Night game post... series of bad sets lead to approach anxiety

[Gsi2810]

Guys I'm at an intermediate level of the game. I got a bunch of approaches under my belt, won some, lost many but hey at least I'm getting laid more than I used to. Now my problem is I don't get approach anxiety at the beginning of the night, I approach (when I'm good I'm good, when I'm bad I make mental notes and I do better). However when I have had a string of bad approaches where the girls are rude and curt and there wasn't even a smile that passed on their lips and the interaction was over in 10-20 seconds. I get a bit disheartened and the wind is gone from my sails. I start to procrastinate for an hour or maybe even the whole night. Thankfully I'm always able to get back on track and start approaching again.

How do I cut down on this "dead time" this is purely a negative mindset state where I have analyzed myself I get low on energy and motivation (I literally went out of the club and put on some youtube inspirational content which helped a bit but not as much). I can use these wasted hours to approach but my mind is in a negative state for sometime where I'm a bit hard on myself. Thankfully it bounces back from it, I have ALWAYS overcome this and I'm back approaching, if I'm lucky maybe in an hour or two, if I'm not by the next night for sure, never had two terrible consecutive nights.

Some solutions which I thought may help but don't- having wings who motivate (pretty sure this works but I have always had trouble convincing guys who just want to "drink and chill" rather than approach women with me). Changing of venue (my negative emotions came with me to the next venue too).

 

[Jan]

I have the exact same problem, and here are few ideas/solutions which help me.

Problem: negative outcome has a strong effect on your emotional state.

Core of the issue: the reason for this problem is that you ALLOW other people/external circumstances to affect your emotional state. You are result-dependent or your self-esteem is fragile, it depends either on the reaction of other people, or your own estimation of whether you performed well or not.

Also, the DEFINITION of intermediate is that you will experience BOTH wins and losses. A master is someone who wins more than losses. A perfect seducer is someone who always win (and this person doesn't exist and never will).

If you are beginner, one thing you say to yourself to help you deal with rejections/losses is to say to yourself: "I'm a total beginner. I'm a student. Of course I'm gonna make mistakes because I have almost zero experience and skills." This helps the beginner to overcome the tough times.

As an intermediate you can tell yourself: "I'm an intermediate, so I should expect both rejections and wins. Rejections are still totally normal on this stage. Everyone who became great at this, had to go through what I'm going through. I'm not any different." This is the RATIONAL part.

Emotionally, you should be KIND and COMPASSIONATE to yourself. Instead, you seem to be judgemental. You actually have too high expectations of yourself. If rejections bother you, it means that you are expecting to SEE NO REJECTIONS. But as you have already explained rationally to yourself - rejections are part of the intermediate stage. It's something unavoidable.

Instead of putting too much pressure on yourself by beating yourself for 'procrastination' or 'dead time', you should allow yourself this time as a rest and relax period. You should not hurry to go back to approaching. Rest and procrastination (which really is how your subconscious helps you to rest) is something which you totally deserve after tough times you went through. The more willing you become to give yourself this time for regeneration, the faster it works. The more anxious or judgmental you are about these rest times, the longer it takes to fully regenerate and go back to approaching.

 

[Gsi2810]

It's a very inner game thing one recommendation is to walk briskly and tire yourself a bit so your mind is a bit distracted and not solely focusing on approach.

 

[Will_V]

Guys I'm at an intermediate level of the game. I got a bunch of approaches under my belt, won some, lost many but hey at least I'm getting laid more than I used to. Now my problem is I don't get approach anxiety at the beginning of the night, I approach (when I'm good I'm good, when I'm bad I make mental notes and I do better). However when I have had a string of bad approaches where the girls are rude and curt and there wasn't even a smile that passed on their lips and the interaction was over in 10-20 seconds. I get a bit disheartened and the wind is gone from my sails. I start to procrastinate for an hour or maybe even the whole night. Thankfully I'm always able to get back on track and start approaching again.

How do I cut down on this "dead time" this is purely a negative mindset state where I have analyzed myself I get low on energy and motivation (I literally went out of the club and put on some youtube inspirational content which helped a bit but not as much). I can use these wasted hours to approach but my mind is in a negative state for sometime where I'm a bit hard on myself. Thankfully it bounces back from it, I have ALWAYS overcome this and I'm back approaching, if I'm lucky maybe in an hour or two, if I'm not by the next night for sure, never had two terrible consecutive nights.

Some solutions which I thought may help but don't- having wings who motivate (pretty sure this works but I have always had trouble convincing guys who just want to "drink and chill" rather than approach women with me). Changing of venue (my negative emotions came with me to the next venue too).

What works best for me is to separate my emotions from what's happening. I do this by knowing exactly what I want and what I can expect. If I get a lot of bad reactions, I know there's a reason - girls don't have telepathy with eachother, they just each look at your face and react to what they see. So I know that on my face is something girls don't like to see. Which means I have to change that if I want a good reaction.

