how to refine my approaches, which I implemented today.

First, I brought a buddy. He doesn't practice pickup but supports my decision to do it. Having him there kept me from losing social momentum, allowed me to have a laugh when I screwed up, and kept me loose and out of my head.

Secondly, I gave him $50. I told him that he could only give it back to me if I talked to five girls. Now, I had to do it. (Hey, $50 is a lot for a college student.)

Thirdly, we went to the beach. I wanted a change of scenery to help me lighten up. Keep in mind, we didn't walk on the sand itself; instead, we walked on the sidewalk in between the road and the sand.

Fourth, I wore shorts. At the mall, I wore pants because they made me look slightly taller, but my body became too hot and that made me uncomfortable, sweaty, and thirsty. Not good. My outfit with the shorts was still very nice, though.

When we arrived, we walked for ten minutes and my friend gave me a pep talk and tried to calm me down. I was still relatively nervous, but I saw a girl approaching, so I knew I needed to snap out of it. She walked past me, and after three seconds, I broke off from my friend and tapped the back of her arm. (Keep in mind, this was before I received Ray's advice above to do front approaches.)

Me: I just noticed you walking here, and I have to tell you that you have the nicest hair I've seen all day. I'm Lowes. (Here I fucked up. Although I said it relatively slowly and with confidence, I was wearing sunglasses and looked at her when I said this, then took off my sunglasses and looked away, then looked back. And I forgot to extend my hand for her to take. It was just nerves)

Her: Thank you. (Said genuinely but not excitedly as she very slightly backed away; I could tell she wanted to go)

Me: I can see you've got somewhere to be. Nice meeting you. (I wanted to be persistent but I felt uncomfortable so I pussied out again)

Her: Bye!

Although I have pretty solid fundamentals for a beginner, I can tell that my approach had a hint of nervousness, which was amplified when I mentioned that she looked like she wanted to go. (Chase framing? More like chasing them away...) I've got the rough idea, I just need to project extreme confidence and make sure to keep my fundamentals solid.

And remember good eye contact.

And reach out my hand.

And... okay, I guess I need to work on everything in my approaches.

Despite the slightly uncomfortable situation, having my buddy there allowed me to laugh about it and not dwell on it. I focused on finding another girl walking by to approach, but I didn't see another alone one walk by for like 40 minutes. This made me realize that all the girls were either with friends or on the beach itself. So, in other words, the mall is a much better place to approach for a beginner.

I still needed to talk to four more girls to get my money back from the reverse bribe, so I decided to a few indirect approaches with some compliance mixed in. I saw one attractive girl coming by on a bike, so I made eye contact and held up my hand to motion her to stop. She slowed down...

Me: Hey, where's the nearest restaurant?

Her: It's directly in the direction you're walking, just keep on this path.

Me: Thanks!

...But she kept going and I didn't get to talk to her.

I did this again about five minutes later, although this girl barely slowed down. Despite this, my buddy and I agreed these counted as approaches since a) We hadn't seen any other girls pass in forever and b) If they would have stopped their bikes, I would have attempted to make conversation with them. I guess that having a stranger nonverbally order them to stop is a little too much compliance.

We finally saw a girl who was walking near us and alone, which was the perfect opportunity to finally do a direct approach. I waited for her to walk by, but she was walking fast, so by the time I turned around, she was 15 feet away.

Me: Hey, wait!

Her: (She stops and turns around)

Me: Hey, I'm in a bit of a rush but I wanted to tell you that you have the nicest hair I've seen all day. (Should have used a better word than “nice”)

Her: Thank you!

Me: Sure thing. Bye!

Since she was so far away and walking fast, I didn't know exactly how to approach the situation, so I ended it before I could do much. I could have walked up to her to close the gap, but that clearly puts me as the chaser. I also could have beckoned for her to come closer, but this might not have worked because it might have been asking for too much compliance, especially since she seemed to be in a hurry. Otherwise, she seemed a tad bit more open to me than the first girl, so who knows?

We kept walking and didn't see many more single women to approach, and my friend needed to go in a few, so I approached three girls who were all talking together. I asked them where the nearest restaurant was and they pointed me in that direction. So my friend and I called it even at five approaches and left.

Although it wasn't a resounding success, I'm glad with my progress. As you can tell, I'm trying to look at this positively, since it's unreasonable to expect a beginner to be able to do all these things overnight. I'm proud of the fact that I've already approached three women in broad daylight and gave them compliments without being drunk, which is something very few men have ever done. And I'm proud of getting myself out of the house and seeking to approach three times already. Sure, progress is slow, but I have the utmost confidence that I'll continue making steady progress.

Takeaways

1. I am doing this for a reason, and I MUST NEVER GIVE UP, EVER. (Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down)

2. Social momentum is key. Having a buddy there got me out of my head and gave me someone to talk with. In the future, when I can reliably approach on my own, I'll definitely talk to a ton of people before and during my approaching period. To be honest, I think most of my problems stem from a lack of social momentum, since I'm very confident and have good fundamentals the rest of the time when I'm talking to people. I just need to translate this to attractive women.

3. I noticed a few moderately attractive women passing me while walking, but I decided not to approach them. I need to change this. The more women I talk to, the better my skills will be. It's as simple as that.

4. While opening, I need to mind my fundamentals and confidence. If I can't successfully open, how can I successfully take a girl to bed?

5. Walking close to the beach is a hard way to meet girls. In the future (once my body gains some muscle, of course) I'll do some approaches on the sand itself. Way more girls are there.

6. Even if I feel like the girl is in a rush or I started my opening badly, I need to continue with the conversation.

7. Indirect opening is far less stressful. But I must keep being direct for now to combat my fears.

8. Getting compliance from girls is fun, but I can't ask for too much at a time.

9. I don't like opening from the back. I need to open from the front. (I have no idea what to do with my eyes, however. Should I make eye contact before she walks by? Stop her then make eye contact? I don't want to look like I'm chasing her when I open from the front...)

10. It will take time, but I will make progress.

EDIT: I just read the post on effort aversion https://www.girlschase.com/content/effort-aversion-or-why-you-dont-work-hard-and-get-laid and I realized that I need public accountability to further force me to meet my goals. So, from now on, I will put my goals here for my next outing, and if I don't meet them, I need you guys to hold me accountable and call me out. I'm really serious about this. I won't be offended, because it will be my own fault. No excuses.

My next outing

Tomorrow, I will approach 10 girls. For these approaches to count, I must approach them directly and attempt to have a conversation. No asking for directions and then leaving right after like I did a few times today. And I will write my report tomorrow, so that I can't put off the approaches until a later date. Again, please hold me accountable for this.

 

[Lowes]

Wow, today was one crazy ass day.

This was only my 4th day out. I had only directly approached 3 women so far. My conversations with all of them ended within 10 seconds. And now, I had to approach 10 and try to sustain a conversation.

And, right as I entered the mall, I saw a girl leaving. Now I had to actually put my goals into action.

I still didn't feel comfortable enough to do a front approach, so I tried to approach from the side instead. I walked next to her so that I was clearly in her peripheral view, lightly tapped her on the arm with the back of my hand, and I waited until she looked at me for me to look at her. This was definitely an improvement over my clumsy approaches from the previous days.

Me: I just noticed you walking here, and I have to tell you that you have the nicest hair I've seen all day. I'm Lowes.

Her: Oh, thank you.

Me: What's your name?

Her: 1. (I'm just gonna label their names as numbers to make things easier. After all, it is a numbers game )

Me: Well 1, what brings you here today? (At this point, I was nervous, so I was very slightly shaking. I don't know if she noticed; I don't know how obvious it was)

Her: Just doing some shopping.

Me: Hopefully you have some source of money do to some shopping! Where do you work?

Her: [Place]

Me: I've heard about that place but I don't know what they do.

Her: They do some licensing related things.

Me: Oh, so like with Disney characters, for instance?

Her: Yeah, like that.

(I ask a few more details about her job and she answers; this goes on for like 30 seconds)

Me: Well, I must say, you have a sense of both youth and maturity. How old are you? (I thought up this screen to make sure I'm not talking to 17 year olds)

Her: 32. (Uh... apparently I suck at telling people's ages)

Me: Oh... well, I'm 19... nice talking to you!

