Older Mans Chase Game

[Dash]

DrGreen we are the same age, and in the same general circumstance... though I'm a fair bit shorter!

Bit of an intro to start, since I'd like to make this, or another thread, all about the older man's game.

I'm 37, really young looking, fit, have a successful career and some side businesses. Establishing that side of my life took up all of my 20s and most of my early 30s. I had some girls in there, but it was always secondary.

A couple months ago I got picked up by a real sweetie (if you've read Chase's post on how to get approached by girls, it went exactly like that... but it was totally by accident and not anything I'd planned). I blew it by making just about every mistake in the books. That's when I decided to start making changes so that I'm better prepped the next time around.

I've been experimenting with different girlschase techniques, of course, and am trying to fit them into the old man's game.

But, for now, I'd say drop the 21 year old. The gap in age and experience is vast! I think a relationship would be difficult and frustrating. A sexual relationship might work but hard to tell if that's what you want.

I flirt and practice with younger women, but unless it's a pick-up situation or I've framed the interaction as sexual, then I drop it fast if things arent moved along quickly. Female friends have told me that when they were younger they usually had a "thing" for older men. But that rarely included a traditional relationship.

Maybe try shutting down all interaction for a while. If she contacts you say you have plans, etc. If she pesters you for info say you were on a date or something. See if that gets her doing what you want.

 

[Light]

Hey DG,

It seems like the problem you have here is the fact that she has placed you into her "Potential Boyfriend / Provider" zone, instead of the "Lover" zone. You are a great man with valuable assets, and she is definitely fond of you.

But it is because of this, that she wants to take things slow with you for two reason:
1) She doesn't want to screw up, doesn't want to appear easy, and hope that things may work out.
2) She hasn't made up her mind yet due to the big age gap, although she would love to have you as a boyfriend.

Having an age gap, if anything, works better for you in getting girls to bed. Reason being that it is very unlikely that they want a long term relationship with you. But if they like you enough, they would just want a fling with you. They won't have to care or worry about what other people think.
Therefore the age gap is only an obstacle for you in being a "provider" situation.

 

[Dash]

Totally agree about the necessity of being in shape. It's something Chase and Ricardus mention constantly as part of the fundamentals package.

I haven't experimented much with gym pickup. Not really my scene. I've been a dedicated home gym guy for years.

But this year I'm going to try some day game outdoor sport interaction. Where I live there's this beautiful paved trail system running along a river. People walk, run, bike, and blade along this path day and night when the weather warms up.

So if any older dudes out there have techniques\advice for such a situation - chime in. Like: I'm a cyclist and most women I see out are running or blading, usually with their IPods on, or head phones. Interrupt them? I assume social exercising situations are similar to gym pickup?

Also, I'm on the fence about a girl I met about a month ago.

I was at a bar that's been good to me in the past. I sat at a table by myself (I go out alone a lot) with a couple open tables beside me. I had a plan. When\if girls sat down nearby I'd invite them to my table "because I don't like to drink alone."

It worked. A couple girls, not all that attractive sat down and we chatted. There wasn't much spark but it was a good ice breaker for my night and the plan worked. Then two cuties sat down and I got them to move to my table. Clearly younger. We started chatting and it was clear the one girl, a fake red head, was more intrigued than the other. Red head's pal excused herself, leaving me with Red.

The chatting went well, but I gave up a bit too much information, too easily. She wanted to know how old I was, and I told her. She was 23. She was shocked when I told her how old I was, and asked how I defied aging, etc.

I couldn't really move her, because it wouldn't have made sense, since we were already alone. We exchanged numbers and chatted more. She wanted to be facebook friends (I never did add her, and I won't). Then I tried a fairly lame pull that she resisted a couple times.

I left a bit after that and sent her a text the next day "Nice to meet you", she replied likewise. Then shit got in the way and I haven't sent her anything since.

However, I did see her at the same bar last week, leaving with a guy. She definitely saw me.

So now I'm thinking of texting her again, to see if she wants to go out for a drink. But wouldn't this put me in a chase position... which for the older guy's game is clearly a VERY bad approach.

