My girlfriend loves me more than I love her... so what's the problem you might say

[Jibri]

Hello, my name is Jibri.

I've been dating my girlfriend, coming up to be a year now. She confessed to me, a while ago, that she feels like I don't love her as much as she loves me, though I tell her I love her. I've been reading and studying Girlschase articles in regards to love and relationships. To my understanding, the right dynamic is for my girlfriend to not be in control, thus crazily in love with me. If she feels like she has me, and I'm no longer a challenge, the game is over. She loses attraction and respect for me while going to find another guy more interesting.

She explained that it's subtle things that will indicate she is loved by someone. I was baffled, and confused. Feel free to shed some light on this situation.

 

[Bastian]

Hey Jibri! Welcome to the forums, bro

Maybe this article by Chase can help you. It's about a theory called Love Languages, where people have different ways to not only express, but feel love as well.

She explained that it's subtle things that will indicate she is loved by someone.

I haven't been in a long-term relationship before. But I pay eyes and ears to the friends & people around me. In fact, my only quasi-relationship I lost partly because of this.

You are right in that the right dynamic is to have your girlfriend completely enraptured by you. But this situation you have with your girlfriend, this is different from that.

Your girlfriend seems to be losing attraction for you. Remember, one of the things women live and die for is to feel cherished. Which is what she means "it's the little things".

I take that as her wanting you to be a little more traditionally romantic.

How does she act with you?
This gives me and other members a better baseline about her behavior to give you better advice.

Do you randomly text her through the day?
Just to tell her you thought about her?

That's one idea. Just send 3 kissing emojis like the one on the link.
Leave a note about her, wishing her a wonderful day, before you leave for work.
While you're hanging out, fuck her right then and there. Don't even make it to the bedroom.
While you guys are busy doing something, spin her around, kiss her, look deep into her eyes and tell her "You're beautiful"

These are just advice, they have to be congruent with your personality.

Like I said, we don't know if you do these things already, so please
Describe your relationship

It just seems like she feels overlooked.

In my case I was too cold towards my girl, because I was intimidated by her. She didn't know it; in fact, she screamed & hid behind a wall the first time I visited her!!! But my text-game was non-existent at the time and she ended up blowing up at me. Said I thought of her as a piece of meat.


Now as for the difference between love and really like.

When I love someone, I want to protect her. Help her conquer the Heavens themselves. And most of all, a deep electricity -- I can only describe as fucking my soul into her. Like part of me wants to lose control.

Really like someone? They're more of a friend I wanna fuck.

My 2c
I don't know if we all experience love in similar but distinct ways

 

[Jibri]

Hey Jibri! Welcome to the forums, bro

Maybe this article by Chase can help you. It's about a theory called Love Languages, where people have different ways to not only express, but feel love as well.


I haven't been in a long-term relationship before. But I pay eyes and ears to the friends & people around me. In fact, my only quasi-relationship I lost partly because of this.

You are right in that the right dynamic is to have your girlfriend completely enraptured by you. But this situation you have with your girlfriend, this is different from that.

Your girlfriend seems to be losing attraction for you. Remember, one of the things women live and die for is to feel cherished. Which is what she means "it's the little things".

I take that as her wanting you to be a little more traditionally romantic.

How does she act with you?
This gives me and other members a better baseline about her behavior to give you better advice.

Do you randomly text her through the day?
Just to tell her you thought about her?

That's one idea. Just send 3 kissing emojis like the one on the link.
Leave a note about her, wishing her a wonderful day, before you leave for work.
While you're hanging out, fuck her right then and there. Don't even make it to the bedroom.
While you guys are busy doing something, spin her around, kiss her, look deep into her eyes and tell her "You're beautiful"

These are just advice, they have to be congruent with your personality.

Like I said, we don't know if you do these things already, so please
Describe your relationship

It just seems like she feels overlooked.

In my case I was too cold towards my girl, because I was intimidated by her. She didn't know it; in fact, she screamed & hid behind a wall the first time I visited her!!! But my text-game was non-existent at the time and she ended up blowing up at me. Said I thought of her as a piece of meat.


Now as for the difference between love and really like.

When I love someone, I want to protect her. Help her conquer the Heavens themselves. And most of all, a deep electricity -- I can only describe as fucking my soul into her. Like part of me wants to lose control.

