FR Need to stop making so many misplays....

[Scofield]

I just feel like I'm constantly making so many misplays that if I didn't make I could easily pull some of these girls....

I will post my Thurs/Fri FR as an example since it's fresh in my mind and really annoying me atm....

I'm probably forgetting about a few girls I talked to, but these are the important ones...

Thursday:

Had a date with a girl that has a boyfriend. Met her, talked, asked her out and she said "I have a boyfriend" I say "that's NOT what i asked you!" and she laughs and says ok and gives me her number. I text her and a couple weeks later we agree to meet up for coffee. I show up, and she's even better looking than I remember, good start. But then we start talking, it goes ok, not super smooth but it's obvious she isn't super into me. She mentions her boyfriend a few times...

After an hour at the coffee shop, I suggest going for a walk and she says she's supposed to meet up with some friends at her boyfriends house. I push once or twice for her to stay and she refuses, I accept the date as blown and walk her to her car. I figure I might as well ask her why she went out with me if she has a boyfriend (I'm like 100% sure there isn't going to be a second date). She says that I said it doesn't matter. I tell her I thought she said that as a defense mechanism and she laughs and tells me she really does have a boyfriend. We hug and she leaves.

One of 2 things happened here imo:

1. She REALLY liked me so decided to go out with me, but had regrets once she showed up to the date so she kind of pushed me away.

2. She really wanted to just be friends.

Since #2 wouldn't explain why she wasn't 100% involved in the conversation and appeared to "hold back" on me and I was careful to be extra sexy during this pickup/encounter, I'd have to go with #1 as the answer.

Upset at this date, I went to another club.

I get there, walk around a bit, there are 3 girls I want to talk to, all blonde and white.

First girl is there with another guy (asian as well) but it looks like they just met that night. They didn't separate the rest of the night and left together so I never got the chance to talk to her.

Second girl, I open by asking to sit down next to her and she moves over. I sit down....and recognize her friend. Then....I recognize her. It's the girl from this FR: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1037

Let's call her Kay. To summarize, I met her at this same club, took her to another club and I think I was going to pull....until she gets dragged into a fight killing the mood. She never replied to any of my texts.

So I talk to her for a while, it does go well. Unfortunately I made the mistake of buying her and her friend drinks and it cost me $30....

We separate for a bit.

I run into the third girl, Kelly.

I open her and we talk, I move her to the couch. We talk more. It goes well. I say it's too loud, and move her outside successfully. Unfortunately, while we're chatting outside one of her male friends stops by. I ignore him to not break circle. She breaks circle and introduces me to him. I talk to him/her for a couple minutes before going right back to her. We start getting involved in a very deep convo about our favorite authors. Guy still wouldn't leave and just stands there awkwardly. I then say I have to use the restroom and get her number. She tells me that she REALLY likes me but that she does have a boyfriend, although they are likely about to break up and that she has already cheated on him (I didn't know quite how to react to this and just told her she was a great girl, although her telling me this seems like a green light to me). She tells me how attractive she finds me and I say "thank you....for noticing" before leaving (i told her not to move). I use the restroom and have trouble finding her again, she's on the dance floor, she's sitting with her friends. Eventually a seat opens up by her and I sit by her but she gets a phone call (probably her boyfriend) and goes outside to talk. A minute later her friends go outside and take to leave.

Hindsight: While that guy was standing there awkwardly I should have moved her to the bar or dance floor. I was hung up on getting her to go home with me while we were on the patio (so close to just leaving the club..) and didn't adjust properly. Didn't realize that shaking that guy should have been my #1 priority and then I didn't get a chance to move her again. She was really into me....

Back to Kay, we talk some more, she wants me to dance but refuses to move with me to the dancefloor because she doesn't want to leave her friend. When the night ends I find them outside and try to pull her but she has to drive her friend who has a DUI. She tells me to text her and I say "I will....if I feel like it" since I need to set up a chasing frame. She laughs and hugs me goodbye.

I texted all 3 girls...0 replies. Sigh....

Friday:

Went to a popular strip of bars/clubs on X Street. The second I get there...I run into this girl Katy on the street, a gorgeous blonde white girl (yes I talk to a lot of blondes...I actually do prefer brunettes tbh but I live in Cali..). This is a girl I met at school and we were supposed to meet up for a drink sometime. We've been exchanging texts and she is still replying but has not replied to my requests to set up a solid time. I have to say that this girl oozes IMMENSE sex appeal. What I feel towards her is just ridiculous. She is very happy to see me, a good sign. We chat for a minute and I try to get her to go with me to the club I was heading to for 1 drink. She refuses saying she hates that place, I assure her that I do too. But she refuses and tells me to go into the bar her friends are with to get a drink there. I don't want to appear like I'm following her here so I tell her I'll come back later and join her for a drink, she says she'll be there all night. We hug and I depart. (We'll get back to this girl later.)

