My experience tonight

[qlearner]

Hello everyone, it's almost two o'clock in the night and I'm even a little surprised I'm writing this thing down, however I really need to get it out of my system. I would have liked my first post to be about the first day of the newbie assignment for example, but if this is the way it has to be I guess I'm okay with it. Anyway, here it goes.

Today was sort of a special date, it's the last day of school here were I live and everybody is going home for the Christmas holydays, and when I say everybody I mean everybody (so long as they're studying or working at any school, high school or university) is going on vacation.

So, as this was the last day of work/class before Christmas, me and some friends of mine I've met during my degree (I've already graduated in IT and this is my first year after, so I'm doing a Master's degree now) talked about getting together today, and this was a thing since two or three weeks ago.

Now, in this group of friends, partly because of the environment but I'm not going to discuss that here, there were just two girls at first just to make it down to one a year ago or so. In addition to this, the girl that was still hanging out with us already had a boyfriend, and they had been together for a long time, so I never was really targetting her because of that. However, these last months I've been texting her back and forth and we've hung out a couple of times (not always alone unfortunately), so I made up my mind and told me: "Okay man, today is the day, the thing is going really well and you just have to keep going on".

Truth be told, at this point there were still all of us in there hanging out at a bar or a cafe and I didn't really know how to do it in "real life", I hope I'm making some sense here. Be free not to understand it, if that is the case I'll try to explain other way.

So, we kept going through the night and when we were already coming back home, I started panicking a little bit - well, actually A LOT. I know it's normal because in the end I'm not anything but a tryharding beginner, but I almost couldn't hold it anymore. Nevertheless, I was able to get her take me from and to my place in her car, so there we were, the two of us in their car, I guess feeling a lot of tension but having an almost normal conversation between two friends.

Finally, we arrived and my place and she dropped me off, I kissed her goodbye in the cheek and went through the door of my house. And as I was walking up the stairs and I had just walked up three or four stairs, I suddenly stopped and began to question myself and all the decisions I made (and didn't make) so, in a desperate attempt to fix the situation, I texted her if she could turn around and get back, and guess what, she did. She fu**ing did. So then I told myself: "This is it, no more excuses. You're going to go to that girl and tell her everything you've been wondering about, and then kiss her when the moment is right".

Eventually, I ended up making out with her a couple times while having a walk in my neighbourhood and while also speaking about our feelings and about the situation itself. It definitely wasn't one of my best conversations so far, not only with women but in general, I felt like I didn't really know what I wanted to say and that overall my message-transmitting skill dropped to a level I hadn't experienced in a long time. In the end, she told me she had to go even after telling me that she felt really horny, you know, boyfriend-related issues and everything.

I know what some of you're thinking: "Well, you should have pushed a little bit further and she would have fallen into your hands", but I really mean it when I say I was trying my best and that at that specific moment I couldn't think of anything that could result in an even better scenario, if you know what I mean.

And just like that, she got up on her car and went home. I'm currently texting her (not sure if it's a good thing or not, but right now is what I feel like doing anyway) but just because she texted me first when she got home, and I'm filled with lots of different emotions.

First of all, I'm proud I finally made up my mind to actually do something, even though I already missed several windows of acting.

Second of all, I'm scared but also excited about what is going to happen, I don't have a clue but I'm decided to go all the way until the end.

And third of all, I feel a little bit bad with myself: I'm having trouble deciding whether what I did was right or not (she still has a boyfriend, though she actually told she has already though about leaving him, all of that without anything having to do with me), because I recognize she is not the only target I'm going to be firing at in the following weeks, but at the same time I do want to be with her, at least until I discover a good reason to (or not to) start a relationship with her.

So this has been my experience tonight, I hope my feelings, actions and situations I was in are relatable to at least some of you, and I just want to thank everybody in the forums and in the main page for their knowledge, it has really been of help to me. I really would like to have some of your opinions here, whether they are to say you felt like that sometime, to appreciate my first steps in this exciting new world that is seducing girls or to beat me for poorly executed actions, or even worse, never executed actions. I'm really looking forward to your answers.

With best regards,
qlearner

P.S.: English is not my first language, so excuse me for any grammar or vocabulary incoherences.

 

[Cody Lyans]

Ok, so the first step is to just relax. Don't make this situation bigger than it needs to be or start making declarations of how far you are willing to go to make it work out. Just... relax.
Things like this HAPPEN, you just need to not get too rattled or shook up by it. You take a breather, get a drink, and slow your thought processes down. Because while this girl absolutely came back to make out with you, the truth is that its because you were nervous, and she felt like it would be a closing window of opportunity not to say yes. In essence you "good girl" prized yourself, or, were innocent in a way she found appealing.

