Observation about approach anxiety

[Marty]

What is interesting is that when I am with a group of friends (which is not often as I am an introverted type) any approach anxiety is practically nonexistent. I will avoid awkward or embarrassing situations, but other than that I will see no reason not to approach. When I am alone by contrast I let probably 99% of opportunities pass me by; being a less outgoing person, initiating contact goes against my natural inclination.

Although I consider myself reasonably useless with women, I have several friends who evidently consider me some kind of "pickup artist": they have actually used the phrase, although I have never brought up the subject of pickup with them. I was wondering how this could possibly be and realized that on occasion they had joked with me along the lines of "I dare you to talk to that girl over there" and I had gone ahead and done it.

I understand what is happening is that I have a greater fear of seeming a pussy in front of my friends (even if they are joking) than of being rejected by a woman. I think if I hung out with my friends more I would probably open many more opportunities.

 

[Lotus]

I understand what is happening is that I have a greater fear of seeming a pussy in front of my friends (even if they are joking) than of being rejected by a woman. I think if I hung out with my friends more I would probably open many more opportunities.

This... along with the idea that, when out with friend, you are already socializing. So it's just a matter of switching who you are talking to from friends to some random chick. Whereas when your alone you aren't talking to anyone, you have no momentum. You must force yourself into movement.

Newton's first law of motion- objects in motion stay in motion, objects at rest stay at rest etc..

 

[Frost]

Although I consider myself reasonably useless with women, I have several friends who evidently consider me some kind of "pickup artist": they have actually used the phrase, although I have never brought up the subject of pickup with them.

I have that as well LOL. All I do is just be open and honest about my desire for women, and I don't even approach in front of them, yet they get this idea that I am a womanizer. How far have we gone so that saying you love women is the exception not the norm? Zan Perrion says this is a generation of closet heterosexuals.

As to your main point, I am kind of the opposite. Recently I have started cold approaching in the street, and I only do it when I'm alone. If my friends are with me I would feel too much pressure to do it, unless it's the friends I do pick up with
But the truth is, my friends somehow give me more AA, unless it's like a challenge, then I would probably do it.

 

[Smith]

Hi Marty,

It's easy to feel that way. It's a natural instinct that when you're with a group of friends, you feel "safer" , hence you're more likely to be outgoing and social. Whereas if you're going out alone, it's easy to feel like you're an "outsider", and that social pressure kicks in making you more nervous and in your head. The key is whether you feel like you're an outsider or not. If your friends are supportive of you picking up girls, then it's easy for you to go up to one when they're around. If your friends mock you for talking to a girl, then well they just make things 100x harder for you. So to get over approach anxiety, you just have to keep thinking you and the girl are in the same group already and whoever is around you watching are also in the same group. No one is judging you. This is easier said than done, but with enough practice, you'll know how to get into the zone where you don't feel like an outsider subconsciously anymore.

 

[Bboy100]

Really simple...when you're out with friends, you have the mindset of "I'm going to have fun". The activites you're engaging in are primarily goofing around/having fun with friends, talking to strangers because its fun for you etc. Generally speaking, you're doing whatever it is that will bring you joy in that current moment. Most importantly, you have no goal or agenda. You're just doing you.

Whereas when you're by yourself, I can almost guarnatee that you're trying to work towards some sort of result or outcome.

Maybe its to try to "approach" that girl.

Maybe its to get her number.

Maybe its to get her to like you.

Whatever the case, you're hoping to achieve something. You're no longer focused on enjoying the present moment. What this means is that there is a possibility that you will fail to achieve said outcome. And once that happens, you won't feel nearly as confident. Because now, there's something at stake here. You can lose something (namely, you fail to "approach" or "get the number" or "get her to like you" or whatever your goal is). Whereas before, there was nothing at stake. You were simply hanging out with your friends, having a good time.