- Joined
- Nov 21, 2021
- Messages
- 337
My mood & dressing:
I had a wild weekend with lot of alcohol and still recovering from hangover and have an upset stomach. Yet I managed to work today. I was waiting to get home and crash early. I didn't look my best but not too bad I think. I was dressed in CK pullover with a jacket on top, jeans and AF1.
Venue:
It was raining all day long and I couldn't be bothered staying out but I thought I'll just chill for a little bit in Starbucks before heading home, it was around 6 PM. I went there and was looking at my phone. I saw this traveler looking girl chilling sitting at a near by table facing the street looking through the glass. I had to approach her from behind which was quite difficult. She was cute but it was super crowded and I didn't want to go direct since it'd have come across as uncalibrated. So, I actually sat there for nearly 10 mins and thought of all the openers that will fit the situation but I couldn't come up with anything. She wasn't wearing any articles that I could've complimented on or I couldn't have gone totally indirect which would've come across as weird since I didn't want to approach someone from behind to say something indirect.
Approach:
She was writing something in her notebook and I thought I could use that as an opener although it wasn't the best I could've come up with and approached with: "Are you a writer or something?". Looks at me and gushes, "oh no..I was just scribbling something about my day. Why are you asking?". I said, "You looked like you were lost in some deep thoughts and so thought you must be a writer and you're gathering your thoughts"
Vibing:
I continued, you look like you're new to the city, you must be journaling. She was English, dressed a bit like a hippy. She told she was waiting to go to the airport in a few hours and so just chilling. There was a bit of back and forth about what she liked in my country? how long she was here? Why is she returning home? Etc etc. Some basic chitchat for 5 mins. By then she was almost attracted. She asked me for a good restaurant recommendation and she was super hungry. I suggested a few but then told her "let's explore together", for which she readily agreed.
Instant Date & Bounce:
We got out and asked if she's up for eating or drinking and she told anything is fine. We walked to a nearby mall with a lot of restaurants. She was trying to find out more about me and asked where I lived. I thought of taking her back home directly but I'm rusted tbh and didn't have the balls to do that. So, I told her it's just there pointing to my apartment and we walked to the mall.
Date:
We went to a food court first but the chauvinist in me took her to a cool restaurant and she was a bit flattered from what I gather. I was planning to sit next to her but she sat opposite to me but I wasn't too fussed about it. I've had dates where I fucked it up even after massively physically escalating. So, I thought I'll handle that. In the beginning I was ok: listening to her, talking less and not smiling too much but after 20-30 mins for some reason (maybe cos of my upset stomach) I got anxious. I was trying to control my anxiety for most part. She asked what I do and I told her I'm a Business analyst. I think my SMV didn't match her expectations cos she was a snowboarder and was into skiing and shit. I thought I should get more direct now and steer the conversation and said, "I like your eyebrows, they are very defined." She was blushing and there was strong eye contact. She asked me, did I really think she's a writer when I approached her and I said yes. Maybe she was shit testing me to know if I'll go direct now but I just said: yes, I thought you were a writer. After some more vibing about her traveling in Japan, Europe etc, I started deep diving but I was talking a lot. More talking, less listening. I think I became needy because of my anxiety and started talking about myself and cutting her off many times. I thought I should try to turn the conversation sexual and she had very sexy lips (like Scarlett Johansson) and I got horny and told her she has Scarlett Johansson lips and surprisingly she didn't know who she was or maybe she got nervous and started laughing. Anyway, I showed her Scarlett Johansson's pics with some strong eye contact. There were many awkward silences.
Bounce:
Out of nowhere she said, I just don't feel like leaving this country. Then I thought I'll chase frame and said: "I know you like me and don't want to leave but they're closing soon. So, we need to leave now". I think she wasn't prepared for that. I suggested we split the bill and after we paid and were heading out, I asked "how much more time have you got for your bus?". She said she'll head to the airport early and didn't want to stay in the city anymore. However, earlier when we were walking to the bar from Starbucks she had mentioned her flight is at midnight which means she at least had another 6 hours. So, at this point I knew I had failed the date and there was no point in pushing her to bounce her home.
I went to the toilet and when I came back she asked me "what plans after this?", I said "nothing much, just heading home" and immediately said, "let's smoke a joint". She told she can't since she's had some bad experiences like feeling drowsy and shit. For some reason, I didn't feel like pushing her anymore and asked her where she was taking the bus? It was near my apartment. So, I told I'm heading in the same direction too and walked another 10 mins. I think I could've pushed one last time to get back to mine but I just didn't feel like it. There were a few awkward silences in between and as I approached close to my apartment, I told her that's where I live and waved good bye. She ran upto me and told she wants to hug me and gave a hug and left.
Mistakes/Lessons:
Honestly, I don't really know what went wrong but after coming back home, I thought about it and I think these are some possible reasons:
1. I was probably anxious due to upset stomach and it was probably showing in my vibe which I didn't realise in the moment.
2. I was anxious and this made me fuck up with many things that I did like talking a lot, showboating etc
3. I didn't deep dive enough
4. Probably not owning that I approached her cos she was cute was a turn-off for her
5. Maybe she thought I'm a boring guy working in an office 9-5
6. I didn't try to bounce when there were high moments but instead waited till the end. This is a big one cos I don't really know how to bounce when she's still eating or drinking. I think it comes across as needy.
7. I didn't persist enough
8. I didn't seed the bounce properly
9. There was not enough physical escalation except holding her palm for comparing hand sizes
10. I failed to sexualize the conversation
If you guys think there was something else that could've caused the failure, let me know. Comments welcome.