There's one stumble to this story, and it's one of my issues with pickup.... I have a very public job these days so I have to screen all women pretty hard to ensure they aren't going to cause problems later down the line. The digital age, and social media, has burned a lot of men in my position.

Thoughts older men?

 

[Dash]

That sounds like a good approach to gym pickup. Get the introduction out of the way fast... because then she knows you're there and can ask for help, or advice, or whatever.

My most recent report.

I was out with friends on the weekend. Buddy of mine invites some girls along that he knew from school (he's an older guy, too; going out with a younger girl). One girl had a boyfriend and clearly wasn't interested in much, but the other girl was more flirty.

I chatted up girl #2, didn't chase, played it cool. She was telling me to taste her drinks, stuff like that. Bit of touching. But... logistics got in the way later at night and I didn't move fast enough.

A while back this would have got me into a negative state of mind: I blew it, etc. But I just laughed it off this time around. I know I was close. I know what I did wrong and how I will approach a similar situation next time around.

In other words: it was a fun test of what I've learned in a short period of time from GC. Before I would have tried a nice guy game, or would have convinced myself, for one reason or another, that testing the waters was too much work.

The stumbling blocks were: social circle, not building the sex vibe early on, not moving fast enough, not handling logistics.

The progress was: moving the girl. Not chasing. Deep diving. Knowing that she is just one girl of many.

 

[Chase]

Howdy DG,

My story is a bit complex. I guess you could call me the real life "worlds most interesting man". Here's my background: Im 37 years old. I have done many things and been many places. I played College and Arena Football, Played in National Championship Games and Bowl Games. I was a cop, a builder, a president of a construction company. i have a masters degree and Im currently in law school. Ive never been married and no kids....

Interesting background, yeah. You'll have to be careful how much of that you show, as it positions you as a very high value guy with a lot to offer women, which makes it VERY easy for them to slip you into boyfriend / husband territory as they get to know you and intentionally slow things down / start throwing up hoops / trying to get you to invest more to up your commitment and make sure you're going to hang around and not be a fly-by-night lover.

While it's sometimes possible to display SO MUCH value that women just consider you out of their league for romance but still attractive for a fling, much of the time a girl instantly goes into, "Oh crap, I'd better not mess it up with this guy! Be on best behavior, be on best behavior, be on best behavior..." and then she gets nervous and anxious and afraid of doing anything out of fear of losing you after.

Ive meet one young one that has caught my eye, and for the first time in my life, i cant figure this one out. She is 21, in nursing school. We have been talking for 6 months, texting back and forth. i keep it short and i remain a challange to her, forcing her to contact me. When we hangout in public she is all over me. Holding and rubbing my hand at the bar... hanging out in the parking lot hugging me and head buried in my chest. But she always flakes out if we have plans to do something alone?

She's smart. She's taking herself out of situations where the two of you could end up going to bed together, while seeing you often enough to maintain and grow your interest.

Once at dinner with friends, she shot me some zinger questions. Such as "Normally, id say that a man that is 37, never been married, no kids, has major red flags".... i just looked at her and stated "Yeah so i guess because i make good decisions and havent married the wrong woman, that now will be used against me? Im Catholic, so i take marriage very seriously".

Another alternative response to zingers like this is simply to ask her to qualify them, e.g.:

• Her: Normally I'd say those are signs of some major red flags...
  You: [sexy / flirty tone] What red flags might those be?
  Her: You know - commitment phone, afraid of settling down...
  You: Oh, I see. So you think I'm afraid of commitment?
  Her: Are you?
  You: Honey, do you really think I'm afraid of ANYTHING? Especially a little girl with a golden ring around her finger?

She then stated, "Are you ever gonna settle down?' i said "sure, when the right woman comes along that is worth it and my career is in place, yes"....

