I recently turned 26. Which is interesting for me because, since I was a teenager, 26 has been my favorite number. It's the atomic number of iron; there are 26 letters in the alphabet; it's twice 13 and half of 52; etc. So from a young age, I always imagined what my life would look like when I was 26. Well, not surprisingly, my life looks very little now like what I imagined it would back then, for better and worse. But it's interesting to be able to make that comparison.
One thing that realized was that I'm chasing a moving target. I thought back to the goals that I set out for myself for what I wanted out of life when I was 20. By the age of 26, I've met or exceeded all of those goals. Except now, what I want out of life has changed. Twenty year old me would have been thrilled to have the life that I've lived up till now. But 26 year old me looks around is still unsatisfied.
For the past five years of my life, I was largely driven by two motivations: make money, and bang women. I was largely successful on both counts, from starting my own business to dating women I never could have dreamed of before. All this reached a zenith this past summer when, for the first time in my life, everything seemed to fall into place at the same time. My business was going well; I had money in the bank; A nice luxury apartment and a nice car; and to top it all off, I started dating what was essentially my dream girl. Someone I would consider "unicorn" quality.
Within six months it was all gone. I'm not really sure how it happened, but the best way I can describe it is that I imploded as a person. I lost all my personality and confidence. I embarrassed myself in front of my friends. I stopped showing up to clients. Half the days I couldn't even get out of bed. I put on twenty pounds. I pushed the girl I was dating away. Soon, she was gone, followed by my apartment, my dog, my car, my funds... it all evaporated.
On Nov. 11 I tried to commit suicide. Obviously, it didn't go to plan, because I'm still here typing this. But suffice it to day that the past three months have been the hardest of my life. The only thing that's kept me going is trying to view what's happened as an opportunity to reinvent myself from the ground up. Before, I thought that external success would make me a "good" person. But now I see that it doesn't matter how good of a life you build around you if you as a person aren't strong enough inside to hold it up.
I'm still in a transition phase. These days my focus is on diet, fitness, and personal growth. The latter is what I'm really interested in discussing here, with the "advanced" members of GirlsChase.
One realization that I've come to recently is that, when I really think about the love that I've felt for people in my life, it's usually been comprised of both selfish and selfless components, all mixed together. And I wonder how some of my relationships might have gone differently if I had been able to show them the selfless love without the selfish love. So I'm trying to learn how to distill the ego out of my love, as best I can. And let me tell you, just like any kind of serious exercise and growth, it is downright painful.
The ego does not go quietly. And it still gets me all the time. But now, when I catch myself avoiding something because of pride, I try to force myself to do it anyway, even if it feels like death.
Another big component of this is honesty. I'm trying to change the way I interact with people from seeing communication as a sort of game, almost, to having a mindset of radical honesty. And that includes being honest with myself. Since adopting this mindset, I've had to make some hard admissions about myself, and on more than occasion I've had other people respond poorly to the level honesty I gave them. But thus far, I've been generally pleased with the results.
I don't know if it still is, but for a while, at least, the most popular article on the site was the one about "How to Get Your Girlfriend Back". I find that interesting, because of all the wisdom and advice this site has to offer, that article is perhaps the one most focused on selfishness. Its target audience is guys who lost a girl for whatever reason and now they want her back. But I guess people would rather read an article promising a quick-fix solution to their problem than read an article that's going to challenge them to do difficult and painful work (of which there are plenty on the site as well).
Anyway, what are your thoughts, guys? Am I on the right track? Anything to add?
- Daniel
One thing that realized was that I'm chasing a moving target. I thought back to the goals that I set out for myself for what I wanted out of life when I was 20. By the age of 26, I've met or exceeded all of those goals. Except now, what I want out of life has changed. Twenty year old me would have been thrilled to have the life that I've lived up till now. But 26 year old me looks around is still unsatisfied.
For the past five years of my life, I was largely driven by two motivations: make money, and bang women. I was largely successful on both counts, from starting my own business to dating women I never could have dreamed of before. All this reached a zenith this past summer when, for the first time in my life, everything seemed to fall into place at the same time. My business was going well; I had money in the bank; A nice luxury apartment and a nice car; and to top it all off, I started dating what was essentially my dream girl. Someone I would consider "unicorn" quality.
Within six months it was all gone. I'm not really sure how it happened, but the best way I can describe it is that I imploded as a person. I lost all my personality and confidence. I embarrassed myself in front of my friends. I stopped showing up to clients. Half the days I couldn't even get out of bed. I put on twenty pounds. I pushed the girl I was dating away. Soon, she was gone, followed by my apartment, my dog, my car, my funds... it all evaporated.
On Nov. 11 I tried to commit suicide. Obviously, it didn't go to plan, because I'm still here typing this. But suffice it to day that the past three months have been the hardest of my life. The only thing that's kept me going is trying to view what's happened as an opportunity to reinvent myself from the ground up. Before, I thought that external success would make me a "good" person. But now I see that it doesn't matter how good of a life you build around you if you as a person aren't strong enough inside to hold it up.
I'm still in a transition phase. These days my focus is on diet, fitness, and personal growth. The latter is what I'm really interested in discussing here, with the "advanced" members of GirlsChase.
One realization that I've come to recently is that, when I really think about the love that I've felt for people in my life, it's usually been comprised of both selfish and selfless components, all mixed together. And I wonder how some of my relationships might have gone differently if I had been able to show them the selfless love without the selfish love. So I'm trying to learn how to distill the ego out of my love, as best I can. And let me tell you, just like any kind of serious exercise and growth, it is downright painful.
The ego does not go quietly. And it still gets me all the time. But now, when I catch myself avoiding something because of pride, I try to force myself to do it anyway, even if it feels like death.
Another big component of this is honesty. I'm trying to change the way I interact with people from seeing communication as a sort of game, almost, to having a mindset of radical honesty. And that includes being honest with myself. Since adopting this mindset, I've had to make some hard admissions about myself, and on more than occasion I've had other people respond poorly to the level honesty I gave them. But thus far, I've been generally pleased with the results.
I don't know if it still is, but for a while, at least, the most popular article on the site was the one about "How to Get Your Girlfriend Back". I find that interesting, because of all the wisdom and advice this site has to offer, that article is perhaps the one most focused on selfishness. Its target audience is guys who lost a girl for whatever reason and now they want her back. But I guess people would rather read an article promising a quick-fix solution to their problem than read an article that's going to challenge them to do difficult and painful work (of which there are plenty on the site as well).
Anyway, what are your thoughts, guys? Am I on the right track? Anything to add?
- Daniel
