- Joined
- Feb 2, 2019
- Messages
- 109
Some personal background
I devoted a huge chunk of the past 3 years (and a little before that) of my life to dating and seduction. I've spent a lot of time trying out new things, exploring, and trying to optimize different parts of my dating life. I've slept with over 150 women now, and there are only a few new things left that I'm still curious about exploring/chasing.
I've had so much fun doing this and having all the crazy experiences. Many of the most exciting and memorable experiences of my life come from this sphere, and I've invested so much in this area that it's become part of who I am.
I ended up leaving a very prestigious/competitive/coveted position/career path to chase this obsession. Over the past few years, I've reinvented myself and made girls/dating/social pursuits as possibly my biggest priority and reorganized my life direction around that. Because nothing else had given me quite the same level of personal excitement and fulfillment as this form of self-development. In a nutshell, my plan has been to spend my early-mid 30's going really hard at social circle goals and trying to build the most fun and insane lifestyle I can while I still have the energy and drive to pursue such things.
Are my feelings changing?
However, recently, sleeping with new girls has been feeling more and more empty. I used to enjoy sex with new girls so much, but now I just don't care half the time and feel like I'm just going through the motions. Even after taking a break from pickup for 6 months, it's still not the same. I find myself often enjoying the challenge of game more than the actual end result. I have more fun bringing a bunch of female friends out to clubs and dancing together, than actually having sex with one of them at the end of the night. Sometimes it's still great, but my standards have risen a lot for what I enjoy, and I have experiences with girls that I would have loved 3 years ago, that just feel ok now. I still enjoy things like improving and practicing my game or fitness/fashion/social media stuff or working on social circle things. But I find my motivation for bedding girls not as strong and it has me really questioning the fact that I've made these things such a priority. But I don't even know what would take its place at this point either.
I recently ended a long-distance relationship that I was in. I actually really wanted to try out being in a relationship again, but she lives in Asia on the opposite side of the world. I would like to move there anyways even if I wasn't with her and have been trying to build up my career situation to make the move. Breaking things off has been really painful. I love the girl a lot, and she's perfect in certain ways (the most loving, giving, pure-hearted girl you could imagine who'd do anything for me). It still hurts me so much to see her hurt and see what this has done to her. Being with her has made me wonder if I might be happier in a relationship than continuing with sleeping around. If we were together, I could just try it out, but making her wait for me any longer just does not feel fair, since I'm worried I'd just get bored and want to chase new girls again. I am scared that I won't find another girl as great as her however, as she's really special, and it took me well over 100 women to find her. I really can't imagine being in a relationship with most other girls, and when I hear other people talk about their relationship difficulties it just makes me think "holy shit, I would never put up with this, I am so spoiled." I feel like she's the closest to the perfect partner for me that I've found.
I do love being in relationships and have been faithful for long periods of time before, but I also love sleeping around. I really don't know the best way to reconcile these two things. The girls I'm usually most drawn to for relationships haven't been the type that I could have something open with. And I'm not really convinced that's a cure-all solution either. My past choices might make me sound like a huge novelty-driven player type person, but I don't really feel like that describes me that well. I think I can also be a great partner in relationships even if I do like my space and can be a bit inattentive sometimes. At the same time, the idea of never having a new girl again feels so stifling. It's closing the door on so many adventures and possibilities. Even though I'd be fine with continuing to not sleep with new girls and focus on other things for a while.
I wonder if casual sex will eventually become even more empty until I just don't feel it's worth it anymore. But I also can't imagine being in a monogamous relationship without getting bored. I lose sex drive for the same girl after a while. I could try to have a serious open relationship at some point, though I have doubts about that too.
What is this post even about?
I don't expect that anyone here can tell me what's the best path for me, or give me some definitive answer to my doubts. But I really want to hear from other people who have had similar thoughts and how things worked out for them. There's very few people I can talk about this issue with that would understand it at all of course. What ended up being the most fulfilling direction for you? Do you go back and forth between relationships and pickup? Did relationships become more appealing when you got older and life circumstances changed? Are new girls just too fun for you to ever give it up?
