- Joined
- Jun 28, 2021
- Messages
- 349
ON SELF-AMUSEMENT
I think I have understood self-amusement on a deeper level today. I would like to share my insights with you.
A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY
I have learned about self-amusement concept from RSD's videos. And it seems I completely misunderstood it or it was just conveyed badly. Doesn't really matter that much at this point.
I admit that I have ignored this concept for a long time after I had watched Julien or some other dudes doing silly things on the streets. Like pretending to be a fish convoluting on a pavement or something. The most important thing is that these examples of them amusing themselves, wasn't funny FOR ME. And so maybe I tried something similar few times, here and there. And of course it didn't work. Why? Because it wasn't funny or amusing FOR ME. It was coping something from others hoping to get a positive reaction from a girl. IT WAS WRONG ON TWO FRONTS. I will explain why this can't work in the latter paragraph: "WHY FAKE SELF-AMUSEMENT CAN'T WORK".
SO WHAT SELF-AMUSEMENT REALLY IS?
The most important thing about self-amusement is the SELF part. Sole purpose of self-amusement is to make YOURSELF feel good, laugh, have fun. This is VERY OBVIOUS why this is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of it. People spend big, big money and time to feel good. Expensive clothes, cars, alcohol, drugs. All these external things we acquire is to feel good. And self-amusement allows you to have this, for free. Internally generated, no bill. What you need to is allow yourself this, trust yourself and some practice. This is some real deal.
For me, personally, this is enough. Whether it can help me to get a girl or now is secondary. If it does. Great. If it doesn't also great.
However, they say that self-amusing helps you to get a girl. And I believe it too.
HOW DOES AMUSING YOURSELF !!! ALSO !!! HELP YOU TO GET THE GIRL?
I think self-amusement is attractive for female because of the mirror neurons and leading-following dynamics.
Imagine this. You are in a bar and spend few hours hanging out with a woman. Every few minutes you have a thought in your head which makes YOU laugh, makes YOU feel good. You are doing this by asking your brain to take information from the environment (observing other people, listening to her contribution to the discussion) and then asking your brain again to tell you if it saw something which can make you laugh, have fun or just feel good. So every few minutes you receive this information and enjoy it.
Through mirror neurons, she experiences THE SAME. She also laughs and she also feels good every few minutes.
Here is what can happens in her thinking mind. Wow, I spent two hours with this guy and he just makes himself (and ME, yes me me me) laugh and feel good out of pure air. I wonder if he can always do this. It would be so amazing if he could do this every day.
This idea (hope, assumption) in her mind is very attractive. Now you have something solid to compete against mainstream value type of dudes (wealth, social status, etc). It's a hard choice - should I pick a wealthy guy who will make me feel good by providing all these luxury goods, or should I stick with the self-amusing dude who makes me laugh and feel good without providing me anything material. Please, do not misunderstand me here. I'm not claiming that being self-amusing is a magic pill, nothing else matters, and as long as you master self-amusement you will win the girl every time. I'm simply trying to explain a mechanism as I see it.
Btw, if you ever experienced a girl laughing at your jokes and suspecting that she might have not understood it on the intellectual level but still laughed. It WASN'T FAKE LAUGHTER. It was EMOTIONALLY REAL. Your joke made her body feel good and laugh through by mirroring emotions from your body language, laugher, tone of voice. You led her by amusing yourself. She followed you and became amused herself. Leading-following dynamics.
WHY FAKE SELF-AMUSEMENT CAN'T WORK
Firstly, it shows lack of self-confidence. Using someone's "tricks" can only work if these "tricks" are also funny FOR YOU. This is why telling a joke someone else told you, can work as long as you find it funny too. But they can't work if the joke wasn't funny for you (but it was for everyone else, so you decided to repeat it). She subconsciously know that there are things in this world which are funny FOR YOU. So why the hell, are you not trusting yourself, and instead coping someone else's jokes. Is other people's opinion about what's funny more important for you than your own?