It was a solid approach overall for my first try of the day. It was uncomfortable, and I went straight into attempted deep diving without doing some light banter, so it was kind of abrupt. The girl herself was receptive to talking, but not overly excited.

I walked to rest up against a wall and check my phone, then I saw another girl walking by, clearly my age. I did the same approach as before.

This conversation was basically the same as with girl 1. I had the same opener and went straight into some attempted deep diving.

Me: Where do you work?

Her: In [store] right here in the mall.

Me: What's your ultimate goal? Do you want to move up the corporate ladder? Or do you have other plans?

Her: I want to be a nurse.

Me: Very nice, I know a few nurses and they're very ambitious and friendly people. But why not be a doctor or surgeon?

Her: That's a little too much work and stress for me.

Me: Oh, so you want to let other people deal with all the craziness of surgeries, eh? (Said in a kind of joking tone to tease her a little)

Her: Yep. But I've got to head to my job.

Me: Bye, nice meeting you!

This conversation was a little bit better, but overall, like I said, it was pretty similar to the first one.

Then, continuing down the mall, I saw another girl walking very fast. I didn't make eye contact and waited for her to pass, ready to approach.

But as I turned around, she also looked behind and we made eye contact... And I noticed that she was a girl from my high school. And not just any girl, it was my wingman's (they guy with me at the beach) girlfriend. Who had despised me and whom I despised. Good thing I didn't open her!

Brief sidenote: Although we really didn't like each other back in high school, I had moved past that and actually would have been friendly with her if I had noticed her sooner. But I was so surprised when I saw her that I broke eye contact and kept walking.

Then I saw another girl (who I didn't know) and did my same approach and opening. This conversation was also like the first two, but I did some more teasing this time. She was friendly.

Me: So what brings you here today?

Her: Just doing some shopping.

Me: Shopping for yourself? Shopping for someone else?

Her: I'm taking a trip this weekend.

Me: So you're a little selfish, huh? Shopping only for yourself? (Joking)

Her: (Laughs) Yeah.

(From here on out, the conversation was basically a copy/paste of the deep dive with girl 2, since girl 3 also wanted to be a nurse. However, I did a brief, slightly awkward cold read)

Me: So, from talking to you, you seem like someone with a lot of compassion. You really care about others. Would you say this describes you?

Her: Yeah, I'd say so.

However, I ejected myself because I couldn't think of anything more to say. So I told her it was nice meeting her and left. Although I'm getting more confident, I'm still not fully comfortable. At least I'm having actual conversations, though.

Then, out of nowhere, a girl approached me. And it was another girl I knew from high school. In fact, it was a girl I had crushed on for two years, had chased over text for months, had given a rose while professing my love, and had asked to dinner. And here I was, running into her on a day when I was approaching random girls at the mall to try to take them to bed.

Another sidenote: Although it was very uncomfortable for both of us during my crushing stages, we had move past that years ago and are now genuinely friendly with each other.

I talked to her for a bit, then said I had to get going. The conversation was a bit awkward, not because of my past experiences with her, but because I've spent so much time reading up on deep diving strangers that I've almost forgotten how to hold conversations with old friends. It's yet another thing I need to work on.

I then took the escalator up to the next floor. While looking off to the side while going up, I noticed a girl behind me. So I walked very slowly when getting off so that I could approach her when she walked past me. This interaction was wholly unspectacular; she was texting someone and was clearly distracted. The conversation died pretty fast and I kept going.

I caught a glimpse of another girl coming toward me, and was ready to approach her... but then I noticed she was walking with my best friend. (What a strange fucking day)

I didn't know if they were friends or in a relationship, since I had never met her, but they gave off a friends vibe, so I decided to do an indirect approach and try to start a conversation.

Yet another sidenote: I had no intention of actually trying to get her number. She might be only be a friend with my friend, but I'm definitely not violating the bro code.

I attempted to deep dive her a bit while also talking to my friend, and I honestly don't remember much, probably because I had to split my attention between her and my friend. But nothing interesting happened with her, and I had to keep going so I bid them farewell.

Girl 6 I approached outdoors; she was walking away from me and I opened from the side. Again, nothing special about the conversation. I fucked up on the opening by accidentally butchering my words, though. She was moderately receptive, and I asked a few questions, but the pressure because too much and I ejected.

Girl 7 was the worst of all. She was texting when I approached, and I clumsily hit the back of her arm when opening and she was startled. And I was flustered by this, so my line was delivered terribly, and the conversation instantly died. And I did this while a few other girls were walking by, so I immediately gtfo'd and walked as far away from there as possible. This had made my nervousness return somewhat, so I walked around for like 30 minutes without approaching a single girl.

Then, my hopes changed in a flash.

While aimlessly walking, I saw this cute girl with fashionable clothes walking by and I forced myself to open from the front.

Me: I just noticed you walking here, and I have to tell you that you have the most wonderful sense of style I've seen all day. I'm Lowes. (I say this while I'm in front of her but somewhat to the side and making eye contact)

Her: Wow, thank you! I'm L. (I'm not calling her girl 8 because we actually had a good encounter)

Me: Hey, L.

Her: Oh, it's actually [correction]. (I said her name wrong)

Me: Oh, I see. What brings you here today?

Her: I'm on my way to [store]. I work there.

Me: I like that place; that's pretty cool! But I'm assuming you have some big interests; where would you like to work in the future?

Her: I really like music. That would be my dream job.

Me: Oh, you mean you're a musician?

Her: Nope, I sing.

Me: Ooo, singing. I like that. Have anything published?

Her: No, not yet.

Me: Well, you seem like someone with a hint of both maturity and youth. How old are you?

Her: 21.

Me: Oh, so you have plenty of time then! Many artists don't hit it big until they're 30. Do you have any other interests?

Her: Yeah, I'd actually like to be a waitress too.

Me: Wow, I can see it now. You'll have a restaurant where you approach customers and take their order by singing, “Would you like to see our specials?” (As I said this, I gently placed my hand on her arm, stood next to her, and used my other arm to beckon in the distance. It was exactly like in the movies when one characters says, “Imagine it now...” and beckons into the sky. I released my grip after roughly 8 seconds. I was so damn proud of myself for this)

Her: (Laughs) I like you; you're funny. How old are you? (Was this a screen? Was she testing me? Was she genuine? Is it good she thinks I'm funny? Keep in mind that I was also using sexy facial expressions and wasn't over the top like an entertainer, so it's not like I was being a comedian)

Me: I'm old enough.

Her: C'mon, I told you my age. What's yours?

Me: Alright, 20. (I lied here, since I thought that saying I was 19 would nuke my chances with a 21-year-old. Should I be honest next time?)

Her: What? I don't believe you! You look 25! (Said in disbelief, not accusatory or angry. Also, apparently I'm not the only one who sucks at telling ages)

Me: Okay, I'm 28. (Joking)

Her: No, really, how old are you?

Me: Okay, I'm actually 19.

Her: Seriously?

Me: I'm serious.

Her: Wait, let me see your driver's license.

Me: Okay, but let me cover up the rest so you don't steal my personal info (This was an attempted tease; I don't know if it came across as teasing or as a chase frame or what)

Her: Wow, so you are 19.

Me: Yeah, I sure am. So, what else do you like to do?

Her: I'm very interested in psychology.

Me: Oh, so you want to mind control people while you serve them their food? (Joke)

Her: (Laughs) No! I'm just a thinker. I like to think about things.

Me: A thinker, eh? What do you think about? Existential questions? (Joke)

Her: Nope, I just really like thinking. (I don't think she was trying to be evasive here; it sounded more like she was just caught up in her thoughts a lot)

Me: (Laughs) Hey look, I'm gonna have to run in a few minutes, can I get your contact info so we can talk some more? (I'm glad I didn't ask for her “number,” but I fucked up and asked it as a question instead of telling her we should trade numbers. Also, I should have mentioned setting up a date, but I'm just happy I got that far in a conversation)

Her: Sure!

Me: Okay, here's my phone, enter it in.

Her: (Enters number) You know how to spell my name, right?

Me: Yeah. (I spell it on my phone and accidentally hit space so that it's two words)

Her: Oh, it's one word.