Really like someone? They're more of a friend I wanna fuck.

My 2c
I don't know if we all experience love in similar but distinct ways

Hey and thanks bro! I appreciate your willingness to help and advice.

Our relationship does seem a bit one-sided. We’re in a long distance relationship, about 4 ½ hours apart. It’s been long distance since last summer when we met. I have traveled to see her three times within our time being together. Otherwise, we manage by phone calls / text message every day, watching movies together (through the phone and two Netflix accounts), and FaceTime every now and then. She consistently (day-by-day) does the following:
She frequently gives me kisses over the phone
She tags me in interesting things on Facebook
She tells me she misses me
She calls me
She tells me she loves me
She told me (a few times or when I asked) she sees me in her future
She told her family she’s going to marry me
She tells me how sexy and fine I am
She created a Hulu, Netflix, and Fandango account for me so we can watch movies together
She bragged about me to her family and everyone else
She kisses me willingly when we’re in person
She expresses how she so much wants to cuddle (snuggle she calls it) with me
She nicknamed me Bri Bri and never calls me by my government name
She bought me a movie ticket for my birthday
She supports my goals and dreams
She told me I’m 100% her type (though I believe she told me what she knew I wanted to hear)
She’s almost always excited to talk with me and is very expressive about it
She’s very straightforward and honest to me about everything (but I’m still struggling with not taking what women say at face value)
She has told me EVERYTHING about her (so she claims) things she said her family and closest friend doesn’t know about her.

She’s what I believe Chase described in his article as the Shy, Excited Girl, or at least, a Club Queen. Basically, she does a lot to show me how much she cares. This girl LOVES me and expressed it EVERY SINGLE DAY since we met last summer. She almost always initiates those things. How do I respond? I go almost whole day without texting / calling her. I let her text / call me first. I may not respond until she tried to reach me 2 or 3 times. I tell her I love her and flirt with her quite a bit. I tell her I appreciate certain things about her and things she does. In response to my flirting, she frequently jokes if I want a Maserati or something then she’ll get me one. I take that as her enjoying my flirting. I let her do most of the talking and do my best to listen. I compliment her sometimes. But lately I have been trying too hard to be sexual (she confronted me on that earlier this evening, saying I’m always horny and saying it’s causing a disconnect between us, and saying she doesn’t believe I’m genuine / sincere about the sexual things I say), expressing how I feel about her too much, trying hard to build a connection and create relatability by constantly rephrasing how she feels or asking her how she feels every time she shares things that are happening to her in her life. I’ve realized these mistakes and know from now moving forward I need to chill and tone it down, and continue to practice and develop skill in the arts I'm learning through Girlschase. I also need to continue to inherit and practice the appropriate mindsets as well.

At one point, recently, she began to say I’m becoming her best friend and started mentioning me along her one best (male) friend. She said she never thought she would have I stupidly took that to mean I might be marrying my best friend in the future, not realizing what she was really communicating between the lines. Perhaps, she’s starting to see me as a platonic friend, rather than a lover.

Still, after all of this, she remains consistent in her affection and love.

As it relates to her loving me more than I’m loving her, she said she’s being patient to allow me time to grow into loving her. I believe she was rationalizing there.

In regards to Love Languages, she brought it up one time and told me her love language was to give gifts to others, which I’ve noticed she does with family and me, and reassurance is what she likes to receive, if I'm not mistaken.

 

[Bastian]

Wow

You'll get 1000x better advice with this kind of info. I'm thinking y'all go to college together, see each other a few times a week, or some shit like that. On the bright side, my parents are in a long distance relationship (step-father comes home every 2 - 3 months or so), but this is more of a recent development than the start of the relationship. What I can tell you is that they talk every single day in the same way your girlfriend talks to you.

That's fucking A!

And although the rest is above my pay grade. Like I said, I used to be horrible with texting/calling and it's still my weakest area.

HOWEVER, I've been meaning to send some cash to @Hector Papi Castillo. I follow his Insta and that nigga taught me how to text fo real.
I just haven't found a reason to justify it til now.

I sent him a message on Patreon. He'll contact you either here or privately through PM

Cause I have no fuckin clue about this and curious.

