Calls & Texts Need help. Can someone please deconstruct my texting.

[topcat]

Hi. I've only just started taking pickup seriously and I think my texting skills are somewhat shabby.

The story with the girl is basically i met her in a class over a year ago. We exchanged numbers and had a few conversations via text. I tried around twice to get her to hang out with me but on both occasions she flopped on me. I flagged her as uninterested and lost her number due to having to replace my phone. Fast forward nearly a year, I bump into her on the train and we exchange numbers. She would text me ever so randomly and initiate conversation which i would comply with, but only sporadically. I finally got her out on a date a few months ago, which went OK, managed to kiss her towards the end of the night, but could not get her home with me due to the family being home. I made several attempts to get her out with me again after that to no avail, ran out of patience and deleted her number.

I find she's the type of girl to text every few weeks during periods of silence, almost as if to initiate me to chase, but i really don't have the time nor patience for games. She lives round the corner from me so would make for a nice summer fling/f.buddy and i know if I actually end up having sex with her I'm in...It's just getting her out to do it.

This particular convo took place last night (Wednesday) when she texted me out of the blue and i was on the way to the club. Her number was deleted from my phone but i recognized the number as hers.

Can y'all help a brother out. How could i have reworded my replies in this text solidify some chill time?

Her: Lol just met your friend Andrew. He's like "yo you know Topcat?" I was like yeaa man lol this is like the second or third time that's happened
Me: Lol truu. Tell him waddup for me if he's still about
Her: Just got off the train, lol we should chill soon
Me: Most deff. How's next week lookin for you missy?
Her: This week eh, work tomorrow and possibility of a garage sale. I'm heading to peterborough this wknd. How's about chu
Me: Tru tru. At the club right now I'll ttyl (talk to you later) Let's link up friday
Her: *No reply*

 

[PinotNoir]

I think the first problem is that when she texts out of the blue you respond instantly. Chase has a good rule of thumb on waiting as long as she waited to text you back. Although, he also mentions making it spontaneous (e.g., don't always mimic her time; make it random; sometimes text back immediately and other times don't). The idea is to look busy, to look like you have an abundance of girls texting you, and to not look like you're "chasing" (i.e., "squating" by the phone waiting and drooling in anticipation for her text).

We know that you are not chasing, but you're not conveying the right message to her. This is probably due to being over zealous about having a FWB close by.

I think the content of the message is fine. You cut the chitchat and get down to business. I think she's wanting a texting buddy, but then when you don't give that to her, she stops texting back, or maybe she's just bored. I don't know her, but she also may not like party guys or cutting the conversation short or w/e.

"Let's link up friday" -- after she already said that she was busy. I think you should just have kept with asking: "Ah yeah, tons of stuff piling on me too. So when are you free for a release of fun?"

To be honest, when a girl texts me out of the blue, I usually try to text for a bit and then ask her out. If you have some old memories, bring those up to rekindle the flame a little bit ("going to peterborough? reminds me of that time......!"). She most likely texted you because she did think of you and something that she enjoyed about you.

I think at this point it's an uphill battle... Maybe text her another message about the garage sell and/or peterborough. If she texts back, go on that for a little bit (don't overdue it), and then ask her out again. If there's no response, just forget it. Rename her in your phone to "Wait! - Name" or something. Then if she ever texts again, you'll remember to wait the same amount of time she waited to text you back, or just delete her if she's entering your thoughts or it's annoying you or anything.

 

[topcat]

Thanks for the advice Pinot. I'm beginning to see where i went wrong. I was actually leaving about a 20 - 40 minute gap between my texts due to being busy that night. Today, wanting to be proactive, i sent her a text saying "My bad about last night Erin, I was a tad drunk". She replied a while later "That's alright lol" (I'm really starting to think she's just a sweet girl..i really need to tone down on my boarishness).

The apology was clumsy i know, but my reasoning behind this was to get a response out of her, to judge my next move - if to press on with her or call it a dead number altogether. Even though apologising is a subordinate action especially in this case, I apologised to provide an excuse for my "misunderstanding" of her schedule. With a more socially savvy girl this probably wouldn't work, but from what i've seen of her she doesn't appear to have a whooole lot of experience yet. I plan to balance out this potential hit on my attractiveness, by beefing up my texts a little, and build a bit of rapport.

My bad if this play-by-play divulgence is a bit much but i really want to get the creases in my texting game ironed out ASAP.

Again thanks for the advice man, i'm going to proceed by asking her about the garage sale.
Anymore advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey topcat!

This is actually a very good sign! She was thinking about you and wanted to see you (we should chill soon); however, you kind of dropped the ball with the "talk to you later" line. You need to reward her for pursuing you, not punish haha. After she told you her schedule, ask which day she's free to grab a coffee, drink, bite etc.

When a girl contacts you out of the blue, tell her it's great to hear from her and try to set up a date. That's usually what they're hoping you'll do, provided you haven't already framed yourself as a texting buddy.

 

[topcat]

Thanks ProblemSolving. I see what you're saying about punishing her, I've been going through a mild asshole phase that i'm trying to ease out of without going soft, that response seems to be a residual of this. I'm trying to build a little rapport through bringing up the garage sale, but at the moment she has yet to respond. I think i'll let this one lie. I'll work on building more attraction if i bump into her, and work on being more relatable if she does text back. I'm beginning to recognise that i can be a little standoffish and stern in my behaviour at first (almost like a highend girl), if someone doesn't know me too well (i'm really a very nice, considerate guy, i just tend to turtle up behind a serious mask when i'm being cautious).

Time to press on with working my fundamentals.

More advice always welcome.