FR++ Not enough emotion? - Just back from date with hot party girl

[girlsfollow]

So this is a date which seemed like a done deal going into it! But turned out to end in just a short fingering and then a BIG wall of resistance coming up. Its somewhat a shock to me since I'm used to things going down first date probably 4:5 times now... its weird the ones I'm actually attracted too (who are yes+ material, great toned body, fun, mm) are always difficult, and the others.... are too easy! (so I don't bother posting those!) Very frustrating. Anyway how can I handle this.....

Background

Met this super cute australian/kiwi girl out on saturday, she was really quite wild and in party girl mode - she was quite drunk and was loving agressive escalation in the club - she basically opened me, I could tell she was very open to agressive escalation and within minutes I was picking her up and spanking her, she was loving it. Her friend was clearly on my side, I got her number and went and sat with friends, she beckoned me over with her finger - I beckoned her over with my finger back - she complied and invested by coming over to me and kissed me on the lips - no tongue though... she was quite insistant on that... So I also played hard to get and pulled back first. Her friend comes over to me after a while and says I should kiss her properly (I had teased her before not giving it to her properly). So when I walk past her I do... though its not full on but still nice. Anyway on the night it was clear she wanted to have sex with me - it was very fast fuck me signals (she actually even said this tonight at the end of the date that she did, but they were leaving and I had to go) her friend helped her write a text to me (my phone was dead so I got her to write a message to me so I would have her number) which actually said something like:

"I'm the fucking hot bitch from the bar, pick me up and bend me over"

.... so you see what I mean!

Next day

So I text her back next day with the standard, nice to meet you text - maybe I should have been a bit more hot here....

I realise that and tone things up and am very suggestive in my next one, she is being normal though and just says she will meet me...maybe this was the main mistake? didnt keep the strong sexual vibe? - thought keeping that up would be too much of a state change- dont think that would have worked. Everything very easy and fast, ask her out second text... we sorted it done

The date

Take her to the bar, buy her a cocktail, weirdly she says while I'm buying it for her that she will get the next one - felt that was a little out of character. During the chat I try to elucidate values... I ask her what her dream job would be.... her family, brother/sister... her friends... how shes all the way on the other side of the planet from home....

Kino goes quite smoothly - initially shes distant but warms to it she ends up with her head on my shoulder and my arm around her hand on her ass.... hand touch. Shes a little weird about her hands when she realises I see she has super short nails cause shes picked at them. I suggest we go to play pool later - hinting its at my place, and shes positive about the idea. Other than that we move to another place again kino is fine, when it comes to going to my place though I go to the toilet, when I get back for us to go she starts to bring up that its getting late and she wants to be responsible get some sleep because she has work next day. FINE... but remember this is coming from the ultimate NON responsible girl that went out and got totally SMASHED on saturday and was sending all the signals for sex.. was out till 2am and..... had work the next day - she works in a shoe shop - who gives a damm!

My Place

Anyway we go home play pool move to my room we kiss, she puts up big resistance to her trousers coming off but they do I'm thinking this will go like any LMR - everything plain sailing

I start to kiss her and move my hand around to start fingering her... it goes smoothly she starts moaning.... then she says I can't do this.... We'll do it next time.. freaks out a little and runs around looking for her trousers.... desperate to put them back on... she wants to GTFO --- I think the issue here was I needed to relax back a little more after her trousers came off... give her some time to get relaxed like that... rather than pushing ahead straight away --- It was very sudden. I try to calm her down say theres no need to do any thing, she says she wasnt planning on this and everything is moving very fast. I ask her about her past and she admits that she has had sex on the first date on two occasions and with her two past bf's! I say its clearly not that bad then! She says no it was the wrong foot to start on.... that she wants to see me again, just no sex tonight....... I feel the lack of a super strong sexual frame earlier on could have been overcome here by smoother escalation - could have made up for everything else. I let myself get too excited by seeing her cute little pink underwear, everything toned I dived in a little too fast I feel

ANYWAY - shes basically really not feeling it, doesnt want to have sex. I take her to the station after just an open chat.

