Older chicks with cynical frames

[Conquistador]

There’s this older British chick in my class whom I’ve talked to a few times. During our first long convo, she was fairly expressive, but since then she’s been kinda taciturn and dour, both in class and with me.

I’m pretty sure it’s not just me and that she has cynical frames about (among several other things) romance and sex.

The general impression from everything I’ve seen and heard her say is that she used to be soft but the world has hardened her and made her worldview a bit dark in a “not only is there no free lunch, but they’re all overpriced too” kind of way.

While I’m currently focused on three or four serious class/SC leads who are naturally a better fit, I see this lady as a challenge who will sharpen my skills.

My gut feeling is that I need to be more positive, high-energy, and exuberant, in a calibrated way ofc. I am that way sometimes but today wasn’t it. I sense emotional contagion will lead her to respond.

Oh by the way, she doesn’t kinesically engage with the world a lot. Like when she’s walking down the street, she wears her baseball cap low and looks at her phone a lot. Even at her most responsive, she wasn’t making all that much eye contact.
Based on the precise “shape” of the blunting, I’m pretty sure it’s trauma rather than anything neurological.

How do I help her open up more?

 

[HoofHearted]

How old we talkin' here? Like 24 or 25? Or, like really old? Like 28?

Probably just leave her alone. That's a person you don't know, you haven't been alive long enough to really know anything anyway, so who knows what her deal is (uncalibrated/idealistic to guess trauma) but sounds like she wants to be left alone.

If you want to be helpful to people you don't know, first find how to make yourself feel really good, then go out into the world that way and it let your good feelings spill out into how you interact.

If you would like to have sex with this woman, me too. Sure seems like she don't wanna have sex with either of us, though.

 

[Conquistador]

How old we talkin' here? Like 24 or 25? Or, like really old? Like 28?

35

Probably just leave her alone. That's a person you don't know, you haven't been alive long enough to really know anything anyway, so who knows what her deal is (uncalibrated/idealistic to guess trauma) but sounds like she wants to be left alone.

If you want to be helpful to people you don't know, first find how to make yourself feel really good, then go out into the world that way and it let your good feelings spill out into how you interact.

If you would like to have sex with this woman, me too. Sure seems like she don't wanna have sex with either of us, though.

You speak wisely.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Have you gotten her to peek out of her shell and open up? She could just be wearing this socially conditioned mask that you gotta get through, the classic bitch shield. It happened on my last fr but didn't have the cynical flavor you're talking about.

Have you ever seen her lose her composure, like smile and gush at one of your jokes?

I reread that last message you sent me abt her, and really it seems to me if you can get her to open up out of that cynicism, you have a good shot.

With most women, if you can get them to act around you like how they act with their close friends, that true personality, you have a good shot at seducing them

I'm sure some of our more experienced members can give you fancy techniques for that. The only technique I really got is being able to connect with people, I'm still not great at it, but I've gotten way better from where I first started at.

Deep dive takes a while to get really good at it, it's a skill, knowing the right questions to ask, reading people, providing empathy all that

 

[Red]

35, cynical, avoidant, AND British? Good luck cracking that shield, but no way the juice is worth the squeeze.

 

[DonGately]

Over 26-28 and cynical is soooooo not worth it.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m honestly not sure if “cynical” is the word. I probably overemphasized that tendency in her.

A better word would be “guarded”.

Like after the first convo, she drove me several blocks back to campus in the opposite direction. I even hugged her even though I know older girls don’t usually respond well to that, because it just felt right to express myself. Then this time, she was very muted, as in I feel like she was intentionally controlling the emotional distance even though she was cool talking to me.

But she’s also publicly said things like “nothing ever turns out the way you expect, so…” with reference to her own life and that sort of hyper-independence seems to be a big theme with her.

She’s not really giving off depressing or other negative vibes.

Yeah, “guarded” is the word.

I reread that last message you sent me abt her, and really it seems to me if you can get her to open up out of that cynicism, you have a good shot.

With most women, if you can get them to act around you like how they act with their close friends, that true personality, you have a good shot at seducing them

I'm sure some of our more experienced members can give you fancy techniques for that.

Yeah I was thinking the same thing…the question is, how? I cracked her shell a bit with our first long convo and then she closed the cracks

The only technique I really got is being able to connect with people, I'm still not great at it, but I've gotten way better from where I first started at.

Same. There are girls with whom I can connect very easily, but she obviously isn’t one of them.

I went and put myself in her shoes and I can see why she’s kinda trying to put me on ice. For all my attractive qualities, I’m a bit young and relatively naive for her, and I also haven’t shown more than mere interest so she might be questioning her desirability.

The other thing I should mention is that there’s another girl who sits near both of us who’s interested in me and whom I talk to quite a bit after class. Mid-late 20s African girl who’s quite attractive in a warm soothing way.

Over 26-28 and cynical is soooooo not worth it.

Yeah I made her sound too dark, I really just meant hard-shelled.

In terms of her age, I see it differently than you. She’s obviously not as beautiful or fertile as she definitely used to be but I don’t care, at least she’s fit and blonde and and hasn’t had any kids.

Basically, at the same time as I build a harem of as many FwBs my own age as I can form a real connection with, I would very much like a hot and experienced older woman to complement them and perhaps show me a few things both in and out of bed. I think she’d make an ideal mentor as I continue transforming from my old Austen hero persona into something a lot more primal and sexual.

Currently, after several months of having to focus on myself (keeping my 4.0 and building my mental health stronger than ever), I’m finally going and doing what @HoofHearted once advised me to do way back:

You're a good kid, but be braver and go test the edges of some scary waters-- it'll be okay.

If baggin' em is too emotionally intense for you, just try to kiss a few.

Fuck your 'ioi's and reactions. You dont know anything about these animals until you learn what they will or they won't do.

So far it’s been going great. But something Freudian in me wants an older woman who will share her wisdom. I’m not actually looking for a mommy replacement since I can get that nurturing energy from girls my age.

And also, after this week’s adventure that I’m drafting a report on, I want (among other things) to have animalistic, meaningful sex with no drama or hang-ups to deal with.

About that…I think she hasn’t yet finished transitioning from being past “the wall” into a liberated, emotionally healthy cougar. In her words, she “hasn’t grown up yet”.

So I have a few ideas on how to proceed. One last thing: I don’t have her number as I didn’t feel a need to close on the first encounter (suboptimal move but I can spin it comfort/discretion wise), and when I asked this time she brushed me off in a quite impersonal way.

Edit: I should also try to appeal to her British sense of humor because unlike most American guys I get it.

In the meantime, I have a bunch of other chicks to go out with over the weekend.

 

[Red]

You're right about older women. They do have baggage, but good lord is the conversation so much better. When some little thing starts talking about her mommy and daddy its awful.

And the sex. Odd that more men don't appreciate that the sex is going to be way better with an "older" woman.

 

[Bo Diddley]

odd that more men don't appreciate that the sex is going to be way better with an "older" woman.

Well you have to get there first. The words "avoidant" and "guarded" were heavily used in the posts above yours.

Are the decreased odds worth the bedroom skills? Nevermind the sagging skin and decreased flexibility.

 

[Red]

Well you have to get there first. The words "avoidant" and "guarded" were heavily used in the posts above yours.

Are the decreased odds worth the bedroom skills? Nevermind the sagging skin and decreased flexibility.

Folks should do what makes them happy.

Personal experience and opinion is that older woman are more interesting and the sex is better, but, yeah, not as attractive and usually drag around a lot of bitterness and resentment.