- Joined
- Aug 24, 2024
- Messages
- 39
Goals
I am continuing to work on being a better conversationalist. Chase wrote a recent article on a Zero Questions Challenge addressing my recent field report because I ask too many questions, so today I am working on using more statements.- Zero questions! (Or as few as you can manage)
- Approach with good posture and voice
- Always be closing (if she isn't taken or disgusted)
Outing
Today I went out to a popular shopping mall and shopping street.Approach 1
While parking my car, I noticed a pretty girl walk by and enter an empty street in between office buildings. I speed walked to follow her for a good distance. I was worried it might seem threatening to catch up from so far away and approach her up close in a wide space without any people, so I opened from about 5 feet away after jogging the last distance to catch up.Me: "Excuse me! Hi."
Her: "Hi"
Me: "I just noticed you walking by, and I had to come say I thought you had the most elegant sense of style. I just love the outfit, I love the red and the black." <Introduce myself>
Her: "Thank you so much" <Introduces herself>
Me: "Hi, how are you doing today?"
Her: "Good, good."
Me: "What are you up to today?"
Her: "I had some work, yeah."
Me: "Okay. And it's a nice day to get off work and go home to relax."
Her: "I know, yeah."
Me: "I take it, uh, you look like you're about to head to a party"
Her: "No" <Laughs> "Yeah, I'm just going home."
Me: "Okay. You're not much of a, uh, party person."
Her: "Yeah, no."
Me: "I bet you like to read and do yoga."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, really?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, okay. You're big into health and exercise."
Her: "A little bit. Not big. I'm a student, so I'm a little bit busy."
Me: "Oh, a student. Okay. But you're also working like an internship? "
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "Oh, wow. So you're really a go getter."
Her: Thank you.""
Me: "Like you, uh, you must have a lot of drive, huh?"
Her: "Yeah, I guess. Yeah, sure."
Me: "What's your dream?"
Her: "Oh, well, I'm working in data science right now, so..."
Me: "Okay, cool. So you like, is it because you like numbers or because you like money?"
Her: "Both." <Laughs>
Me: "Yeah, okay. How did you get into that?"
Her: "Yeah, I'm doing my master's. I did my bachelor's in computer engineering. I was working as a machine learning engineer and now data scientist."
Me: "Oh, that's amazing."
Her: "Yeah, thank you."
Me: "You love what you do?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Okay, like, if you had, if you could do anything in the world, like, pretend you just won the lottery. You won $5 million dollars. You were set for life. You don't have to work again. Would you still go to this job and do data science?"
Her: "Yeah, definitely."
Me: "Wow, so you really like it"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Here, I don't want to stand in the middle of the street and get run over."
Her: "I'm so sorry, I have to leave in a hurry."
Me: "Oh, you're in a hurry?"
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "Yeah, no problem. Let's just walk on the sidewalk for a sec."
Her: <Follows me>
Me: "Well hey, I have to get going to. But, I mean you seem cool, and I like your sense of style. We should, uh, grab a coffee sometime."
Her: <Laughs> "Actually, I am engaged."
Me: "Oh, so that's going pretty well for you?"
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "Oh, that's an amazing wedding ring, do you mind if I see?"
Her: <She shows me her ring> "It's not a wedding ring. It's just engagement ring"
Me: "Oh, so you're going to get a new one."
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "You're going to wear both of them?"
Her: "Yeah, no, no. I'm just gonna take this off and I guess."
Me: "Okay, well I hope you have a great day."
Her: "Thank you, you too."
Her: "Hi"
Me: "I just noticed you walking by, and I had to come say I thought you had the most elegant sense of style. I just love the outfit, I love the red and the black." <Introduce myself>
Her: "Thank you so much" <Introduces herself>
Me: "Hi, how are you doing today?"
Her: "Good, good."
Me: "What are you up to today?"
Her: "I had some work, yeah."
Me: "Okay. And it's a nice day to get off work and go home to relax."
Her: "I know, yeah."
Me: "I take it, uh, you look like you're about to head to a party"
Her: "No" <Laughs> "Yeah, I'm just going home."
Me: "Okay. You're not much of a, uh, party person."
Her: "Yeah, no."
Me: "I bet you like to read and do yoga."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, really?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, okay. You're big into health and exercise."
Her: "A little bit. Not big. I'm a student, so I'm a little bit busy."
Me: "Oh, a student. Okay. But you're also working like an internship? "
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "Oh, wow. So you're really a go getter."
Her: Thank you.""
Me: "Like you, uh, you must have a lot of drive, huh?"
Her: "Yeah, I guess. Yeah, sure."
Me: "What's your dream?"
Her: "Oh, well, I'm working in data science right now, so..."
Me: "Okay, cool. So you like, is it because you like numbers or because you like money?"
Her: "Both." <Laughs>
Me: "Yeah, okay. How did you get into that?"
Her: "Yeah, I'm doing my master's. I did my bachelor's in computer engineering. I was working as a machine learning engineer and now data scientist."
Me: "Oh, that's amazing."
Her: "Yeah, thank you."
Me: "You love what you do?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Okay, like, if you had, if you could do anything in the world, like, pretend you just won the lottery. You won $5 million dollars. You were set for life. You don't have to work again. Would you still go to this job and do data science?"
