Missed opportunity - is it too late?

[Zurb]

Hi guys,

So basically i met this girl through my cousin, everything went well, she was pretty and she was pretty hooked! she kino'd me and stuff like that.
But sadly i didn't do shit... mainly because i'm new to dating, single after 13 years of marriage and i was tired from my week job.

Things is i didn't number close her, i had no way to contact her, now my only way to met her again would be through my cousin once again. She's 28 yo with one kid, and it's been a month already, do you guys think it's too late now?
I really wanna try again and not fucking shit up this time.

Sorry for my english, i'm spanish.

 

[ulrich]

Given that she is 28 and has a kid maybe she doesn’t have many options so you can try asking your cousin to get you together in the same room again or ask him to give you her number (more ballsy).
You have nothing to lose.

But, why the fuck did you wait one month?

 

[Mr STIF]

It isn't late, at all. It could be to your advantage because she's social circle since she knows your cousin. But since you both met once, last month, then I'd say it's extended social circle.

Just try to set up a meet up with your cousin and have her come around. The advantage of social circle game is that you've got more time unlike any other type of game.

You've got a real good opportunity given that most social circle lays don't need you to see the person too often. So you can break down your process. In short, most social circle lays are from extended social circle.

Why? You need time spent with this person(logically speaking) but you don't need too much time that the person knows you too much. That push-pull of.."I only get to see this a guy a month so lemme make use of it."

Your advantage is that you both only get to see each other once a month. Just assume this is the second month.

You can schedule a meet up and move to the next step of exchanging contact info-to keep in touch.

Once you've got that you escalate further till your dick is in her.

 

[Mr STIF]

Given that she is 28 and has a kid maybe she doesn’t have many options so you can try asking your cousin to get you together in the same room again or ask him to give you her number (more ballsy).
You have nothing to lose.

But, why the fuck did you wait one month?

Aswr! You've got a point about her not having options and too young not to feel horny for a dick.

 

[Zurb]

Thanks for the answer guys.

But, why the fuck did you wait one month?

Two reasons, i had to work on week-end, and my cousin not having time to meet me so i can talk in live about her friend, at the same time we're not that close and we don't see each other that much.
Actually i suspect that she arranged this meeting for her friend. Especially since it was me, my cousin and this girl only.

Maybe i should be straightforward and ask my cousin to meet up and bring her friend again? Idk on that one

It isn't late, at all. It could be to your advantage because she's social circle since she knows your cousin. But since you both met once, last month, then I'd say it's extended social circle.


Why? You need time spent with this person(logically speaking) but you don't need too much time that the person knows you too much. That push-pull of.."I only get to see this a guy a month so lemme make use of it."

Your advantage is that you both only get to see each other once a month. Just assume this is the second month.

Isn't better to try to escalate as fast as possible? bring her home the same night? Because i'm 100% sure of one thing, she was hooked. But at the same time she might not be anymore the next time we see each other again.

Also as i said before, i'm not that close with this cousin, so i don't think i can see this girl every month like that, i really think i get just one more chance at best.
How to not appear needy by asking for a second meeting with my cousin friend?

 

[Skjöldr]

Thanks for the answer guys.



Two reasons, i had to work on week-end, and my cousin not having time to meet me so i can talk in live about her friend, at the same time we're not that close and we don't see each other that much.
Actually i suspect that she arranged this meeting for her friend. Especially since it was me, my cousin and this girl only.

Maybe i should be straightforward and ask my cousin to meet up and bring her friend again? Idk on that one



Isn't better to try to escalate as fast as possible? bring her home the same night? Because i'm 100% sure of one thing, she was hooked. But at the same time she might not be anymore the next time we see each other again.

Also as i said before, i'm not that close with this cousin, so i don't think i can see this girl every month like that, i really think i get just one more chance at best.
How to not appear needy by asking for a second meeting with my cousin friend?

Get her social media through your cousin and hit her up

 

[ulrich]

Yeah, the cousin thing is going to work only one more time.
You either get her contact or her social media next time.

 

[Mr STIF]

Thanks for the answer guys.



Two reasons, i had to work on week-end, and my cousin not having time to meet me so i can talk in live about her friend, at the same time we're not that close and we don't see each other that much.
Actually i suspect that she arranged this meeting for her friend. Especially since it was me, my cousin and this girl only.

