Need help, how to make her my calicopine.

[Anonymous]

Hey guys amazing website,

This is my first post, and I would love to hear your opinions about my situation right now with this girl.

I met this girl about a week and a half ago, we connected quickly. For the first date we met downtown, went for a coffee, little walk then some tea. On the second date, we went to play some pool, I brought her back to my place, kissed her for the first time, escalated and she ended up sucking me, she slept to my place and I drove her back home the following morning. A few days after i was drunk and I texted her, come pick me up downtown I want to see you blabla, we ended up having sex, she stayed at my place and she spent the whole day with me.

Anyways, from what I see, she seems pretty interested in maybe being in a relationship. She texts me everyday, wanting to know how my days was, and saying things like hun or baby, etc. Don't get me wrong, she's pretty chill and independent but I don't want a relationship right now. The reason why is that I received my grades from university and they're high enough for me to go study overseas for a year, in september. I can clearly see that this girl would like to be more than just friends and develop a relationship, but since ill be leaving the country in a few months i don't think its worth it. I cant be faithful during a whole year overseas, i know myself.

I'm wondering if there's any chance that I can tell her, sorry honey you're pretty chill but I don't want you to get emotionally attached to me since, I'll be leaving in a few months, I don't want to give you false hope and break you a few months after. I think that i pretty much fucked up already since I let her sleep at my place and she stayed for the whole day, these are the kind of cute things that you do with a girl friend.

I was wondering if playing the card, listen I really like you but I just received my grades and I don't want to break you but we can't go further than sex buddies, will work.

My apologies for the big post, I'm french and I talk a lot.

P.S. Calicopine is a french slang word, for fuck buddy, it's just cuter

Thanks in advance,

Sincerely

Wargrave

 

[Franco]

Hey Wargrave, welcome to the boards!

I was wondering if playing the card, listen I really like you but I just received my grades and I don't want to break you but we can't go further than sex buddies, will work.

Unfortunately, this is probably not a good idea at all. On the bright side, as far as what you've written here, you actually haven't fucked up at all. If this girl is only looking for a relationship, then there is really no way you can force her to be your casual sex partner. However, lots of girls will actually be open to this idea (especially if they realize that they can keep it up without forgoing their reputation).

The important thing here is that you frame the situation in a way that let's her know that you aren't looking for something serious. When I say this, I mean the following:

1) Don't reply all day, every day, to all of her texts (or refer to her as baby or hun). Keep your texting to a minimum. Texting her a lot tells her you don't have other women to talk to (or want to talk to).
2) Don't see her more than every 10 days or so. If you are seeing her once a week or more, she will assume you probably aren't dating other women because you are interested only in seeing her week in and week out.
3) And definitely do not even SPEAK the words "sex buddies" or you will more than likely find yourself in very deep shit! =)

If she really likes you (and it seems like she does) she may begin to push you or ask you questions such as, "so where do you see this going?" Make sure to remain calm, and then reply with something like the following:

"Look, I really like you and I think you're a great gal. However, I am very busy at this time in my life and I won't be here long. I'll be traveling overseas to study for a year, and I wouldn't be able to be there for you. It wouldn't be fair to you. So I don't want to be like every other guy out there and make promises that I can't keep. In the meantime, while I am here, I would like to continue spending time with you."

That's a rough template, but it should be along those lines. If she begins to start any drama over this, just remain completely calm and unreactive. She will likely calm down on her own. At that point, it is really her decision as to whether or not she wants to continue to sleep with you. If she does, great. If she doesn't, just know that it was probably because she was really wanting something serious, so you saved both yourself and her the trouble of dealing with conflicting desires.

For more information, check out this article:

Don't Hurt a Girl: The Importance of Expectations

I hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Anonymous]

Wonderful response Franco thanks a lot for the help. I'll definitely take your advice.

Sincerely,

Wargrave