Emotional spirals occur when you are unable to maintain a simple, logical relationship with reality like this, and it is what I always try to return to whenever I get too emotional. It's the only way to consistently avoid these problems, because everything else is an attempt to manipulate emotion (which can fail or backfire or suddenly get reversed in some way) whereas perception is outside of emotion, like a rock sticking out of the sea, once you are attached to it and embrace it the sea cannot do anything. And it is always there when you need it.

Once you stabilize yourself, it's time to bring out positive emotions - accepting your mood, and focusing on enjoying time with people around you, being a positive social force regardless of whether you get a girl or not. And then once you are cheerful and calm, you can allow yourself to be more instinctive again and start building up sexual momentum.

This is what works for me, everybody is a bit different.

 

[Gsi2810]

@Will_V - Actually you're the perfect guy to talk about this. I have been analyzing the quality of my approaches. Now I know you're a day game expert and I stick to the nights when cold approaching but here it goes. My approaches are extremely polarzing they get results fast or get burned out fast (in my opinion correct me if you disagree from the example). I open with something like that dress is quite striking you like to standout from others are you an all eyes on me kind of girl, if the response is warm, I instantly close the gap and touch the small of her back and keep on talking (music is loud and I use it as an excuse to break the touch barrier. The conversation is very man to woman over there lots of teasing, it feels like the engine is running at a 100, there is too much pressure which sometimes results in very quick lays but often busts, I have seen your posts and they are a lot about low pressure conversation but still man to woman. I was thinking of incorporating that and maybe tone down the engine to maybe 70 instead of 100.

 

[Skills]

everyone gets rejected, but harsh rejections usually comes down to calibration..... Women when it comes to night game have to be harsh if they smell uncallibration, cause then they can not get rid of guys, they stick around, and they have a history of experiences like that.... Actually i experience what girls experience with guys that want to be around me to be cool, and i can't get rid of them.... You are approach is blow me in blow me out stuff, which, yea it works at times, but is high risk high rewards.... pretty much a light version of "wanna fuck" subcommunication.

As i always say nights have a rhythm, change your strategy to be more mingling, more friendly, good vibes, more casual indirect at the start of the night, till you get warm on in a zone, vs going for the blow me in blow me out early.... That way you get warm up, and you read tells and intelligence early in the night..... vs what you are doing now getting rejections early, i don't care who you are getting so many rejection or harsh rejection will affect you, as you have witness, not only that it can kill your social proof, burning yourself out and making it harder to open other women.... This by sexaddict911:

I have bitten my tongue for too long, I thought I’d sit back and see if I could actually relate to the general mentality of this forum, but truthfully, it’s a bunch of haters, or people seeking validation. I see post of guy’s preaching their skills and how to do this and that, yet at the beginning of the thread they will say shit like I have been a PUA for 3 yrs WTF! You bash a guy for actually wanting to be a pick up artist rather then a fucking pick up monkey. If you guys wanna run around and approach every woman you see, then yes expect a lot of rejection. If you want to frequent a club and hit on every hot chick you see, then go ahead, but dont expect to pick up any of them.

Lets say you play the numbers game and on average, 2 out of 10 women you can pick up. Now lets say, you approach the first 8 that you can’t get. Do you honestly think your state of mind is gonna be the same as if you found the 2 that are down first? Of course not, no matter how much confidence you have you are going to be affected. Not only that, if the 2 women that you can get have been watching you try to pick up the other 8, there’s a great chance they will no longer be interested. And trust me, if a woman has interest in you, you can sure as hell believe she has been watching you.

When i first came to this forum, i talked about how i take a good amount of time to pre-screen women and look for women that show interest before I approach and I got mocked and laughed at, in my mind i was like wtf? OK i’ll shut up, maybe these people know another method, maybe they can show something I don’t already know. Maybe there is something to all this PUA mental masterbation.

A good majority of this forum are full of shit, and need to open their eyes. It’s not rocket science, it’s interacting with another human being, but if you are playing the numbers game rather then having a true passion for women and the art of pick up, you are never gonna get anywhere, sure you may get laid a lot, but if you are not learning from your seductions, learning about women, about their desires and needs, learning to identify the obtainable women, learning to identify the woman that are showing interest as opposed to the ones that have zero interest, then you will never evolve and you will be stuck in a revolving door.

If you don’t believe me, ask a dude like Poeticlyskuac, ask him what his pick up ratio is, I guarantee you it’s extremely high. Why? Because he is learning the most important things about pick up. How to correctly interpret IOI’s and body language in general

Why spam approaching does not work in clubs - The Skills Method

Why spam approaching does not work in night clubs.

www.theskillsmethod.com

Now there are guys that feel better after 1 rejection out of the way to help kill the ego.... A few times this has actually help me, 60yoc recommend this strategy... But i know it probably not you so just mentioning for readers....

one thing that has work for me, is a big club with different rooms, one room to warm up or if i for whatever reason get rejected can go to another room or another part of the club, this helps.... or different clubs (club hopping) this also helps with the "start all over feeling"

^ my strategy is combo of what i just wrote, i go to a particular club more chill, more friendly mingly to warm up, and yea most times i get girls doing this a lot of times, but my head is not (i got get them) cause is in the early stages of the night.... then i go to another venue/room/part of the club once warmed up and state to sarge, and if this does not go well then another room, part of the club or another club.