Second reason why it couldn't work is that it was supposed to AMUSE HER. So this time you are supplicating not to some other dudes, but to her. We all know where this leads.
There are two ways of amusing her:
1) You want to make her feel good/laugh but you treat give it to her as a gift. THIS ONE CAN WORK. You tell her something to make her laugh and feel good AND DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN. As a matter of fact you do get something in return anyway. If she laughs (or even if she doesn't) you feel better because you made someone else feels good. Regardless of her reaction you have every right to feel good about yourself. You know that value giving is good (if you don't think it is, think about value leeching, and you will come to this conclusion). When you give you feel better about yourself. There is also an important aspect about giving, which is how effective it is for the receiver, but this this is a different tangent, and it doesn't take anything away from you being a giver. Being effective in giving can only add more.
2) You try to amuse her to get something from her. You want to MAKE her feel attraction for you. And of course you expect that this will bring you closer to her pussy. She knows what you are doing. And this is when you get most in trouble. Now you are in the area of deal-making. She starts making calculations. Ok, it's pretty obvious this guy wants something from me, and I'm pretty sure what he wants. Let's see what I CAN GET FROM HIM in this deal. And this is when resistance and bargaining, and all behaviours designed for the negotiations with the providers pop up.
HOW TO? PRACTICALITIES
I believe that in order to self-amuse you will need two things. Or maybe only the first one but most likely the second one will help.
1) You have to have TRUST in your brain and your emotions. Next time you are in the field, you need to go with the idea that YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE REAL FUN. You are not going to get laid, you are going to have feel good and have fun. Not the type of fun, some of your friends believe is fun, not the type of fun some seduction guru believes is fun, BUT ONLY THE TYPE OF FUN WHICH IS FUN FOR YOU. It doesn't matter how bizarre of the idea you get. Or how PLAIN SIMPLE AND MAINSTREAM it is. I said trust is critical because only YOUR OWN EMOTIONS can tell you what the real amusement is for you.
So once, you are in the field with the idea that you are going to trust yourself and have fun. You simply go there, relax and ask your own brain "If you spot something funny. Object, person, comments. Let me know. I want to enjoy it" And then you relax and wait. Give yourself time. Trust your own brain. You are activating part of your brain which might have been inactive for some time (for many people as long as from their childhood to now). Remember, your brain is a muscle in a sense. It requires reps to get good at this. So don't give up too early. Don't let distractions to get in your way.
Be patient and wait for the magic to appear.
This is how I'm going to do it. This is mostly because I'm a verbal person. I love linguistic humor. But I know many people get a better laugh with sounds, facial expressions or pranks. So if you are one of these, and not that much into linguistic humor - DO NOT TAKE MY ADVICE (at least the latest paragraph). This is going to be FAKE SELF-AMUSEMENT.
The whole goal of this exercise is to find something TRULY amusing for you.
2) Relaxation through activation of parasympathetic nervous system.
It's gonna be difficult for you to self-amuse if you are stressed. If you have plenty of fear, guilt, anger or some other unprocessed emotions - it's quite likely that these negative emotions will overwhelm you and you won't be able to consciously direct your brain to generate self-amusing ideas.
To fix this (activate parasympathetic nervous system) I usually do some form of breath work, meditation, mindfulness or emotional processing. I simply relax by consciously breathing (deep inhale, long and slow exhale) and process whatever unprocessed emotions I hold at the moment. I do this both at home and in the field. About 10-15 minutes at home, few seconds to few minutes in the field.
However, it has also happened to me that all of a sudden I would feel strong positive emotions while being down, in a negative state. So don't try to get into a perfect, relaxed emotional state before starting with self-amusement exercise. Don't let your perfectionistic tendencies (if you have them) derail your progress (as it happened to me several times). You don't need to be Buddha first to self-amuse. Even thought it would certainly help
DISCLAIMER:
These are my intuitive thoughts. These thoughts are not thoroughly field tested but they are experience dependent in the sense that I spent some time in field as well as acquired theoretical concepts in mating process. So this is what my brain returned as a result.
