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Not getting hard

Byron

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 10, 2013
Messages
186
Ok so I have this problem and it's freaking me out a little...
For the past month I've had trouble getting or staying hard, at first it started out as almost getting caught fucking this girl (by her parents) and losing my erection, now I can barely ever get one and if I do I lose it within five minutes. This has only been going on out of the blue in the past month. I exercise almost every day, eat reasonably well, and get enough sleep. It has never been a problem in the past even when I used to sleep less etc. Anxiety may have something to do with it, but this is a girl I've been with many times, before this issue even started.
I don't know what to do and any help would be appreciated.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Smith

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 14, 2013
Messages
1,016
If this is anxiety, try meditation to help you stay in the present moment, and of course quit porn and masturbate only once per week. When you worry about getting an erection, you actually can't get an erection, so try stay in the moment when you're having sex or even tell yourself sexy thoughts to make yourself horny if you have to.
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,982
I found this site useful, I haven't completely succeeded in putting it into practice but it seems like it could work. http://rebootblueprint.com/overcome-performance-anxiety/

Some other suggestions...
- Don't masturbate for a few days before a date. Don't watch porn at all (it will take your brain 3-6 months to reset to normality from heavy porn use, probably longer).
- Collect positive reference experiences. It's basically the negative reference experiences that have trained your brain to expect failure (for want of a better word).
- Escalate in a different way. Instead of going straight for the pussy leaving her panting and moaning and fully wet and turned on while you're still soft, make her earn it. Before you let her get into your pants have her do things like lick and suck your nipples, caress your chest and stomach, massage you... keep this up for as long as you need to get into the moment... if after this lengthy makeout you're still soft just make up a reason to delay things to another day (you'll lose some lays like this but if she's genuinely keen she'll take it as teasing).
- Work on your process, the basic thing that causes performance anxiety in this setting is the feeling you've climbed a mountain and now have a crack at the summit and it's a once only chance i.e. scarcity. When you're secure in the knowledge you can approach, get a date, isolate, escalate anytime you need (I'm not there yet but getting closer, enough that I can mentally relax) then getting the lay isn't such a big deal cos you know even if you aren't hard today you'll probably be hard tomorrow.
- Finally if you do all this and still lose your hardon at a critical moment (or go soft while pounding her, as happened to me the other day, luckily it was a round 2 so no biggie) then don't lose your cool! Instead of apologizing, explaining you get anxious and basically falling apart (which I've done in the past and had her go cold later cos I looked weak and not desirable)... just shrug it off as no big deal, I mean who says you have to be hard at any given moment, if you're not feeling it you're not feeling it, there could be any number of reasons and nobody has the right to judge you for that (you're your own harshest judge of course hahaha).
- Finally (haha last point I promise) you can just be a total asshole and take a leaf out of Tucker Max's playbook "I guess you're not hot enough to get me turned on", I suppose he delivers this line when he picks up a fatty after a massive night and finds he has whiskey dick... but nothing is Tucker Max's fault, ever, period! Hahaha well we're mostly recovering nice guys(tm) on this forum and would find it hard to do this dismissively enough to make it stick, but I guarantee it's more attractive to her than falling apart / word vomit etc. Especially if you've already set an asshole frame as u should :)

cheers, Ray
 

Byron

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 10, 2013
Messages
186
I have stopped all masturbation and porn for the last five days and things are getting back to normal, going to test it out with a girl tomorrow :) thanks guys
 
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