Her: "Yeah, definitely."
Me: "Wow, so you really like it"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Here, I don't want to stand in the middle of the street and get run over."
Her: "I'm so sorry, I have to leave in a hurry."
Me: "Oh, you're in a hurry?"
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "Yeah, no problem. Let's just walk on the sidewalk for a sec."
Her: <Follows me>
Me: "Well hey, I have to get going to. But, I mean you seem cool, and I like your sense of style. We should, uh, grab a coffee sometime."
Her: <Laughs> "Actually, I am engaged."
Me: "Oh, so that's going pretty well for you?"
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "Oh, that's an amazing wedding ring, do you mind if I see?"
Her: <She shows me her ring> "It's not a wedding ring. It's just engagement ring"
Me: "Oh, so you're going to get a new one."
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "You're going to wear both of them?"
Her: "Yeah, no, no. I'm just gonna take this off and I guess."
Me: "Okay, well I hope you have a great day."
Her: "Thank you, you too."
Expectation: Neutral
Reality: Neutral
Takeaways: I asked a few too many questions early and I could have converted more questions into teases or statements.
Approach 2
While walking by a coffee shop, I noticed a girl with really beautiful hair sitting down on a bench. I was tempted to procrastinate, but firmed my resolve. I walked nearby, looked around, pretended to "notice" her, then walked over and opened.Me: "Hi, um, I just noticed you sitting down here, and I wanted to say I thought you had a really intriguing sense of style. Like you had the really trendy jacket, but your shoes and your hair are so elegant. I just thought it was really, it was really intriguing." <Introduces myself>
Her: <Introduces herself>. "Hi. Nice to meet you."
Me: "How are you doing today?
Her: "I'm good."
Me: "Just out relaxing after work?"
Her: Yeah, pretty much just starting to come out before I met up with friends for dinner.
Me: "Okay. And a party after."
Her: "Not really."
Me: "Girl's night?"
Her: "No, no."
Me: "Not anymore. Or just not?"
Her: "No, not really. It's just dinner with friends. That's pretty much it."
Me: "Okay. You're probably like the girl who likes to shop and do Pilates.
Her: "Pilates? Yes. Shopping, not so much."
Me: "Oh really, mat Pilates or reformer?"
Her: "Solid core. Actually. Right here."
Me: "Solid core?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, I've never been."
Her: "Yeah, it's a new studio."
Me: "Oh, okay. Is that something you're really passionate about, or just something you do because you want to exercise?"
Her: "It's just fun. My friend got me into it, and I was like, why not? And then I ended up liking it more than her, so."
Me: "Oh. That's interesting. Are you sitting with anyone?"
Her: "No."
Me: "Okay, do you mind if I sit down?"
Her: "Okay."
<I sit down>
Me: "Well, <name>, how did you uh, your friend got you into Pilates, right? And you just loved it ever since."
Her: "Yeah, well, that was only a couple of months ago. Like, five months ago."
Me: "So five months ago, so you're gonna move on to. A new hobby in five months? "
Her: "I don't know. We'll see."
Me: "Okay. Are you a type of person who sticks to one thing for a long time? Or are you a person who likes to jump?"
Her: "Depends on my mood. Yeah, I guess I don't like doing the same thing. Yeah."
Me: "Okay, well, what else do you do?"
Her: "That's a loaded question."
Me: "Loaded question...?"
Her: "I guess, okay, what about you?"
Me: "I guess, are you embarrassed about what you do in your free time?" <Teasing her>
Her: "No, I mean, what about you? What do you like to do in your free time?"
Me: "I'm a big reader. Recently."
Her: "What kind of books do you read?
Me: "A lot of non-fiction. Yeah, I've been reading non-fiction of all types."
Her: "Really?"
Me: "Like I...this is a secret. My friend told me I had to start reading romance, so I was like, okay, I'll read some romance. So there is a really popular one called The Court of Thorns and Roses."
Her: "I saw that on Amazon. It's like one of the trending books right now."
Me: "Yeah. It's filthy."
Her: "Oh is it?"
Me: "Yeah. He was like, hey, if you want to explore literary genres, you got to explore the full spectrum. You can't limit yourself just to, you know, one type."
Her: "Yeah. That's funny. How do you like it so far?"
Me: "It's...the writing is a little bit clumsy, but I can see what girls like about it. It's definitely spicy."
Her: "Okay."
Me: "Yeah. Do you do you consume a lot of art or media?"
Her: "I guess so. Uh, do you watch BoJack Horseman or have you heard of it?"
Me: "I watched one episode. My friend, my college roommate was really into it."
Her: "Okay. Well, the creator of it, he also has a book. So that was what I was reading. Past couple of days. It was interesting."
Me: "Oh, well, what's interesting about it?"
Her: "I forgot what it's called. Like, someone will love you and all your damaged glory or something like that. But the writing style, I think it's really interesting because it's really similar to how BoJack Horseman is. You know, how it's kind of like. Like just the delivery of it. Like, you can tell it's by the same person. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I think that was pretty cool. Yeah."
Me: "That's something you relate to a lot?"
Her: "I guess so. Yeah, that's also something that my friend got me into. So yeah."
Me: "Yeah. I find sometimes your friends can expose you to things you never considered on your own."
Her: "Yeah. That's true."
