Day 11:
After reflecting a bit on my results from direct vs indirect, listening to SMMA by
@Gunwitch, and reading threads on reality pace openers (RPOs) by
@Bacchus and reading
@Lofty's journal, I have decided I am going to try to hone in and focus on doing indirect properly. Up to this point, the only numbers I have been able to get have been from indirect, even though I haven't been doing it "correctly" by any means.
I read
this post and spent 3-4 hours generating and reciting different RPOs for different venues.
Day 12:
I wake up and recite a few RPOs, and then move out.
Girl #1: See a cute girl at the bookstore shopping for backpacks. I open situationally with "Its interesting how this bookstore sells backpacks". This was not actually the RPO I prepared for someone reading a book, but because she kept looking at backpacks, I had to change it.
She pulled out her air pods, and asked me what I said again. I repeat the same sentence, and she says "yeah, they actually have been for a while." I then ask her a challenging question "Why do you come to a bookstore to buy a backpack? Isn't there other stores that are better for buying backpacks?"
She then tells me she actually has been looking at other places as well, but found the value to the be best for the backpack in this bookstore. I say "Interesting, so you actually thought about it strategically. I did not expect that." She says "Yup, and I also have some books in here as well I found here, and she points to her bag."
Here I actually transition to my RPO, which is "You know whats interesting? With all the technology available in 2022, we can basically have any book at the click of a button. Yet here we are... We chose to get up, step out the door, and show up at a physical bookstore."
She then says "Yeah, it is interesting, so why did you show up?"
I say (RPO part 2) "You know, there is just something about technology I want to get away from, since I'm always on my computer when I'm at home." She says she totally understands, and says she feels the same way. I ask if she lives and works in the area, and she says she does. She then asks me what I do, and she hooks hard talking about work (personally, I hate this). She tells me she is trying to go into the area of work I am in, and at some point talks about her husband.
At this point, I am pretty unengaged, because I feel like the frame is again on business, and she also mentions having a husband. But for practice's sake, I continue to steer the conversation to travelling, to doing what we love for work, and about life in the downtown area we are in. But after a while, she would ask about my work again. After a while, I feel like leaving, so I start hinting at it with my body language. She then says "You know what, can I have your Linkedin? We should grab coffee sometime, since you're here." I say, "sure", and at this point she pulls out her phone and adds me. Its funny, I did not even have to pull out my phone. The frame was completely flipped.
Girl #2: Walk into the cooking section, and see a cute girl. I say "Excuse me" to her and walk past her to grab a book. She moves out of the way, becoming aware of me in the process. After flipping through a few pages and picking up a few books. I glance over at her, and ask her, "Is that a good book?". She says something about getting back into cooking after a long break, and wanting to look for something novel. I say, "Interesting, that's the same reason as me, I'm also looking for something new." I then show the book in my hand, and say, "I have a feeling you know about this book." She says she does, and she has tried it, but felt the specific recipes didn't work for her. She then says she thinks food and diets are something that is very personal to each person.
I then transition into the RPO: "You know what's fascinating? Here we are in 2022, with full access to any book with a click of a button... yet here we are, having decided to come to a physical bookstore." She says "I agree" and she asks me what made me decide to come to a bookstore. I told her "That's the thing. I feel like in 2022, we are always glued to our screens. Sometimes, I just want to go out in the real world, interact with real people, and flip through real books." She says she totally agrees, and asks what I do for work. I say I work from home, and turn the question back onto her (I feel like Im trying more and more to not talk about my work LOL). She says she works in finance and investments, and says she doesn't work to live, but does it because she finds it interesting. At this point, I feel like talking about work might actually be her interest, so I am more OK with talking about it, and I tell her I know others in her industry in the area. I then tell her, "I'm so glad you found a job you actually are interested in, you know thats really rare right?"
She says she understands it is, and that its not something you can force. I then do the connection gambit: "I don't know if you've noticed this, but when you try a new hobby, or meet a new person in life... you can sometimes immediately feel if you guys are on the wavelength or not. How you feel is not correlated with how long you've known the hobby, or how long you've done something."
She totally agrees, and goes on for a long time about how she totally believes in the universe deciding these things ahead of times, and how its bullshit you can spend 10,000 hours to master something, because you can't predict whether you would like something at the beginning. I say, "Yup, that's what makes life so fascinating, you never know when something good will appear, or sometimes... even disappear".
I then transition into the travel gambit with a pacing + leading: "Hey, earlier, you mentioned that you don't work to live. But what if you didn't have to? What if you won the lottery and go anywhere you want? What would you do?" She tells me she would spend a lot of time studying recipes, and probably pick up a hobby like gardening. And that she would travel to all kind of places. I ask here where she would travel, and she mentions she likes the asian countries, and not the european ones. I ask her why, she says she doesn't know. She then asks me what I would do. I then tell her, actually, I wouldn't change what I was doing in terms of career, but I would travel to probably Japan. She asks me about my job, which I answer briefly, but then I transition back into another travel gambit about freedom: "Hey, have you ever noticed when you're travelling, you feel more free? It's like, you don't have the judgement of everyone back home, and you are more free to explore things you want to do." She totally agrees, and tells me she doesn't like living in a way where she has to chase approval of what other people think.
I tell her: "You know, that's the thing about this city though, it feels like it's all about status. People are always' chasing the next high, the next party, or the next big thing. It's like they are not able to take a step back, and just live in the moment." She totally goes very emotionally and says, "Omg, you are so right, I hate that!" I then say, "You know what, you seem very serendipitious. However, I presume you don't like or use social media then, because that is where everyone is constantly comparing themselves with each other and chasing status." She says, "Well, I don't, but I DO use LinkedIn, so if you want to add me there.".