Maybe i should be straightforward and ask my cousin to meet up and bring her friend again? Idk on that one



Isn't better to try to escalate as fast as possible? bring her home the same night? Because i'm 100% sure of one thing, she was hooked. But at the same time she might not be anymore the next time we see each other again.

Also as i said before, i'm not that close with this cousin, so i don't think i can see this girl every month like that, i really think i get just one more chance at best.
How to not appear needy by asking for a second meeting with my cousin friend?

Brother Man, this is not time to be thinking of needy or not needy. Realise when its necessary to make a move. Fuck needy and show your intentions.

Go straight and tell your cousin to set you with her friend, then, take her contact info.

 

[Zurb]

Get her social media through your cousin and hit her up

I'm REALLY shit when it's about text game, my field is face to face by far.

Thanks for the heads up guys, it does really motivate me. I'll contact my cousin next week and hope for the best

 

[Skjöldr]

I'm REALLY shit when it's about text game, my field is face to face by far.

Thanks for the heads up guys, it does really motivate me. I'll contact my cousin next week and hope for the best

Yes dude same. Just message her "Hey (Name), i've been very busy lately, but i definitely enjoyed when we were together last time. It would be cool to get together again, when are you free?"

 

[Zurb]

Quick question.
I read this content on GC: https://www.girlschase.com/content/escalation-windows

she was on auto-rejection toward the end, i realize it after reading this article now, i didn't know about that stuff.
i missed the escalation windows clearly.

Now i wonder it's still worth trying to met her again? as the article says 999 times out of 1000 you won't turn it around
I was about to contact my cousin, then i saw this article and now i don't know.

Also when Chase said that:

• Ability to express warmth and sadness without neediness or supplication. Kiss up to a girl, chase her, or act needy toward her or supplicate to her or apologize to her and you lose her for good or get slotted into nice-guy friend-zone land. You must show her that you care about her, and are sad that she is hurt / upset / leaving you / not spending time with you, but you must do it in an incredibly strong, completely non-needy way.

How to show her that you care about her, sad that she is hurt in a strong and completly non-needy way? any example?

 

[ulrich]

Quick question.
I read this content on GC: https://www.girlschase.com/content/escalation-windows

she was on auto-rejection toward the end, i realize it after reading this article now, i didn't know about that stuff.
i missed the escalation windows clearly.

Now i wonder it's still worth trying to met her again? as the article says 999 times out of 1000 you won't turn it around
I was about to contact my cousin, then i saw this article and now i don't know.

Also when Chase said that:

How to show her that you care about her, sad that she is hurt in a strong and completly non-needy way? any example?

Don’t worry too much at this point.
You still don’t have the skills to clearly identify if she went into autorejection with confidence.

Go and try again, better err on the side of victory.

As you grow and experiment, you will understand better and apply the article lesson.
At this point you are asking a level 3 question when you are in level 1.

You’re better served by experience even if she is in autorejection.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Zurb dude! You haven't contacted her again yet so you have no idea if she's still in auto rejection. Have you missed an escalation window? Yes, you have. Is it game over? Not necessarily. You won't know without attempting. Also when you contact her you're not having to express warmth or sadness you're just reviving a dead lead.

Theres articles on the check in text and how to revive dead leads. I believe @DML posted a guide to reviving numbers in covid, it'll fit your purposes here.

I'd also suggest reading up on the auto rejection turn around. It's a fire fighting tool but it pays dividends while you're still learning. Always a useful tool to have cause you're going to make mistakes, everyone does.

A girl on the edge of my social circle reached out and contacted me on social media after we met once. I don't really bother much with it and didn't get the message until 2 month later, she was still warm and receptive when I responded.... don't leave it that long, it's just too show you that this stuff can work out dude

 

[Zurb]

@Zurb dude! You haven't contacted her again yet so you have no idea if she's still in auto rejection. Have you missed an escalation window? Yes, you have. Is it game over? Not necessarily. You won't know without attempting. Also when you contact her you're not having to express warmth or sadness you're just reviving a dead lead.

Theres articles on the check in text and how to revive dead leads. I believe @DML posted a guide to reviving numbers in covid, it'll fit your purposes here.

I'd also suggest reading up on the auto rejection turn around. It's a fire fighting tool but it pays dividends while you're still learning. Always a useful tool to have cause you're going to make mistakes, everyone does.