I go into this nightclub. I'm there a bit early, not many girls I want to talk to. And tbh I'm so excited that I'm about to hang out with Katy I don't have much motivation to talk to anyone else, I just want to think about convo points with her and get back to her ASAP. I stay about 30 minutes before I'm about to leave, not really talking to anyone. A cute girl then positions herself nearby me alone so I figure I might as well open her. We talk for a bit and she seems decently into me, let's call her Kendall (yes, I talked to a lot of girls with names starting with K...). After about 15 min, her friend comes by and literally rips her away. I use the restroom and find her a few min later. I tell her I'm leaving and to talk to me for a min, we leave from her friends. I tell her to get a drink with me elsewhere. She says she can't leave her friends, I tell her I'll bring her right back and she says this club doesn't have "ins and outs". I get her number, even though she's from out of town (she visits town about once a month) so it's pretty much useless.

Hindsight: I should have lied to her that I know the bouncer and can get her back in....

I go back to the first bar, excited to see Katy......

And she is nowhere in sight....

Ouch, I send her a text which she never replied to.

Since I'm INSANELY attracted to this girl, I put in way too much effort trying to find her. I went into every club/bar on this strip (6 of them?) trying to find her...with 0 luck.

Hindsight: Should have just went into the bar with her to get a drink with her right then and there when I first saw her...

Dejected, I settle into one of my favorite bars. I talk to a few girls here.

I see a cute blonde white girl (yes, I know...) at the bar, she takes a step over to make room for me and I go up next to her. I open her but she asks for my name first, let's call her Elena (not a K!). She seems kinda into me. But the bartender is flirting hard with her, giving her a free drink and another guy tries to butt into our convo as well. I ignore both and keep her attention on me. Realizing the crowded bar is a bad position with so many guys hitting on her, I ask her to leave after a few min and sit down with me. She says she has a large group of friends with her and can't leave them....I tell her to sit with me for 5 min and I'm very insistent about it. She says she would if she could. I figure she isn't that into me if she isn't even willing to go sit down for 5 minutes (also she didn't laugh at my "dirty blonde" joke...). So I tell her to find me later and she agrees. I don't even bother asking for her number.

At one point in the previous convo the girl to my left, hipchecked me and I chatted her for a minute, she was cute and might have been into me but I didn't want to stray from Elena. I should have just gone back to talking to this girl but I thought it'd be tacky.

So later in the night I find Elena...she's with another guy...and they start making out -_-

Eventually she stumbles out of the bar with the guy awkwardly following them (yeah, I doubt they had sex). As she's walking out, I try to get her attention, doing the half arm wrap and hand on back of arm technique....and she is so drunk she doesn't even realize I'm there. I just let her walk out, if a number was unsure before...it's def useless now.

Hindsight: Should have definitely asked for her number. She refused to move with me...but she might have been into me, I'm not totally sure and that sucks so I should have just asked anyways. And you know what, I should have just made out with her right then and there too....Also should have reopened hipcheck girl.

Then I ran into a go-go dancer friend of mine, who unfortunately has a boyfriend. Backstory: she begged me to visit her at the club she works at a few weeks back. I had to cancel since something came up, rescheduled for last week. I show up....and she is nowhere to be found and doesn't reply to my text. Tonight she apologized profusely and we talked about her taking a break from dancing. great girl, too bad she isn't single....

Tried to do a few street pick-ups...to 0 avail.

I've had better nights...weeks...months...years....

 

[Chase]

Scofield-

I just feel like I'm constantly making so many misplays that if I didn't make I could easily pull some of these girls....

Every time I've felt this way, I ended up having something click not long after that made my success rocket up.

Probably it's that by the time you start becoming fully aware of your mistakes, you're also finally in the position to begin addressing them and not making them anymore.

You may not realize it right now, but you're going through what will probably be the most memorable part of learning seduction - the part where you're almost there, and just banging your head against the wall a lot... at some point you break through and it stops being such a big deal because you're getting success and have a clearer and clearer picture of what you need to change to get MORE success.

I accept the date as blown and walk her to her car. I figure I might as well ask her why she went out with me if she has a boyfriend (I'm like 100% sure there isn't going to be a second date). She says that I said it doesn't matter.

That sounds to me like she was undecided. Your instincts here seem to be right; she hadn't slotted you into friend territory for certain. She likely would've gone with you had you hit the right notes on the date.

I open her and we talk, I move her to the couch. We talk more. It goes well. I say it's too loud, and move her outside successfully. Unfortunately, while we're chatting outside one of her male friends stops by. I ignore him to not break circle. She breaks circle and introduces me to him. I talk to him/her for a couple minutes before going right back to her. We start getting involved in a very deep convo about our favorite authors. Guy still wouldn't leave and just stands there awkwardly. I then say I have to use the restroom and get her number. She tells me that she REALLY likes me but that she does have a boyfriend, although they are likely about to break up and that she has already cheated on him (I didn't know quite how to react to this and just told her she was a great girl, although her telling me this seems like a green light to me). She tells me how attractive she finds me and I say "thank you....for noticing" before leaving (i told her not to move). I use the restroom and have trouble finding her again, she's on the dance floor, she's sitting with her friends. Eventually a seat opens up by her and I sit by her but she gets a phone call (probably her boyfriend) and goes outside to talk. A minute later her friends go outside and take to leave.

