not coming off as cheap & miser

[disciple99]

hey seduction guru's
one problem I am struggling with is coming across as cheap(in case of miser not creepy or perv ) and its not with just girls in most of situations. I am born in a lower middle class family so money is always a matter but my parents never talked about money much I think but I got matured fast and learned money is important & its not wise to waste it(I have seen my parents fighting over financial matters late at night my father is a gamblers and have very bad habits so he used all fortune he inherit from my granddaddy and sold all Jewellery of my mummy to pay debts but he is reforming now. ) I just want to how to come across as a big hearted high value man and not as a miser.
tnx in advance

 

[Mystique]

Hello disciple99,
I can relate to what you just said as I was born into the same kinda class. But whenever I or any member of my family relate with people, they always think of us as rich folks. Here's the reason why this happens according to what I've observed:
1. We dress really well (everyone in my family is a fashion enthusiast)
2. We talk well (smart) and we tend to talk big (this is most definitely due to some sorth of exposure and reading wide and having big dreams)
3. We have some kinda ego (in a good way) and carry ourself with grace
4. We easily mingle with them rich folks and generally make lots of friends

Generally, whenever you have money (even though it's not much), try to be liberal and buy a little stuff for your buddy(s). So whenever you don't have money you can just let them know and they'll understand as they have previously known you as a generous person. Also gifts to friends make a huge difference. But when it comes to spending on girls you have to be careful not to come off as the typical "nice guy". Personally I can buy stuffs for my female friends (not always) when they ask and I have the money. But I only do this when this female friends must have spent some cash (prior to this time on me) or done me a favour. Anyway generally when I'm out with friends (including females) and we need to spend and I don't have cash I'll make comments jokingly like
"I'm a broke ass nigga, Dan you'll have to pay for me"
"Sandra, the bill is on you. I know you have too much money" All of these are said with a smile and playfully. The fact that I've got the personality (the stuffs I listed above), it covers everything up. And if girls ask me to buy stuffs for them I can reply with
"Do I look like your bf"
"You think I'm one of those guys who take you out everyday and buy you chicken and chips"
"Buy for me today and I'll buy for you tomorrow", etc. All these are said playfully (with a smile). Also try to provide value to people in ways other than money - friendship and company, advice, fun, problem solving, expertise on a certain topic, etc. I hope this helps

 

[Mr.Rob]

Well I haven't paid for a girl on a date in years and it has never hindered my dating life in a negative way.

If that helps you

 

[disciple99]

hey sugar man thanks for great pointers i will try them in future. i want ask one thing is that should i spend money only when they (my pals) have spend on me first and make playfully joke when i dont want to. and how to relate with teens & people who have old money {i am also a teen man and people with old money give hard time when i try to deep dive)

 

[Mystique]

Hey D,
I'm also a teen (I'm on my last days of teenhood though). Here's the thing, I got into one of the best universities in my country (prolly the best and definitely the most envied) where there are so much rich kids and those much experienced than I am, so I knew I had to maintain a cool personality to be able to relate with them and get to learn a lot from them. If by "my pals" you mean your male friends then no, you don't have to wait for them to spend on you before you buy stuff for them. I don't know how it's like over where you live but I've always maintained a "bro before hoes" kinda mantra which means that rather than take my money and spend it over girls to win their favor or court them (so many guys do this), I'd spend it on my guys. Now I do this smartly since I don't have much money. All you just have to do is buy small stuffs for your pals (it doesn't have to be expensive) and they in turn will see you as generous and would even want to reciprocate. It's the law of reciprocation or "give and take" (It's somewhere in the book 'Influence' by Robert Cialdini). And yea when you don't have money or when you don't want to spend, you can playfully joke about it ( to be honest I'm still working on perfecting this and I'm trying to make some money so I can invest (spend) well on myself and have a positive effect on people around me). As for trying to socialise with those you term "old money", what I do when I'm talking with any male for the first time is that I mirror them - their body language, voice tone and speech. I am also an active listener and I just reiterate whatever they say albeit with different words, making them to open up. I do less talking and sometimes they bring up deep topics (like deep diving) themselves and I just keep on leading them to talk by adding few words that encourage them to talk more (I've always done this unconsciously though, maybe coz I'm an introvert and kinda lazy, lol. I don't like talking much but I do talk, and I can get passionate when I do). I do deep diving with girls (although I've resolved to try it with guys too). But if deep diving seems too complex for you to apply on this "old money" guys, try the above method together with what I said on my first comment. After you've had a first conversation with this guys, when next you see them just say hi and be chill like you're the boss and you're not trying to force rapport on them or something. I am an introvert (not shy) so I spend time alone or with a close friend but I'm trying to change that coz I'd like to know lots of cool people and run a sort of natural game like Chase wrote about. So now I just try to say something to everyone I meet. You can try that too, It'll help you feel at ease in talking to all sorts of people and building rapport.