- Joined
- Nov 21, 2013
- Messages
- 12
Hello GC, first time poster here.
I hadn't planned on posting until I'd had some readable results in the field, but I wanted to get this post out and get a little advice (as I have a time-frame, and I'm inexperienced). I’m not qualifying this as a field-report since I’ve seen this girl at work before (even if we didn't interact much).
I apologize in advance if this is garbled, as I’m writing this on a schedule before I rush off.
Background (can be skipped):
In April, I had the opportunity to take a year off of college to reconnect with my dad in Southern California, which for various reason I decided to take. I’m staying with him and my stepmother in Orange County until I go back to school (October 2014). I eventually got a job at a nearby Panera Café, managed to make a male friend who's dating a cowoker, and recently more firmly entered a sort of loose, workers’ social circle (mostly female, all early twenties or younger. Maybe 2 or 3 attractive, social, warm males).
My standing; still very new to group, don’t hang out regularly with them. Failed alpha female’s tests (note to self; work on my comfort levels. having wit would help). I presume I’m in the friendzone (closed body language, the usual ‘aw… so cute’ and ‘brother’-like comments made appearances).
While not fantastic, this could be worse, as it was only my first meeting with the group, and I had no active interest in this girl in the first place. One young (18 or 19), nervous but very attractive girl had essentially been staring at me nonstop since I joined them, and responded very positively to conversation and attention throughout. Logistics (small, unfamiliar group, unfamiliar, far-away location, late at night) and my general lack of experience leading meant this went nowhere.
Given where I stand, my instinct was to brush this all off and just use this group as an opportunity to practice sexualizing my vibe and reputation management, then try actively seducing girls I meet via cold approach, outside the social circle.
IOI and subsequent setup:
Two days ago however, a different girl at work (average, slightly awkward, nonetheless opinionated and clearly intelligent, maybe 20- 22) started pursuing me quite suddenly, and more aggressively than I’m used to seeing; she started approaching me at work, touching my arms and waist, and gave me blatant hints at wanting to meet (asking me about the sort of food I like, out-and-out just saying we should hang out). I retained some frame control, though only because she was chasing hard enough that I teased her into offering to pay when we went out; but in essence, she asked me out.
The meet:
The next morning, I texted briefly and we agreed to meet for some food and just hang out in town before I went to work (note to self; needed better logistics). During the few hours we had, I’m going to say it was about 40% awkward silences, so I definitely still need to work on conversation in general and leading them (though, to be fair its a two-way street, and she’s a little awkward/nervous too; she ended up talking about her sister’s Llamas at one point. Minimal context.). The whole thing was pretty much an informational date, where we sort of got to know each other slowly, but throughout, she still remained attentive, fairly comfortable (read: forgiving after awkward pauses), and reciprocated positively to things like very close proximity, incidental and friendly touch (arms, back, thighs, hair). I was also able to move her without difficulty or even the slightest resistance. Where the conversation was present, I tried to be a playful and teasing (still figuring out how to flirt), and we ended up with a running joke after I wouldn’t tell her my age, and made her guess. Near the end, we got to talking about physical appearances, and ended with her ‘trading’ her (supposedly) greatest physical insecurity for my age. Oh, and she did indeed pay for the meal.
At the end, she drove with me to work (I couldn’t figure out a way to share cars on the spur of the moment), and we ended up talking for a little while longer before I started; I lost frame control here when I lost focus and gave a slightly garbled version of ‘Bye, give me a call’. So, the ending wasn’t strong (though on the plus side, she did make a comment about my abs after I hugged her goodbye).
Thoughts, questions and concerns:
1. My immediate thought here (and during the meet actually) is that I should have tried to kiss her; I have so little experience with this that I couldn’t figure out how to romanticize/sexualize the mood (I was pretty nervous), so I’m going back to the articles, and I’d appreciate any of your newbie advice/anecdotes on this matter. (For the record; I’m a 24 year old virgin with no girl-related experience of any kind)
2. The ending aside; plenty of IOI’s here, and given how compliant she remained, even with the awkwardness, I’m guessing I can make her my girlfriend, if not just lover, without difficulty if I move quickly. And while this wasn’t my plan (and she certainly wasn’t a target), I think this would be a fantastic way of flattening my learning curve a bit.
3. My work circle is my social circle, and I don’t have any other real social circles nearby (just yet, anyway). Losing this one would make practicing my skills a fair bit harder. Your opinions/anecdotes are appreciated here; is the risk of losing social circle/getting thrown under the bus worth sleeping with a coworker? Especially given my lack of (sexual) experience?
4. In your opinion, which should be aimed for, lover/FWB or girlfriend? From a ‘gaining experience’ point of view. I have the advantage of only being here a year, and weighing it in my mind, I can see either of those being useful learning experiences, especially given I have no relationships/lays under my belt. Or… am I over-thinking this? Should I just see what happens?
5. And finally; now what? This is the fastest I’ve ever gone out with a girl after getting to know her, and I guess I'm sure what the next move is, especially at this pace. Whether I aim to make her my girlfriend or FWB, what’s the next step in initiating a meetup (which will preferably end at a private location)? Should I follow-up on the meet with a text/call, or is that unnecessary?
It’s been a little over 24 hours since we met, and it’s likely we'll see each other again at a social gathering (group dinner) in a few days time anyhow. Should I use that, and try to move her away after/during?
Whelp, that there’s my first FR/OR. Not too used to this, so I appreciate any advice on structuring these things better or more coherently, or anything along those lines.
