New here introducing myself questions on bottom

[daviddreamer]

Hello fellas,

New to the board didn't even know this website had a forum but this website has been my bible for months now and I wanted to thank Chase for helping me so much. So many of his articles have been influential on me. I am quite the fast learner and learning about mindsets and the minds of women was no exception. I still have loads of work to do. (lets be honest this is a very hands on topic to really learn things...)

A little introduction I was dating this girl I met for a few weeks...now prior to this I had only had sex 3 times (somehow I managed to get laid before idk how) but I had never had a girlfriend. This girl I was dating I fell for FAST. It only took weeks for it to fall apart and end badly. The relationship was filled with me chasing her, her flaking, me falling in love quick and her having cold feelings and being distant, jealously, and ultimately me finding out she was kissing another guy behind my back and I broke up with her. sounds silly just a kiss but I was a emotional wreck at this point.

I went on a mission to find what went wrong. Instead of finding what was wrong with her I decided it was me that had the problems. After all when this relationship ended I was the bitter angry man when she was the one acting like she just won her freedom and had the backups lined up ready to go. In fact, later on in this story I would learn that she was very histrionic and I didn't lose anything.

In fact after being on this site for a while and learning about women I was GLAD that I lost her. Had not for the fallout I never would of came to this site and learned so much.

The story turns around for me and I find this beautiful filipina girl I am dating now. Everything is going great so far she loves me to death and I love her (but I'm in full control this time). I have found my role as a intellectual/student. We have full trust in one another there is no jealousy problems. We have no drama/arguments though there has been little tidbits getting started up but I ended them in calm manner. We both believe in communication is the most important and a end goal is even established for our relationship.

Only problems with this relationship - its long distance right now. Skype is our best friend. She was a virgin and I didn't manage to have sex with her when I first met her though I got very close she now "promised to me" that she wants to give it up when I see it again....which is odd to me sex is suppose to be a natural thing? but I have learned she is very inexperienced at relationships. I gave her her first orgasms if that means anything.

I have some questions for you guys.

-Can long distance relationships be maintained and are they even worth it? Our plan is to go for 2 years before I what i tell her "decide to move it forward".
-My woman is very reserved sometimes and does a great job at making me do the talking. Whenever I try to ask her dreams and aspirations I'm dumbfounded when I can't really get answers from her and she manages to turn it around and make me talk. Though I have gotten better at being a conversationalist its still something I work on. Are there any good techniques or hell even articles to link me to to give me some ideas? I run out of things to talk about when I talk to her every single day for months on end lol.
-On and another thing and I wish I had known this prior. In the first 90 days of our relationship I talked to her every single day and even on days I don't feel like talking I suck up and do it because I created the expectation and can't revert back now....any thoughts on this? I really do like talking to her but some days I'd rather not but I don't want her thinking that I don't "love her as much".
-She told me once that she didn't feel like "I needed her". I have done a good job of playing aloof and the "I'm a really strong super independent guy". Its true though I don't need her but emotionally I do because if I lost her I'd find a replacement....is there a way I can tell her that I need her without directly telling her that? I don't wanna come across as needy or something idk how to describe it.

Thanks for the answers ahead of time folks. And good luck to all your goals in 2014 of being the Man we can all be!

 

[Richard]

Welcome to the boards David

I skimmed over the beginning and went straight to the questions, so let's tackle these one by one.

-Can long distance relationships be maintained and are they even worth it? Our plan is to go for 2 years before I what i tell her "decide to move it forward".

Can it be maintained, yes. Are there other viable, and better options? Yes.

Long-distance relationships require a lot of effort on both you and her's part to work, and they tend to lack one of the most important factors in maintaining a healthy relationship: sex.

Going for a given period of time without sex, but still fueled by relationship-based emotions, sexual drive is still there, and it needs a release.

Cheating, or whatever you want to call it is more prone to happen in long-distance relationships, even when the time span of not seeing one another is a week or two.

-My woman is very reserved sometimes and does a great job at making me do the talking. Whenever I try to ask her dreams and aspirations I'm dumbfounded when I can't really get answers from her and she manages to turn it around and make me talk. Though I have gotten better at being a conversationalist its still something I work on. Are there any good techniques or hell even articles to link me to to give me some ideas? I run out of things to talk about when I talk to her every single day for months on end lol.

Reserved women need to be handled more delicately, and you've got to take a slower approach to talking about more personal things. You might not be asking the right questions either, how you frame a question will surprisingly change the responses you get.

There's a difference between straight up asking a girl "What are your dreams and aspirations?" vs "What direction do you plan on taking in life?"

-On and another thing and I wish I had known this prior. In the first 90 days of our relationship I talked to her every single day and even on days I don't feel like talking I suck up and do it because I created the expectation and can't revert back now....any thoughts on this? I really do like talking to her but some days I'd rather not but I don't want her thinking that I don't "love her as much".

This one is a killer... No fucking joke bro... I went through it with my first girlfriend (before I found GC), and let me tell you: talking on the phone every day is a relationship killer:
-You set the expectation of talking on the phone all the time, which realistically won't last, so her expectations will eventually fall short.
- You (As you've said) start to feel like you don't want to talk, and you start to pair that draining feeling with her, and it gets worse, you start to not want to talk more and more.
-You run out of things to talk about, and the mystery and depth of the relationship is gone.
- You can't spend your time elsewhere. Women start to harbor over talking on the phone so your time which would usually be spent on hobbies or with friends is gone.

-She told me once that she didn't feel like "I needed her". I have done a good job of playing aloof and the "I'm a really strong super independent guy". Its true though I don't need her but emotionally I do because if I lost her I'd find a replacement....is there a way I can tell her that I need her without directly telling her that? I don't wanna come across as needy or something idk how to describe it.

Girls who say that are usually controlling or scared due to inexperience. If you want to tell her just be straight about it, it'd shock the grounds that have already been laid for the relationship, and will allow you to set new expectations. The sudden change of things is an opportunity for you to make the circumstances more "manageable."

Anyhow, I've personally vowed to never commit to long-distance because it's simply not worth it in the long run. So many women exist in the world and there's no reason for me to commit to one long-distance. Why settle for a cybernetic connection when you could have a physical connection with a more abundant woman