You're answering her questions a little too directly, which saps the challenge and mystery out of the interaction for her. Alternative:

• Her: Are you ever gonna settle down?
  You: Well, that depends. Where are you proposing we take our honeymoon?

or

• Her: Are you ever gonna settle down?
  You: I wonder that myself sometimes. I guess the answer is: if I ever meet a woman who convinces me I should. How about you?

She also made other comments in reference to my age, teasing me like, "you're old enough to be my dad!"... i told her she is silly, unless i had a kid at 16!, she said "its possible?".

This kind of thing you can just ignore... yawn when she says it and act really bored. If she insists, you can lean into her and say, "But I'm NOT your dad," in a sexy tone, then lean back again.

after listening her complain about a family fued she tells me "thanks for being so great, I appreciate it"

That's a sign you're being somewhat too accommodating / friendly. You'd be better served to say, "Let's get together sometime soon and you can tell me about it then and I'll give you a backrub if it's still bothering you. Cool?"

and on New Years she texted me and i offered to cook her my famous steak she stated "That did make me smile you always know how to do that, thank you!"

She sounds like she's talking to a guy pal. I'd try to get her to cut this out soon.

So question is this... when we are together in person, she is all over me. She has no problems going to events in public with me and friends, like baseball games, dinner, etc. But the two times we had plans for me to come over and cook have resulted with her backing out, with what seems like good reasons. So at this point, i think i have deduced that the age gap (16 years) is the hang up. How do i over come that objection? I talk to other 23,24,25 year old women as well, so this will be a common theme for the remaining of my prime dating years. Thx DG

I don't think it's the age gap. It sounds like she's just too comfortable having you in her friend zone. You're a guy with a lot of value on offer, and now you're hanging out with her in buddy-buddy situations and listening to her family problems over text and putting smiles on her face. She can flirt with you as much as she likes in public and she doesn't have to worry about anything happening because she never meets you alone.

You offer a lot of value to her life, and whatever attraction she may have had for you at first or may still have, it isn't enough that she wants to risk losing all the value you provide as a friend for something as trivial and as uncertain about how it'll go as sex. Girls know that there's a chance after they sleep with you it all blows up in their faces.

She may also be setting you up as a potential future husband, especially with her talk about settling down. The few women I've had in my life around me over periods of years that I wasn't sleeping with would often bring this up, as if probing to detect if I was open to marriage.

Hey guys, thx for the response. Things have developed a bit. I have an offer from a law firm in another city, and i told her about it. Later at dinner we talked about it again and she said that she was looking at Grad school in that city. We went to a bar and she was very physical with me all night, holding my hand, rubbing on my arms, etc... She was planning on staying at my place, but then at the last moment she said that she had to go to church with her parents in the morning and we parted ways.

Sounds like she likes you a good deal, but she isn't going to let herself have sex with you. She probably doesn't want to risk losing you as a possible husband.

This week she has been at a Christian Conference, and i then remember some things that she had said to me at dinner. I made a comment on a ring she was wearing. She said it was a promise ring her parents had gotten her. She went on to say that her parents were very upset when they found out that she didnt keep her "promise" and that it went very bad. I think that the key to this woman is that she is looking for a non-sexual relationship until marriage (at least attempt).

A promise ring is usually a sign of being in a monogamous relationship. I'm not sure what "promise" she didn't keep, but it does sound like she's not a complete saint, in any event.

Anyway, seems like you have lots of other options with plenty of other women, so I don't think you're in a bad place, DG. I just wouldn't count too much on anything with this girl with her perception of you and the value you provide to her life already the way it is.

Chase

 

[Franco]

Hey DG,

I pretty much agree with everything Chase has listed here. I think the important thing to keep in mind is that there really is no difference between "the older man's Chase game" and the younger man's one. The same laws of attraction apply. Women will always play games to see if you are a "lover" or if you are a "provider," and they will always categorize you based on your actions. To this girl, you have been categorized as a provider without needing to be a lover.

I would continue to meet new women and focus on becoming the lover first. Once she is your girl and your lover, then you can be the one to decide if you want to be HER provider.

Cheers,

Franco

 

[danielthorne]

Just ask her if she would like to get together and fuck sometime?...