Edit: Formatting, title, words
I hadn't planned on posting until I'd had some readable results in the field, but I wanted to get this post out and get a little advice (as I have a time-frame, and I'm inexperienced). I’m not qualifying this as a field-report since I’ve seen this girl at work before (even if we didn't interact much).
I apologize in advance if this is garbled, as I’m writing this on a schedule before I rush off.
Background (can be skipped):
In April, I had the opportunity to take a year off of college to reconnect with my dad in Southern California, which for various reason I decided to take. I’m staying with him and my stepmother in Orange County until I go back to school (October 2014). I eventually got a job at a nearby Panera Café, managed to make a male friend who's dating a cowoker, and recently more firmly entered a sort of loose, workers’ social circle (mostly female, all early twenties or younger. Maybe 2 or 3 attractive, social, warm males).
My standing; still very new to group, don’t hang out regularly with them. Failed alpha female’s tests (note to self; work on my comfort levels. having wit would help). I presume I’m in the friendzone (closed body language, the usual ‘aw… so cute’ and ‘brother’-like comments made appearances).
While not fantastic, this could be worse, as it was only my first meeting with the group, and I had no active interest in this girl in the first place. One young (18 or 19), nervous but very attractive girl had essentially been staring at me nonstop since I joined them, and responded very positively to conversation and attention throughout. Logistics (small, unfamiliar group, unfamiliar, far-away location, late at night) and my general lack of experience leading meant this went nowhere.
Given where I stand, my instinct was to brush this all off and just use this group as an opportunity to practice sexualizing my vibe and reputation management, then try actively seducing girls I meet via cold approach, outside the social circle.
IOI and subsequent setup:
Two days ago however, a different girl at work (average, slightly awkward, nonetheless opinionated and clearly intelligent, maybe 20- 22) started pursuing me quite suddenly, and more aggressively than I’m used to seeing; she started approaching me at work, touching my arms and waist, and gave me blatant hints at wanting to meet (asking me about the sort of food I like, out-and-out just saying we should hang out). I retained some frame control, though only because she was chasing hard enough that I teased her into offering to pay when we went out; but in essence, she asked me out.
The meet:
The next morning, I texted briefly and we agreed to meet for some food and just hang out in town before I went to work (note to self; needed better logistics). During the few hours we had, I’m going to say it was about 40% awkward silences, so I definitely still need to work on conversation in general and leading them (though, to be fair its a two-way street, and she’s a little awkward/nervous too; she ended up talking about her sister’s Llamas at one point. Minimal context.). The whole thing was pretty much an informational date, where we sort of got to know each other slowly, but throughout, she still remained attentive, fairly comfortable (read: forgiving after awkward pauses), and reciprocated positively to things like very close proximity, incidental and friendly touch (arms, back, thighs, hair). I was also able to move her without difficulty or even the slightest resistance. Where the conversation was present, I tried to be a playful and teasing (still figuring out how to flirt), and we ended up with a running joke after I wouldn’t tell her my age, and made her guess. Near the end, we got to talking about physical appearances, and ended with her ‘trading’ her (supposedly) greatest physical insecurity for my age. Oh, and she did indeed pay for the meal.
At the end, she drove with me to work (I couldn’t figure out a way to share cars on the spur of the moment), and we ended up talking for a little while longer before I started; I lost frame control here when I lost focus and gave a slightly garbled version of ‘Bye, give me a call’. So, the ending wasn’t strong (though on the plus side, she did make a comment about my abs after I hugged her goodbye).
Thoughts, questions and concerns:
1. My immediate thought here (and during the meet actually) is that I should have tried to kiss her; I have so little experience with this that I couldn’t figure out how to romanticize/sexualize the mood (I was pretty nervous), so I’m going back to the articles, and I’d appreciate any of your newbie advice/anecdotes on this matter. (For the record; I’m a 24 year old virgin with no girl-related experience of any kind)
2. The ending aside; plenty of IOI’s here, and given how compliant she remained, even with the awkwardness, I’m guessing I can make her my girlfriend, if not just lover, without difficulty if I move quickly. And while this wasn’t my plan (and she certainly wasn’t a target), I think this would be a fantastic way of flattening my learning curve a bit.
3. My work circle is my social circle, and I don’t have any other real social circles nearby (just yet, anyway). Losing this one would make practicing my skills a fair bit harder. Your opinions/anecdotes are appreciated here; is the risk of losing social circle/getting thrown under the bus worth sleeping with a coworker? Especially given my lack of (sexual) experience?
4. In your opinion, which should be aimed for, lover/FWB or girlfriend? From a ‘gaining experience’ point of view. I have the advantage of only being here a year, and weighing it in my mind, I can see either of those being useful learning experiences, especially given I have no relationships/lays under my belt. Or… am I over-thinking this? Should I just see what happens?
5. And finally; now what? This is the fastest I’ve ever gone out with a girl after getting to know her, and I guess I'm sure what the next move is, especially at this pace. Whether I aim to make her my girlfriend or FWB, what’s the next step in initiating a meetup (which will preferably end at a private location)? Should I follow-up on the meet with a text/call, or is that unnecessary?
It’s been a little over 24 hours since we met, and it’s likely we'll see each other again at a social gathering (group dinner) in a few days time anyhow. Should I use that, and try to move her away after/during?
Whelp, that there’s my first FR/OR. Not too used to this, so I appreciate any advice on structuring these things better or more coherently, or anything along those lines.
Edit: Formatting, title, words