Me: Oh, so now you're the one flip flopping with information? (This made sense in context; I was joking about how I changed my age and now she's changing her name)

Her: (Laughs)

Me: Okay, let me call you to make sure.

Her: You don't trust me? (Said half jokingly and half serious, not accusatory)

Me: I trust you. I do this out of precaution because others are not so trustworthy. (I said this just to reassure her I trusted her, but I think it inadvertently set an “us vs. the world” vibe and hinted that I'm popular with many woman since I'm entering many numbers in my phone. I guess I'm learning to become inadvertently smooth)

Me: (Call the number)

Her: My phone has bad reception here; I don't know if I'll get it. (I thought she was bullshitting me with this at first, but the call goes through)

Me: Wonderful; save my number. My name is Lowes. (I already told her my name but I thought I'd remind her)

Her: Lowes... I like that name. (Was this flirting on her part?)

Me: Thanks! So, you mentioned you liked psychology but didn't elaborate. What do you like about it?

Her: Well, I just think it's cool to learn about thoughts.

Me: Oh, so –

Her: Look, I really have to go now. (Remember, she's on her way to her job)

Me: Sure thing. It was nice meeting you!

Her: You too!

And now for my analysis of that convo...


The bad (let's get this out of the way first)

1. I lied about my age. This luckily didn't end up being a big deal, but lying is bad.

2. I fucked up the number exchange to some degree.

3. I didn't move her or lock in.

4. I didn't do much chase framing.


The good (what I'm focusing on)

1. I did a solid job of mixing repartee with rapport.

2. I touched her (without it being weird) at one point to prevent touch-less tension.

3. I approached her from the front.

4. I (accidentally) said some smooth things.

5. I was very comfortable.

6. I didn't reveal much about myself. (Which is great, since I also like music and psychology and want to be a waiter in college, so I'll have a lot to reveal to her and will be able to relate easily if I see her again)

7. I got a number.

I was pretty pleased with myself following this, but I reminded myself that girls give tons of phone numbers out, so this doesn't mean anything. I mentally prepared myself for the chance that she might flake, especially since she's older than me, but the fact that she was very receptive and stopped while in a rush are good signs. Again, I'm just happy I got a number.

Also, I texted her two hours after I got her number:

Me: Wonderful to meet you, new friend -Lowes

Her: Likewise! (I received this 90 minutes later)

So, that was fun. Now onto some less fun.

After that, I didn't meet anyone for roughly an hour. It's almost like I wanted that encounter to be my last one of the day so that I could leave on a positive note.

I went into a nearby bookstore and looked around for a few girls to try a less direct approach on, but I saw none. I went back to the main section of the mall and saw a few girls sitting down, but didn't approach because some of my approach anxiety came back up. But this ended up being a good thing, since one was sitting right in front of the store that L worked at. It sure wouldn't have been fun to approach another girl while I could easily be seen by the girl I just hit it off with.

When I was passing this store, I was looking at the time on my phone, and when I looked up, I realized where I was. I instinctively looked into the store to see if the girl might have been looking, but I didn't see her. But it's one of those places where it's hard to see in from the outside, so who knows? If she did see me walk by, I hope she didn't think I was being a creep by walking by, staring at my phone, and looking in the store as if I was going to go say hi. I'm probably overthinking this, because I didn't stop while passing or even enter.

Then, I saw a girl walking out of another store (out of sight of L's store) and again, I pussied out on the approach. This also turned out to be a good thing, because right as I did, my wingman's girlfriend walked by me again. I certainly wouldn't want her to see me do an awkward approach.

I also ran into my best friend (and the girl walking with him) and the girl I used to crush on again as I kept walking. It was just one of those days.

Then, as I entered a doorway from the outside of the mall back into the inside, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that there was a girl behind me on her phone. So I slowed down, waited until she passed, and approached from behind, since there was no way to do a front approach.

Me: Hey, wait up. I just noticed you walking here, and I have to tell you that you have the most beautiful (I had a brain fart; couldn't think of what to say) ...dress I've seen all day. I'm Lowes.

Her: (Keeps walking as she speaks, smirks at my awkward delivery) Well, yeah, it's a box dress. (It's hard to describe her tone. It wasn't rude, it was more matter of fact while also a hint of sarcasm because of the weird question. She kept this tone going throughout the whole convo)

Me: I see. What's your name?

Her: I'm 9.

Me: Hey 9, what brings you here today? (We're both still walking and I match her stride. She keeps texting and doesn't look at me)

Her: I'm going to lunch.

Me: Lunch? At this hour?

Her: I work, so this was the first chance I got.

Me: Where do you work?

Her: In [store] in the mall.

Me: Oh, what type of things do you do there? Sell box dresses? (Jokingly)

Her: No, it's a retail store. (This store is very well known, but like an idiot, I had no idea what she was talking about)

Me: So, do you do sales, or what?

Her: Um, no. I just work there.

(The conversation dies down and I can't remember what was said, but it was going nowhere)

Me: Well, I'm, uh, looking for a store. Oh wait, here it is, we just walked by it, see you later! (My outro wasn't as awkward as this makes it seem, but it was clearly an attempt to exit)

I was very obviously the chaser in this conversation. I started by telling her to wait up, matched her stride, kept looking at her (she never made eye contact with me and was continually texting), and kept asking questions but wasn't get good responses. At least I was persistent. But now I know what chasing looks like, so I'll definitely avoid it.

I looked at the time again and realized I was running out of time for my last approach, since I had somewhere to be, so I was forced to be very direct when I saw the final girl. I stopped her from the front.

Me: Hey, I'm in a bit of, um, a rush right now, but I have to tell you that you're incredibly cute. (Not a good delivery)

Her: Oh, thanks.

(And then the conversation quickly died, probably because I mentioned being in a rush)

So, although my last two approaches were far from inspirational, I was still very upbeat when I left because I had destroyed my comfort zone, met my goals of approaching 10 girls and talking to each of them for more than 10 seconds, and even received my first phone number. It was an exciting feeling. Although I made many mistakes, it's only natural to expect them as a beginner, and I pushed through them to finish my plan for the day.

Takeaways

1. Pickup is indeed a game of asymmetrical returns. Although it's tough to get rejected or feel uncomfortable in a convo, getting a number makes those complaints minor.

2. Little mistakes in an opening can sink you.

3. Girls can sense when you feel uncomfortable.

4. There were a few girls I saw that I didn't approach. (I only mentioned a few of these in my story.) I need to approach them!

5. If a girl is very receptive, you can make minor mistakes and you'll still be fine with her.

6. I need to get better at talking to old friends, rather than just girls or strangers.

7. Cold approaching gets easier over time. (Although it's still uncomfortable in many ways)

My next outing (If I fail to do these, call me out; I need public accountability to force me to meet my goals)

I've gone out to cold approach on 4 of the last 5 days and thoroughly pushed my comfort zone, so I'll take some brief time off. Besides, the mall is starting to bore me and the beach isn't a good place for me to approach (yet), so I have to think of some more venues to visit. I also have to think of more goals over the next few days. In the meantime, here are my current goals:

1. I will text L tomorrow to arrange a date. Also, I will try to sleep with her after this date, assuming she doesn't flake.

2. If I see a girl while out and about, I will approach.

 

[Lowes]

It's been a while. Update time.

I got a date with L, who seemed very into me.

But then... I canceled it. And I haven't approached a girl since. Yes, I failed to meet the goals I set in my last post. But why?

Why else? I began overthinking it.

I've had enough of this bullshit; I'm so tired of overthinking and overanalyzing everything. I mean, I couldn't go on simple date with someone because my thinking got so annoying that I canceled the date to save myself from the burden of thinking. That's how bad it is.

Luckily, I've figured out a very simple solution:

I need to make friends.

A lot of my mental issues and limiting mindsets stem from my lack of friends. I'm a sophomore in college, but I commuted to my classes last year, giving me very little time to meet people. On top of that, I've grown apart from many of my old buddies, since we became friends back when I was your average nice guy. I've changed a lot since then, and I've become very ambitious, but none of them have the ambition to improve socially like I do, no longer making the relationships very satisfying.

Because of my lack of friends over the past year or so, I had too much free time. Naturally, this gave me a lot of time to think... until I began thinking too much. I spent so much time lost in thought that I no longer wanted to go out and do things; instead, I wanted to stay at home and continue to think. I enjoyed it at first, because I like down time and I got a lot done at first, but it became a massive burden after awhile.

