FR Newbie experimenting

[carpedm]

If you check my journal post, you'll know that I am currently focused on completing the newbie assignment. I got distracted from it this weekend, though, and basically had to help out a buddy who wanted to go out of town to hang out with this girl he's gone on a couple of dates with. So I put my assignment on the backburner and decided to go out of town and party with him and this girl and some of her girlfriends. Here on out, though, I'm focusing on my own self improvement and on accomplishing my goal of completing the newbie assignment. Also, going forward, I'm going to be alcohol free for several months as I do the atkins diet (induction phase) to lose some weight. But I digress...

So my buddy and I ended up going out to enjoy some nightlife and meeting up with a group of four girls far out of town. I drank, so I must attribute some of my efforts at seduction to the liquid courage. Note: I'm persistently trying to get on a low-carb diet (atkins induction phase), so going forward for several months, I won't be drinking at all. Anyways, that being said, I had two notable interactions, two different girls.

First, I eventually narrowed things down with the four girls we were with and set my sights on one in particular. The strongest "move" I made with her was to tell her we wshould take a walk after we all got dinner, just her and I alone, to which she replied "maybe". I also asked her if she was single, asked a bit about her last relationship, et cetera. I don't know where I was coming from with that, or where I was going with it, but it was a step in the direction of being a bit more forward with a girl than I usually am, and she, from that point on, definitely knew why I was paying her such attention. Nevertheless, after dinner, I didn't follow through on taking her for a walk, and I'll spare you the details of such inaction.

On to the next bar, we get our drinks and we're on the dancefloor watching a band play. The aforementioned girl ended up getting hit on and dancing with this one guy for quite some time. She was all his, if he only had "moved fast" enough. But as I saw their interaction getting lengthier and lengthier in time, I knew he already blew his opportunity. This was actually a good learning opportunity, as I could observe their interaction and was able to successfully predict the outcome.

But then, out of nowhere, this girl walks up to my buddy and (my memory is a bit fuzzy on the details) she strongly indicated her interest in him, i.e. she put her hand on his chest or something and said hi, or started dancing with him, you get the idea. My buddy, however, was specifically on this trip with me to visit another particular girl who was part of our group and who had just stepped away momentarily and was standing nearby, so he blew off this new girl who approached him. As the girl slowly stepped away after he blew her off, I kind of drunkenly but genuinely said to her "Damn, you're hot. I wish you came up to me like that--he's taken."

Well, this turned out to eventually become a relatively enjoyable interaction. I at first paid her no mind when I said that to her, because I knew I was just probably coming off as too available, maybe desperate and drunk, but anyways... I basically forgot all about her until she reappeared like 5 minutes later. I forget the terminology for when a girl does this, but she signaled to me that she was opening herself up to my approach by reappearing in my periphery and meandering in my vicinity, so I capitalized on the opportunity (or window) with a shoulder tap from behind and a question. In about 2 minutes, she started dancing with me, so I simply displayed my ability to keep with the rhythm (good self-control for me, as I typically like to dance, and am halfway decent at it, but I can get a little bit too animated. Besides, they just need to know I have rhythm which means I'm a good lay--see GC article on dance floor seduction.)

Wouldn't you know it, I'm dancing close with her, and then she kisses me--just a peck, but still a kiss. The first of a few more to come later, at that. So, I see this as an escalation window, and I get a bit more hands-on with her. I also talk to her, ask her various questions and stuff, but maintaining the rather intense and close body contact we've got going. Our rapport is very hazy in my memory, and I honestly can't remember how I got any information out of her at all--she was practically silent and unresponsive to me verbally (she wasn't drunk or high at all though, she was drinking water in fact.) Anyways, at some point I found out she actually lives in a town back right near where me and my buddy traveled from, so I immediately pulled her phone number and continued back with the interaction as if the phone number was no big deal.

So we continue dancing, I'm very close to her physically but doing everything but actually kissing her, and she once or twice more reached up and kissed me. Good stuff. Then, I soon grabbed her hand and told her to go somewhere more private with me, and tried to lead her off. She wouldn't budge, haha. Going back to her, we continued dancing, and I mustered up some banter by telling her "That's it. I've figured you out. You're deaf!" in reference to the fact that she was so quiet and verbally unresponsive to me. This thankfully got a bit of a rise out of her, she laughed and threw her head back a bit, playfully batting her hand onto my chest and holding me close to her with her other arm. I went for some more simple compliance, telling her we should go get something to drink together. I grabbed her by the hand and led her, and she slowly followed me through the crowd, at one point grabbing hold of my belt so as not to lose me.

Then it went downhill from there, pretty much. I was leading her away from the dancefloor, but I went past the bar was was planning on just walking out of there with her, haha. She broke contact with me and walked away (probably confused or having some negative reaction to me to taking to up to the bar for a drink as promised), and she ended up going up to the bar herself. I didn't chase her, and I just went up to a different spot at the bar and ordered two waters. I got them, and I did see where she was at this point, but I didn't approach her again. I just kind of milled about and socialized with other strangers, just playing for the off chance that she might come back over to me. Didn't happen.