Me: "And you might discover you like it. Like you found Pilates. I had a friend introduced me to weightlifting, and that was, uh, that was something that was very out of my comfort zone and something I really love now."
Her: "Yeah. I used to be into weightlifting, like, last year, but then I just kind of stopped. But yeah, it just got boring after a while. Because you're just like trying. To up the weights or like trying to progressive overload. And I just got tired of that."
Me: "I find it's a little bit boring sometimes too. But that's...you're supposed to be in the moment. And getting bored is a good thing...sometimes because it spurs your creativity. One of the problems nowadays, scientists said this, apparently we're bombarded by so much social media and short form like TikToks and things like that that we always have something to look at, and we're never bored enough to come up with an interesting idea anymore."
Her: "And also, like everyone's attention spans are like pretty much shot."
Me: "I know it's terrible. That's why I had to quit social media."
Her: "Okay. Good for you."
Me: "It's too distracting. Had to be productive. Are you still in the addiction phase?"
Her: "Um, I actually don't have TikTok, but I watch all my TikToks on, like, YouTube shorts or reels, so it still gets me. But at least I'm not on TikTok."
Me: "Yeah. I had a really bad thing with YouTube rabbit holes. Like, oh, hey, that sounds interesting. Oh, here's ten more videos."
Her: "I know the algorithm really gets you."
Me: "Yeah. It's a...it's a shame."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "I love these rings you have, by the way."
Her: "Oh, it's an Oura ring."
Me: "Oura ring? Oh, like the sleep ring?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh. Do you mind if I see?"
Her: "Sure."
<I touch her hand and examine her ring>
Me: "Oh, wait, it really doesn't look technical at all."
Her: "Yeah, but there's, like, sensors and stuff and a battery on the inside."
Me: "Is it accurate?"
Her: "I think so. I also have the Apple Watch, but I just couldn't wear both."
Me: "You seem like the kind of person who cares a lot about knowing yourself. You want to know everything about yourself."
Her: "Yeah, I guess it's fun. Yeah."
Me: "Did you get any good results?"
Her: "I think my sleep is better. That was the main reason for getting it. And then Apple Watch is really for, like, fitness. The Oura sucks for that. But yeah, I guess they both have their pros and cons."
Me: "Yeah. I think these kinds of things are really interesting to me because...I don't know, it's like, it's like metrics about you. It's like, yeah, you don't think of yourself that way normally."
Her: "But some people don't like it because they feel like something or like the company is collecting all their data."
Me: "Oh that, that's true. I think Apple is a little bit better. They have...they're pretty good about privacy."
Her: "I feel like they know everything about me. So I don't know if that's better or not."
Me: "Yeah, well, at least you're sharing it with the lesser devil"
Her: "Yeah, I guess so."
Me: "Yeah, I actually got something similar. This is a smart watch."
Her: "Oh, what is it?"
Me: "The Withing smart watch. So this one, it tracks your heart rate your steps, things like that. Your floors. You can do it for all sorts of stuff."
Her: "Oh. That's cool."
Me: "I think I got it for a similar reason to you. I don't like the look of a lot of these tech gadgets that's doesn't look...".
Her: "Oh like a Garmin watch, that just really ugly"
Me: "Yeah. And I'm like, I want something that looks, you know, something that looks like a normal piece of accessory. So I found this thing. I was like, oh, holy crap. You know, this one looks way different from other smart watches."
Her: "Yeah, it's pretty cool."
Me: "I bet you care a lot about your fashion. I bet you put a lot of thought into it."
Her: "I guess so, yeah."
Me: "You're probably the type of girl who has a different wardrobe every season."
Her: "No..."
Me: "No? You're evergreen."
Her: "Yeah, I think I just have, like, core pieces that I really like. And then it's like, I saw this thing. It's like, it's not about how you wear the clothes, but it's how you style the clothes."
Me: "Yeah. It is. Absolutely. It's not, it's also not just about the clothing itself. Anything can look good if you style it correctly."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "I really like that you're interested in fashion."
Her: "Yeah. Are you? I mean, you're dressed like it's fall and it's like 80 degrees today."
Me: "What do you mean, it's cold?"
Her: "It's getting colder now."
Me: "Well, I had to. I got up early this morning, so it's really chilly then."
Her: "Do you work around here?"
Me: "Uh, Sort of around here."
Her: "Sort of?"
Me: "Yeah. I had to come to the mall to buy a few things."
Her: "Okay."
Me: "But I work, like, 20, ten, 20 minutes from here."
Her: "Oh, okay. What industry are you in?"
Me: "I work in...uh...I work in tech." <Didn't come up with an interesting way to phrase it>
Her: "Okay, what kind of tech?"
Me: "There's all kinds of techs. Uh...I think you would call it. Devices."
Her: "Devices? Like what kind?"
Me: "Do you know what IoT means?"
Her: "Internet of things? Yeah"
Me: "Yeah. I'm surprised to know that. Actually, I'm no longer surprised since you have so many devices on you." <Teasing a little>
Her: <Laughs> "Okay. Yeah. What about it?"
Me: "So I turn ideas in that space into business systems. So we build...uh we're building a project right now. It's kind of a secret. It's supposed to be...they want it to be big. What about you? What do you do."
Her: "Okay. That was such a vague answer though. Like internet of things you're trying to build business systems but."