That same approach won't keep working for long. So don't put yourself in a position to take a big fall. The reason being, there are like five ways this is going to fall apart
- she likes the high in the moment but keeps finding highs elsewhere too, gets distracted and wanders off
- she thinks on the bf and says "oh Im choosing to do xyz"
- she tries to trap you into something, you buy into it, she then loses interest eventually
- you keep acting innocent and she thinks "bah, this guy isn't going to give me what I thought he could"
- you switch your game up and the girl thinks "oh this isn't what I thought, I'm out"

Likely all of them are buzzing in her head, none of them are the option of "just be relaxed and see where it goes"
So that is the one you have to inject to neutralise all this stuff
But to do that you need to be more consistent in the kind of high you deliver, you need to dethrone her discussion of bf stuff, you need to remain lucid and flexible about relationship plans and don't commit based on nothing, you need to show a bit of a sensual side, and you need to accurately assess what she likes about you

Chances are, you muck it up
Thats ok
Thats why I say, just relax
Chances are better that way, and the reaction to failure will be more in line with what a skilled seducer would do

 

[qlearner]

Thanks for your response Cody, I really appreciate the time you took to write it as it has very good advice. I definitely needed to relax, but was so thrilled at the moment that the idea of doing so didn't even cross my mind. I'm a little bit more relaxed after I read your answer, and will try to keep it that way; however, the events didn't turn out so bad in the past few days. Let me explain myself.

So all I wrote happened on a Friday night, and I woke up the next day having to drive for almost two hours to get back to my parent's house (for Christmas you know). When I finally arrived, I took my phone and started going over the texts I couldn't read while I was driving, surprisingly enough to find that she had already texted me.

First of all, I have to say that I don't really know if I am in control of the situation, because she told me that she talked to her boyfriend that day before and told him they should take some time. Thing is, my mind keeps going over things like: is this because she likes me a lot? is it because she felt guilty for not going all the way the other time? or is it just that she isn't getting what she wants out of her boyfriend and just wants to get out of her relationship?

I know this doesn't sound relaxing at all - and it isn't, but I can't help think about that from time to time. Anyway, I kept talking to her the whole Saturday afternoon and it turned out great, as she began to take a bath and the intensity of the conversation kept going up. In the end I somehow (managed to?) got her to promise me she would go to bed with me at least once (pity for the other time? or attraction?), no matter what happened between her and her boyfriend.

At this point, I thought: "hell, I may miss a great opportunity (if I haven't already missed it) if I don't make a move now", so in Sunday I texted her and invited her to a date the next day. I didn't really propose any kind of plan, I just asked her if she wanted to hang out and she agreed. At this time I made a commitment, as I took the road for another hour and a half to get to the other city (the one I'm staying and working at) to meet her (she had to drive for half an hour too to meet me, though). The only thought that made me do that was the fear of letting the little flame I got to burn run out of fuel, so I didn't want things to cool off.

Nevertheless, I felt a lot more relaxed and easy-going during this date, and my mind didn't rush so much, so the interaction was smoother. Yes, it could have been professional-smooth, but it turned out really well, as I eventually went to bed with her that day. I even consider I did a good job satisfying her, as it is very important as I have read around the forums and the blog. I'm saying this because she told me she expected a worse experience, so it took her by surprise and I suppose that maybe made her experience a more intense feeling in comparison to what she expected.

Take this with a grain of salt, though, as I have to say it was my first time and don't want to let the feeling that I'm good in bed sink so early on because I have the feeling it can end in disaster. So what I really think is that it was a combination of enthusiasm, surprise-factor and, most importantly, the fact that she told me she had had a crush on me for months.

Now this has really got me thinking, because if that's true - and I have proof to say it is - then that means a lot of the success during the process could have been because of that, and not due to my seducing skills (hence the success, I guess, as I'm not quite skilled yet). This is the reason I think I'm not in control of the situation as I said before, as it can just go to "I'm sorry, I really like my boyfriend, it was great being with you but it's over now", so I guess I have to prepare myself for that in order not to put myself in a bad situation regarding rejection.

Lastly, I have to express my concern about the following month, because while it is true that she is having a time from her relationship, his boyfriend talked to her and got her to give him (yet) another opportunity, and she told me that if things were going like before by the end of January, she would leave him for good. This is a really bad thing, as she's been with this guy for a long period of time (4+ years at least, I think) and they know each other families, etc, etc. Another bad thing is I've felt a cold ending to a conversation today - it may just be me, but I will have that into account for the following interactions.

So my thoughts now are more like "do I try to persuade her not to get back to him? or should I let her decide who she wants the best without interfering?". I guess I should focus on my goals - getting laid and becoming a better seducer - but the thought of a relationship with her is slowly sinking in my mind. Another thing to relax about I suppose.

I just really don't know whether I should make a move now or wait or just stop thinking and second-guessing myself and "let her go". But I have to say I hate the thought of having another man - her boyfriend - being the one trying to seduce her for a whole month, but I'm almost sure she's doing this out of a mix of pity, regret and level of investment with the guy. Not that it's illogical (on the contrary, it's something very logical in my opinion), but again I might be just overthinking this stuff too much.

After the half page I wrote, which I appreciate all of you who read it completely, I'd also like to ask you about a couple things you mention in your post. Specifically, I would like to know some more about leading her towards not-boyfriend thoughts and about assessing what she likes about me. It would be really fantastic if someone could provide some insights on this matter, as I'm finding that the most difficult at the moment.

To finish the post, I'll say I think I'm going to go with the "just be relaxed and see where it goes" mindset because I really feel like it's the best one for this situation and also because I have the feeling I'll be more comfortable thinking that way, which will eventually makes things smoother and less cold.