- Joined
- Jul 5, 2013
- Messages
- 182
Been doing between 5-20 approaches a week in my small college town this last month along with meeting some other people through more normal channels. Here are two: The first is an average night-time approach for me (need to practice night game -- recognizing signals and capitalizing on them, moving faster) that happened yesterday and the second is a little less traditional of a FR, it being a night out with a new guy friend of mine who is a local celebrity.
I.
Messy situation the other night -- here's a brief layout of the venue: bar it pit downstairs, sitting area on ground floor, and dance-floor upstairs. Second approach of the night. I am sober and a very much in my head. Okay, so a cute girl in a Final Destination costume, looking like she just came from a comic-con, is dancing on the first floor near some tables. I approach and open her and she does some poses for me. I move her down into the pit by the bar and try and talk with her and realize she is rather drunk. She says something about her job but she doesn't really want to talk, she just wants to rub up against me. We exchange numbers (I tell her I hate meeting people at bars and we should meet up the next day) and I stop and just look at her, unconsciously wanting her to go away because her energy was just so much higher than mine (I was feeling chill and rather reserved while she was all over the place). She says she is going to the dance floor and I try and move past her and she moves in to try and kiss me. I brush past her and leave, feeling confused. A bit later after encountering no one else I wanted to approach she approaches me again and starts grinding up against me. I ask her how she got here, thinking of logistics, and she tells me her friend brought her and that she was leaving town the next day ("Take me now or fuck off, Oskar" is how I read it). Before I figure out what to propose she goes back to the dance floor. I'm having a hard time keeping up with the energy of this girl so decide to amp myself up on the dance floor, as I see no other prospects and she is very much my type. I move to the dance-floor and eventually bump into her again. She grinds up against me but I quickly end that, knowing that grinding will quickly validate her out of coming home with me. I decide it's not worth the effort and head off to another bar, but after a bit of walking get a call from a friend who is back there and decide to meet up with them back at that venue. While walking back I bump into her and her friend (literally, hip bump). They call me a hipster and I jokingly say that hurts my feelings. The friend says that the only hipster she's ever known was really good in bed. I don't move fast enough to capitalize on that. I let the friend pull her away, as I didn't want to invite them back to the bar they were coming from, as that was the only one in the direction I was going and was the only thing I could think of in the moment. I simply wasn't fast enough on my feet and didn't get her working to solve the problem of us getting alone together herself. I'm going to focus on day game now, as my results from that are more consistent and I find it more enjoyable since this town has a pretty unimpressive nightlife.
II.
The night before that a front-man from a well-known rock band and I went out to the bars. We met up at 8pm and talked steadily till 2:30 am.
This guy is:
Extremely physically attractive
Has rediculous amounts of social proof and is highly preselected.
Is constantly bombarded by both men and women who want value from him.
Has a reputation for being extremely cool
Is in fact extremely cool
Is respected and revered by most people he knows
Is byronic and edgy
However:
He is surrounded by yes-men
He is starved for criticism
He is generally depressed and focused on the past.
He is not happy with the people he usually surrounds himself with. They seem fake and like him for his status.
So I:
Lent him a critical ear
Gave him solid feedback to his problems
Offered him social value and to accompany me on an adventure
Provided conversational depth
Didn't leech value
Taught him new ways of viewing social heirarchies, status, relationships, etc. (Thanks, Chase)
Acted as though the ambiguity of the world affect me less than other men
Throughout the night people approached us (he never approaches people, they always approach him) and he would be polite, positive, and a vacuum of non-neediness. Most impressive was his natural use of tension: he would pause just a little longer than people were comfortable with, say things a little more slowly than usual, and I would just watch them scramble to fill the silence and for them to show their cards as seeing him as higher value. However, whether he noticed this or not is irrelevant, he would reward them by not acknowledging their increasing neediness of his validation and just remain cool and collected. Because of this when they left they thought even higher of him and perhaps more connected, even though there was little depth to their conversations. All this with almost no present effort.
