Managing Relationship Expectations

[orkie123]

In a situation where I'm getting conflicted between my morals and what is 'best' for me.

Been dating a girl for just under a month. She is leaving clues for pushing for a relationship.

- Asking details about who else I'm seeing
- Trying to push for doing stuff that aren't just chill + sex at mine and attempted to withhold sex one time to test me
- Texting in a relationshipy way

My views are that I like her more than girls I've known from the start I only want FWB but I don't think we are compatible enough to be anything super long-term.

I haven't lied to her and I've been up-front that I'm seeing other girls but I have been a bit more vague about whether I'm looking for a relationship or not ( in the past, I'm usually 100% up-front that I'm not).

To be 100% honest, my ideal situation is to do what DoWhatWorks' guide in this forum says. Have her as my main while dating other girls, and if I find someone I'm more compatible or if she gets rid of me, then move on. But I'm finding it difficult from a moral standpoint. I know that many girls would leave me if I mess up or if they find someone better in the dating phase etc but I only care about my own set of morals.

Which is that, if I give her hope that a relationship is potentially on the table, she will stick around without asking for exclusivity for some time. But I don't like it - it feels like Im using her, manipulating her even. However, if I kill that hope, then most likely soon she will move on.

There is a bit of me who also wants more relationship practise, but it feels like I'm using her and if I do that and will only cause me even more difficult conversations later down the line.

I could delay the conversation until she forces me to have it... But again, how is she benefiting from all this?

 

[TwoNameGame]

My views are that I like her more than girls I've known from the start I only want FWB but I don't think we are compatible enough to be anything super long-term.

It sounds like a short term relationship already; nothing wrong with that. What's the timeframe like?

I haven't lied to her and I've been up-front that I'm seeing other girls but I have been a bit more vague about whether I'm looking for a relationship or not ( in the past, I'm usually 100% up-front that I'm not).

Why weren't you upfront? You mentioned morals earlier, and moral dilemmas appear when there is no good option. To infringe on your morals, surely you had a reason

To be 100% honest, my ideal situation is to do what DoWhatWorks' guide in this forum says. Have her as my main while dating other girls, and if I find someone I'm more compatible or if she gets rid of me, then move on.

Seems practical. But I wouldn't like doing it either, honestly.

Without knowing more, it seems like you're afraid to hurt her, and you do enjoy her company for some rare quality. It seems doubtful you like her much as a partner. Either way, you know it'll end. It's likely it will hurt no matter what.

What I'd do is focus on leaving her better than you found her. Have fun, make memories, help her find herself, but make it clear you aren't ready for a relationship. Friends with Benefits don't last beyond a couple months anyways, and you could likely replace her. When she presses the issue, hold your frame and show her how great it is to keep doing what you do. If it doesn't work, go fuck ten other women.

 

[DonGately]

Just be honest. You can always tell her you're willing to 'date' her but not exclusively. That way you've set the frame but she feels like she's at least in the driver's seat for your attentions [for now.]

If she wants you to see only her, you gotta tell her the scoop, gently and move on if need be. If you care about her treat her with the care she deserves.