Clearly, my overthinking has come from my lack of meaningful social interaction, but what else?

Well, to compensate for my lack of friends, I developed an inflated, false ego to protect my self-esteem. After all, my lack of friends contradicted my long-held entitlement mentality (“I deserve friends”) and my belief that I was unique and special (“I'm so great that everyone should see my greatness and want to be my friend”). I convinced myself that I didn't need friends, since friends are for normal, average people and they only hold you back from true freedom.

I then began harshly judging people, mentally tearing them down to climb the social ladder. This negative attitude toward people in general made me further stop wanting friendships. This made me feel very negative in general, and I felt like shit. The worst part is, I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it, since I had no real friends, and my family wouldn't understand, since they're very old-school and would just tell me to “be myself".

Having no buddies hurt my identity, since I felt like there was no one who had my back or understood me. On top of this, reading GC and awakening from the social matrix had compromised my identity to begin with, since it directly contradicted a lot of what I believed about the world for my whole life. So I felt completely lost and without any substantial identity.

With no definite identity, and an artificially inflated ego, I either felt on top of the world or like shit at any given time, rarely feeling anything in between. For example, when I got a date with L, I felt like a total badass. But when I canceled the date, I felt extremely weak and pathetic. There was so much fluctuating, with very little middle ground.

I wouldn't say I was depressed, but everything began to feel meaningless. I felt empty, and although I knew I had the power to change myself, I didn't because of my pride and because I had no idea how to change. On top of this, I was afraid of rejection if I did try to make friends, further discouraging me.

Yeah, things got pretty fucked up. But getting some friends will solve most of these problems. So that is my highest goal right now – to get high-caliber friends with whom I strongly connect and who build me up.

Now, before you misunderstand, I want to add a few disclaimers:

1. I'm not doing this because I'm needy, codependent, or reliant on others to make me feel good. In fact, this last year has shown me that I'm largely self-sufficient and independent. That being said, I'm currently studying psychology, and I'm learning that social interaction and friendships are huge psychological needs. My first hand experience confirms this.

I am not looking for friends simply for validation. Again, that's codependency. But I am looking for friends to build me up and have my back, giving me a comfort zone that allows me to safely build myself up. Also, their support will be invaluable when approaching girls, because I have no support as of now (my family has no idea).

2. I don't think of this as an end-all solution. Yes, genuine, high-quality friendships will go a long way in solving a lot of my mental issues, but not all of them. I know I'll have to put in a fair deal of work to overcome the Madonna/Whore mentality, for instance. But again, having friends will give me a great comfort zone, making it far more easier to fight these mindsets.

In my first post here, Chase warned me of the X then Y mentality. For example, I MUST do X (get friends) and ONLY THEN can I do Y (get better with women). I recognize that I have the power to get better with women right now, before even making friends. I know that X is not a prerequisite to Y in this case.

However, doing X then Y will be substantially easier for me than doing Y then X. Besides, I'm dying to fight my mental errors, and I'd much rather have friends right now, given the choice between them and girls.

3. Over the past year, I didn't have much going on, and in many ways, I was still a boring nice guy. Now that the school year is in session, however, I'm busy with classes for my double major, I have club meetings multiple times per week, and in my free time, I pursue my various artistic hobbies. In addition, I'm seeking to meet tons of people and make tons of connections. On top of this, I will soon join a frat, get a job, and will study abroad at one point. So I currently am, and will continue to be, very busy.

I have numerous goals for the future, and I'm actively working to make them all happen. And with much less free time, I'll be more picky about my friendships, since I'll want to make the most of my limited friend time. Because of this, I'm now genuinely high-status. So instead of approaching friendships from a place of neediness, I'll approach them from a place of high value, since I have a lot to offer people.

As a whole, I feel much better now, finally knowing what I have to do. Wish me luck.

Takeaways

1. I need friends.

Current Goals (If I fail to do these, call me out; I need public accountability to force me to meet my goals)

1. Make friends.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Lowes,

Wow dude your are the most detailed oriented person I have ever met. I am not sure that is the best thing because you over think and get yourself tied up in knots. First I want to know how you cancelled the date with L in details. Maybe we can get the date back for you. Why? Because you need the experience.

Next do not discount the older ladies. I dated a lot of older ladies and learned a lot from them. A 32 year old babe will rock your world. Older women love young guys because they know young guys have a lot of stamina and are teachable.

You are making great strides. Keep approaching and continue to go further in the process. You will continue to gain confidence. May I suggest going for instadates. Your doing approaches in places like the mall where you can get the girl to have a drink and escalate.

Keep up the great work.

BDSC

 

[Lowes]

Wow dude your are the most detailed oriented person I have ever met. I am not sure that is the best thing because you over think and get yourself tied up in knots.

To use an old phrase... it is a blessing and a curse. It is both my greatest strength and greatest weakness.

First I want to know how you cancelled the date with L in details. Maybe we can get the date back for you. Why? Because you need the experience.

I set up a date, but it was 40 minutes away in an unfamiliar, sketchy area. Unfortunately, she didn't have a ride, so it was the only place that worked. She wasn't shit testing me, since I knew her family gave her rides to her job and she readily agreed to a place near her house when one near mine didn't work.

But this was totally inconvenient. It meant I'd have to drive for 40 minutes, hope she wouldn't flake (she was into me, but you never know), have dinner in an unfamiliar and somewhat sketchy area, then try to seduce her in the back of my car. On my first ever pull.

Looking back, this was inconvenient, but far from impossible. But I talked it up too much in my head and it felt way too far outside my comfort zone. And, although I'm not 100% sure, it's pretty likely I would have kept the date if it was two minutes away from my house like originally proposed. It just felt like too much for my first time.

So I canceled the date. I told her she was a very sweet girl and put all the blame on myself -- I said I was very busy and couldn't make the time to drive out. Which was actually pretty true, since I was in the middle of college prep and about to leave the state on a trip.

I felt bad afterward, since she was clearly into me. But she was also understanding. And although the date would have been nice, I don't regret cancelling it. First, I already have a bit of abundance mentality, so I know there will be more. Second, my cancellation made me realize the flaws of my psyche that I did not fully notice before. It helped me realize them and begin taking charge.

And the date is unfortunately long gone. If possible, I would reschedule. However, I actually met her a month and a half ago, so her attraction is long gone by now. And I'm at college most of the time, so it would be very tough to arrange something.

Next do not discount the older ladies. I dated a lot of older ladies and learned a lot from them. A 32 year old babe will rock your world. Older women love young guys because they know young guys have a lot of stamina and are teachable.

I see, I never thought about it that way. I ended the convo since I thought that being much younger than her would be a turn-off. But I see that this isn't always the case.

You are making great strides. Keep approaching and continue to go further in the process. You will continue to gain confidence. May I suggest going for instadates. Your doing approaches in places like the mall where you can get the girl to have a drink and escalate.

I'll attempt some instadates on campus, since I'm spending most of my time at college. But I'll also try them if I'm ever at the mall.

And thanks, man; I appreciate the feedback..

 

[Lowes]

The last week has been mostly good and somewhat bad.

Let's get the bad over with:

Two attractive girls opened me... and I didn't make a move. Fuck.

Yeah, I totally dropped the ball. In my defense, I'm still heavily in friends-making mode, so I was like, "Shit, don't approach me yet, I'm not ready for this." But after this happened twice, I realized that I just need to stop being a pussy and make a move, dammit.

I know you guys are gonna get on me for not making a move (as you should, since I need public accountability so I can stop this overthinking bullshit). But I'm also angry at myself.

Well, angry isn't the right term. I'm just disappointed. I know there will be tons more girls in the future, but these were in the palm of my hand and I just fucking let them go. Ugh.

The first one approached me at a bus stop and chatted me up on the pretense of asking for the bus schedule. She then reached across me to point at the times on the sign next to us, clearly letting me smell her perfume. Then I sat down on the curb and she followed.

God damn, this girl wants me.

She proceeded to deep dive me and I half-heartedly deep dived her, but the bus arrived soon after and we got on. I could easily have sat next to her, continued talking, then got her number... but I didn't. Fuck me, I'm stupid.

