FR My first (of many, I'm sure) field report.

[Fan7as7icMrFox]

OK, so here it comes, my first field report, needless to say I made countless errors and may have screwed up totally but hey, its all in the name of science and learning, right!? ANY input and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated.

Sunday, me and a friend took a drive into central London to deliver my friends girls phone to the coffee shop where she works and to get a free bite whilst we're there..

We'd been there a few minutes and had just settled indoors with our coffee's when this cute brunette walks in, I noticed her look over at me out of the corner of my eye and slowly looked round to initiate eye contact, with a slow spreading, slight smile only on one side of my face, she smiled back, looked at the floor then back up to re-engage eye contact, at this point my friend was talking to I turned back to face him..

Just before she left the coffee shop I told my friend I was going to sit outside in the sun and have a cigarette, and that he was to join me out there, at this point she left a few steps ahead of me and took a seat outside in the corner by herself, I positioned myself at the table next to her and set down my things.

at this point I knew I had to open (something I've not done in years, having always been either in long term relationships or suffering too much from AA) so came out with the lamest opener ever, "hey, could you pass me the sugar?" its almost cringe-worthy, but it worked, from there I could ask a little about her and got the conversation moving.

a few minutes later my friend joined me so I felt I had to bring him into the conversation, which I did, this was probably mistake number one!

after building some rapport and diving a few topics, I found out she had the day off so invited her to the park up the road with us, she jumped at the chance and the three of us (yeah, made things difficult for myself) went of to chill in the sun.

We sat and relaxed for a while, she shared a 'smoke' with me but my friend didn't shut up and held most of the conversation, I couldn't be bothered to and didn't think it smart to try and steal the conversation back, I figured I'd sit back, let him do the hard work and focus more on my non-verbals.
It was mentioned she had the next day free and we all arranged to meet up for dinner, my friend received a phone call so I took the chance to exchange numbers so we could reconvene the following day.
we walked back to the coffee shop where I was parked and she lived just around the corner, said goodbye and before I could get on my bike, I'd received a text saying it was great to meet "us" and we "all" should do the same again soon. at this point I wasn't sure if she was into me or just interested in making friends with the whole group.

I didn't reply until later that night (after putting up a facebook status about the day and it being fun to chill with randomers), almost instantly I received a reply (in hindsight, I've already missed around 3 instances where she almost blatantly told me she was interested, that's a lack of confidence and experience for you!) she basically said "if I'm a randomer, its your fault, you stranger" now a few months ago I'd have thought "Idiot, you've blown it!" but I thought I'd have some fun with it and replied with "you're facebook stalking me?!" figured it'd make a good chase frame without falling into the shit test, anyway we exchanged a few messages and I told her my friends wouldn't be around until evening but we should meet up early and they'd catch up with us later, she agreed and we arranged a time.

we met the following day, I was 10 minutes late (intentionally, woops! ) and by the time I'd arrived, I'd had a text and a missed call. we went to the same park, as we walked I used more protective touch etc and kept the conversation light. we got the the park and shared another one of her 'smoke's' and after half an hour of chatting, some occasional touching I told her I wanted a cuppa and we should move to a coffee house, when we got there, she brought my coffee and we sat and spoke for 5 minutes, then I moved her back to where we were sat before. a little while later my friend rang to say he was on his way to meet his girl from work and that we'd all meet up, at this point, she suggested we go back to my place (I live with my friend and his girl) and have dinner there. this was a big neon sign and yet I still "wasn't sure" if she was into me or not, she'd been saying I was a very touchy person and she wasn't used to it, she couldn't have someone she'd only met the day before touch her like that etc..

so I drove my bike home and her and my friends girl spent the next hour and a half getting the bus back, after visiting the supermarket where she brought all the food.

we had dinner but my friends wouldn't really leave the two of us alone and I wasn't sure on her intentions so I refrained from escalating (she's a cool girl and I'm new to the area, I thought it might be better to play it safe and keep her as a mate if that's all she's interested in than risk trying to kiss her and repelling her away all together, DUMB DUMB DUMB!!) the long and short of it is she spent the night here, on the sofa and chilled for most of yesterday, watching TV and playing XBOX. I had escalated touch to a few cuddles etc, she covered my eyes with her hand at one point and kissed my forehead, which AGAIN, I dismissed as friendly at the time, seriously what was I thinking!? as she left I walked her to the bus stop (she didn't know where it was otherwise I'd have stayed on the sofa lol, I'd given up by this point, thinking she was only interested in friends and the bad advice of my friend, whos current girl is his ONLY girl! note to self, ignore his advice in future!) as her bus arrived she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. texting me an hour later to say she was home.

So, out of all of this, the stuff I can remember and be bothered to write down, trying to refrain from a TLR, how many IOI's and escalation windows did I miss?! too many I'm sure, and although this was only yesterday, I've not received a reply as of yet, what are the chances of her getting back to me, I'm thinking around 0% lol.

TBH I'm not beating myself up about it, I think it was a success considering its my first approach since 2010 and its helped me get over the AA, it was far easier to do than I thought it'd be once I'd thrown myself out there and just decided to "do it!" and you learn from every experience, this is the first of many failures I'm sure, but IMO, still a step in the right direction.

Any advice or comments will be warmly received!

Until next time, Cheers guys!

 

[Intimidator]

Re: My first (of many, I'm sure) field report.

You mentioned you likely missed some escalation windows and weren't aggressive enough, and based on your story I tend to agree. The trick is having the confidence to act even if you're not 100% certain, which can be easier said than done when you're not that experienced. I recommend putting yourself in a mindset (with this girl and every other) where you assume she wants you until proven otherwise. I used to be fearful of how a girl would react if I was aggressive and it turned out she wasn't interested, but I've learned two things: (1) being aggressive makes her more likely to be interested in the first place, and perhaps most importantly (2) if you make a move that's she not expecting or not ready for, it's not really a big deal. No girl will be mad at you for trying to kiss her. The worst that will happen is she'll stop you and get a little awkward (very rare), but the girl that does that you never had a shot with anyway. It's really a no-lose situation.

It's similar the old adage: it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. Assume she wants you and if she doesn't, you move on to a hotter girl.