Need little advice from the veterans

[ShadowBeginner]

Ok well im an absolute beginner to the dating scene and i met this awesome girl a couple months ago. We exchanged texts for a while and i got her on a first date.
It was awesome and we made out at the ending for a long time but no sex. Then we kept in touch through xmas and new years and agreed to go out on a second date in January despite some issues with the scheduling.It was great again and we made out once more. I tried to escalate but i sensed she was a bit resistant so i did not force it. After that she became distant and answered less and less to texts and with shorter responses. I asked her out again the following week and she took two days to answer. It went like this for the past couple weeks with her taking from 1 to 3 days to answer. I let things be only answering her when she did. Now she just got back in touch and we're texting daily again but not like after our first date. Question is how to proceed? Try to ask her out once more? keep the ball rolling till she improves the level of comunication? Im afraid she took those two weeks break because she felt i was being too pushy for a date but i don't know. If she's still answering she must have some level of interest still no?

Sorry bout the long post.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Yeah if she's still in communication there is probably some level of interest left.

Your main mistake was not escalating all the way on your second date, evidenced by her dropping contact for the most part.

She likely doesn't have a ton going on for her to reengage you and is thinking about doing so in her head.

If I were you I'd drop something that tells her "Hey let's do xyz thing. When are you free coming up?"

If she doesn't answer go meet new girls. If she does answer take her out on a date.

Perhaps the others would approach this a different way than I would.

Good luck.

-Rob

 

[ray_zorse]

Agreed with Mr.Rob, but to expand a little on his answer, according to Chase's theory outlined in his ebook "How to Make Girls Chase" (a theory which fits the facts very well in my observation), women categorize you roughly into 3 categories:
1. Potential lover
2. Potential provider
3. Potential friend
This depends on how much lover, provider or friend value you appear to have. Being a potential lover would involve MOVING FAST, being cocky and confident, having a badass image (perhaps you get around in faded jeans and a leather jacket and ride a Harley), and basically being a guy who appears like he gets what he wants, when he wants, with little effort, and is sought after by others (including preselection i.e. has other women on his arm)... and also involves negatives of the other categories, i.e. to be a lover it's best to appear to NOT be a provider, that is, have low income/assets, have a lifestyle inconducive to putting a roof over her head and supporting her lifestyle, be for whatever reason unsuitable to introduce to her mum and friends etc... and NOT be a friend, that is, don't supplicate to her or be an emotional tampon, be sure to occasionally offend or challenge her, etc. Provider value is obvious, has a nice apartment/car/job, is willing to spend it on her, IS WILLING TO INVEST HIS TIME AND EFFORT IN GETTING HER. Friend value is also obvious, is willing to listen to her problems and/or be an emotional tampon, invites her to events and introduces her to interesting people, etc (doesn't have to be a friendZONE, just a friend).

By not moving fast and by being put off by her tests (including acting like she doesn't want to have sex, which is something that women unconsciously do in order to find out whether you're going to MOVE FAST and therefore help to sort you out into lover or provider category)... you disqualified yourself as a lover, BUT it appears you still have either provider or friend value to her. (Note that "boyfriend value" is essentially the same as "provider value", as a boyfriend you get introduced to her mum/friends etc and become a long term provider candidate). She probably reached out to you because she thinks you're a good guy who can listen to her problems, take her to parties, introduce her to people (friend value)... or because she thinks you're a good guy who might be willing to date her long term, spend money on expensive dinners for her, etc (provider value). However, she was on the fence about you, so she didn't reach out until she was low on options and felt like you might be the best option open to her at the moment (my interpretation anyway). Unfortunately, she will now EXPECT and REQUIRE you to move slowly, i.e. where she might have been open to sex on date 2, she now probably won't be open to sex until maybe date 5 (even if you have really good game). This is because, she's considering striking a kind of a bargain with you, where you get sex in exchange for money, dinners and other investment. Accordingly she won't be giving up the sex until you have invested correspondingly.

If you were an experienced seducer who was doing hundreds of approaches per week, it would be best to let this one go, because the investment required doesn't justify the returns, you can approach a new girl and behave like a lover and get sex on date 1 or 2... but in your situation I would advise to go for it, at the very least you will find out for yourself whether the above analysis is correct. You will get reference points, and for a fairly minimal investment (a few dates -- if your dating calendar wasn't full you've essentially lost nothing by going on some dates), you could get sex. Read this article for an explanation of the best way forward given your current situation. Also keep in mind when you're escalating next time that she will nearly always behave like she doesn't want sex. She'll push your hand away, etc. Don't worry. Just back off slightly, build more comfort, rinse and repeat. You'll get there in the end. If she hasn't actually got up and left the room it means she still wants to PUT HERSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE SEX MIGHT HAPPEN WITH YOU. Look at actions, not words. Statements like "we are not having sex tonight" should be met with a Brad Pitt response -- chuckle slightly, look off to the right and up, and look back... otherwise ignore and just continue what you were doing

Ray

 

[ShadowBeginner]

This is amanzingly helpful thanks! I was familiar with the concepts but you put them in a simpler easier to understand way.
Well from what im getting here im either friend or provider value more likely the last (Not in the financial sense as im still in college and broke as hell for the most part). Did i listen to her problems and took an interest in her life? Sure.
Did i get all emotional and took her on dates that didn't involve making out at least? Hell no. That said i feel confortable taking things slowly and waiting a bit for sex and such since it's never been that much of a priority to me (I'd rather have a good time with someone im confortable with as long as it doesn't involve group dates and all that shit). But even then she's been very distant in our comunications even if she did just get back in touch. I'll play along for now and if i sense she's up for it i'll set up another date. If not then it's good bye and good luck.