I'm going to spend some time in the field, testing these ideas further and will let you know if they held real life tests.
I think I have understood self-amusement on a deeper level today. I would like to share my insights with you.
A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY
I have learned about self-amusement concept from RSD's videos. And it seems I completely misunderstood it or it was just conveyed badly. Doesn't really matter that much at this point.
I admit that I have ignored this concept for a long time after I had watched Julien or some other dudes doing silly things on the streets. Like pretending to be a fish convoluting on a pavement or something. The most important thing is that these examples of them amusing themselves, wasn't funny FOR ME. And so maybe I tried something similar few times, here and there. And of course it didn't work. Why? Because it wasn't funny or amusing FOR ME. It was coping something from others hoping to get a positive reaction from a girl. IT WAS WRONG ON TWO FRONTS. I will explain why this can't work in the latter paragraph: "WHY FAKE SELF-AMUSEMENT CAN'T WORK".
SO WHAT SELF-AMUSEMENT REALLY IS?
The most important thing about self-amusement is the SELF part. Sole purpose of self-amusement is to make YOURSELF feel good, laugh, have fun. This is VERY OBVIOUS why this is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of it. People spend big, big money and time to feel good. Expensive clothes, cars, alcohol, drugs. All these external things we acquire is to feel good. And self-amusement allows you to have this, for free. Internally generated, no bill. What you need to is allow yourself this, trust yourself and some practice. This is some real deal.
For me, personally, this is enough. Whether it can help me to get a girl or now is secondary. If it does. Great. If it doesn't also great.
However, they say that self-amusing helps you to get a girl. And I believe it too.
HOW DOES AMUSING YOURSELF !!! ALSO !!! HELP YOU TO GET THE GIRL?
I think self-amusement is attractive for female because of the mirror neurons and leading-following dynamics.
Imagine this. You are in a bar and spend few hours hanging out with a woman. Every few minutes you have a thought in your head which makes YOU laugh, makes YOU feel good. You are doing this by asking your brain to take information from the environment (observing other people, listening to her contribution to the discussion) and then asking your brain again to tell you if it saw something which can make you laugh, have fun or just feel good. So every few minutes you receive this information and enjoy it.
Through mirror neurons, she experiences THE SAME. She also laughs and she also feels good every few minutes.
Here is what can happens in her thinking mind. Wow, I spent two hours with this guy and he just makes himself (and ME, yes me me me) laugh and feel good out of pure air. I wonder if he can always do this. It would be so amazing if he could do this every day.
This idea (hope, assumption) in her mind is very attractive. Now you have something solid to compete against mainstream value type of dudes (wealth, social status, etc). It's a hard choice - should I pick a wealthy guy who will make me feel good by providing all these luxury goods, or should I stick with the self-amusing dude who makes me laugh and feel good without providing me anything material. Please, do not misunderstand me here. I'm not claiming that being self-amusing is a magic pill, nothing else matters, and as long as you master self-amusement you will win the girl every time. I'm simply trying to explain a mechanism as I see it.
Btw, if you ever experienced a girl laughing at your jokes and suspecting that she might have not understood it on the intellectual level but still laughed. It WASN'T FAKE LAUGHTER. It was EMOTIONALLY REAL. Your joke made her body feel good and laugh through by mirroring emotions from your body language, laugher, tone of voice. You led her by amusing yourself. She followed you and became amused herself. Leading-following dynamics.
WHY FAKE SELF-AMUSEMENT CAN'T WORK
Firstly, it shows lack of self-confidence. Using someone's "tricks" can only work if these "tricks" are also funny FOR YOU. This is why telling a joke someone else told you, can work as long as you find it funny too. But they can't work if the joke wasn't funny for you (but it was for everyone else, so you decided to repeat it). She subconsciously know that there are things in this world which are funny FOR YOU. So why the hell, are you not trusting yourself, and instead coping someone else's jokes. Is other people's opinion about what's funny more important for you than your own?
Second reason why it couldn't work is that it was supposed to AMUSE HER. So this time you are supplicating not to some other dudes, but to her. We all know where this leads.
