Making Mistakes VS Incompatibility

[Bboy100]

There are some schools of thought in seduction which suggest that any time we go on a failed date or do an otherwise prolonged interaction (i.e. we don't get rejected from the outset), it's our fault. We made some sort of mistake which is why the women rejected us. This school of thought also advocates that it is never the women's fault because it's not useful to think of it as such. It's a form of victim mentality.

Conversely, there are other schools of thought which suggest that any type of rejection isn't really rejection at all. Rather, its incompatibility. That is to say, at this point in time, this particular girl is not compatible with you. You're not a match. It's no one's fault persay. And the bottom line is, this "rejection" was actually a good thing. Because you've screened out a girl who's not right for you.

Personally, I don't think either school of thought is exactly correct. The first one is a recipe for self-doubt and self-esteem issues. Suggesting that it's possible to make any one date go completely well and that it's entirely in our control is Ludacris. There are some people who simply cannot relate to one another. It's just a fact. Regardless of how good their conversation skills are, their experience of the world is just too different for them to find enough common ground for them to form a relationship of any type.

The second school of thought on the other hand, is even worse. It's just another way of saying "just be yourself, and fuck anyone who doesn't like you". It's just not true. Cause guess what, if you have shit fundamentals, are supplicatory the entire date, have no interesting conversation, don't lead the interaction forward, and project a shit energy...the girl's not gonna like you. Sure you can call that "incompatibility" and just move on if you want to. But if you do, "incompatibility" will be the result more often than not.

So the discussion I would like to put forth is thus: When do you guys take responsibility for a failed interaction? Obviously, there are cases when it's clearly your fault. But let's say it's questionable (e.g. a date where try as you might, you find no topics on which you can relate to the girl you're with). Would you guys say that at that point, it's ok to call it "incompatibility"? Or do you take responsibility for the failed interactions no matter what?

 

[ray_zorse]

Dude I would definitely take the first view here, I mean within reason, life is a pretty rich tapestry and you might find you don't even LIKE the girl once you get her out on a date... but I think a story of Chase's is pretty instructive here. Chase likes to be a generalist, not just focused on one particular process or type of girl. So he found himself living in a place with lots of models and actresses and couldn't really relate -- idea: take acting classes and audition for some parts. He did this and even scored a small walk-on role in a feature film. Subsequently he had no trouble relating to these kinds of girls since he'd walked in their shoes and knew pretty much what challenges they face in their day-to-day life etc. Or think about this, for every FR you post, with the benefit of hindsight I bet you can think of something to change that would've got you closer to being laid. IMO it really is down to how good our game is. Chase points out that he still gets rejected a fair bit because some girls just aren't available or aren't into him for whatever reason (hence the importance of moving fast and screening). However I believe even Chase's game could improve As he points out "it can take years just to master OPENING"... It's just a question of whether you are willing to go to ridiculous lengths, plus how much and in what area you are willing to specialize. Personally I'm not (at the moment) even though I have plans to really smash certain parts of my game (such as my voice fundamental) by going to ridiculous lengths to learn it, when I have time i.e. after I graduate. In the meantime I accept that the number of rejections I get is purely a result of the decisions I've made to date and I'm OK with that.
Ray

 

[ProblemSolving]

]

When do you guys take responsibility for a failed interaction? Obviously, there are cases when it's clearly your fault.

I take responsibility if I a mistake that tanks her interest. It doesn't happen very often anymore, but it did when I was first starting out. At this point, I don't think I make "mistakes", it's just a matter of meeting a girl's expectations or not.

For example, let's say I"m selling my car for $10,000. A girl calls me up and says, "I'm really interested in your car, when can I have a look at it?" She comes over to see the car, we take a test drive, we get to know each other, she has a good time and really likes the car, so when we're done she says, "PS, I love the car, and I'm willing to offer you $5,000 for it". I tell her, "You're going to have to come a lot closer to $10,000 to get a counter offer from me". She says, "Sorry, $5,000 is all I have to spend." Time wasting. NEXT

You need to understand that no amount of salesmanship or "game" is going to come close to meeting her expectations. Yes, you MIGHT have been able to sell her a car if you were willing to get low balled, just like you MIGHT be able to lay some chick if you go on enough dates.

Now, the next chick comes over to have a look at the car, except at the end of the test drive, she says, "PS, I love the car, here's $10,000." We had the same expectations, so we're both happy. I didn't make any mistakes that blew her interest, so I closed.

(e.g. a date where try as you might, you find no topics on which you can relate to the girl you're with)

Yes, this will happen from time to time, but it should not be common. Some people will immediately trust you just by looking at you, while a select few will think you're the most untrustworthy scoundrel they ever met- it's the numbers game in action, so don't beat yourself up over it. If this happens regularly then the problem is with you.

 

[Smith]

Don't use incompatibility as an excuse to protect your ego so you can go away and think there's nothing you could improve on lol I think it's always a mixture of both. It's about taking a balanced approach and think more broadly. Incompatibility just means you're not enjoying each other's company, and there are different levels of incompatibility too. You might have a great conversation with her, but there was just no sexual compatibility. Her sex drive just doesn't match yours.

You can also make mistakes with girls you're incompatible with and still learn from it. However, there comes a point when you know you've done everything you could but she just won't move things forward with you, then at that point I would consider it as incompatibility more than me making mistakes, because I've done the best I could and I'm ok with that.

If you're being real in an interaction, you did the best you could to connect with her but every topic just falls flat and she's not interested, then it's incompatibility. You can't force connection when it's not there. You could do what Chase did and tried to understand what challenges certain type of girls face in their daily life. But I would say in most cases, it's incompatibility. Often you would still make some mistakes with girls you're incompatible with. For example, if your voice was supplicating when you're talking to a girl you're incompatible with, then you just learn that you should talk with authority and emotion next time. But because you also weren't "being real", you will never know if you actually have chemistry with her or not. You can blame it as "incompatiblity", but you know deep down that you were putting on a front and it failed. The only reason you supplicate and project shitty energy is because you're putting her on a pedestal and want the validation.

That's my take on it lol

 

[Estate]

Life is not all black and white. It's full of grey areas.

Sometimes you're not compatible with someone and it's human nature to be aware of it. You won't be best friends with everyone or agree on everything.

The other side is a girls on a date with you, then decides against seeing you again so somewhere in the middle yiu did something to change her mind. In this case it could be plainly obvious that she's the sort of person you like and you really didn't conflict with her personality but rather just didn't show her enough of yours to spark her interest more.

Guy, you really have to stop thinking of everything in black and white and like it's some robotic 10 step program. The differ between the two really comes down to having some ability to read other people and get a grasp of what they are about. It's not some huge thing. It's something all human beings do.