Then another girl ran in late to one of my classes and sat next to me in the back. She asked about what she had missed, and I told her. After class, she deep dived me and we had a brief convo. She had to go, but she had her phone out, clearly expecting me to get her number. But like an idiot, I didn't. I was thinking, "I'm about to disappoint you. I really hate to do this and I could easily go for your number, but I won't."

To top it off, multiple other girls approached me over the last school year, when I was still developing my fundamentals, and I couldn't deliver then, either. So this has been going on for a while.

So... you know that feeling when you're watching a movie or reading a book, and something clearly needs to happen for the sake of the plot, and the build-up keeps going and going, and it takes forever to get to this inevitable moment, and you get pissed off?

That's how I feel. And for those who of you who have been reading my journal, you may feel this way too. ("God damn it, Lowes, just fucking pull the trigger!")

Yes, I'm getting so fucking annoyed at myself. I have all these amazing opportunities, and I keep wasting them. And let's face it, I'm going to lay a girl eventually, so it will need to happen at one point... so why am I delaying the inevitable? At this point, I'm only stalling my progress and wasting both my time and the girls' time.

So, what is my solution?

The next time a pretty girl opens me, I WILL talk to her and I WILL get her number and set up a date and I WILL NOT CANCEL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. And I WILL take her to bed afterwards, assuming everything goes smoothly.

Furthermore, if I see a perfect opportunity to talk to a girl, I WILL take it and I WILL get her number and set up a date.

Yeah, it's time to cut the bullshit and start getting results. No more stalling, no more cancelling dates, no more pussying out. I have damn good fundamentals and I've been reading GC enough to know the basics of the whole seduction process, so I HAVE NO EXCUSES. I'm walking the walk, so I need to start talking the talk, to use the old cliche.

Also, I WILL NOT POST IN THIS JOURNAL AGAIN UNTIL I HAVE LAID A GIRL.

Okay, now that this has been settled, let's focus on the good.

I'm actually very good at making friends, it turns out. I've been practicing deep diving for months now, and while I'm not perfect, I can make quick connections and find out a lot of info pretty fast. I've bonded with all my roommates, after things being awkward when I first moved in, and I joined a great club and have talked to a lot of great people there.

Also, I'm finally feeling high status, since I'm making these connections and have a lot to do. So it's definitely helping my self-esteem.

...That's it. I know that didn't seem like much good, but believe me, it far outweights the bad.

Now, onto my general thoughts.

First of all, I realized that I'm thinking with my head, not my penis. Sound counter-intuitive? Yes, it does, since it usually is counter-intuitive. But in my case, I need to get out of my head and allow myself to get turned on by the girls. Because the reason I'm not laying them is because I'm not getting turned on, thus making me too logical, and I'm just fucking up the whole thing.

This does not mean I'll get desperate for sex or become needy or let my boner get in the way of my game. It just means that I need to start seeing the sexual side of women if I am to be a seducer. Right now, my thought process is basically, "She's attractive, but I don't want to be friends with her since I prefer guy friends, so either I take her to bed or I stop talking to her. But taking her to bed is too much work, so I'll just stop talking to her."

And to clarify, I'm not opposed to girl friends, but like most men, I prefer guy friends.

So I need to get turned on by ramping up the sexual tension. And once I'm horny, it's a whole different ballgame. Suddenly, I'll actually want to put the work in to make a lay happen.

Also, I'm realizing two other major inhibitors in my game and my mindsets:

1. I'm obsessed with the bigger picture and absolute truth.

With a personality such as mine, I'm trying to organize the universe, essentially. I often get so caught up in the meaning of life and nature of existence and all that, until I just lose interest in the present and everything starts to feel meaningless. I'm not depressed by any means, and I know I have the power to control my life, but I still wonder what the point of everything is.

Yes, I'm young and naive, so I still grapple with the injustice of the world and the lack of absolutes. But it's just something that's so hard for me to accept, and whenever I think about it, I feel like the immediate future is pointless. It's a weird thought and I general snap out of it, but it definitely holds me back from success with girls in some cases.

2. There is a serious tension between my old self and my new one.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but I've changed A LOT in one year. Sure, I still have a lot of my limiting mentalities, and I'm still very much a social beginner, but I see the world in a totally different way.

A year ago, I was a nice guy with no game. I was very sheltered and conservative. And so on, you get the idea.

But reading GC, along with my own revelations about the world, has shattered all of this.

Now, I have a completely different life path, where I will seduce girls, travel the world, and run my own business. I realize that relationships and friendships don't just "happen," but are merely value exchanges between individuals. I realize that the world is a lot more crazy than I thought it was.

I held on to those perceptions for 18 years. And changing them, although beneficial in the long term, is currently really harming me.

I have no real sense of identity, since I'm neither fully out of my old ways or fully into my new ones. So I just feel hopelessly lost.

So if I see a girl, my new instinct is to get her into bed, but my much older instinct kicks in and I don't make the move. My life is filled with moments like these at the moment; it's a major state of uncertainty and flux.

Also, although I'm definitely making friends, I'm having trouble determining which friends I want. The old me would make friends with the more socially awkward people, but these people don't provide much value to me anymore.

And a lot of the cooler, socially conscious people are into a lot of crazy partying and shit. I'm trying not to judge them, but my old conservative self kicks in and I start feeling like it's "wrong" to do. I mean, I'm fine with some stuff in moderation, but I just don't find myself connecting with crazy partiers or people who clearly don't value their education or anything like that.

I suppose it's a good thing, since it means I'm looking for friends who are motivated and very high-value in general. But I feel like I'm not really a college kid at heart; I feel far older than I am, sometimes.

On top of this, I just feel like meeting people is a burden. I prefer my own company as it is, and I want to pursue my own interests on my own time... but I also need some friends for support. It's just a mess, and I can't seem to make up my mind.

So the best option is, despite how I might feel otherwise, to continue meeting people and expanding my boundaries and removing my judgements, while still searching for friends that have the same interests as me.

One last thing: I'm going to go to some individual counselling to help me establish a sense of purpose and identity. And I'm also going to keep making friends and get lays.

This post was all over the fucking place, but I'm not changing it around, since I need to learn to accept disorder and imperfection. Also, I'm feeling lazy.

Takeaways

1. I need to develop a sense of identity and purpose as I transition into my new lifestyle.

2. I need to get out of my head and just do things.

3. I need to keep meeting people, both friends and lovers alike.

Current Goals (If I fail to do these, call me out; I need public accountability to force me to meet my goals)

1. Keep making friends.

2. The next time I see an opportunity to talk to a girl, or one talks to me first, I WILL talk to her, get her number, go on a date, and seduce her, as long as all goes according to plan. I CANNOT post on this journal until I lay a girl. And I CANNOT cancel the date.

Lastly, I'd like some help from you guys -- logistics are my biggest issue right now at college. I have an apartment with some chill roommates who won't mind if I bring home a girl, luckily. However, my apartment is two miles away from campus, and I don't have a car. Most girls here don't have cars either. So...

1. How will I bring a girl home? Will I have to pull off some sneaky public sex? Should we just go to her place?

2. Would a girl mind if we met up at a restaurant right next to the school? This would be easy and cheap, but I don't know if her slut-defense will kick in and she'll want to eat somewhere farther away instead. Or does no one really care in college?

Keep in mind, if I have any follow-up questions about this, I'll ask them here. But aside from that, I must keep my word, and I will not post in my journal until I get a lay. I can still post in other sections, but not in my journal. I want the next post here to be one of vast improvement.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Lowes,

You beat yourself up enough we don't need to. What you are going through is part of growing up. Our brains continue to grow until we are around 25 years old. Until then our personality is in flux and developing. You will notice significant changes in your attitudes and personality over the next few years. This is natural. Most young people are not in tune with themselves enough to notice. Just realize your struggles are normal.

Keep writing field reports. You will need advice as you try to bed the women. I know you over think things but I also believe you have fear of rejection. This is why you stop the approach process. We all have this to some extent. You have turned this into

Right now, my thought process is basically, "She's attractive, but I don't want to be friends with her since I prefer guy friends, so either I take her to bed or I stop talking to her. But taking her to bed is too much work, so I'll just stop talking to her."