 

[ljrozz69]

Yo Jibri,

A possible reason for all this is that you are not having sex frequently -do you ever had sex with her?- this causes her to feel that you don't desire her and that makes her lose interest in your relationship.
If you want to keep the relationship you should aim for frequent good sex, I can't overstate this, along with emotions, it's the glue between the two of you.

In the case you can't have sex with her, let me tell you this: IME you can keep a girl interested in a distance relationship for about 3-4 months max (not having sex/seeing each other). After that the relationship will be never the same.
It may be better for you to move on in such case...

Klimax

 

[Jibri]

Yo Jibri,

A possible reason for all this is that you are not having sex frequently -do you ever had sex with her?- this causes her to feel that you don't desire her and that makes her lose interest in your relationship.
If you want to keep the relationship you should aim for frequent good sex, I can't overstate this, along with emotions, it's the glue between the two of you.

In the case you can't have sex with her, let me tell you this: IME you can keep a girl interested in a distance relationship for about 3-4 months max (not having sex/seeing each other). After that the relationship will be never the same.
It may be better for you to move on in such case...

Klimax

Yo Jibri,

A possible reason for all this is that you are not having sex frequently -do you ever had sex with her?- this causes her to feel that you don't desire her and that makes her lose interest in your relationship.
If you want to keep the relationship you should aim for frequent good sex, I can't overstate this, along with emotions, it's the glue between the two of you.

In the case you can't have sex with her, let me tell you this: IME you can keep a girl interested in a distance relationship for about 3-4 months max (not having sex/seeing each other). After that the relationship will be never the same.
It may be better for you to move on in such case...

Klimax

What about in the case of a seriously religious girl saving herself for marriage?

 

[ljrozz69]

Oh, so I was right...

Well, she still wants (regular good) sex, you just are going to face more resistance from her. So you have to reframe things in order to reduce resistance. You have to be discret and tell her that if you have sex it is something no one will ever know. Then if she tells you it is wrong tell her that there is a reason of why God gave humans genitals : to have sex. Recomfort her in the idea that it isnt a big deal. If it is her first time, you may also tell her that you will take care of her and be sweet while having sex and it is not going to hurt.
Proced as you try to have sex with her -make her as horny as you can (strong-eye contact, tease her, sexy caresses etc).

Once you have sex, make sure she have a great time! Then cuddle with her afterwards, talk about it etc...
Next time she is going to give you less resistance, and then, the time after even less.

Klimax

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Hey man! okay, yeah, you need to show her more affection.

It's good that at first you were a bit colder, but now that you're in a relationship, you need to show some more affection! Love the girl back man xD

Of course, if you see that your romance causes her to pull back, then ease it up.

Kinda treat it like a "push, pull."

More romantic -> she stays the same or even more, good

Even more romantic -> she stays the same, good

Even MORE romantic -> she starts to chill out, good, now you have balance, but maybe pull it back a LITTLE

Even MORE MORE romantic - >she REALLY chills out, okay maybe you're giving too much

You're taking the "don't let her HAVE me" philosophy a bit far haha. I'm SUPER romantic with my girl, but I always make sure she's equally or a LITTLE more romantic than me But if it's TOO much in her favor and she's WAY more loving than you, then it's kinda painful for her, and also she can start to pull back because she's not feeling loved in return and she might actually start to desire someone more romantic. It's better if shes crazy than if she's cold, but for the sake of her happiness and also maximized relationship connection, you'll actually get MORE love from her if you start to balance it out a LITTLE bit. Just a little. As you found out, she sees love through gifts. So start giving her some "gifts" but gifts can just mean "Hey babe, let's have a movie night tonight? What do you think? " But SLOWLY introduce this new love, don't just come out the gate too hard ya know? Slowly ramp it up and see how she starts to behave in response.

Also, wait, what does this mean

What about in the case of a seriously religious girl saving herself for marriage?

Are you guys not fucking?

There's NOTHING more "I love you' than shoving your dick deep into her pussy and bashing her cervix (lovingly).

you shouldn't be in a relationship with a girl you haven't had sex with yet, but if you still choose to stay with her until marraige comes, well, then still follow this advice.

Also, with long distance, you gotta see her 7-8days out of each month ideally and those 7-8 days are spent almost all together tomake up for being long distance.

