Johnny-
Johnny M said:
I have a personal pet peeve.
I've been through almost every possible situation with a woman, enough times to adapt, and learn how to deal with it the proper way, in a very zen matter. But the one that seems to always gets me. Is when my girlfriend lies to me, i'm not sure if it has to do with existing trust issues within myself that just surface, or what.
Regardless, I could use some help in that area. Any thoughts?
As Tyler and Dave note, this is often in reaction to things you are doing and expectations you are setting. The more she feels she can open up around you without being judged or penalized in any way, typically the more this will happen.
However, look out for paranoid girls... the ones who are nervous, pessimistic, and expect the worse. These girls will keep things from you simply because they ASSUME you'll get angry, even if you haven't given them any indication they would.
A good rule of thumb to look at is whether she lies to other people. If she does, you'll know... she'll tell you about it, at least some of the time. Even though it can feel "special" to be close with a girl who seemingly keeps everyone else at arm's length and you in the "inner circle," trust that if she's lying to others, she's lying to you in about the same amount.
For women who are habitual liars, the only things you really can do are either accept that she's going to lie to you every so often and that there are certain things you will probably never know, or end things with her and find someone who doesn't lie so much.
You can also get good at reading lies, e.g., eye contact cues (looking into a corner - usually her left-hand side - before answering; people will also either avoid eye contact if they're not good at lying or have especially intense eye contact when lying if they're practiced), speaking patterns (people speak in more of a staccato when they lie), breathing rates (catching her breath; holding her breath), pauses (she has to stop and think before she answers), etc. And while this is fun and good to learn - and almost makes dating a girl who compulsively lies worthwhile just for the skill set - you'll never really be able to catch EVERY thing. So, ultimately, it's live with it, or get out of the relationship.
Chase