So my strategy is more like mingle/friendly/warm up not even thinking about hooking up just like a friendly party host (and a lot of times i get girls just by doing this) > then once warm up in state, with some wins more sarging>then at times usually towards end of the night (blow me in blow me out stuff back in the days, now i days i don't like it) cause of the shorter time to work with....

vs your strategy you start blow me in blow me out high risk strategy when women in early stages on the night, may be too strong and calibrated> get harsh rejections and kill social proof> then ruins your night....

also learn a bit of club dynamics

 

[Will_V]

@Will_V - Actually you're the perfect guy to talk about this. I have been analyzing the quality of my approaches. Now I know you're a day game expert and I stick to the nights when cold approaching but here it goes. My approaches are extremely polarzing they get results fast or get burned out fast (in my opinion correct me if you disagree from the example). I open with something like that dress is quite striking you like to standout from others are you an all eyes on me kind of girl, if the response is warm, I instantly close the gap and touch the small of her back and keep on talking (music is loud and I use it as an excuse to break the touch barrier. The conversation is very man to woman over there lots of teasing, it feels like the engine is running at a 100, there is too much pressure which sometimes results in very quick lays but often busts, I have seen your posts and they are a lot about low pressure conversation but still man to woman. I was thinking of incorporating that and maybe tone down the engine to maybe 70 instead of 100.

I wouldn't call myself an expert but I'll give my best.

Like @Skills says harsh rejections are usually due to poor calibration, when she thinks 'wtf, how does this guy not get how lame/annoying/awkward/nonsensical this is?' So she feels the need to let you know. There are some very bitchy girls who just like to blow guys out but very few.

Now when this happens, it's clear to everyone. If you were watching yourself, you would have thought the same as her. One of the most important things a seducer has to have is a third person view of himself. Obviously he can't leave his body and look directly, but he has to have a way of being able to play in his head a line and have a rough idea of how it would look like as someone watching himself say it, or do the same after the fact. Being able to chill and relax goes a long way toward enabling this to happen.

Day game is day game and night game isn't the same. You do have to be more aggressive and direct at night. If some if your sets end as a lay, analyse why. Maybe all you have to do is the same but a little toned down to be more consistent. I can tell you though that I'm my experience it's way easier to pull off daygame with a low mood than night game. Night game is all about high energy and social momentum. So if your state falls you'll have a hard time after that.

My advice for you is to remember that all seduction, no matter where or when, follows a process, and mistakes can always be understood and corrected. If you know where a mistake is (such as losing state) focus on ironing it out first. If you get blown out multiple times, analyse it, write a field report. Don't get lost in generalisations.

 

[Gsi2810]

@Will_V - I like all sort of game but I could use some tips on where to daygame rather than how (pretty sure some of my future posts will be about this but first step is venues) . Do I sit in cafe's and wait for an isolated girl, go to shopping malls? Is there a thread which is venue focused?

@Skills - Man that article on spam approaching hit home, I could relate a lot to that, food for thought. I definitely don't wait for IOIs I just feel powerful when I make something happen for me. To day my proudest lay has been with a model who didn't even look at me/ notice me before I spoke to her, I just have a mindset that a woman will appreciate me once she gets to know me and talk to me, my fundamentals are averagish but not poor. I'm a good talker though besides I think it's a good mindset that every girl is gonna be attracted to me if she knows me better (which is obviously not true but it's better than low confidence). The key thing you mentioned was the "fresh start mindset" I wish I could reach this mindset faster than wasting the whole night with as the article mentions spam approach. Maybe there's a middle ground somewhere.
P.S.- Dude that sexual texting article is gold, I used that a couple of months ago, good stuff!

 

[Skills]

@Will_V - I like all sort of game but I could use some tips on where to daygame rather than how (pretty sure some of my future posts will be about this but first step is venues) . Do I sit in cafe's and wait for an isolated girl, go to shopping malls? Is there a thread which is venue focused?

@Skills - Man that article on spam approaching hit home, I could relate a lot to that, food for thought. I definitely don't wait for IOIs I just feel powerful when I make something happen for me. To day my proudest lay has been with a model who didn't even look at me/ notice me before I spoke to her, I just have a mindset that a woman will appreciate me once she gets to know me and talk to me, my fundamentals are averagish but not poor. I'm a good talker though besides I think it's a good mindset that every girl is gonna be attracted to me if she knows me better (which is obviously not true but it's better than low confidence). The key thing you mentioned was the "fresh start mindset" I wish I could reach this mindset faster than wasting the whole night with as the article mentions spam approach. Maybe there's a middle ground somewhere.
P.S.- Dude that sexual texting article is gold, I used that a couple of months ago, good stuff!

I dont wait for iois, you missunderstood..