Me: "Like...what kind of answer are you looking for? Do you want...I gave you the cliff notes. But you want, like, are you asking me what do I do day to day?
Her: "Um...I don't know what can you share? Because you sound pretty secretive about your job."
Me: "Yeah, well, I do uh...there's a lot of design involved and a lot of...uh, designing systems."
Her: "Like architectural stuff."
Me: "Yeah. Architectural stuff. How familiar are you with software technology?"
Her: "I work in it. I do marketing operations for an AI software company."
Me: "Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, it's a little bit like that. It's. Well, you take a design, you...or you take a business plan, you take a requirement, you turn it into design, then you turn that into actionable, you know, little systems. Yeah. You implement your implementation, you do the scheduling and everything. Make sure you deliver it on time. It's a little bit of the whole, the whole thing."
Her: "Okay. I think that sounds kind of similar to what I do, but in a different context. Yeah, because I do marketing automation and so pretty much the same thing. It's like you gather all the requirements and then you build out the different, like flows, logic, whatever. Yeah, just trying to automate as much as you can."
Me: "Is that something you're really passionate about?"
Her: "I don't know if I'm passionate about it, like I've been doing it for a couple of years, but I guess it's fun. It's challenging. But I wouldn't say I'm, like, fully passionate about it."
Me: "Oh, okay. So if you won the lottery, say you won $5 million. You didn't have to work anymore. What would you do?"
Her: "$5 million. That's it? I'd invest it and then continue working. Because that's only 5 million. Like, how much is tax? Not a lot. It's not."
Me: "All right, let's say 5 million after tax."
Her: "I'd still invest it and then probably keep working."
Me: "Really? That's surprising."
Her: "5 million is not that much."
Me: "So say you put it in the stock market, you get 11% per year. $5 million gets you like. I think it gets you, like, a couple hundred thousand in passive income."
Her: "Okay. Isn't it like if you were to win the lottery, you're not supposed to just quit your job and, like, just completely depend on the lottery money."
Me: "I don't think you should...I think you should make your own decision. Not depend on what other people tell you to do."
Her: "I don't know, fall victim to it and then spend everything."
Me: "Some people do. Are you saying you're the kind of girl to spend all your money on new gadgets?"
Her: "I don't think so, I mean, I would invest it. I think that says a lot, right?"
Me: "There you go. You're not the type of girl to squander it."
Her: "Yeah...I wouldn't let other people know, though. Oh, I'd keep that a secret."
Me: "Yeah, people. People will definitely want a little piece of the pie."
Her: "I know they're gonna be like, oh, dinner's on you."
Me: "And you're like. Oh, sorry, I got to go. I got a Pilates appointment in a little bit."
Her: <Laughs> "Pretty much."
Me: "What are you up to today, by the way? Like, do you guys got any big plans with your friends soon?" <Forgot I already asked her logistics, then recovered>
Her: "Yeah, I actually have to head out pretty soon."
Me: "Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. Like, five-ish?" <This was about 15 minutes away>
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, so it's nice to chill a little bit until then."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Yeah. So what? What would you do if you. Okay. Let's say we got past logistics. You had free time. You can do whatever you want. You could do. You could start your own business if you want. You could keep working if you really love your job that much. Or you could. You could shop all day. Be an influencer."
Her: "I'd go on road trips. Road trips. Or like, I don't know, road trips. Or maybe just trips in general."
Me: "Traveling?"
Her: "Yeah. Traveling."
Me: "You're a big traveler."
Her: "I'm trying to be as much as I can without, like, taking too much PTO."
Me: "Oh, wow. Where have you been?"
Her: "I just came back from Italy and Taiwan."
Me: "Oh, Italy and Taiwan are pretty far away."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "You went to both on the same trip?"
Her: "Yeah. I went to Taiwan first, and then. Because I have family there. And then from Taiwan, we flew to Italy, stayed there for about two weeks, and then went back to Taiwan and then flew back here."
Me: "Wow."
Her: "Lots of flying."
Me: "How was that trip?"
Her: "It was really fun. It was my first time in Europe. And honestly, it was like a culture shock. It's very different. Like Europe, I'd say. It's so different from here or even in Asia. Because in Asia, here it's like pretty fast paced. But then in Europe it's just pretty slow. Like, people are very chill. They're more casual...They take their time on everything...they're not very punctual."
Me: "Yeah, I've heard they take a siesta in the afternoon."
Her: "Yeah, exactly."
Me: "That sounds like a very relaxing place to go on vacation."
Her: "It was, yeah."
Me: "It sounds nice to just walk around and not have to worry about anything for a little while. No deadlines, no bosses asking you what to do."
Her: "Yeah. Have you been to Europe?"
Me: "Personally, no, but I've been to a few places in Asia, which I really love."
Her: "Where have you been?"
Me: "I lived in Japan for a little bit. I lived there for three months when I was a student, and that was a great time. They're definitely much more punctual than Italy. But as a tourist...oh, man, it was so fun. Yeah, there's also, uh, Korea is a great place. I've been to been to China. Went to Taiwan. A long time ago. Loved Taiwan. Loved the...I just love getting random food off the street."
Her: "Yeah. Street food is really good."
Me: "Yeah, they have an amazing culture for that. Yeah. I feel like it was really nice to see things differently and made you appreciate what you have here more."