It is not the amount of work. It is the fear of rejections. If you admit this then you can work on curing it.

Regarding the logistics if the weather is nice a two mile walk will only take 10 minutes at a leisurely pace. This should not be a problem as long as you keep the conversation lively. If a walk is out then I would suggest you scout the campus and around. I bet you can find a place to pull the girls. Talk with some of your friends who live closer to campus. You might be able to work a deal with one of them. You might also find a storage room or mechanical room that is not locked. Use your imagination just don't do anything that will get you arrested or kick out of school.

BDSC

 

[Lowes]

Keep writing field reports. You will need advice as you try to bed the women.

Good point -- not posting in my journal will only hurt me; it's better that I keep writing. I guess I just needed something drastic to get me rolling, so I immediately thought of restricting my post count until I made progress. But at the same time, I must also keep updating my progress...

You beat yourself up enough we don't need to. What you are going through is part of growing up. Our brains continue to grow until we are around 25 years old. Until then our personality is in flux and developing. You will notice significant changes in your attitudes and personality over the next few years. This is natural. Most young people are not in tune with themselves enough to notice. Just realize your struggles are normal.

Yeah, although I feel older than I am sometimes, I also realize that I'm still very young and immature in many ways. I like to think I'm very wise and thoughtful for my age, but I accept that I've got a lot of growing to do.

I know you over think things but I also believe you have fear of rejection. This is why you stop the approach process. We all have this to some extent. It is not the amount of work. It is the fear of rejections. If you admit this then you can work on curing it.

Interesting... this is a great point. Now that I think about it, if I had a 100% chance of success for sleeping with a girl, of course I would do it; that's common sense. So yes, my fear of rejections, failure, and judgement is still holding me back. In a way, my current interactions are an act, and I'm feigning true confidence to cover up my insecurities.

This reminds me of an interaction a few months ago. I had a summer job, and I was eager to try some of my social skills out on the girls there. Of course, I had no intention of bedding them, since it was far too risky and too advanced for my level. So, instead, I deep dived them and wanted to see how they responded to me.

I talked to one girl and we connected pretty well. However, I had no idea what to do after our first conversation, since I didn't want to give off a "friends" vibe (I wanted to seem sexy) and I didn't want to sleep with her, either... so I had no idea what to do. And I stopped talking to her altogether and I gave off an awkward, creepy vibe and she completely avoided me from then on. I felt like shit and my confidence took a serious nose-dive as a result.

I still fear situations like these -- what if something goes wrong, and I'm weird or creepy or awkward? What does that say about me? Surely a sexy man would not be any of these things... so anytime I mess up in a social situation, I just feel terrible and feel like all my good interactions were just an act.

So, yes, I'm very afraid of failure, now that I think about it. But I know the only way to get past failure is to try for success... so I need to try.

Regarding the logistics if the weather is nice a two mile walk will only take 10 minutes at a leisurely pace. This should not be a problem as long as you keep the conversation lively. If a walk is out then I would suggest you scout the campus and around. I bet you can find a place to pull the girls. Talk with some of your friends who live closer to campus. You might be able to work a deal with one of them. You might also find a storage room or mechanical room that is not locked. Use your imagination just don't do anything that will get you arrested or kick out of school.

Alright, sounds good. I'll probably pull girls at my place first until I get comfortable, and then do public lays as I get more comfortable. Two more questions:

1. If she's wearing heels and we're gonna walk to my place, what should I do?

After typing that, I just realized I'm overthinking stuff again. I mean, I could just ask her to take off her heels as we walk, but would that kill the mood? Would walking just annoy her?

2. After sex, what should I do?

This still confuses me. Should I let her spend the night, or is that too relationship-y? Of course, I'm not going to kick her out into the cold, so if she leaves, I'll walk her home. And I'm terrible at sleeping when there are other people in the room, but multiple rounds of sex would also be nice... basically, I have no idea about this one.

Thank you for your help; you've further helped me identify my limiting mindsets. Now I just need to fix them.

 

[Lowes]

Finally, a productive day -- I number closed a girl.

During my early morning psych class, a cute girl sat next to me. I noticed and initially decided not to do anything. However, I realized that this exact mentality had been holding me back for months now, so I forced myself to make an effort this time.

I used very slow, dominant body language and occasionally laughed during funny points in lecture in a deep and thoughtful way. Also, I smelled great. I thought this would draw attention to me, and it did. She played with her hair, subconsciously mimicked my movements, and kept checking her phone... while it was off (in the corner of my eye, I saw that the screen was dark). Her legs started shaking a bit, then she rubbed them slowly, then she tapped her fingers impatiently next to me. In order words, she was completely interested.

I spent some time thinking of a clever opener, but I realized I was overthinking it and decided to keep it normal. Class ended...

Me: (Leaning toward her slightly without making eye contact) Interesting class, huh?

Her: Yeah, totally.

Me: (Brief pause while gathering my stuff, then making eye contact) It's very useful information to me... after all, it's teaching me to read minds.

Her: (Laughs)

Me: Does that interest you, too? Reading minds?

Her: (Laughs) Yeah. (Brief silence)

Her: Um, I'll go now.

Me: No, not yet, I'm still interested in learning more. (Said in a very laid back way, not needy at all. We walk out the door together)

Me: So if this stuff interests you, you're probably taking a psych-related major?

Her: Yeah, I'm a crim major.

Me: (Laughs) Oh, I see... so you want to read the minds of criminals, eh?

Her: (Laughs) Yeah, I guess so.

Me: I'm Lowes, by the way.

Her: I'm S, nice to meet you.

From there on out, the conversation is your standard fare. I deep dived her and found out that she wants to work in the government, wants to travel, is from a conservative upbringing, and has a religious belief (don't know which one, yet). Here is the key moment when I exchanged numbers:

Me: Hey, I've got to get going in a few minutes; I've got a class in an hour and homework due online in three hours. But you're a cool girl and I like talking to you -- let me get your contact info and we can grab coffee or something soon. (I hand her my phone and she puts in her number)

Her: There you go.

Me: Cool, let me call to double check. (The call goes through) Alright, I've got to head to the library to do my work. Walk with me. (She immediately complies) So, tell me more about your...

And now, my analysis.

The Bad

1. I talked a bit more than she did.

She gave me much more info (career, goals, etc.) than I gave her, but I spent more time talking. I revealed a bit too much about myself (a few things without prompting), and I got off on a few minor tangents.

When I put it that way, it seems really bad, but it was actually very minor -- she was clearly into me and I highly doubt she noticed the talking differential. Besides, I was clearly leading the conversation. I just need to cut down on my talking to keep with the law of least effort.

2. I didn't touch her.

This is also minor, since I'll do this next time I see her. But I know touching is huge for establishing sexual tension.

3. I got her number on a mid point in the convo, not a high point.

I've got to get numbers on a high point to increase the likelihood that the girls don't flake.

4. I didn't use any sexual framing.

Ugh. I'll do this next time.

The Good

1. Everything else.

I mean, if I were a master seducer, this encounter would have been mediocre, but as a beginner, I did pretty well. I stayed laid back, led decisively, managed transition points, mixed some more repartee and cold reads into my deep diving... it was pretty solid overall.

2. Also, I learned that indirect opening is my favorite opening style.

Cold approaching makes me nervous, but during these indirect approaches, I'm very laid back. Also, it allows me to gauge her interest and respond accordingly.

-----

I texted her 90 minutes later to give her my number, and she sent a warm response. Tomorrow, I'll set up a date, and I won't cancel this time.

Date Strategies

1. Heavily disqualify myself as a boyfriend.

She was raised in a conservative family, but I don't know how conservative she is. Clearly, she wants my dick, but as a lover or boyfriend? Clearly, I'm aiming for the latter.

2. Set up a shitload of frames that will help me fight LMR.

She really wants to travel, and she's clearly ambitious with her life. On top of this, she hinted that she wants to break away from her parents and develop her own identity.

So I'll use cold reads and compliments to set up adventurous, spontaneous, rebellious, and independent frames. This will help ease any potential LMR and further cement me as a lover.

