No Contact or Reach Out? Bad Conundrum

[DaddyD]

Hey, what's up? I made a pretty bad newbie mistake with this girl. Probably more than one newbie mistake if I'm being honest. I don't think I fucked her fast enough. I was also way too attainable and nice guy, and I know that's something I'll have to improve upon. Anyways, I made it pretty obvious throughout many of our interactions that I wanted sex. She would always flinch away from the slightest movement towards her though and would always have an excuse not to fuck.

I seemed to at least partially succeed in getting her to open up to the idea of having sex with me. She even told me before once that I had a nice cock and we could fuck sometime. I know this girl is at least fairly sexually active and eventually I got her to agree to come to my place through rather dogged persistence, where it was obvious the only reasonable outcome would be us having sex. When I tried contacting her the day of when she was supposed to come over, she obviously blew me off and didn't respond. Anyways, it made me pretty angry. This chick talked about all the guys she had fucked and was obviously still fucking guys while seeing me and I just got fed up. A couple of days afterwards, I called and received no response, then sent her a couple of texts. I confronted her about something she told me and ended by texting, "Or do you think I'm really that stupid?" Transcript from her follows:

Her: Chill it's bc sometimes you ask for too much from me

Her: (44 minutes later): I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt your feelings

She then tried calling me nearly an hour after that. I didn't answer. Called me again two days later. Again, I didn't pick up her call. Then she tried calling me one last time the day after and I decided I still would not pick up. The texts happened exactly one week ago from today.

I feel fairly comfortable in my decision to go no contact with her, I had made my expectations blindingly obvious and she only saw it fit to fuck other guys. I'm not going to be the guy that chases her while she goes sees other guys. If nothing else, I figure I am at least preserving some shred of my dignity and I'm sure she'd respect me more for it, even if only grudgingly. Although, I'm concerned that because of my rather impulsive outburst, she may assume that I'm angry at her and might refrain from contact because of that.

Anyways, if I stick with no contact, I figure there's always a chance I could get back with her later, if I focus on dating and meeting other women and leverage preselection and jealousy. There might also be the odd chance that she decides she misses me and begs me to come back. On the other hand though, I have wondered if maybe I shouldn't just tell her what I'm thinking and feeling. She has acted compliant in the past when I let her know I wasn't pleased or happy with something she did. I'm still brimming with anger underneath though, and I just kind of feel like telling her that I would rather spend time with a woman that respects me and is crazy about me. I think that would make me seem much less attainable, although, cutting her down is probably not going to bring her closer to me and might lead to future resent and bitterness.

At the beginning of our interactions, I was getting a lot of investment from her. At one point, I thought she was going to be my girlfriend. She would even ask me jealous questions about if I was seeing other girls, but then she kind of seemed to take me for granted. I guess that was because I made myself too attainable. Anyways, how can I best salvage this situation? I can be comfortable accepting this as a learning experience and moving on if there's no good way of resolving this, but if possible, I'd like to keep the door open.

Don't worry, I'm not letting myself wallow in oneitis. I actually got a girl's number yesterday. She even hesitated at first because she told me she had a boyfriend, but I still got her number. lol So, I'm feeling rather pleased with myself there. If you want to know how I pulled it off, this is what I told her. "Well, it doesn't have to be a 'date date'." Yes, I said date two times. I felt like a pretty smooth cat pulling that off. hahaha It's like I communicated that I was interested, yet in the same sentence, also communicated that I would be low key. Oh, I also got another girl on my line too! I just keep meeting more and more women and I can only get better with them. Let the good times roll!

 

[DaddyD]

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=14906

Here is a post related to the same girl.

 

[DaddyD]

Hey, I just had an idea. Has anyone ever tried the, "I don't think we should to talk each other anymore." line with much success? I recently had a black woman who was being rather insulting with me during a text exchange, Here's a transcript from that:

Me: Please discontinue any further contact with me. I will not waste any more time on your childish and midget-minded comments.

Her: Wow

Her: I'm tripping baby. I miss you. I'm thinking how much of a gentleman you really are.

As you can see, she was much more submissive when I communicated to her that I didn't want to speak with her. So, why not try something like that again with this girl? Here's what I was thinking. I may be wrong, but tell me what you think. Okay, this girl I mentioned in this post. She already knows I've been avoiding her, right? It's plainly obvious. However, what if I contact her and simply say something like, "I need to talk to you about something." It's vague enough to generate intrigue in what I have to say, and she's likely to comply, given that she hasn't seen me in a while and probably misses me a little. If she presses me about what I want to talk about, I simply say, "It's better if I tell you in person."

Once I get her to agree to meet me somewhere like a restaurant, I make a little friendly chit-chat, give her a chance to remember what she liked about me in the first place. Maybe pay her a nice compliment or two. Then I drop the bombshell. I say something like this, "Hey, I think you're a really great girl, but I don't think we really are on the same wavelength. I don't blame you for anything, but I think it's better if we don't talk to each other."

Here's the logic behind this. She already knows I'm not talking to her. Although, if I meet up with her in person and communicate my intention, it shows that I am serious about eliminating contact and I'm not afraid to tell her, which seems a little better than just ignoring her, because that just comes across as a little pussy-shit, passive-aggressive, or butt-hurt. I figure if I do it this way, I'm manning up and not running away, and I'm being honest and direct with her. Additionally, I think it would be very shocking to her, because so far, she has assumed that I'm already hers and because of the direct and personal communication, I think it would be really difficult for her not to have a strong emotional reaction (crying, begging, pleading, shocked silence, etc.). Basically, I am communicating to her in no uncertain terms, "You are losing me." Either I am going to completely shatter her resistance and she will become submissive, or she will just quietly accept it and resign herself. Which in the latter case, was she ever really that passionate about me to begin with? I think this could be either a brilliant move or possibly one of my biggest miscalculations waiting to happen. I guess this is kind of the jerk's "break her heart" strategy. What do you think this? Is it worth a try? I probably don't have much to lose at this point.

 

[DaddyD]

Hmm, you know, I'm not so sure that last idea is great. Seems like kind of a risky gambit that could really sour future encounters between me and her. I don't know. No contact, I'm probably not going to lose anything, and I'll likely be in a stronger position later. I could also see that last idea resulting in some pretty negative feelings and maybe even auto-rejection behavior.