Her: "Yeah, I agree. I feel like that's the same with everywhere, right? It's like you kind of get tired of a place because you see this every day. And then once you go somewhere else, you come back. You have like, a new appreciation for it. Whatever that may be."
Me: "Yeah, I absolutely agree. By the way, you seem cool. I love your opinions."
Her: "Oh, thanks."
Me: "We should. We should grab a coffee some other time when you're not meeting your friends."
Her: "Yeah, sure."
Me: "Do you have a phone number? Yeah, I do. Okay. I'll just text myself."
Her: <Gives me her phone>
Me: "You got any fun plans this weekend?"
<We continue talking while I get her number and later say farewells>
Her: <Introduces herself>. "Hi. Nice to meet you."
Me: "How are you doing today?
Her: "I'm good."
Me: "Just out relaxing after work?"
Her: Yeah, pretty much just starting to come out before I met up with friends for dinner.
Me: "Okay. And a party after."
Her: "Not really."
Me: "Girl's night?"
Her: "No, no."
Me: "Not anymore. Or just not?"
Her: "No, not really. It's just dinner with friends. That's pretty much it."
Me: "Okay. You're probably like the girl who likes to shop and do Pilates.
Her: "Pilates? Yes. Shopping, not so much."
Me: "Oh really, mat Pilates or reformer?"
Her: "Solid core. Actually. Right here."
Me: "Solid core?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, I've never been."
Her: "Yeah, it's a new studio."
Me: "Oh, okay. Is that something you're really passionate about, or just something you do because you want to exercise?"
Her: "It's just fun. My friend got me into it, and I was like, why not? And then I ended up liking it more than her, so."
Me: "Oh. That's interesting. Are you sitting with anyone?"
Her: "No."
Me: "Okay, do you mind if I sit down?"
Her: "Okay."
<I sit down>
Me: "Well, <name>, how did you uh, your friend got you into Pilates, right? And you just loved it ever since."
Her: "Yeah, well, that was only a couple of months ago. Like, five months ago."
Me: "So five months ago, so you're gonna move on to. A new hobby in five months? "
Her: "I don't know. We'll see."
Me: "Okay. Are you a type of person who sticks to one thing for a long time? Or are you a person who likes to jump?"
Her: "Depends on my mood. Yeah, I guess I don't like doing the same thing. Yeah."
Me: "Okay, well, what else do you do?"
Her: "That's a loaded question."
Me: "Loaded question...?"
Her: "I guess, okay, what about you?"
Me: "I guess, are you embarrassed about what you do in your free time?" <Teasing her>
Her: "No, I mean, what about you? What do you like to do in your free time?"
Me: "I'm a big reader. Recently."
Her: "What kind of books do you read?
Me: "A lot of non-fiction. Yeah, I've been reading non-fiction of all types."
Her: "Really?"
Me: "Like I...this is a secret. My friend told me I had to start reading romance, so I was like, okay, I'll read some romance. So there is a really popular one called The Court of Thorns and Roses."
Her: "I saw that on Amazon. It's like one of the trending books right now."
Me: "Yeah. It's filthy."
Her: "Oh is it?"
Me: "Yeah. He was like, hey, if you want to explore literary genres, you got to explore the full spectrum. You can't limit yourself just to, you know, one type."
Her: "Yeah. That's funny. How do you like it so far?"
Me: "It's...the writing is a little bit clumsy, but I can see what girls like about it. It's definitely spicy."
Her: "Okay."
Me: "Yeah. Do you do you consume a lot of art or media?"
Her: "I guess so. Uh, do you watch BoJack Horseman or have you heard of it?"
Me: "I watched one episode. My friend, my college roommate was really into it."
Her: "Okay. Well, the creator of it, he also has a book. So that was what I was reading. Past couple of days. It was interesting."
Me: "Oh, well, what's interesting about it?"
Her: "I forgot what it's called. Like, someone will love you and all your damaged glory or something like that. But the writing style, I think it's really interesting because it's really similar to how BoJack Horseman is. You know, how it's kind of like. Like just the delivery of it. Like, you can tell it's by the same person. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I think that was pretty cool. Yeah."
Me: "That's something you relate to a lot?"
Her: "I guess so. Yeah, that's also something that my friend got me into. So yeah."
Me: "Yeah. I find sometimes your friends can expose you to things you never considered on your own."
Her: "Yeah. That's true."
Me: "And you might discover you like it. Like you found Pilates. I had a friend introduced me to weightlifting, and that was, uh, that was something that was very out of my comfort zone and something I really love now."
Her: "Yeah. I used to be into weightlifting, like, last year, but then I just kind of stopped. But yeah, it just got boring after a while. Because you're just like trying. To up the weights or like trying to progressive overload. And I just got tired of that."
Me: "I find it's a little bit boring sometimes too. But that's...you're supposed to be in the moment. And getting bored is a good thing...sometimes because it spurs your creativity. One of the problems nowadays, scientists said this, apparently we're bombarded by so much social media and short form like TikToks and things like that that we always have something to look at, and we're never bored enough to come up with an interesting idea anymore."
Her: "And also, like everyone's attention spans are like pretty much shot."
Me: "I know it's terrible. That's why I had to quit social media."