I had a wild weekend with lot of alcohol and still recovering from hangover and have an upset stomach. Yet I managed to work today. I was waiting to get home and crash early. I didn't look my best but not too bad I think. I was dressed in CK pullover with a jacket on top, jeans and AF1.
Venue:
It was raining all day long and I couldn't be bothered staying out but I thought I'll just chill for a little bit in Starbucks before heading home, it was around 6 PM. I went there and was looking at my phone. I saw this traveler looking girl chilling sitting at a near by table facing the street looking through the glass. I had to approach her from behind which was quite difficult. She was cute but it was super crowded and I didn't want to go direct since it'd have come across as uncalibrated. So, I actually sat there for nearly 10 mins and thought of all the openers that will fit the situation but I couldn't come up with anything. She wasn't wearing any articles that I could've complimented on or I couldn't have gone totally indirect which would've come across as weird since I didn't want to approach someone from behind to say something indirect.
Approach:
She was writing something in her notebook and I thought I could use that as an opener although it wasn't the best I could've come up with and approached with: "Are you a writer or something?". Looks at me and gushes, "oh no..I was just scribbling something about my day. Why are you asking?". I said, "You looked like you were lost in some deep thoughts and so thought you must be a writer and you're gathering your thoughts"
Vibing:
I continued, you look like you're new to the city, you must be journaling. She was English, dressed a bit like a hippy. She told she was waiting to go to the airport in a few hours and so just chilling. There was a bit of back and forth about what she liked in my country? how long she was here? Why is she returning home? Etc etc. Some basic chitchat for 5 mins. By then she was almost attracted. She asked me for a good restaurant recommendation and she was super hungry. I suggested a few but then told her "let's explore together", for which she readily agreed.
Instant Date & Bounce:
We got out and asked if she's up for eating or drinking and she told anything is fine. We walked to a nearby mall with a lot of restaurants. She was trying to find out more about me and asked where I lived. I thought of taking her back home directly but I'm rusted tbh and didn't have the balls to do that. So, I told her it's just there pointing to my apartment and we walked to the mall.
Date:
We went to a food court first but the chauvinist in me took her to a cool restaurant and she was a bit flattered from what I gather. I was planning to sit next to her but she sat opposite to me but I wasn't too fussed about it. I've had dates where I fucked it up even after massively physically escalating. So, I thought I'll handle that. In the beginning I was ok: listening to her, talking less and not smiling too much but after 20-30 mins for some reason (maybe cos of my upset stomach) I got anxious. I was trying to control my anxiety for most part. She asked what I do and I told her I'm a Business analyst. I think my SMV didn't match her expectations cos she was a snowboarder and was into skiing and shit. I thought I should get more direct now and steer the conversation and said, "I like your eyebrows, they are very defined." She was blushing and there was strong eye contact. She asked me, did I really think she's a writer when I approached her and I said yes. Maybe she was shit testing me to know if I'll go direct now but I just said: yes, I thought you were a writer. After some more vibing about her traveling in Japan, Europe etc, I started deep diving but I was talking a lot. More talking, less listening. I think I became needy because of my anxiety and started talking about myself and cutting her off many times. I thought I should try to turn the conversation sexual and she had very sexy lips (like Scarlett Johansson) and I got horny and told her she has Scarlett Johansson lips and surprisingly she didn't know who she was or maybe she got nervous and started laughing. Anyway, I showed her Scarlett Johansson's pics with some strong eye contact. There were many awkward silences.
Bounce:
Out of nowhere she said, I just don't feel like leaving this country. Then I thought I'll chase frame and said: "I know you like me and don't want to leave but they're closing soon. So, we need to leave now". I think she wasn't prepared for that. I suggested we split the bill and after we paid and were heading out, I asked "how much more time have you got for your bus?". She said she'll head to the airport early and didn't want to stay in the city anymore. However, earlier when we were walking to the bar from Starbucks she had mentioned her flight is at midnight which means she at least had another 6 hours. So, at this point I knew I had failed the date and there was no point in pushing her to bounce her home.
I went to the toilet and when I came back she asked me "what plans after this?", I said "nothing much, just heading home" and immediately said, "let's smoke a joint". She told she can't since she's had some bad experiences like feeling drowsy and shit. For some reason, I didn't feel like pushing her anymore and asked her where she was taking the bus? It was near my apartment. So, I told I'm heading in the same direction too and walked another 10 mins. I think I could've pushed one last time to get back to mine but I just didn't feel like it. There were a few awkward silences in between and as I approached close to my apartment, I told her that's where I live and waved good bye. She ran upto me and told she wants to hug me and gave a hug and left.
Mistakes/Lessons:
Honestly, I don't really know what went wrong but after coming back home, I thought about it and I think these are some possible reasons:
1. I was probably anxious due to upset stomach and it was probably showing in my vibe which I didn't realise in the moment.
2. I was anxious and this made me fuck up with many things that I did like talking a lot, showboating etc
3. I didn't deep dive enough
4. Probably not owning that I approached her cos she was cute was a turn-off for her
5. Maybe she thought I'm a boring guy working in an office 9-5
6. I didn't try to bounce when there were high moments but instead waited till the end. This is a big one cos I don't really know how to bounce when she's still eating or drinking. I think it comes across as needy.
7. I didn't persist enough
8. I didn't seed the bounce properly
9. There was not enough physical escalation except holding her palm for comparing hand sizes
10. I failed to sexualize the conversation
If you guys think there was something else that could've caused the failure, let me know. Comments welcome.
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