Mindset Question - New to being a playa after having been the boyfriend guy

[Orgasmatron]

Yo Dudes!

I have a mindset question. I’m a total newb so any advice would be great.

I met this girl yesterday in the park, I was terribly charming, asked her to go for a drink with me, she agreed, we are going out next week when we are both free - My first successful approach from daygame - so yay me!

So, I’ve not been on a date with a new girl in nearly 10 years (I was in a long term relationship and then married, we are now getting divorced), and before that my dating pattern was basically this:

Meet girl through friends/work/party/bar

Dazzle girl with my awesomeness

Go on date(s) with girl

Do something weird and needy so girl decides she isn’t as into me as she thought had been and never talks to me again, so start to look for new girl.

Or…

Create and maintain the illusion that I am super cool and generally all-round brilliant, so girl becomes girlfriend/wife… then wait a while before doing something to mess that up (lol, life eh?)

Anyway, you get the picture, it was very much concentrate on one girl at a time, and very much about getting a Facebook official girlfriend.

And now I’m in this situation where I don’t want a long-term, serious, maybe we’ll have babies together kindof thing. I’m only interested in casual flings and some FWB action, with basically as many hot girls as I can convince to come home with me. I’m cool with being the hookup guy she likes to hang out with and gets fucked by every now and then and tells her friends about (or doesn’t), but I don’t want to be the guy she tells her Mom about who is coming round for dinner on Sunday to meet the family.

So, I’ve got this date (apparently, lets see if it happens or not) next week - and I’m planning to go out over the next few days to do more day-gaming, dazzle more attractive young women with my devastating good looks and magnetic personality, get their panties all wet, and set-up more dates.

But it’s feels really weird that I’ve got a date with a hot girl, and I’m now off looking for more - this is new territory for me. And because I’ve always been a one girl, monogamous, relationship type guy, it feels like by going out and trying to set up dates with other women I’m kindof cheating on this girl before we’ve even gone out. I know that's stupid, and I’m not, and that we’ve only spent 15 minutes together, and we don’t even know each other, and it doesn't matter anyway, and all that stuff, and what I want is casual sex and fun times with different girls. But all the same, it feels super weird to be going out and trying to set-up more dates with more girls. I mean, I want to do it, and I will do it, but it still feels a bit weird.


Do you guys have any tips or advice on looking at this situation differently?

How I should be thinking about things given what I want is casual sex with lots of different girls, and not long-term relationships?


Cheers dudes!

 

[PalmaSailor]

It’s not weird at all, it’s all in your head.

it’s societal programming that you somehow owe these women who you barely know, and you’ve made no commitment to any sort of exclusivity, or anything whatsoever.

you don’t owe them a single solitary thing, not one.

it’s a mindset change after doing a marriage stretch with “expectations”

good luck!

 

[Derek da man]

When I started looking to do similar I had a similar mindset.

I don't offer much information about who else I might be seeing or when, equally I never lie about it.

If it feels like she is trying to close me down then I stand firm that I like to date other ladies, I never offer more than that, at least until I know her better and if she becomes FWB then I may start to share a little more information.

Once you change your mind set you will start to see that a lot of girls operate in a similar way, not giving too much information, being careful not to comit and so on - probably because they are doing the same thing. This is a good sign that you should chase and escalate quickly when the opportunity arrises because it alsmost certainly will as she will help create the opportunites.

 

[Will_V]

It's normal after being in a long relationship to be in that kind of low mental gear.

You need to figure out what it is that you offer women, and build around it, wear it like a badge at least internally, and prove it to yourself so you fundamentally believe it. The way I look at myself, I am masculinity incarnate, and I enable her to be femininity incarnate. She's this or that to her friends and coworkers but with me, she is Woman and I am Man. I know she's all lost and confused in the day to day, doesn't know what to be and how to act, but with me things are very straightforward. That's an experience she rarely if ever gets, because most 'men' are not really men, they are simply male.

That means, of course, that you have to really bring the goods. Or otherwise you go out approaching confused about whether you really are that. But I don't see it as an obligation, I use the pressure that it puts on me to develop myself, I know that I'm the horse that she's betting on so to speak and I make sure I take it home. And that gives me my edge, and force behind the promise in my eyes.

Maybe other people have more boring ways of looking at it, but that's mine.

 

[PalmaSailor]

Making further comment on this mindset you’re not alone.



Throughout my second marriage I made serious money, and acquired substantial assets. Most were lost in the 2008 banking crisis but that’s another story.



Anyway, a decade ago I divorced my wife, and I gave her nearly all of what hadn’t been lost in the fall out of the above crisis.



I was living on my own in rented accommodation and I had no one to answer to except that she was still swallowing a substantial lump of my income.



Some time passes and I’m out daytime in town and I’m roaming past a camera shop and I walk in and there’s a digital camera that I really really like (yeah ok call me a nerd).



It’s £1700. And I buy it. This is a fraction of what I’m paying her monthly. And I get home and I feel like absolute - absolute shit. I feel terrible. What have I done? How much have I spent? On a fucking camera.. because I wanted it. How on earth could I have been so stupid. Etc. Etc.



Then the penny drops. Despite the huge amounts I’ve earned, and the larger amounts of assets I’ve acquired which have not been cash income I have spent almost nothing on me. It’s all been swallowed by her - the house - some shit - but definitely not me.



I personally was living a minimum wage existence.



And here I have just spent £1700 on me. For the first time in a decade.



And it fucked up my head temporarily.



After that my car fell over. It was a decent Mercedes but I was putting loads of miles on it and it literally packed up. So I bought a good looking BMW. She went fucking bananas. She was living in our £1M house (10 years ago) and driving the Audi convertible that she had chosen but she lost her shit I’d got a new car and she wanted it. She demanded I hand over my new car to her. Such was her level of entitlement.



These things are the embodiment of female entitlement and to a greater or lesser extent you have been brainwashed with it since you were in shorts.



There is no actual reason why any other human has any entitlement to anything you have earned or have acquired.



None.



Yet you are programmed to think you owe these women you hardly know some sort of explanation for how you want to live your life.

 

[Orgasmatron]

Wow, well thanks fuck it's not just me then.

Palma, your ex-wife sounds even more mental than mine.
I've been enjoying doing whatever the fuck I want since I split up with her.

Sounds like the solution is just to go out and bang loads of chicks, so I'd better do that then.

Cheers guys!

 

[Fuck This]

By having something more important than a woman in your life at the moment. Perhaps it is career, a house, a hobby you are good at or want to be better at.

 

[Orgasmatron]

By having something more important than a woman in your life at the moment. Perhaps it is career, a house, a hobby you are good at or want to be better at.

I dunno, I can't fuck a house man!