Her: "Okay. Good for you."
Me: "It's too distracting. Had to be productive. Are you still in the addiction phase?"
Her: "Um, I actually don't have TikTok, but I watch all my TikToks on, like, YouTube shorts or reels, so it still gets me. But at least I'm not on TikTok."
Me: "Yeah. I had a really bad thing with YouTube rabbit holes. Like, oh, hey, that sounds interesting. Oh, here's ten more videos."
Her: "I know the algorithm really gets you."
Me: "Yeah. It's a...it's a shame."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "I love these rings you have, by the way."
Her: "Oh, it's an Oura ring."
Me: "Oura ring? Oh, like the sleep ring?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh. Do you mind if I see?"
Her: "Sure."
<I touch her hand and examine her ring>
Me: "Oh, wait, it really doesn't look technical at all."
Her: "Yeah, but there's, like, sensors and stuff and a battery on the inside."
Me: "Is it accurate?"
Her: "I think so. I also have the Apple Watch, but I just couldn't wear both."
Me: "You seem like the kind of person who cares a lot about knowing yourself. You want to know everything about yourself."
Her: "Yeah, I guess it's fun. Yeah."
Me: "Did you get any good results?"
Her: "I think my sleep is better. That was the main reason for getting it. And then Apple Watch is really for, like, fitness. The Oura sucks for that. But yeah, I guess they both have their pros and cons."
Me: "Yeah. I think these kinds of things are really interesting to me because...I don't know, it's like, it's like metrics about you. It's like, yeah, you don't think of yourself that way normally."
Her: "But some people don't like it because they feel like something or like the company is collecting all their data."
Me: "Oh that, that's true. I think Apple is a little bit better. They have...they're pretty good about privacy."
Her: "I feel like they know everything about me. So I don't know if that's better or not."
Me: "Yeah, well, at least you're sharing it with the lesser devil"
Her: "Yeah, I guess so."
Me: "Yeah, I actually got something similar. This is a smart watch."
Her: "Oh, what is it?"
Me: "The Withing smart watch. So this one, it tracks your heart rate your steps, things like that. Your floors. You can do it for all sorts of stuff."
Her: "Oh. That's cool."
Me: "I think I got it for a similar reason to you. I don't like the look of a lot of these tech gadgets that's doesn't look...".
Her: "Oh like a Garmin watch, that just really ugly"
Me: "Yeah. And I'm like, I want something that looks, you know, something that looks like a normal piece of accessory. So I found this thing. I was like, oh, holy crap. You know, this one looks way different from other smart watches."
Her: "Yeah, it's pretty cool."
Me: "I bet you care a lot about your fashion. I bet you put a lot of thought into it."
Her: "I guess so, yeah."
Me: "You're probably the type of girl who has a different wardrobe every season."
Her: "No..."
Me: "No? You're evergreen."
Her: "Yeah, I think I just have, like, core pieces that I really like. And then it's like, I saw this thing. It's like, it's not about how you wear the clothes, but it's how you style the clothes."
Me: "Yeah. It is. Absolutely. It's not, it's also not just about the clothing itself. Anything can look good if you style it correctly."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "I really like that you're interested in fashion."
Her: "Yeah. Are you? I mean, you're dressed like it's fall and it's like 80 degrees today."
Me: "What do you mean, it's cold?"
Her: "It's getting colder now."
Me: "Well, I had to. I got up early this morning, so it's really chilly then."
Her: "Do you work around here?"
Me: "Uh, Sort of around here."
Her: "Sort of?"
Me: "Yeah. I had to come to the mall to buy a few things."
Her: "Okay."
Me: "But I work, like, 20, ten, 20 minutes from here."
Her: "Oh, okay. What industry are you in?"
Me: "I work in...uh...I work in tech." <Didn't come up with an interesting way to phrase it>
Her: "Okay, what kind of tech?"
Me: "There's all kinds of techs. Uh...I think you would call it. Devices."
Her: "Devices? Like what kind?"
Me: "Do you know what IoT means?"
Her: "Internet of things? Yeah"
Me: "Yeah. I'm surprised to know that. Actually, I'm no longer surprised since you have so many devices on you." <Teasing a little>
Her: <Laughs> "Okay. Yeah. What about it?"
Me: "So I turn ideas in that space into business systems. So we build...uh we're building a project right now. It's kind of a secret. It's supposed to be...they want it to be big. What about you? What do you do."
Her: "Okay. That was such a vague answer though. Like internet of things you're trying to build business systems but."
Me: "Like...what kind of answer are you looking for? Do you want...I gave you the cliff notes. But you want, like, are you asking me what do I do day to day?
Her: "Um...I don't know what can you share? Because you sound pretty secretive about your job."
Me: "Yeah, well, I do uh...there's a lot of design involved and a lot of...uh, designing systems."
Her: "Like architectural stuff."
Me: "Yeah. Architectural stuff. How familiar are you with software technology?"
Her: "I work in it. I do marketing operations for an AI software company."
Me: "Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, it's a little bit like that. It's. Well, you take a design, you...or you take a business plan, you take a requirement, you turn it into design, then you turn that into actionable, you know, little systems. Yeah. You implement your implementation, you do the scheduling and everything. Make sure you deliver it on time. It's a little bit of the whole, the whole thing."