I was a little surprised at this, but it doesn't make sense to not go for it. I then say "Sure, and perhaps we can grab a coffee sometime and talk some more, because this was fun." She says sure, and adds me. Again, I never even had to take out my phone. I then tell her I will get the book in my hand, and exit the shop.
Girl #3: I see her sitting by herself, looking into the lake. I walk in front of her, and stare off into the horizon, making sure she saw me for 20-30 seconds. I then walk to the seat next to her's, and ask her "Mind if I take a seat?" She fumbles a bit, then says "Uhh, yeah, sure." and goes back to looking at her phone. I sit down, and take out my phone, and respond to some messages on facebook. In the corner of my eye, I wait until she is done texting on her phone and glancing out into the lake. I then look up, facing her at a 45% degree, and tell her, "It's a great day, isn't it?" She looks at me somewhat blankly, and says "Yeah, it is.". Due to her somewhat blank response, I go back to my phone and continue texting.
After 1-2 minute, the sun comes out and the temperature noticeably becomes warmer, and I notice her looking around blankly again, so I deliver the full RPO this time: "You know what's fascinating? Here we are, looking into a blue sky, the warmth of the sun on our skins, and a light breeze brushing past us. Yet just a few hours ago, this city was completely covered in grey. So we are lucky to be in this moment."
At this point, she starts engaging in the conversation for real, and says, "Yeah, you are totally right, we are. I chose a good day to come down here." I then transition to, "Oh, are you from the area?" She says, no, and that she was from a nearby city. She then asks me where I'm from, and I tell her I live 5 minutes away in "one of those buildings", and point to one of the buildings.
Me: "You look like you are a student."
HB: "I am"
Me: "But you go to a college in this city?"
HB: "Yes, I go to <UNIVERSITY>"
Me: "Oh, I really like the vibe there, I see students sitting on the steps there all the time, and it always looks interesting."
HB: "You mean the <UNIVERSITY> steps. Yeah, I kind of don't like it there though, its so crowded there."
Me: "So you are saying... you like a vibe like this instead. Where it's calm, relaxing, and it's just a 1-on-1 conversation."
HB: "Yeah, I get nervous when there are big crowds. But I am trying to learn to get used to it. I am here to get away from all the stress, and just stare off and enjoy the moment."
Me: "But you know, sometimes its just better to be talking in a smaller group. The thing about crowds is that communication is so impersonal and surface, and you can't really go deep into the more interesting topics."
HB: "You are right about that."
Me: "Forgive me if I am wrong, but I get the feeling you are an introvert, and you naturally enjoy fewer, interpersonal connections rather than many shallow ones."
HB: "Well, I think it depends on the person I am talking to. Some people give off more energy, and I feel like I can capture some of that, while others require more to talk to."
Me: "I can see that. Actually I have this hypothesis... that when it comes to relationships between people, its not about the amount of time you know each other. Sometimes you can know someone for only a moment, and you just feel you guys are on the same wavelength. In this case, it doesn't feel like you are losing any energy at all. But other times, you can know someone for a long time, but it still feels draining to talk to them."
HB: "Yeah, I can see that. And sometimes, when you first meet someone, they seem great, but after you get used to them, you already have them in a box."
Me: "Yes, but relationships can also get better over time, I hope its not always going downhill after the first impression for you. haha."
HB: "*Laughs* Yeah, definitely not."
Me: "You know... you seem very mature for your age, and you seem very self aware. Thats very refreshing, especially in the age we live in of social media."
HB: "Thanks, I feel the same way for you as well."
We then talk about some other topics related to travel, her home country, the state of division in the west, the nature of empathy. I actually enjoy discussing these topics, so I try my best to go dive really deep, but I also make sure to come back up for some fresh air from time to time (i.e. I would make a comment on her outfit, ask if she was feeling cold, etc.). I was actually shocked that it was possible to be talking about these deep topics on a first meet with a HB. I'm not sure if its necessarily "good form" though, but for now, I prefer this compared to talking about work, lol.
At the end, I tell her I have to leave, because I have a meeting to run to, but if she's ever in downtown again, we should grab some coffee and talk some more. She responded "Sure", happily. I then asked her if she was on anything. She said she had IG. I then pause, and ask her, "Wait, I'm curious, I want to know your thoughts on social media." (I think this is actually good, because it puts me in the judge frame, and makes it seem like I'm evaluating whether I should connect with her).
She tells me she uses it, but understands how negative it is and wants to quit it in a few years (I doubt this will happen, but this is some indication of her "complying" to my frame since I hinted earlier my negativity towards social media).
I tell her "Yeah, the thing is you need it to stay connected with people you care about and see whats going on in their life." And then she pulls out her phone and I guide her to type in my name. We then talk a bit more about what I do, and I give her a bit of mystery regarding my work, before saying I have to go, and actually leave.
It was truly mind-blowing to experience these interactions, because of how this is
completely different from when I went direct, or when I was going previously indirect without having RPs to help steer the conversation towards the right frame.
It was also mind-blowing from a result perspective to get
3 contact infos from 3 approaches, as this was also never possible in my past. I feel like actually completely changes my perspective on daygame. I'm actually not having a hard time believing some people are able to pull 1 in 5 from daygame.
It seems advanced tech like reality pacing / gambits / situational approaches actually work pretty well. I wonder if it's possible to mix these in to a direct approach to make those work better, but I have some doubts about that due to the inherent frame difference. The only limitation of this approach so far is that I seem limited to stationary girls who have some time to chat.
". 