What really drives home his status is his slow pacing, deep voice, and excellent use of facial expressions, along with his not saying much and never saying or doing anything contentious unless the situation warrants it, and then doing it fast and hard -- cutting it at the bud. I think this degree of valuing status comes naturally when you live in one town for your whole life, wherein people view status as much more important; make or break. People who travel a lot seem to experience a reduction in social pressure and value status less.
He simply waits for people to gush their stories to him without his even having to ask, simply because of the vaccuum of relational energy he seems to create. When we talked he didn't ask me one question about myself but in the course of the conversation he nearly got me talking about things I would rather not just through being non-judgemental and using pregnant pauses and facial expressions like it was his profession.
He also used a few excellent stories to show how preselected he was (e.g. attractive girls stalking him who he never met then breaking up when they aren't even dating, past relationships where he didn't want to hurt the girl, etc)
Here are some examples from the night:
1) We are alone on a back porch and a girl, shaking, comes up and asks how our night is going. He just talks normal and I smile at her pleasantly and eventually she leaves -- neither of wanting anything from her and her clearly wanting to join us.
2) We'd be walking down the street and people would come up and he would shake their hand say how are you doing and we would just keep going.
3) Someone who in the past had been dismissive and rude to me were polite and nearly groveling, asking to hang out with me just because he hadn't known I was friends with this guy.
To reference The Great Gatsby here, the difference between him and I is like the difference between old money and new money. He is natural, subtle, and uses social status carefully and without much conscious awareness, while I am "louder" and more imprecise, with some holes in my presentation, not to mention too explicitly analytical to be easily categorized as "cool" by the masses.
What I'm going to work on from this:
1) Subtle use of tension, and not just sexual tension, but social tension in general. Longer and more carefully placed pauses and being so non-needy that people are drawn in to me.
2) Be non-contentious and authoritative. I usually try to treat other guys as my equals, but sometimes weaker guys will misinterpret that as a sign of weakness. If I treat people like my equals with a secret underlying authority and sureness, I doubt that problem will present itself again.
Thanks for reading and hope you find something thought provoking,
Best,
Oskar
I.
Messy situation the other night -- here's a brief layout of the venue: bar it pit downstairs, sitting area on ground floor, and dance-floor upstairs. Second approach of the night. I am sober and a very much in my head. Okay, so a cute girl in a Final Destination costume, looking like she just came from a comic-con, is dancing on the first floor near some tables. I approach and open her and she does some poses for me. I move her down into the pit by the bar and try and talk with her and realize she is rather drunk. She says something about her job but she doesn't really want to talk, she just wants to rub up against me. We exchange numbers (I tell her I hate meeting people at bars and we should meet up the next day) and I stop and just look at her, unconsciously wanting her to go away because her energy was just so much higher than mine (I was feeling chill and rather reserved while she was all over the place). She says she is going to the dance floor and I try and move past her and she moves in to try and kiss me. I brush past her and leave, feeling confused. A bit later after encountering no one else I wanted to approach she approaches me again and starts grinding up against me. I ask her how she got here, thinking of logistics, and she tells me her friend brought her and that she was leaving town the next day ("Take me now or fuck off, Oskar" is how I read it). Before I figure out what to propose she goes back to the dance floor. I'm having a hard time keeping up with the energy of this girl so decide to amp myself up on the dance floor, as I see no other prospects and she is very much my type. I move to the dance-floor and eventually bump into her again. She grinds up against me but I quickly end that, knowing that grinding will quickly validate her out of coming home with me. I decide it's not worth the effort and head off to another bar, but after a bit of walking get a call from a friend who is back there and decide to meet up with them back at that venue. While walking back I bump into her and her friend (literally, hip bump). They call me a hipster and I jokingly say that hurts my feelings. The friend says that the only hipster she's ever known was really good in bed. I don't move fast enough to capitalize on that. I let the friend pull her away, as I didn't want to invite them back to the bar they were coming from, as that was the only one in the direction I was going and was the only thing I could think of in the moment. I simply wasn't fast enough on my feet and didn't get her working to solve the problem of us getting alone together herself. I'm going to focus on day game now, as my results from that are more consistent and I find it more enjoyable since this town has a pretty unimpressive nightlife.