Her: "Okay. I think that sounds kind of similar to what I do, but in a different context. Yeah, because I do marketing automation and so pretty much the same thing. It's like you gather all the requirements and then you build out the different, like flows, logic, whatever. Yeah, just trying to automate as much as you can."
Me: "Is that something you're really passionate about?"
Her: "I don't know if I'm passionate about it, like I've been doing it for a couple of years, but I guess it's fun. It's challenging. But I wouldn't say I'm, like, fully passionate about it."
Me: "Oh, okay. So if you won the lottery, say you won $5 million. You didn't have to work anymore. What would you do?"
Her: "$5 million. That's it? I'd invest it and then continue working. Because that's only 5 million. Like, how much is tax? Not a lot. It's not."
Me: "All right, let's say 5 million after tax."
Her: "I'd still invest it and then probably keep working."
Me: "Really? That's surprising."
Her: "5 million is not that much."
Me: "So say you put it in the stock market, you get 11% per year. $5 million gets you like. I think it gets you, like, a couple hundred thousand in passive income."
Her: "Okay. Isn't it like if you were to win the lottery, you're not supposed to just quit your job and, like, just completely depend on the lottery money."
Me: "I don't think you should...I think you should make your own decision. Not depend on what other people tell you to do."
Her: "I don't know, fall victim to it and then spend everything."
Me: "Some people do. Are you saying you're the kind of girl to spend all your money on new gadgets?"
Her: "I don't think so, I mean, I would invest it. I think that says a lot, right?"
Me: "There you go. You're not the type of girl to squander it."
Her: "Yeah...I wouldn't let other people know, though. Oh, I'd keep that a secret."
Me: "Yeah, people. People will definitely want a little piece of the pie."
Her: "I know they're gonna be like, oh, dinner's on you."
Me: "And you're like. Oh, sorry, I got to go. I got a Pilates appointment in a little bit."
Her: <Laughs> "Pretty much."
Me: "What are you up to today, by the way? Like, do you guys got any big plans with your friends soon?" <Forgot I already asked her logistics, then recovered>
Her: "Yeah, I actually have to head out pretty soon."
Me: "Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. Like, five-ish?" <This was about 15 minutes away>
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, so it's nice to chill a little bit until then."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Yeah. So what? What would you do if you. Okay. Let's say we got past logistics. You had free time. You can do whatever you want. You could do. You could start your own business if you want. You could keep working if you really love your job that much. Or you could. You could shop all day. Be an influencer."
Her: "I'd go on road trips. Road trips. Or like, I don't know, road trips. Or maybe just trips in general."
Me: "Traveling?"
Her: "Yeah. Traveling."
Me: "You're a big traveler."
Her: "I'm trying to be as much as I can without, like, taking too much PTO."
Me: "Oh, wow. Where have you been?"
Her: "I just came back from Italy and Taiwan."
Me: "Oh, Italy and Taiwan are pretty far away."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "You went to both on the same trip?"
Her: "Yeah. I went to Taiwan first, and then. Because I have family there. And then from Taiwan, we flew to Italy, stayed there for about two weeks, and then went back to Taiwan and then flew back here."
Me: "Wow."
Her: "Lots of flying."
Me: "How was that trip?"
Her: "It was really fun. It was my first time in Europe. And honestly, it was like a culture shock. It's very different. Like Europe, I'd say. It's so different from here or even in Asia. Because in Asia, here it's like pretty fast paced. But then in Europe it's just pretty slow. Like, people are very chill. They're more casual...They take their time on everything...they're not very punctual."
Me: "Yeah, I've heard they take a siesta in the afternoon."
Her: "Yeah, exactly."
Me: "That sounds like a very relaxing place to go on vacation."
Her: "It was, yeah."
Me: "It sounds nice to just walk around and not have to worry about anything for a little while. No deadlines, no bosses asking you what to do."
Her: "Yeah. Have you been to Europe?"
Me: "Personally, no, but I've been to a few places in Asia, which I really love."
Her: "Where have you been?"
Me: "I lived in Japan for a little bit. I lived there for three months when I was a student, and that was a great time. They're definitely much more punctual than Italy. But as a tourist...oh, man, it was so fun. Yeah, there's also, uh, Korea is a great place. I've been to been to China. Went to Taiwan. A long time ago. Loved Taiwan. Loved the...I just love getting random food off the street."
Her: "Yeah. Street food is really good."
Me: "Yeah, they have an amazing culture for that. Yeah. I feel like it was really nice to see things differently and made you appreciate what you have here more."
Her: "Yeah, I agree. I feel like that's the same with everywhere, right? It's like you kind of get tired of a place because you see this every day. And then once you go somewhere else, you come back. You have like, a new appreciation for it. Whatever that may be."
Me: "Yeah, I absolutely agree. By the way, you seem cool. I love your opinions."
Her: "Oh, thanks."
Me: "We should. We should grab a coffee some other time when you're not meeting your friends."
Her: "Yeah, sure."
Me: "Do you have a phone number? Yeah, I do. Okay. I'll just text myself."
Her: <Gives me her phone>
Me: "You got any fun plans this weekend?"
