Moved fast and didn't work, how to proceed when there is still a chance

[journeyman]

Guys I thought I would ask for some experienced advice because I am clueless as how to move from here. There is this girl that I went out with a few months ago, you can read the FR here. Short version is that we went out on a date, pulled her back to mine, made out but she left ubruptly. Then she flaked on me on the next date, then I dropped the ball in her court and she came back to me. We went out again but just for food and walking I didn't escalate on anything just vibed with her. Then she flaked again the next time and I just dropped. I feel like we had been playing cat and mouse but it occured it to me that it's unfinished business so coming to now, I shot her a text to reconnect and she agreed.

We went out for a drink yesterday, when she came she sat very close to me and we had a super bubble going on, just talking close to each other with great eye contact. She asked me where have I been all this time which I found amusing because she was flaking on me. Thing is logistics was terrible, I wasn't using sexy convo (still struggling with that) and she mentioned that she has to go out with her friend later so I didn't try to pull. But we had a good time and then when I walked her back to her friend's and we made out outside.

All in all, she is super hot and classy, I like her so I want to fuck her even if it takes time and effort. Do you think this is bad right off the bat? I realize I might get more and more invested moving slowly but I think I can handle it.

- I enjoy hanging out with her. Should I just keep going out with her until we reach her ideal number of dates where she logically decides to have sex with me and pull me? (That sounds so wrong on a seduction forum lol).

- Should I assume that we've gone out enough and try to get her to my place to cook or watch a movie, running the danger of her refusing and setting up some more negative compliance?

- In any case how long should I wait to text her? I have a good idea about texts post first date or post sex but after 3 dates what's the balance between avoid being needy and her going cold?

-Maybe I am just fooling myself and it's a lost case already and nothing is gonna come out of it? To me that seems improbable but I can't get a read on her, she confuses me with her behavior.

Thank for reading

 

[ray_zorse]

It's a tough one.

I think the first thing to drill into your mind is that failed escalations wreck everything, it gets into pretty unpredictable territory from there. You might get her, sure, but it's going to be unreliable at best. Whereas if you are totally process oriented, and you do your process from start to finish with a new girl, it's more predictable.

So I think given that, the name of the game at this stage is just enjoy hanging out with her, and be flexible as to where to take it from here. I also feel like you may have disqualified yourself as a lover due to the failed escalation, so date compression may well be the ticket. See this article. Just be careful to grab your windows, you don't want to get so hung up on your plan that you move too slowly haha.

The other thing that's happened is that by dropping her for a while, you've effectively told her you won't chase, and this has upped your value. On the other hand, you were the one who reached out to her again this time, so that cancels the effect somewhat. But I think it's very important to keep this NON chasey, or you lose everything you've gained! Allow yourself a maximum of one message before she replies to you. Also, keep the messages very short, definitely shorter than hers. Be very cautious about replying to anything she says, if a reply isn't ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY don't reply, and make sure your message in turn invites a reply.

As to your question about easy date, that's another tough one. On the one hand: you're not sure where she stands, so asking for a lot of compliance and dumping her if she doesn't comply, would normally be a good idea (this is what I'd do if I felt she was dicking me around and wasn't high enough value to justify the effort of dating her, i.e. I'm only interested in fast sex and possible FWB with her). On the other hand, she does seem somewhat warm to you, and you're willing to invest the time, so it would be a waste to scare her away at this point. Especially since you already made out with her, she will know what's up, i.e. isolation = sex. Unfortunately all the tension is gone, she's not thinking "OMG what is he going to do! Will he make a move?! OMG does he like me?? Can I get this guy?!" which makes your task a lot harder since women are emotionally driven and need their emotions on a high point to have sex. It would be much more subtle and badass to set up something near your home, and PULL her. This will keep her guessing as to your intentions, and allow you to build more attraction and connection and monitor her emotions and pull at a high point.

Ray

 

[journeyman]

@ray thanks man that's a wealth of information. I dig the idea of date compression although I think with her it might not go as planned because the recurring theme every time we hang out is that she has something planned for afterwards. For example, dinner with friends or having to do a chore, she spends only a specific amount of time with me.

I guess I will text her tomorrow, after 4 days, with a bare minimum text about meeting up soon and take it from there. If she gives me vague plans I will leave the ball in her court again as I've done before and it worked. Truth is I am starting to get bored and tired of this whole cat and mouse thing but she is hands down the best quality girl I've met so I'd rather burn it to the ground before dropping her.