A girl on the edge of my social circle reached out and contacted me on social media after we met once. I don't really bother much with it and didn't get the message until 2 month later, she was still warm and receptive when I responded.... don't leave it that long, it's just too show you that this stuff can work out dude

Thanks for the motivation dude, i was about to give up and now i will try tomorrow

 

[Toby2030]

@Zurb https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/use-corona-as-a-time-to-revive-dead-numbers.22905/

 

[Zurb]

UPDATE: My cousin gave me her number
I tried to set up a date, she was unavailable for this week-end, seeing a guy "friend". I guess i fucked up and missed my chance this one night.
I think one month was too late also.


Also, i said to let her know me when she is free as Chase advice on flaking subject, i'm not expecting something from it. I'm already on someone else. But i just wanna learn, is that was the right to say? I mean she didn't flake... she just didn't wanted to set up a date. She said she has lot of stuff this week-end and seeing this "friend"

Oh well, at least i learned a lot in the process and hopfully i will learn from this too

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Zurb dude! Personally I wouldn't say let me know when you are free here because she hasn't flaked. The reason this works better with a flake is she's previously agreed to meet and so you apply social pressure and put the ball in her court. This scenario was an objection/rejection and saying let me know when you're free sub communicates you're waiting for her and that she's valuable to you. It's not a total disaster, it's not a bad way to handle the rejection but I feel it sets a weak frame.

Without your text exchange I'm unsure if you went for a hard close straight away here which could prompt a knee jerk rejection, if she's objected to a soft close telling you she's busy it's not a flat out rejection and this can be reframed and reworked.

I'd have replied with something like that's a bummer, we'd have had fun! This indicates you're fun, you're a little disappointed that you can't meet but you're cool with it. It seeds it better if you reengage later. She might have even replied to this agreeing it would be fun and you've framed it much better already.

 

[Zurb]

@Fluxcapacitor So you mean i fucked up even more? ahah oh damn.
Is there a way to coming back from that?

Yes dude same. Just message her "Hey (Name), i've been very busy lately, but i definitely enjoyed when we were together last time. It would be cool to get together again, when are you free?"

I pretty much used this sentence
Stuff went like that
- Hey Sara, how you doing since last month?
- She answered some usual shit
-I've definetly enjoyed when were together last time and when we talked about music
- She pretty much agreed
- It would be cool to get together again and do that again at [famous bar around the city], are you free this week-end?
- She basically said sorry i'm busy this week-end, friday i'm with my parents, saturday i'm seeing a friend (male) and sunday i'm with my daughter
Then i said what i said earlier.

Is there a way to comeback from this? how to reframe and rework?
Yeah i agree, i should have said that but, i'm still new to dating and i have a lot to learn, i was married for 13 years i was a fucking teen/young adult last time i did stuff like that!

Quick question: Lot of PUA says that if a woman is somewhat interested, she will find a way to agree on a date, OR propose for another day
So she wasn't interested?

 

[Skjöldr]

@Fluxcapacitor So you mean i fucked up even more? ahah oh damn.
Is there a way to coming back from that?



I pretty much used this sentence
Stuff went like that
- Hey Sara, how you doing since last month?
- She answered some usual shit
-I've definetly enjoyed when were together last time and when we talked about music
- She pretty much agreed
- It would be cool to get together again and do that again at [famous bar around the city], are you free this week-end?
- She basically said sorry i'm busy this week-end, friday i'm with my parents, saturday i'm seeing a friend (male) and sunday i'm with my daughter
Then i said what i said earlier.

Is there a way to comeback from this? how to reframe and rework?
Yeah i agree, i should have said that but, i'm still new to dating and i have a lot to learn, i was married for 13 years i was a fucking teen/young adult last time i did stuff like that!

Quick question: Lot of PUA says that if a woman is somewhat interested, she will find a way to agree on a date, OR propose for another day
So she wasn't interested?

Probably a sign of low interest. Say to her "Ah, bummer :/. Have a nice weekend!" And hit her up next week and try again and if it doesn't work, forget it.

 

[Zurb]

Probably a sign of low interest. Say to her "Ah, bummer :/. Have a nice weekend!" And hit her up next week and try again and if it doesn't work, forget it.

You mean i should said that right now?
Right after asking her to let me know when she's free? isn't that sound weird?

Anyway if anyone know how i can comeback from this, i'm happy know