4 Things Long-Distance Relationships Need to Not Fail

A long-distance relationship can work if it’s well-managed. Heed these four requirements and it could turn out to be the best relationship of your life. My first ever serious relationship had a pretty standard beginning. But, as I was soon to go off to college, this relatively new relationship...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Jibri]

Wow

You'll get 1000x better advice with this kind of info. I'm thinking y'all go to college together, see each other a few times a week, or some shit like that. On the bright side, my parents are in a long distance relationship (step-father comes home every 2 - 3 months or so), but this is more of a recent development than the start of the relationship. What I can tell you is that they talk every single day in the same way your girlfriend talks to you.

That's fucking A!

And although the rest is above my pay grade. Like I said, I used to be horrible with texting/calling and it's still my weakest area.

HOWEVER, I've been meaning to send some cash to @Hector Papi Castillo. I follow his Insta and that nigga taught me how to text fo real.
I just haven't found a reason to justify it til now.

I sent him a message on Patreon. He'll contact you either here or privately through PM

Cause I have no fuckin clue about this and curious.

Bastian, bro, thank you for your helpful advice! I also appreciate you passing forward my issue to Hector. Hector is mind blowing and a brilliant guy whom I admire. What can I say? He learned from the best - Chase. You didn't have to pass forward my issue to Hector. That was mighty generous and considerate of you, and that makes you really cool, bro. Especially when you were spot on in your first response. Thanks again!

 

[Jibri]

Hey man! okay, yeah, you need to show her more affection.

It's good that at first you were a bit colder, but now that you're in a relationship, you need to show some more affection! Love the girl back man xD

Of course, if you see that your romance causes her to pull back, then ease it up.

Kinda treat it like a "push, pull."

More romantic -> she stays the same or even more, good

Even more romantic -> she stays the same, good

Even MORE romantic -> she starts to chill out, good, now you have balance, but maybe pull it back a LITTLE

Even MORE MORE romantic - >she REALLY chills out, okay maybe you're giving too much

You're taking the "don't let her HAVE me" philosophy a bit far haha. I'm SUPER romantic with my girl, but I always make sure she's equally or a LITTLE more romantic than me But if it's TOO much in her favor and she's WAY more loving than you, then it's kinda painful for her, and also she can start to pull back because she's not feeling loved in return and she might actually start to desire someone more romantic. It's better if shes crazy than if she's cold, but for the sake of her happiness and also maximized relationship connection, you'll actually get MORE love from her if you start to balance it out a LITTLE bit. Just a little. As you found out, she sees love through gifts. So start giving her some "gifts" but gifts can just mean "Hey babe, let's have a movie night tonight? What do you think? " But SLOWLY introduce this new love, don't just come out the gate too hard ya know? Slowly ramp it up and see how she starts to behave in response.

Also, wait, what does this mean




Are you guys not fucking?

There's NOTHING more "I love you' than shoving your dick deep into her pussy and bashing her cervix (lovingly).

you shouldn't be in a relationship with a girl you haven't had sex with yet, but if you still choose to stay with her until marraige comes, well, then still follow this advice.

Also, with long distance, you gotta see her 7-8days out of each month ideally and those 7-8 days are spent almost all together tomake up for being long distance.

4 Things Long-Distance Relationships Need to Not Fail

A long-distance relationship can work if it’s well-managed. Heed these four requirements and it could turn out to be the best relationship of your life. My first ever serious relationship had a pretty standard beginning. But, as I was soon to go off to college, this relatively new relationship...

www.girlschase.com

I could have sought guidance from you through Instagram, but I'm not going to attempt to get free service from you. It's not fair to you. However, I do plan to support you on Patreon and I am still interested in purchasing 1-on-1 coaching from you in the future. As I shared with Bastian, you are mind blowing and a brilliant guy whom I admire. Excuse me for just now replying to you. I read your response and began to implement it into my mind and relationship. I achieved good results. However, I did make the mistake of dumping it in and not gradually oozing romance into the relationship, but she is responding well, nonetheless. Your article about the 4 requirements for a long term relationship to succeed is masterly profound. There's no doubt in my mind that it will be extremely beneficial in the success of her and I relationship. In regard to sex, we are both Christian and i already made the mistake of submitting to her frame of waiting until marriage. Her frame is that if we go too far (have sex), she will break up with me. Further, I adopted that frame as my own standard which she is aware of. However, I will begin to reframe sex between her and I in a charming, no big deal kind of manner and gradually persist into the heavens between her legs. It is worth that risk of losing her IF I am going to lose her anyway by not having sex. She told me that she is open to moving here, in St. Louis, which is only 4 hours away from her hometown and current location. I plan to provide her with information about apartments, job opportunities, minimum wage and salaries regarding potential jobs she may be interested in, and etc. Until she moves here, maybe she will maybe she won't, I plan to provide her with a flight or train ride up here as a vacation either sometime this month or the next, assuming our two cities do not go into further shut down and quarantine. Or I will go see her. I just have one question in regard to this: should I be aggressive and assertive in persuading / helping her moving here, in St. Louis, or be relaxed, treating it as no big deal, and let her make that decision solely on her own?