II.
The night before that a front-man from a well-known rock band and I went out to the bars. We met up at 8pm and talked steadily till 2:30 am.
This guy is:
Extremely physically attractive
Has rediculous amounts of social proof and is highly preselected.
Is constantly bombarded by both men and women who want value from him.
Has a reputation for being extremely cool
Is in fact extremely cool
Is respected and revered by most people he knows
Is byronic and edgy
However:
He is surrounded by yes-men
He is starved for criticism
He is generally depressed and focused on the past.
He is not happy with the people he usually surrounds himself with. They seem fake and like him for his status.
So I:
Lent him a critical ear
Gave him solid feedback to his problems
Offered him social value and to accompany me on an adventure
Provided conversational depth
Didn't leech value
Taught him new ways of viewing social heirarchies, status, relationships, etc. (Thanks, Chase)
Acted as though the ambiguity of the world affect me less than other men
Throughout the night people approached us (he never approaches people, they always approach him) and he would be polite, positive, and a vacuum of non-neediness. Most impressive was his natural use of tension: he would pause just a little longer than people were comfortable with, say things a little more slowly than usual, and I would just watch them scramble to fill the silence and for them to show their cards as seeing him as higher value. However, whether he noticed this or not is irrelevant, he would reward them by not acknowledging their increasing neediness of his validation and just remain cool and collected. Because of this when they left they thought even higher of him and perhaps more connected, even though there was little depth to their conversations. All this with almost no present effort.
What really drives home his status is his slow pacing, deep voice, and excellent use of facial expressions, along with his not saying much and never saying or doing anything contentious unless the situation warrants it, and then doing it fast and hard -- cutting it at the bud. I think this degree of valuing status comes naturally when you live in one town for your whole life, wherein people view status as much more important; make or break. People who travel a lot seem to experience a reduction in social pressure and value status less.
He simply waits for people to gush their stories to him without his even having to ask, simply because of the vaccuum of relational energy he seems to create. When we talked he didn't ask me one question about myself but in the course of the conversation he nearly got me talking about things I would rather not just through being non-judgemental and using pregnant pauses and facial expressions like it was his profession.
He also used a few excellent stories to show how preselected he was (e.g. attractive girls stalking him who he never met then breaking up when they aren't even dating, past relationships where he didn't want to hurt the girl, etc)
Here are some examples from the night:
1) We are alone on a back porch and a girl, shaking, comes up and asks how our night is going. He just talks normal and I smile at her pleasantly and eventually she leaves -- neither of wanting anything from her and her clearly wanting to join us.
2) We'd be walking down the street and people would come up and he would shake their hand say how are you doing and we would just keep going.
3) Someone who in the past had been dismissive and rude to me were polite and nearly groveling, asking to hang out with me just because he hadn't known I was friends with this guy.
To reference The Great Gatsby here, the difference between him and I is like the difference between old money and new money. He is natural, subtle, and uses social status carefully and without much conscious awareness, while I am "louder" and more imprecise, with some holes in my presentation, not to mention too explicitly analytical to be easily categorized as "cool" by the masses.
What I'm going to work on from this:
1) Subtle use of tension, and not just sexual tension, but social tension in general. Longer and more carefully placed pauses and being so non-needy that people are drawn in to me.
2) Be non-contentious and authoritative. I usually try to treat other guys as my equals, but sometimes weaker guys will misinterpret that as a sign of weakness. If I treat people like my equals with a secret underlying authority and sureness, I doubt that problem will present itself again.
Thanks for reading and hope you find something thought provoking,
Best,
Oskar