3. Touch her more and use chase framing, as mentioned above.

4. Just stay laid back and try not to think about it too much.

Current Goals

1. Set up a date and get laid. Also, establish a FWB relationship with this girl.

2. If I see signs of interest, approach a girl and talk to her.

Questions

Luckily, I figured out my logistics problem -- there is a nearby bus route we can use. However, I have a remaining question from my last post, and a new one as well:

1. After sex, what should I do? Should I let her spend the night, or is that too relationship-y? Of course, I'm not going to kick her out into the cold, so if she leaves, I'll walk her home. And I'm terrible at sleeping when there are other people in the room, but multiple rounds of sex would also be nice... basically, I have no idea about this one. Since I want a FWB relationship, I don't know where to straggle the line between spending too much time with her and keeping it casual.

2. What do I do if I see her in class? If she talks to me after class? Of course, I'll be friendly, but should I sit with her? Sit by myself? (It's a big lecture hall.) Again, same problem as above. I want to be cool with her, but not too relationship-y. And, again, considering my plan for FWB, I don't know if I should spend more or less time with her during class.

 

[Lowes]

I talked to a ton of people (in a friendly way, not sexy way) yesterday, and I'm getting very good at deep diving. Of course, I'm still making some mistakes, but I'm learning fast. But it's hard to believe that making friends seemed hard to me just two weeks ago. In fact, I recently overheard a girl talking to one of her friends in class, saying, "Yeah, my other class sucks because I don't have any friends in it." I realized that this will never be an issue for me, since I have the potential to make friends with almost anyone. It's just a matter of providing value, deep diving, and being non-judgemental and supportive, all while sporting some killer fundamentals.

Also, in one of my small classes yesterday, I started up a short convo with a girl. She was very friendly, and possibly interested in me, but I decided to end the encounter shortly after. One date is enough right now, especially considering this upcoming week is immensely busy for me.

So, yes, as you can see, I set up a date with S. It will be local, making much easier to get to than my previously canceled one. I've never gone on a legit dinner date before, so I'm a bit uneasy. Still, I know I'll be fine. After all, it's just a date, and I'm a sexy man. If it goes well, wonderful, but if it doesn't, it's no big deal, since I will learn from my mistakes and will find tons more women in the future. So I'm not too stressed about it.

But I'm still feeling pretty nervous about my encounters with her afterwards, as I mentioned in the last post. If I see her, I'll be very warm and treat her the same as before, but I'm really stressing over how much I should see her. Should I talk to her or sit with her during class, or is this too boyfriend-like? What if she sees me and tries to strike up a convo? I certainly don't want to seem like I'm avoiding her, and I know where she sits in lecture, so I don't want her to think I'm going out of my way to avoid her. But at the same time, I want to keep our time together to a minimum so that I can establish a FWB relationship where we don't hang out and instead just have sex. Perhaps I can just sit with her on occasion if she's right near me, and otherwise sit on my own? And if we talk after class, we can walk to the library and end the talking there?

Ugh, I know that I'm overthinking this like crazy, but that doesn't change the fact that it's making me pretty uncomfortable. At least I'm not overthinking the date at this point. Hopefully I can figure something out.

 

[Lowes]

I had a date with S. It went well, but it didn't end in sex. Normally, I'd write about it in my journal, but it was a significant encounter, so I made it a field report.

Here it is.

Current Goals (If I fail to do these, call me out; I need public accountability to force me to meet my goals)

1. Go on another date with S and try to have sex with her if everyone thinks it's not a lost cause. If it's a hopeless situation, move on, while still being nice to her if I ever see her on campus.

2. Keep meeting girls and scheduling dates with them.

 

[Lowes]

After some reflection today (what else is new... I'm always reflecting), I realized how much I've changed over the last few weeks. My mindsets are growing and evolving pretty quickly.

As I detailed in one of the above journal entries, I had some pretty fucked up mentalities over the last few months to protect my fragile ego. But as I've met more people and spent time in college, this is no longer the case.

For example, today I saw multiple instances of girls talking to high-status, attractive guys. In the past, I would have judged them to feel better about myself. And I did this for brief moments today, as an instinctive response. However, my prevailing thought was, "Wow, they seem like cool guys. I hope they get with those girls."

In other words, I'm starting to feel really great about myself, and thus have no need to tear others down. I see these alpha guys as possible friends, not competition. And I want them to succeed.

However, I can't give myself too much credit. Recently, a friend introduced one of his friends (a girl) to me, and I tried to connect with her a bit (as friends, not sexually), and she treated me like I was just some clueless nice guy who was into her but afraid to make a move. So I auto-rejected and thought bitterly that she was being a bitch and that I was too good for her, anyway.

So... yeah. I've clearly still got some work to do about social ladder climbing. Still, it's significant progress.

Another change is that making friends feels really, really easy now. I discussed this a bit above, but I can't believe that it seemed so difficult just a few weeks ago. I mean, I'm automatically a high-value guy with my killer fundamentals and conversation skills, so why wouldn't people want to talk to me? I feel like I could genuinely connect with at least 80% of the school (if I had unlimited time, of course).

Why am I so confident about this? Well, I'm starting to see the social matrix break. I mean, I've read about it here on GC for months now, but I'm actually starting to witness it first hand. Most other people divide the world into "friends" or "others," and once they make their set of friendships, they're done. They don't make any efforts to connect with new people. Everyone else is just an other to them.

But to me, people are just... people. Yes, the people with whom I've connected are my friends, but just weeks ago, I had no idea they existed. And as great as they are, they're not that special. I don't mean that in a dickish way, just a realistic one. These people are only in my life because we happen to go to the same school. If I attended another school, I would feel this way about an entirely different set of friends. And since I'm a great conversationalist, making connections is just a few words away. So with this power at my disposal, the line between friends and others blurs.

I'm also noticing the finer details of human interaction. I notice how, when talking in groups, people make far more eye contact with people they've known longer. (I mean, it's probably obvious to all of you, but this is fascinating stuff to me.) I notice that, if I give intense eye contact, coupled with killer fundamentals, people are drawn to me more and look at me more when talking to groups. My body language makes my attention seem very important, so they appreciate it when I give them my attention.

Furthermore, I'm starting to pick up more on subtle cues that interested girls give. Either that, or I just assume every girl is in to me.

On second thought, I actually do assume that every girl I meet is into me. (I know this is a good mentality to have, so I might as well keep it.) It helps that my school doesn't have too many sexy guys as competition.

In fact, I recently joined a cool club, and I was talking with some of the girls there (as friends). Many of them find me attractive. One of them even has a boyfriend (who's even in the club and is a fucking great guy), yet she still finds me attractive and has inadvertently touched me a few times, which I assume is an automatic reaction to being around a sexy guy, so she can't help herself. Either that, or I just assume she's into me. (But she probably is.)

And some of these girls were talking about hot guys when I was nearby. The old me would have gotten jealous, but the new, current me thought, "Well, I'm fucking sexy too. There's no need to be jealous, especially since they all find you attractive." Yes, I'm getting a bit cocky, but this is a necessary step to help bolster my confidence with women further and help define more of a bad-boy side to my personality.

(Sidenote: Why haven't I made a move on any of these girls? Well, I'm going to be in this club for the rest of my time at the school. So any fuck-up (which is likely, given my beginner status, even though I have great fundamentals) or one-night stand would just end up awkward for everyone. So although I'm naturally sexy, I'm not leading them on.)

I'm also starting to care less and less about what others think of me. This will be a big one to overcome, since as a college student, others' opinions are generally very important to me. However, I'm gradually learning to do my own thing without pressure from others. For example, I'm one of the few who wears a bike helmet on campus, since college students generally think it's more cool to not wear one. After a few days of walking my bike around campus instead of biking with a helmet, I thought, "Fuck it, the safety of my head is more important to me than if it's 'uncool' to wear a helmet. Besides, my fundamentals are already great, so I highly, highly doubt someone cool would refuse to talk to me just because I'm wearing a helmet."

Despite all of these improvements, my biggest issue is actually talking to people. Yes, I make connections very easily when I talk to people, and yes, I know I have the ability to pull multiple girls. But it's tough to find the motivation to do so. It seems like a mix of my fear of failure and my natural introversion.

I'm still a bit afraid of rejection. That's why I got so defensive when that girl treated me like a boring nice guy -- I felt like my entire self-worth was being threatened, so I shut down to stop the cognitive dissonance. That's why I've got to get increasingly confident so that this stuff no longer influences me.

