FR Mall and Bus

[Dern]

Taken from my journal...

December 20

Went out today to get some Christmas shopping done. Also, did a handful of approaches and received two numbers.

1.

Me: "quick question"
Her: *looks at me*
Me: "are you single?" *squint eyes*
Her: "no."
Introductions.
Light banter about why she's at the mall, Christmas shopping and stuff.
Tease her about the many bags she's carrying.
Deep dive about school.
Do the usual building up (oh, so you must be a pretty good persuader - because she's in business). She responds: "I guess... when I have to." I reply: "which must be a loottt of the time." Provide positive feedback about how she has her shit together. Knows what to do with her life while a lot of other people still don't know what they really want to do with theirs.
Her: *thinks about it* "that's true."
Number close.
She enters her number in my phone.
Light banter about what she does for currency.
Says she works at a make-up, cosmetics place.
Me: "ahh...so along with being good at business, you make girls prettier."
Her: "thanks!"
Me: "so what's your schedule look like?"
Her: "pretty busy"
Me: "cool, i'll just give you a text right now so you have my number, just make sure you don't text me 24/7"
Her: "haha, okay."
Her: "got it. Shall I text you?"
Me: "well.. that would break the rule." Should've said: "if you can't resist"
Her: "haha okay."
Make our farewells.

Sort of an awkward, tense vibe throughout this conversation.


2.

Sit beside a blonde girl on the bus. There were a lot of people on the bus, so it didn't break the law of least effort to approach her.

After 15 seconds...

Me: "going anywhere interesting?"
Her: "just homee, you?"
Me: "hooommeee"
We both smile.
Light banter about Christmas shopping and stuff. Tease her about: "are you sure you left enough things for everyone else?"
She mentions she's from the island but here because of her boyfriend going to school.
So we talk briefly about his goals, and then I use this to transition into what her dreams are.
She said she doesn't know.
Me: "me neither! I'm in like the same stage! Probably like vacation or something, right?"
Her: "hahah, exactly!"
At one point on the bus ride, two cheerful guys get on and sit in front of us and start light bantering with us. But we quickly get back to talking one on one.
I ask her if she could have absolutely any job, what it would be?
She responds: "everyone asks me that, but I really don't know!"
Me: "yeah, when I got out of high school, everyone asked me that as well... it would make me so angry!"
Her: "yeah!"
Me: "like, I just want to liveee!"
She agrees.
Pretty good vibe so far, and good frame set.
Number grabbed here on a high point, while she was laughing.
Then light bantered about what she did in her spare time: work.
Me: "so you must be a very fashionable person." (since she works in a clothing store)
Talked a bit about that, then she got off at her stop.

Better, more light, carefree conversation. Still feel a bit awkward in my interactions. I think more sexual innuendo and chase / sex frames would be beneficial.

I need help getting past my sticking point. How come I can get numbers, but never get dates? I mean, the first interaction was quick, and sort of awkward, so I don't really expect anything from it, but the second one was better in my opinion. Still, both girls didn't respond to my text (asking them out).

I honestly think it is just a matter of handling my fundamentals.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Sup Dern.

Two things I notice about your sticking point. From what I've seen and experienced is that when you grab a number it's usually not going to amount into anything unless you can tell the girl is like super interested in you. Which yeah has a lot to do with fundamentals. I would still advise taking numbers because, hey it can't hurt and they might be more interested in you than you first thought (maybe you read her signals wrong). But I wouldn't get your hopes up for any numbers that you just didn't feel the little spark (and even some of those numbers fall flat).

Number two. If you feel like the girl you're talking with is interested in following up with a date I highly recommend getting the girls schedule and setting a date before bidding your farewells. If she tells you she's sooo bussyyy disregard and tell her "I asked when you were free not busy"

Lastly

I ask her if she could have absolutely any job, what it would be?
She responds: "everyone asks me that, but I really don't know!"
Me: "yeah, when I got out of high school, everyone asked me that as well... it would make me so angry!"
Her: "yeah!"
Me: "like, I just want to liveee!"

Not too bad except for one thing. I used to do this all the time btw so no worries on your part. What you did here was you set a frame and backed out on it by being agreeable which is a form of "walking on eggshells" so to speak. Instead of agreeing with her it would have been good to challenge her and help her find her dream job. So instead of

"yeah, when I got out of high school, everyone asked me that as well... it would make me so angry!"

you could do something like this

Well [name], what do you do for fun in your spare time. Do you work on any skills or hobbies etc?

She may say yes or no. If she says no dig deeper "well you don't seem like your the most boring person on the planet there must be something you enjoy doing in this life"
Then she'll say "Well I like to go shopping I guess. But I don't think that really counts does it?" (or something along these lines)
Tell her that yes Shopping (or whatever passion she throws up) does count and tell her a job title that she could do with that passion. If it's shopping tell her about how there are professional shopping stylists that do clothing makeovers for people who suck with fashion.

Something along those lines but scrap being agreeable out the window unless it's absolutely necessary.

Keep up the hard work.

Over and out.

-Rob

 

[Dern]

Hey Rob,

Thanks for your input.

Well [name], what do you do for fun in your spare time. Do you work on any skills or hobbies etc?

I did ask her this at one point in the conversation, and I'm pretty sure she responded work (in a clothing store). Which is why, I provided positive feedback: "so you must be a very fashionable person."

I could have used this to transition into a deep dive, but she had to get off the bus.

But thanks Rob, I get your point: don't be agreeable in this case, because you are failing to qualify her if you do so.

Instead, push hard, dig deep, and don't back off.

She wants to be inspired.

 

[PrettyDecent]

The conversations are structurally solid, Dern. So

Did the first girl stop to talk to you, or was she already stationary and wasn't going to move anyways?
How'd the girls react when you threw in your 'I' statements?
How often are these girls asking you questions?

~Nick

 

[Dern]

Did the first girl stop to talk to you, or was she already stationary and wasn't going to move anyways?

She was walking in the mall, so I got her to stop by one of the stores. Now that I think of it, I should've gotten her to sit down with me at the food court.

How'd the girls react when you threw in your 'I' statements?

If by this you mean the scenario where I said: "I just want to liveee!" then, I can't really remember her exact response but I know it was something like her smiling and agreeing happily.

How often are these girls asking you questions?

First one wasn't interested in me at all.

The second one asked me if I went to school, and what I thought of it, but I did a good job of quickly turning it back onto her.

 

[PrettyDecent]

How often are these girls asking you questions?

First one wasn't interested in me at all.

The second one asked me if I went to school, and what I thought of it, but I did a good job of quickly turning it back onto her.

Sounds like the second one might have hooked, as you said. But the key problem (and sticking point) is you're chasing before the girls hook. You're primarily doing this by forcing rapport and carrying too much weight of the conversation. Here's the thing: If she hasn't hooked, then you can't build sexual tension and (coupled with compliance escalating) that's what you need for her to answer your texts.

For her to hook, she necessarily must feel she's chasing. So
- let the conversation drop off sometimes, and use social pressure on her to ask questions to you (and it's OK to talk about yourself a little bit).
- don't be so quick to agree. Challenge and question (as Rob mentioned), then qualify her. Don't qualify indiscriminately.
- keep pressure/tension in the interaction, that's the fuel that keeps the conversation interesting and exciting. (watch out for nervous smiles, and laughing/joking too much)

~Nick