FR No Margin Of Error In Initial Texts

[authenticSelf]

I am experiencing absolutely no margin of error in my chats on online dating apps.

Example 1: Bumble
Girl: Hey how's it going?
Me: Hey _, I'm doing quite well....what are your plans for Hannukah? Saw that she was Jewish in her profile
Girl: Working and celebrating it with my dog
Girl: My family is all back in Texas
Me: Lol, working? Do nurses get some rest?
Girl: I picked up overtime. I will be working Christmas day
Me: Smart choice. Don't tell me you are going to eat chinese food on Christmas
Girl: I might LOL
Girl: Where are you from?
Me: Can you guess where I'm from?
Girl: You are from X country. But what state though? I am from Asia and people usually guess my ethnicity and country correctly
Me: Have you ever been?
Girl: No. But I have many friends from X country
Me: You'd win cool points if you did visit any part of Asia
Girl: I was supposed to go but my trip got cancelled
Me: Boo...Lol
Girl: I know right.
Me: What do you like about Crossfit?
Girl: I like pushing my body
Me: Pushing my body? That's a bit forward of you... I need at least a candlelight dinner before I allow you to talk dirty to me
Girl: I don't know how that is dirty but okay
Me: Texas to East Coast! Any regrets given the pesky cold?
Girl: Naw, I love it
Me: You like the cold!? Were you born in the wrong state?
Girl: hahahaha possibly
Me: Why did you choose nursing?
Girl: I love to learn constantly
Me: What do you have to learn?
SILENCE
Me: My __ was a nurse but she went left the career after kids
SILENCE
(After a day)
Me: Happy Hannukah!
SILENCE
-------------------

Example 2: Hinge Girl
Me: Hey __, you seem interesting. Is your red hair nature or nurture?
Girl: Most def nurture lol. I dye it myself usually. It used to be really really bring red, but more subtle now lol
Me: If I had to guess, you work in media or medicine or art
Girl: I am a teacher
Me: So my guess of medicine wasn't too far
Girl: Yeah, the science based part is close enough
Me: I'd be so distracted with your fiery red hair if I was in your class. Thats not very nice of you
Girl: Not the convo I was expecting
Me: I am silly sometimes
Me: What attracted you to your profession?
SILENCE
SILENCE
SILENCE


Am I doing this all wrong? How can I be more interesting? Also, I get that I need to say "You seem interesting. What is your number? I hate texting on this app". Am I engaging too much?

 

[HeartRipper]

Girl: I was supposed to go but my trip got cancelled
Me: Boo...Lol
Girl: I know right.
Me: What do you like about Crossfit?

The interaction was going well up to this point. I think there was an opportunity to further deep dive here, when she mentioned that she had to go but her trip got cancelled. You could've dived further to find out why her trip got cancelled, whether she has plans to still go, and where else she would like to etc. I think the jump to a new topic about Crossfit here was premature. This happens to me a lot too when I have just met a new girl and there is lots to talk with her about. I end up jumping aimlessly from topic to topic. But it needs to be avoided and exchanged for a smoother and more focused interaction.

 

[HeartRipper]

Me: Why did you choose nursing?
Girl: I love to learn constantly
Me: What do you have to learn?

There is also a problem here. I think the girl did not understand your question because it was vague. During deep diving, it is important to be smooth with your questioning by helping the girl understand the questions for better answers and connection. For example, here, when she mentioned nursing, you could've helped her out by asking her why nursing, and not business, or accounting or modelling, whatever rather than asking the awkward and broad question of "What do you have to learn?" I think that's why she ghosted.
It is possible to make quick comebacks during realtime interactions but over text, since you have time to think, use it and send precise and accurate messages.

 

[HeartRipper]

Me: What do you have to learn?
SILENCE
Me: My __ was a nurse but she went left the career after kids
SILENCE

Instead of immediately trying to save the interaction (which made you look needy and low-value), you should've let it die and re-engage after a period (probably 24 hrs) with a totally new thread. If it's not working, drop and move to something else. Again, what you did could've worked in a face-to-face interaction, but over text, yes, you have less room for error.

 

[HeartRipper]

Me: Hey __, you seem interesting. Is your red hair nature or nurture?
Girl: Most def nurture lol. I dye it myself usually. It used to be really really bring red, but more subtle now lol
Me: If I had to guess, you work in media or medicine or art

Same problem here of jumping from topics too quickly. It seems you don't know much about hair, and that's why you switched quickly, which was smart. Otherwise, practice more about how to better switch smoothly from topic to topic rather than an abrupt "what do you do" from "i love your hair."

Me: I'd be so distracted with your fiery red hair if I was in your class. Thats not very nice of you
Girl: Not the convo I was expecting
Me: I am silly sometimes

I have also noticed the same pattern of getting playful too early before you know whether the girl is there yet. It is good to do as it spices the interaction from the platonic personal convo but the issue is when it is delivered. I honestly think the playful lines came too quickly for both girls and that's why they weren't received as intended.

 

[HeartRipper]

Otherwise, keep practicing with text. It can help to save an interaction at times, although I prefer to stick with what Chase advises...using text to set up logistics and not to extensively rely on it to build interest. Set up a meet and charm the girl in real time.
- HeartRipper

 

[authenticSelf]

I have also noticed the same pattern of getting playful too early before you know whether the girl is there yet. It is good to do as it spices the interaction from the platonic personal convo but the issue is when it is delivered. I honestly think the playful lines came too quickly for both girls and that's why they weren't received as intended.

Hey @HeartRipper yeah, the pattern is for real. Currently, I have poor calibration on when to make it playful & teasing. I am learning but losing really good girls and it sucks.

What I am going to work on:

• Do not text when I'm busy. I reply on dating apps when I don't have time to think i.e., when I am out or walking. This was true in both examples
• Play with time: I don't have to reply immediately fearing of losing the girl. I don't have the girl yet.
• Build intrigue: No idea how to do this. Girls tend not to ask about me right now