Anyways, the night wears on, and I go back to my original target girl and pull her phone number, though I'm pretty sure I've already missed any opportunity there to achieve any results. Still fun though. Then we leave the bar, and I go to send a follow-up text to the girl from the dance floor who was kissing me before she left me. Literally as I'm about to send the text, I get an incoming call from that very same girl (dance floor kisser), so I answer and it's a flaky call from her saying "Hi, who's this?" and I say "it's carpedm from yadayadayada, we just met. How's it going?" She hangs up. Ugh. So then, I append the text I was about to send her, saying that "Hi [girls name], I enjoyed your company. I will hit you up soon so hopefully we can pick up where we left off tonight. Funny, I was just about to send this text when you called me. Anyways, seeya." She calls me again about a minute later, this time asking "Where are you?" I just tell her I'm down the street from the bar we just met at, and she again asks where, and I reply with the same answer. At this point, I'm still enjoying the interaction with her, but I'm not delusional that we're actually going to reconvene in person at this point... so I didn't go all out and give her my exact location. Anyways, she says "Ok I'll call you back." Didn't happen. No big deal, though.

So that's it. I plan to shoot her a text today as a longshot and just see what happens. It's a numbers game, after all, so I'll send her one relevant text and that's it. Not expecting anything, but we'll see.

 

[carpedm]

Well, I texted at about 11am EST and she replied after all! She sounded pretty enthusiastic in her response, too. So what do I do now? If you have any advice, do share.

She replied at about 3pm EST, so I figure I will reply at about 7pm. Perhaps it's a bit over analytical, but I think I read somewhere here on GC to keep the pace of message/reply with how she sets it, so seeing that she took about 4 hours to reply, I will do the same and therefore reply 4 hours from when she sent the text, so I will reply at 7pm.

Furthermore, that gives me a window of opportunity to leave this post up here on the forums and hopefully get a suggestion on where to go from here.

For now, my mindset and "plan" is to just not think about her too much, and to think more about the fact that there is an abundance of women surrounding me. It's an easy thing to remember, too, being in a major city on the east coast

So if I don't hear back from any of you guys before then, I'll just keep it very simple when I reply to her and keep things moving forward towards a first date. With my current understanding of sprezzatura, I am (possibly incorrectly) adopting a policy of erring on the side of taking action. To me, it seems like it's much less effort to just be straightforward with this girl and to go for what I want (in this case a first date). It is less effort, that is, as compared to first trying to rekindle any rapport we had from Saturday night, or do anything else of substance via the text.

Look forward to your replies.

 

[Mr.Rob]

I wouldn't wait 4 hours just 2 (not that its that big of deal). As far as texting her I would just tell her how you feel, some other members on here might disagree, but I'd tell her you enjoyed her company and would prefer to get to know her outside of a bar/club and grab some food sometime down the line (whether that be tonight or sometime over the week). Keep it simple stupid.

 

[Richard]

A couple points.

So, the girl you were initially after, when you saw that she was interested in a guy then let down by that same guy, that's a prime opportunity to talk to her. I believe Franco and Chase discussed this some time back, basically you put in the work with a girl to have another guy capitalize on that work. This would've been an opportune moment to do this.

With the dance floor kisser. You should have elevated more, kept your initial promise to take her to the bar and probably taken her home that night

Also, about the least effort thing you mentioned. In being direct, its not the effort that's important, its outright stating your interest in her when both of you know why you approached her. This is the precise reason why I dislike opening indirect, because she knows or has a good idea as to why you approached her, but, you're not showing it, its beating around the bush, and girls dislike that.

With your texting, don't wait 4 hours, not even 2, unless you're actually super busy and can't respond, keep your replies to about 30-45 minutes, personally, I use about 20-30 depending on what I'm doing, and how attractive the girl is Generally, the more attractive she is, the longer she gets to wait =P

-Richard

 

[carpedm]

I was, in fact, very busy yesterday. Work, and then class all night (working full time and going for my bachelor's at night.)

I ended up texting her at about 8pm, so like 5 hours later unfortunately. Then, she replied right away with another enthusiastic, but short, response. Unfortunately, I was only on a very short break from class and couldn't reply, plus I didn't even notice she replied right away. I got home and shot her a text at like 1045pm... no reply yet (now 1030am).

With regard to the content of what I'm texting her, it has been innocuous thus far, but like I said she has replied both times with some obvious interest and that she's pleased to hear from me. That being said, it has been kind of tricky to figure out what route to take with the texting-- get right into requesting/planning a date? Keep it strictly to that context? OR...first work to keep up that intimate intensity we shared on the dance floor and be sexy flirty for a few messages, then request the date on a high note?

I haven't requested the date yet, but I have headed in that direction (because I hadn't thought of the idea to keep up the sexy flirting and pick up where we left off on the dancefloor.) But I haven't reached the point of requesting the date yet. The last text I sent her, I asked her a simple question that I know she will reply "yes" to (you said you live in yadayadayada, right?) so as to somewhat build a yes-ladder. Like I said, she hasn't replied yet (possibly it was a bit too late to text her last night [so a logistical problem], or it could be indicative of her waning interest in our interaction due to her growing disappointment in the energy/tension/excitement missing in our text conversation that was so prevalent in our in-person meeting.) I'm thinking back to the GC article here that mentions the occasional problem of having an initial interaction having so much energy and excitement that any follow-up interaction will seem lackluster by comparison and therefore disappointing to the girl.

So at this point, what do I do?

In my head, the best course of action would be to send one more text, this time requesting the date (i.e. "Hey dancefloorkisser, we should get some food or a drink soon. What's your schedule like this week?"). In addition to going for the date, I am contemplating incorporating some words (i don't know what to say quite yet) that harken back to that sexy vibe from our initial interaction and furthermore indicate my explicit romantic interest in her. Any thoughts on that?

Despite my direct, focused, and persistent efforts on this girl, I can assure you I am still working other options with other girls out there as well... or, at the very least, I plan to get out in the city after work today and continue my work on my newbie assignment.