<We continue talking while I get her number and later say farewells>
Expectation: Neutral
Reality: Warm
Takeaways: I made more assumptions, but I said them with a up tone, so they ended up being questions! Way too many questions in the early game. Need to use the down tone more to make them statements. However by the mid game I started using more statements naturally, so looks like my early game is the most at risk of question overload. I probably could have gotten more compliance by saying "So tell me about..." in a down tone instead of asking a question about it. And there were periods where she gave some pretty boring one words answers that I could've responded to with a bored expression.
I also could have gotten more touch by getting closer to her over time, especially when qualifying her. I also did a lot of "pull" but not a lot of "push". I could have teased her more and added more chase frames to make it more of a man-to-woman conversation. Lastly, I did not handle sexual tension well; instead of holding a silence and using it to build more tension with strong eye contact, I would proceed to the next conversation topic right away.
Approach 3
While grabbing a drink in a coffee shop, I noticed a pretty girl waiting in line in front of me. I buy my item and strategically position myself near the drink counter, so I can "notice" her when she comes to pick up her drink. After she does, I turn to look at her and say, "Hi. I love your bag." We chat for a bit, and start kind of walking out. She quickly mentions she's waiting for her husband, so I ask her for some directions then say goodbye.Expectation: Neutral
Reality: Neutral
Takeaways: I might've been able to use a indirect opener instead. I also had a few pauses and delays observing if it was the right time to approach yet...I should be more decisive about it.
Approach 4
After ending with the previous girl, I walk out and see a cute girl walk by with a big box under her arm. It looks like she's returning some items. So I catch up and open her, saying she had a really elegant sense of style (she was wearing a suit). Then I tease if she is working a delivery job or just returning things. She seems to react pretty warmly, although she says she needs to get somewhere, so I suggest we walk together for a bit.I learn that she moved here from Asia a couple of years ago, and we chat a little in mandarin. I tease her, telling her not to bully me because my mandarin isn't that advanced, and she laughs and lightly hits my arm, saying I'll be fine. I take this as a good sign so I ask for her number soon after and she agrees.
Expectation: Neutral
Reality: Warm
Takeaways: This girl might have seen me talking to Approach #3, which invites some preselection. She also lightly hit me which seemed like a good sign of attraction. I probably could have tested getting a little bit more physical after that, like wrapping an arm around her and seeing how she reacted, but closing quickly was probably good. I didn't really cold read much with this girl.
Approach 5
While walking out of a store in the mall, I see a cute girl walk by in a tight dress. I approach her and compliment her beautiful hair, and notice her react well but seems a bit distracted, like she is moving slightly away from me in expectation that the interaction will end. I get the feeling she is not interested but follow up, asking if she can give me a female opinion on some cologne. However she declines, saying she's in a rush to go to another store.I offer to walk her there since it's close by, so we go together. I chat with her a bit, and screen if she is interested in fashion. She says yes, so I qualify saying I like girls who are into fashion. I notice a micro-expression like a grimace cross her face. This sells it to me that she is not interested so I don't close her and walk away first, pointing her towards the store in front of us.
Expectation: Neutral
Reality: Cold
Takeaways: My initial instincts were probably correct that she wasn't interested, especially after she declined my compliance request for her opinion, but it was good to confirm that my instinct was accurate.
Approach 6
While walking through the mall, I think I caught a girl looking at me. She quickly breaks eye contact to the side and keeps walking past. She seemed cute, so I turned around and approached her. She had a polite reaction but started moving like she expected the conversation to end there, so I let her go after the compliment.Expectation: Warm
Reality: Neutral
Takeaways: I didn't see any other signals like brushing her hair, looking down, repeat eye contact, or holding eye contact, so it may have been a weak approach invitation or not an approach invitation. I probably could have looked for a couple more signs of interest from her.
Approach 7
While walking on the street, I noticed a girl in a cute outfit walking slowly like she had no plans. I take this as a general approach invitation, so I walked up and complimented her outfit for being cozy, but noticed she wasn't very cute up close. She reacted positively and thanked me, but didn't seem super interested, and I ejected soon after.Expectation: Warm
Reality: Neutral
Takeaways: I probably could have used a more interesting compliment, something like, "I thought you had a cozy but classy sense of style, like you're the kind of girl about to warm up at the fireplace with a fine wine in her hand."
Approach 8
While walking down the sidewalk, I noticed a pretty girl about to cross the street, so I quickly caught up and complimented her hair and style. She reacted positively but I noticed she was kind of shifting her weight, so I had the instinct that she was in a rush, but I continued with a few cold reads and conversation anyways.After a minute she mentioned that she was in a bit of a rush, so I said "Oh sure, I don't want you to be late. But I, uh...I'd like to get to know you better sometime." I didn't have a smooth way to ask, so I went with being a authentic even if it was a bit clumsy. She gave me her number and we said goodbyes.
Expectation: Neutral
Reality: Neutral
Takeaways: I probably could have guessed she was in a rush from her body language and asked her logistics right away. Still it was good to try for the close, even if it was a bit clumsy.
Outcome
Still asking too many questions early on today, although I am able to make more statements after the first couple minutes.I make a lot of assumptions phrased as questions, but I should phrase them as statements instead.
Need to add more variety to my cold reads, like "You must be...", "You seem like...", "You're probably..."
Side note: I wore a leather jacket today because it was a bit colder, and noticed girls seemed to be more interested. I guess I just look better in fall fashion.