I get the feeling the technique was there, I'm definitely fine in the looks department for her, I made her laugh, we had fun - I just didnt connect to her on a really deep emotional level... I get the feeling that that was the issue... How can I do that - I asked her all of the most deep questions (what would be your dream, family etc).. really tried to get to know her.... but it wasn't enough. Though maybe thats all nonsense and I just wasnt dialing up the sex talk enough...might have to admit I was a little off form on this one

I text her when I get home to ask that she texts me when she gets home to tell me she gets home ok - that was an hour ago now... no response. Was she worried about coming across as a whore? was I too much of a bf material? NO I think I see a pattern - things which start TOO HOT - when girl acts too slutty the first time you meet her - she wants to be super virginal the next time you see her. Also somehow she didnt want to be the girl she is later on... a crazy wild party girl thats had 8 guys at 21..."i'm a different person now, I'm responsible" - IVE HEARD THIS BEFORE...?


What should I send after two days silence if she doesn't reply now?

 

[girlsfollow]

Yep having slept on it I think the main 2 issues were:

1. Incorrect framing going into it - it wasn't sexual enough in the buildup and during the interaction there wasn't enough sexual, bad boy vibe turned up.

2. During escalation I was too keen given the situation, she wasn't in party wild mode and the escalation needed to be done smoothly, once the bottoms came off I needed to just do gentle touch on the legs and thighs for a while for her to get comfortable again first... there needs to be a pause after a milestone is reached.... jumping in to the underwear without the buildup was too fast... I remember gentle stroking outside the underwear was fine and she was enjoying that - just another 5 mins of that would have had her warmed up enough for inside the underwear, but I was too keen and rushed things - it wasn't great for the moment and that pushed it all over the edge...

Overall I put it down to things with the past few girls being too easy (last one had an hour of LMR but she didn't freak at the little bumps) and being a little out of practice - it goes to show that the attitude and skills weaken fast, I think my main issue is having a girl on and off as a gf which is sapping my motivation and eroding my sexual vibe. I also in her words reacted too much, trying to talk to her etc to her freak out at the end which I think might have fried it all.

 

[Chase]

GF-

How come you didn't just shag her the night you met her, when she was primed and hurting for it and the friend was clearly supportive of the two of you getting together?

But yeah, if you're not going to sleep with her then and there, it's best to tone down any overt sexual stuff, because it makes following up next time very hard. Think of it as helping the girl to take care of her own reputation - most women (unless she's very confident and comfortable with her sexuality) get awkward and embarrassed about being publicly sexual with a stranger who didn't sleep with them. The only real ways around this are a.) help them tone it down and have a bit more relaxed connection with you instead of pure sexual aggression, or b.) shag them then and there, make it a wonderful experience, and make certain they feel like it's a big reward and approval from you for being very sexual.

Overcoming that weirdness on the first date is sometimes hard to do if you let things get too out-of-hand when you met, and deep diving can fall flat at building a connection because it feels superficial. It's like, "Okay, so we were JUST about to have sex... and now we're going to sit out here in a café and you're going to get to know all about me again, and then try to have sex with me AGAIN, AFTER, right?"

I actually find that on the dates where everything got too sexual the first time around, it's best to stick to very light deep diving at best and not go too deep, and mostly just do something active and a little relaxing, like maybe a walk around town at night or a visit to some of the tourist spots in town, etc. Then back to yours after. That way it doesn't feel like you're pretending to care to get to know her, but you're still saying, "Hey, I'm a cool enough person to treat YOU like a person and not just a meat pocket to stick my member into."

With the escalation, yeah... depends on what the buildup was like before you took her trousers off (were you rubbing her a lot before / already had your hand down her pants fingering her and inside her? Or not doing this and suddenly the finger was in there?), but if you were lacking in buildup, it's best just hanging around with her for a while once her trousers are off and doing exactly what you were doing before the trousers came off. After 2 or 3 minutes of lying there making out and touching her that way, you can start escalating further again. It's just a process of reassuring her that one step forward doesn't equal 20 steps forward all at once and suddenly you're having sex when she thought she was just agreeing to her pants coming off, but rather just one step forward is one step forward, and then she has a few minutes to collect her thoughts and decide if she's ready for the next step to proceed.