There are two ways of amusing her:
1) You want to make her feel good/laugh but you treat give it to her as a gift. THIS ONE CAN WORK. You tell her something to make her laugh and feel good AND DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN. As a matter of fact you do get something in return anyway. If she laughs (or even if she doesn't) you feel better because you made someone else feels good. Regardless of her reaction you have every right to feel good about yourself. You know that value giving is good (if you don't think it is, think about value leeching, and you will come to this conclusion). When you give you feel better about yourself. There is also an important aspect about giving, which is how effective it is for the receiver, but this this is a different tangent, and it doesn't take anything away from you being a giver. Being effective in giving can only add more.
2) You try to amuse her to get something from her. You want to MAKE her feel attraction for you. And of course you expect that this will bring you closer to her pussy. She knows what you are doing. And this is when you get most in trouble. Now you are in the area of deal-making. She starts making calculations. Ok, it's pretty obvious this guy wants something from me, and I'm pretty sure what he wants. Let's see what I CAN GET FROM HIM in this deal. And this is when resistance and bargaining, and all behaviours designed for the negotiations with the providers pop up.
HOW TO? PRACTICALITIES
I believe that in order to self-amuse you will need two things. Or maybe only the first one but most likely the second one will help.
1) You have to have TRUST in your brain and your emotions. Next time you are in the field, you need to go with the idea that YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE REAL FUN. You are not going to get laid, you are going to have feel good and have fun. Not the type of fun, some of your friends believe is fun, not the type of fun some seduction guru believes is fun, BUT ONLY THE TYPE OF FUN WHICH IS FUN FOR YOU. It doesn't matter how bizarre of the idea you get. Or how PLAIN SIMPLE AND MAINSTREAM it is. I said trust is critical because only YOUR OWN EMOTIONS can tell you what the real amusement is for you.
So once, you are in the field with the idea that you are going to trust yourself and have fun. You simply go there, relax and ask your own brain "If you spot something funny. Object, person, comments. Let me know. I want to enjoy it" And then you relax and wait. Give yourself time. Trust your own brain. You are activating part of your brain which might have been inactive for some time (for many people as long as from their childhood to now). Remember, your brain is a muscle in a sense. It requires reps to get good at this. So don't give up too early. Don't let distractions to get in your way.
Be patient and wait for the magic to appear.
This is how I'm going to do it. This is mostly because I'm a verbal person. I love linguistic humor. But I know many people get a better laugh with sounds, facial expressions or pranks. So if you are one of these, and not that much into linguistic humor - DO NOT TAKE MY ADVICE (at least the latest paragraph). This is going to be FAKE SELF-AMUSEMENT.
The whole goal of this exercise is to find something TRULY amusing for you.
2) Relaxation through activation of parasympathetic nervous system.
It's gonna be difficult for you to self-amuse if you are stressed. If you have plenty of fear, guilt, anger or some other unprocessed emotions - it's quite likely that these negative emotions will overwhelm you and you won't be able to consciously direct your brain to generate self-amusing ideas.
To fix this (activate parasympathetic nervous system) I usually do some form of breath work, meditation, mindfulness or emotional processing. I simply relax by consciously breathing (deep inhale, long and slow exhale) and process whatever unprocessed emotions I hold at the moment. I do this both at home and in the field. About 10-15 minutes at home, few seconds to few minutes in the field.
However, it has also happened to me that all of a sudden I would feel strong positive emotions while being down, in a negative state. So don't try to get into a perfect, relaxed emotional state before starting with self-amusement exercise. Don't let your perfectionistic tendencies (if you have them) derail your progress (as it happened to me several times). You don't need to be Buddha first to self-amuse. Even thought it would certainly help
DISCLAIMER:
These are my intuitive thoughts. These thoughts are not thoroughly field tested but they are experience dependent in the sense that I spent some time in field as well as acquired theoretical concepts in mating process. So this is what my brain returned as a result.
I'm going to spend some time in the field, testing these ideas further and will let you know if they held real life tests.
