My mom thinks I pedestalize women.

[Marty]

My mom thinks I pedestalize women.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Lol account hacked?

 

[Marty]

Not as such, Rob, although maybe this post was a little out of character. I just didn’t know what else to say. In the language of your generation, “wow just wow I can’t even”.

A couple months ago my parents were visiting and I addressed the issue of relationships. I said I thought I didn’t manage them well, which I think is true. And my mom said she thought I tended to put women on a pedestal. She used that exact word.

Questions which immediately spring to mind:

1. How does a 72-year-old woman, supposedly happily married for 47 years, know about pedestalization? I thought that was a PUA concept.

2. If she knew this all along, why didn’t she tell me? It might have prevented the collapse of my relationships and/or marriage.

3. Come to think of it, this is a person who grew up among other women (e.g. all girls’ high school) and knows women well. Why did she not tell me something of the nature of women?

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Mother knows best. Older women are VERY socially aware. Their sexual strategy is almost non-existent and has lost its steam. They usually turn into hardcore red-pillers and express everything they've intuitively known in direct, conscious language.

My mom is ultra-savage. She's still a sweetheart, but has no problem being super honest. I've learned a LOT from her. Heed her words.

You were always a bit of a romantic (as was I), and maybe it's time to shed those last remnants of idealism. At first, it *will* make you cold...then it will make you something strangely warm. This road seems to shock or even scare you, which probably means it's a good road to follow.

Hector

 

[Mr.Rob]

Yeah I know the feeling when your mom points out a blatant but true piece of your character it tends to pack a bit more punch than some other person saying it. My mom recently called me out for twisting her and my dads words around to paint them as the bad guys in arguments so I could win by making them feel bad (I hate losing). Then she about started crying and I felt really bad (though perhaps crying was her strategy to win the argument.. the world will never know except it worked very well).

Anyway maybe Hector's right to harden your heart a bit and shed some romanticism away (I know I'm super romantic at heart but I'm quite a bit younger). I can't say I have much advice other than I know you're the type of guy to see the heroes journey to the end and come out on top. And if it took this long to not pedestalize women then perhaps its just perfect timing now that your at the sexiest prime of your life (and your not 70 years old).

-Rob

 

[Marty]

Gentlemen, thank you for your guidance. Rob, it was kind of you to speak that way of me Hector, you are right that I am naturally romantic.

What I like is that you have both given me a concrete step I can take to improve things. I want to ask you, what does "shedding idealism" or "hardening your heart" look like in practice? At first, I assumed it meant being self-oriented, but I realized a very important lesson from Chase is that girls sniff out selfishness quickly and if, for example, you buy her an expensive dinner, it can backfire as she interprets it as a selfish move attempting to exchange worldly goods for affection.

So is there a more subtle way of being "hardened" while still maintaining that materialistic, anti-idealist philosophy?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Give me some time.

i see something in all your post too.

zac

 

[Mr.Rob]

I want to ask you, what does "shedding idealism" or "hardening your heart" look like in practice? At first, I assumed it meant being self-oriented, but I realized a very important lesson from Chase is that girls sniff out selfishness quickly and if, for example, you buy her an expensive dinner, it can backfire as she interprets it as a selfish move attempting to exchange worldly goods for affection.

I watched a good John Wayne movie last night "McLintock!", quite funny really and at the end of the movie his wife is behaving and once he gets a hold of her he spanks her in front of the whole town. There were a bunch of relationship management bits in that movie and John Wayne did a good job acting the patriarch. Worth a watch for sure.

Anyway more to the point, and this may not actually help, but in my mind hardening your heart is a bit like emulating a psychopath. Psychopath's are supremely selfish, and typically only want a women for sexual satisfaction, a being to assert their power over, and someone to pamper them like a king. They do this by getting there women highly invested in them and give minimal investment themselves. The result is a madly in love girl to an emotion and care devoid man.

Obviously you still have emotions and empathy so you actually can care for a girl but perhaps coming from a frame of "using" a girl for sex and to pamper you for your needs could be an experiment to try. With regards to the selfishness point you make with Chase the type of selfishness you point out is a "weak" type of selfishness. The guy is basically acting fake by pretending he wants to buy dinner for the girl when really he'd rather just take her home and have sex. I'm talking about a more genuine "strength" type of selfishness where your direct and uncompromising with your desires and she's OK with being your slut, sex toy, etc and then you make her feel so good for having come along with you that she falls in love with you and boom her investment is high and yours is theoretically low.

I'm kinda riffing off my ass but that's kind of how I look at things.

-Rob