I devoted a huge chunk of the past 3 years (and a little before that) of my life to dating and seduction. I've spent a lot of time trying out new things, exploring, and trying to optimize different parts of my dating life. I've slept with over 150 women now, and there are only a few new things left that I'm still curious about exploring/chasing.
I've had so much fun doing this and having all the crazy experiences. Many of the most exciting and memorable experiences of my life come from this sphere, and I've invested so much in this area that it's become part of who I am.
I ended up leaving a very prestigious/competitive/coveted position/career path to chase this obsession. Over the past few years, I've reinvented myself and made girls/dating/social pursuits as possibly my biggest priority and reorganized my life direction around that. Because nothing else had given me quite the same level of personal excitement and fulfillment as this form of self-development. In a nutshell, my plan has been to spend my early-mid 30's going really hard at social circle goals and trying to build the most fun and insane lifestyle I can while I still have the energy and drive to pursue such things.
Are my feelings changing?
However, recently, sleeping with new girls has been feeling more and more empty. I used to enjoy sex with new girls so much, but now I just don't care half the time and feel like I'm just going through the motions. Even after taking a break from pickup for 6 months, it's still not the same. I find myself often enjoying the challenge of game more than the actual end result. I have more fun bringing a bunch of female friends out to clubs and dancing together, than actually having sex with one of them at the end of the night. Sometimes it's still great, but my standards have risen a lot for what I enjoy, and I have experiences with girls that I would have loved 3 years ago, that just feel ok now. I still enjoy things like improving and practicing my game or fitness/fashion/social media stuff or working on social circle things. But I find my motivation for bedding girls not as strong and it has me really questioning the fact that I've made these things such a priority. But I don't even know what would take its place at this point either.
I recently ended a long-distance relationship that I was in. I actually really wanted to try out being in a relationship again, but she lives in Asia on the opposite side of the world. I would like to move there anyways even if I wasn't with her and have been trying to build up my career situation to make the move. Breaking things off has been really painful. I love the girl a lot, and she's perfect in certain ways (the most loving, giving, pure-hearted girl you could imagine who'd do anything for me). It still hurts me so much to see her hurt and see what this has done to her. Being with her has made me wonder if I might be happier in a relationship than continuing with sleeping around. If we were together, I could just try it out, but making her wait for me any longer just does not feel fair, since I'm worried I'd just get bored and want to chase new girls again. I am scared that I won't find another girl as great as her however, as she's really special, and it took me well over 100 women to find her. I really can't imagine being in a relationship with most other girls, and when I hear other people talk about their relationship difficulties it just makes me think "holy shit, I would never put up with this, I am so spoiled." I feel like she's the closest to the perfect partner for me that I've found.
I do love being in relationships and have been faithful for long periods of time before, but I also love sleeping around. I really don't know the best way to reconcile these two things. The girls I'm usually most drawn to for relationships haven't been the type that I could have something open with. And I'm not really convinced that's a cure-all solution either. My past choices might make me sound like a huge novelty-driven player type person, but I don't really feel like that describes me that well. I think I can also be a great partner in relationships even if I do like my space and can be a bit inattentive sometimes. At the same time, the idea of never having a new girl again feels so stifling. It's closing the door on so many adventures and possibilities. Even though I'd be fine with continuing to not sleep with new girls and focus on other things for a while.
I wonder if casual sex will eventually become even more empty until I just don't feel it's worth it anymore. But I also can't imagine being in a monogamous relationship without getting bored. I lose sex drive for the same girl after a while. I could try to have a serious open relationship at some point, though I have doubts about that too.
What is this post even about?
I don't expect that anyone here can tell me what's the best path for me, or give me some definitive answer to my doubts. But I really want to hear from other people who have had similar thoughts and how things worked out for them. There's very few people I can talk about this issue with that would understand it at all of course. What ended up being the most fulfilling direction for you? Do you go back and forth between relationships and pickup? Did relationships become more appealing when you got older and life circumstances changed? Are new girls just too fun for you to ever give it up?
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