Also, I'm naturally introverted. Once I get social momentum going, I'm a full-on socializing machine, but I generally prefer to be alone or with a few select people. So making friends and lovers almost feels like a burden in a way. I'd rather not have to deal with multiple relationships. Most of the time, I just want to go to class and not talk to people.

Or maybe it's because I haven't fully assumed my sexy identity. In other words, perhaps my sexiness is still an act to an extent, since when I'm by myself, my fundamentals loosen up a bit. So maybe I just feel the pressure to stay sexy since I'm not yet on auto-pilot yet. Eh, it's probably a combination of all of these things.

Also, some of my nice guy mentalities are still holding me back. In the back of my mind, I still think, "Girls are really just sweet angels, so you should court them, not immediately have sex with them," and "Girls like nice guys, so you're actually making it worse for yourself by being a lover. You're being inconsiderate to the girls and they don't like that."

Silly, I know. But it's hard to overwrite years of conditioning. Logically, I know that my mindsets are faulty. But I attached my identity to them for so many years that it feels emotionally incongruent to suddenly have this 180-degree change.

On top of all of this, I no longer participate in gossip of any kind. Yeah, "gossip" is very high school, but I've noticed that basically everyone still does it in college and for the rest of their lives, in many cases. But my new policy is to never talk bad about anyone or talk about their lives in general with other people. Of course, drama is inherently interesting to discuss, but I'm teaching myself to ignore it and stay detached from it.

And a few years back I used to complain quite a bit about things. Now, I basically never complain. I accept events for what they are and try to take them on with a positive attitude.

Lastly, my overthinking has gotten better. Of course, since it's the fundamental aspect of my thought processes, it will never fully go away, but I'm making strides against it. Being busy has definitely helped, since it gives me less time to think and helps me accomplish things rather than just think about them. But it still creeps in when I have extended periods by myself (even though I like spending time with myself), so let's consider it an ongoing work in progress.

But I'll work past all of this. I'm proud of the progress I made so far, and I'm really enjoying my new life. In general, I feel like I can take on the world and accomplish whatever I set my mind too. Life as a whole just feels enjoyable, too. And the best part is that I've still got tons of experiences still ahead of me. So I'm pretty excited.

 

[Lowes]

After my failed escalation on S, I texted her a few days later to try to schedule a follow-up. I kept things light and warm, but she didn't reply.

Luckily, I'm genuinely not bothered by this; I'm really starting to develop some serious outcome independence, especially for a beginner. If she had responded, great, then I could get a second shot. But since she didn't, I'll next her and move on.

However, I'm still trying to figure out why she didn't respond, and I've got multiple theories:

1. She's still attracted, but she's avoiding me because I want sex and she wants a boyfriend.

2. She's still attracted, but with her conservative parents and limited free time, she doesn't want to juggle a sexual relationship, too.

3. She's still attracted, but casual sex is too scary for her, especially since she knows I'm going to try for sex again if we see each other again.

4. She lost attraction for me when I tried to escalate too fast, since it set a clear chasing vibe, so she now holds the power in this dynamic.

5. She has conflicting feelings and it's all too overwhelming, so she's avoiding it so she no longer has to think about it.

It's probably some combination of all of these things. If I had to guess, she's still probably attracted, but it's too much for her right now (for multiple reasons), so she's just ending it before it gets more crazy for her. She might have lost attraction, but this seems unlikely, given her inexperience and the fact that I'm clearly more dominant than anyone else she's ever dated. But still, I'm also inexperienced, so my read could be off.

The thing I'm most worried about is my own reputation. I go to a big school, so I'm very anonymous, but I don't want her to tell her friends that I was "Some creepy guy who only wanted sex". This is probably me overthinking things again, though. After all, I was sexy, warm, chill, straightforward, clear about my desires, and I respected her desires. Still, I can't help thinking about it.

So that's my question to anyone more experienced who might be reading: Will this harm my reputation at all? Will anyone consider this creepy?

And another question: How do I keep the chasing dynamic in my favor, and not seem like I'm the one chasing her? Once again, after I tried to have sex and she clearly didn't want to, I permanently became the chaser, and it's bugging me.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Lowes,

I appreciate that you are trying to become the best you can. I would take what happened at face value, file the experience and move on to the next experience. Look forward instead of back. There is only some much you can glean from a single experience without overthinking it. Use your energies to approach the next girl. When we use the term NEXT it not only refers to looking for other girls it also means to forget about the girl you next. Clear you mind of thoughts about her and move on to new and wonderful women.

Regarding your reputation it will only be in question if you have approached a large number of girls and they have to talk about you. One incident is nothing to worry about.

A failed escalation does put you in chase. That is why it is best to just NEXT. It will be much better on your psyche once you get used to doing this.

BDSC

 

[Lowes]

I appreciate that you are trying to become the best you can. I would take what happened at face value, file the experience and move on to the next experience. Look forward instead of back. There is only some much you can glean from a single experience without overthinking it. Use your energies to approach the next girl. When we use the term NEXT it not only refers to looking for other girls it also means to forget about the girl you next. Clear you mind of thoughts about her and move on to new and wonderful women.

Good point, my overthinking is hindering my progress, rather than helping it.

Luckily, I've quickly forgotten about it (I love having outcome independence). I even saw the girl again in one of my lectures, and I felt totally at peace with the whole thing. My biggest problem is forcing myself to approach girls in the first place, since that's the most difficult part for me. Still, I'll make it work.

Regarding your reputation it will only be in question if you have approached a large number of girls and they have to talk about you. One incident is nothing to worry about.

A failed escalation does put you in chase. That is why it is best to just NEXT. It will be much better on your psyche once you get used to doing this.

These are great things to know. Thanks, man.

 

[Lowes]

Today, I sat next to a cute girl (named A) in one of my lectures. She was clearly giving me strong signs -- she was slowly rubbing her elbow against mine while writing in her notebook and softly hit my foot with hers at one point and said sorry. Also, she sneezed twice, but I'm 90% sure she was faking just so I'd say "bless you," which I did. I briefly considered calling her out on it in a playful way, but the lecture wasn't over, so I didn't want to make things weird if she misinterpreted it or denied it.

I chatted her up after, very briefly deep dived, and got her to walk with me to my next class without any problems. She responded favorably and looks more experienced than S. Also, she started walking away before I got her number, but I commanded her in a sexy voice to come back and proposed a date. She agreed. However, my phone was off, so I started to boot it up, but then she proposed that I enter my number into her phone. I agreed, saying in a sexy voice, "It's usually the guy who gets the girl's number," attempting to set up a chase frame. After confirming my name, she walked away again.

This made me short-circuit for a second, since I expected her to immediately text me her number. But she hasn't, and it's been six hours.

Luckily, I don't care much. If she texts me, I'll take some time to respond, and my first text back will be a date proposal, to keep the chase dynamic in my favor. If she doesn't text me, lesson learned, and I won't make that mistake again.

But she seemed into me and she only offered to take my number because my phone was off, so I'm fairly confident. Still, it's somewhat annoying to be out of control for the time being.

The Bad

1. I fucked up the number exchange.

2. I'm still hesitant to talk to girls. After all, she was the first girl I've talked to since S, who I met over two weeks ago. Right now, to build up my confidence and keep my reputation discreet, I'm indirectly opening girls that seem interested and proposing a date soon after. This prevents any creepy cold approach vibes and makes me feel more comfortable.

3. I had some minor cognitive dissonance while talking to her. She wasn't paying attention much to the lecture and was mostly on her phone. My old nice guy self kicked in a bit: ("She's not a 'good girl' since she doesn't value education as highly as you do, you aren't a seducer, why are you doing this...") Clearly, I still have trouble keeping my own self-perception and self-worth separate of other people.

The Good

1. When I do talk to girls, I'm a smooth, chill motherfucker. Although I haven't approached many girls, I've had a lot of time to develop my fundamentals and vibe. This makes me relaxed, allowing me to easily put my theoretical game knowledge into practice.

2. I'm so happy to have such high outcome independence. I've recently learned that my genetically-based personality type is naturally averse to one-night stands, instead preferring deep connections. Thus, if things don't work out with a girl, I don't care.