Chase

 

[girlsfollow]

GF-

How come you didn't just shag her the night you met her, when she was primed and hurting for it and the friend was clearly supportive of the two of you getting together?

But yeah, if you're not going to sleep with her then and there, it's best to tone down any overt sexual stuff, because it makes following up next time very hard. Think of it as helping the girl to take care of her own reputation - most women (unless she's very confident and comfortable with her sexuality) get awkward and embarrassed about being publicly sexual with a stranger who didn't sleep with them. The only real ways around this are a.) help them tone it down and have a bit more relaxed connection with you instead of pure sexual aggression, or b.) shag them then and there, make it a wonderful experience, and make certain they feel like it's a big reward and approval from you for being very sexual.

Overcoming that weirdness on the first date is sometimes hard to do if you let things get too out-of-hand when you met, and deep diving can fall flat at building a connection because it feels superficial. It's like, "Okay, so we were JUST about to have sex... and now we're going to sit out here in a café and you're going to get to know all about me again, and then try to have sex with me AGAIN, AFTER, right?"

I actually find that on the dates where everything got too sexual the first time around, it's best to stick to very light deep diving at best and not go too deep, and mostly just do something active and a little relaxing, like maybe a walk around town at night or a visit to some of the tourist spots in town, etc. Then back to yours after. That way it doesn't feel like you're pretending to care to get to know her, but you're still saying, "Hey, I'm a cool enough person to treat YOU like a person and not just a meat pocket to stick my member into."

With the escalation, yeah... depends on what the buildup was like before you took her trousers off (were you rubbing her a lot before / already had your hand down her pants fingering her and inside her? Or not doing this and suddenly the finger was in there?), but if you were lacking in buildup, it's best just hanging around with her for a while once her trousers are off and doing exactly what you were doing before the trousers came off. After 2 or 3 minutes of lying there making out and touching her that way, you can start escalating further again. It's just a process of reassuring her that one step forward doesn't equal 20 steps forward all at once and suddenly you're having sex when she thought she was just agreeing to her pants coming off, but rather just one step forward is one step forward, and then she has a few minutes to collect her thoughts and decide if she's ready for the next step to proceed.

Chase

Brilliant insight as always here chase. I was wrong to think more deepness was needed - normally yes but not here! Of course in hindsight I could have pushed on the night, but I was with friends and we were both leaving at the time of meeting - I should have just pushed to do so then though. Good to hear that toning down the sex over text after high levels on the first meet was a good move - it did get her out fast so that was all good. Yeh there wasn't so much weirdness I think cause she hardly remembered anything from the night but I definitely agree with your recommendation for something active and short with less deep diving - in this case I feel if we had gone straight to my place after the first bar it would have worked better - I overcooked the getting to know her a little and because of that had the slightly awkward "maybe I should go home" at the end of the second venue while I think she prob would have been happy to come to my place after the first bar, funny because she actually accused me of having THAT expectation of sex for the night when she was leaving. So good lesson to be learned - move fast and sometimes more deep deeep diving isn't the answer!

ESCALATION:

Yes as I said - I wasn't smooth enough here, I couldn't get in the back of her pants - they are always too tight I find! (as standard I actually see if I can subtly ask all girls coming on dates with me to wear skirts/ dresses for this reason!) . The idea of watiting 3 mins before pushing things was exactly what I was thinking afterwards! Unlike me...did loose it a little when I saw how toned she was and cute her panties and ass were so that and the alcohol had me a little over enthusiastic I think, this girl could handle her alcohol and I'm not a big drinker normally while she is.

UPDATE:

She hasn't responded to my text on the night asking her to tell me when she gets back ok (she seemed a little lost on the way back) and then 3/4 days later on the saturday asking her what she'd been upto during the week.....

I might try again on thursday cause she said they go out in central quite often and could just mention we will be around and ask if she will be.... alternatively I like to try and CALL- but usually that isnt picked up and sets you back - its high risk/reward.