 

[Jibri]

Oh, so I was right...

Well, she still wants (regular good) sex, you just are going to face more resistance from her. So you have to reframe things in order to reduce resistance. You have to be discret and tell her that if you have sex it is something no one will ever know. Then if she tells you it is wrong tell her that there is a reason of why God gave humans genitals : to have sex. Recomfort her in the idea that it isnt a big deal. If it is her first time, you may also tell her that you will take care of her and be sweet while having sex and it is not going to hurt.
Proced as you try to have sex with her -make her as horny as you can (strong-eye contact, tease her, sexy caresses etc).

Once you have sex, make sure she have a great time! Then cuddle with her afterwards, talk about it etc...
Next time she is going to give you less resistance, and then, the time after even less.

Klimax

Thanks for your advice, Klimax. I have read that method in an article written by Colt Williams. The thing about it is, she explained to me in the beginning of us dating that if her and I word to go too far (have sex), she would break up with me. I made the mistake of submitting to that frame. Then, I adopted that frame as my own standard / boundary and she's very aware love that. Yes, I put myself in an unfavorable position, however I believe this long distance relationship can still work. Nonetheless, I will keep your advice in mind, and use it in starting small like tongue kissing, and gradually yet persistently escalate toward sex. Again, thanks for your advice. I appreciate you for responding.

 

[ljrozz69]

Hey there again @Jibri,
You're welcome

What I adviced you to do is something that you have to do on a limited amount of times (preferably 1). DO NOT DO THAT OVER A LONG PEPRIOD OF TIME.
That will make you look needy. Avoid it.

I would also not engage in a sexless relationship. It will be hurtful in the long run... It's better to be alone. People who love each other make love (or fuck dirty hehe).
However... you still can try a few things to have sex with her. But let me warn you, this is a tiny bit risky (not that much actually).
I would suddently start acting desinterested and aloof. You do this by making super short answer like "cool", "k" or not answering to 100% of her messages or suddently no contact and then replying super late (1day-3days). IN ANY CASE, do not contact her first.
All this will be a bit hard since you'll be tempted to do so but keep doing it, don't break it.
She is going to invest more and start talking all the time, sending you thousands of messages, this is what you want. Keep doing it until she starts asking whats wrong/ why your behaviour suddently changed?
Now you always reply but you give super vague answers, like ...I don't know... I just feel like this... Ah if only I could....
You do this until she brings up sex as a topic. (or she wants to meet up).
Now you can start slowly to open up and tell her that your relationship is not going to work out if you don't have sex, that people who love each other make love.
Then meetup and take her to a place where you can have sex (plan this in advance alone and get her agree). Then escalate and do as I told you before.
Don't go warm again until you both have sex.
In the case she wants to meet first, you still have to take her to a place where you have sex and escalate. If she gives you shit then act cold... until she brings sex as a topic. Then you know what to do and start escalating again.
Note this shouldn't be overly long; 1 month at max.

You can fail somewhere in the process... but it's better than not trying at all. And you have to know that you can still recover, we will be here for you!
Klimax

 

[Skills]

I don't understand why people have "Serious mono" long distance, is ridiculous, but if you want to understand the psychology of your gf loving you more, there was a really good chase writer back in the days that explains it, here (due to this article i even when ahead and bought the book, really good book)

Relationship Control and Female Domination

Have you ever noticed that in almost every relationship… sooner or later, but often right from the start or at least very early… one of the two partners is more emotionally involved than the other? And that it's invariably the other of the two who retains the most relationship control? That one...

www.girlschase.com