Hindsight: While that guy was standing there awkwardly I should have moved her to the bar or dance floor. I was hung up on getting her to go home with me while we were on the patio (so close to just leaving the club..) and didn't adjust properly. Didn't realize that shaking that guy should have been my #1 priority and then I didn't get a chance to move her again. She was really into me....

The guy standing there awkwardly was well-played by you - great job not breaking circle. These guys who can't take a hint can be really frustrating... I agree, the ideal thing would've been to wait a few minutes after resuming conversation with her with the guy being on the outside, and then, after maybe 4 minutes of conversation, with this guy standing there staring and doing nothing, when he's thoroughly humiliated and awkward, then you want to move her, and won't need to risk her trying to invite him (at best, she'll wave goodbye to him).

Unfortunately you can't pull her home or to sit down nearby when he's standing right there. Going back into the club isn't ideal either.

The best idea is probably, if the vibe is very good, taking her hand very playfully and with a big smile, turning to the guy and saying, "Excuse us!" and then pulling her along and running off somewhere, saying something like, "Come with my, my lady!" in a very fun knight-of-yore type voice. Make it a big fun adventure, and if she likes you a lot, she'll come (and the guy won't be able to say or do anything about it).

She tells me to text her and I say "I will....if I feel like it" since I need to set up a chasing frame. She laughs and hugs me goodbye.

I texted all 3 girls...0 replies. Sigh....

When a girl says, "Text me," respond with, "What for? Coffee, ice cream, a bottle of Scotch straight up...?" or something similar. She'll laugh, and tell you whatever, and then she's affirmed that she wants to go on a date with you, and her last memory of you is enjoying herself and telling you she wants to see you.

We chat for a minute and I try to get her to go with me to the club I was heading to for 1 drink. She refuses saying she hates that place, I assure her that I do too. But she refuses and tells me to go into the bar her friends are with to get a drink there. I don't want to appear like I'm following her here so I tell her I'll come back later and join her for a drink, she says she'll be there all night. We hug and I depart. (We'll get back to this girl later.)

When you run into girls while out and they're going one way and you're going the other it's almost always better to just rebuild the vibe and then plan a date for later, during the day.

Going to where she is and where her friends are usually does not work out so well. Occasionally it does... usually only if there is a good deal of drinking involved, though. Most of the time, you end up looking like you're chasing a bit too hard, and attraction plummets.

I go back to the first bar, excited to see Katy......

And she is nowhere in sight....

Ouch, I send her a text which she never replied to.

Since I'm INSANELY attracted to this girl, I put in way too much effort trying to find her. I went into every club/bar on this strip (6 of them?) trying to find her...with 0 luck.

Hindsight: Should have just went into the bar with her to get a drink with her right then and there when I first saw her...

The better bet is telling her that the two of you need to grab lunch when you ran into her. She says, "Okay!" and you say, "Cool - you text me or I'll text you or one of us will do the texting and we'll figure it out," and then go on with your night.

Texting her that you're looking for her and can't find her is a big attraction hit. Imagine you've just gone somewhere cool with your friends, or decided to call it early and went home, and you get a text from some girl saying, "Where are you?! Can't find you anywhere!" whom you know likes you. Looks very much like she's chasing... and she seems a little too desperate (different if she's just a friend of yours).

Then I ran into a go-go dancer friend of mine, who unfortunately has a boyfriend. Backstory: she begged me to visit her at the club she works at a few weeks back. I had to cancel since something came up, rescheduled for last week. I show up....and she is nowhere to be found and doesn't reply to my text. Tonight she apologized profusely and we talked about her taking a break from dancing. great girl, too bad she isn't single....

Generally with these girls, you don't want to go to where they dance until after you've slept with them. Otherwise, lots of bad stuff going on: you going to them, you watching them on stage being admired by hordes of other men while you're just some guy, etc. Occasionally you can swing it okay - I went to a gogo a while back to see a girl I knew but hadn't slept with, sat and chilled and stared off into space while she danced and flirted with and even made out with another guy, and then she and I left together and slept together. But I had a pretty good sense that all I had to do then was show up and it was in the bag - I wouldn't recommend this most of the time. I've had plenty of times I've gone to strip joints or gogos to meet a girl and left empty-handed, too. It's much better for the girl to meet you on your terms or on neutral territory (e.g., a café, some out of the way dive bar near your place, etc.).

Anyway man, you're out there approaching, and you seem to be making some pretty steady improvement. It seems like you're getting some women who are pretty into you these days. Keep chipping away at it - you'll get it.

Chase