- Joined
- Dec 7, 2021
- Messages
- 12
Hi everyone!
First, a bit of background: I recently met this girl at work. I'm employed there full-time as my graduate role whereas it is more of a summer job for her. She is the same age as me, comes from a family of half Middle Eastern and half South Asia, but fully raised in New Zealand. She hasn't even visited any countries outside of NZ. I initially expressed my interest with a long handshake with thumb caressing and good playful eye contact. Then in the subsequent days, I screened and she qualified on a few different points which is why I'm moving the interactions forward:
Below is a detailed interaction log so you can see what I have been doing and potentially any mistakes that I have done.
Interaction Log:
My analysis:
I feel like for an inexperienced guy like me, I'm not handling this too horribly. (No doubt all thanks to Chase's books and all the information on the boards here). This girl is quite nice and would be the only one that I would classed as relationship-worthy out of all the girls I met recently. The way she looks and acts turns me on more than most of the "hot girls" I meet at the bar. I like that it is very natural and fun for me to have interactions with her and I like the sexual attention that I am getting from her. In my opinion, she opened up more after I had the conversation with her about "rushing" on Day 14 above, so I feel like just giving a verbal reassurance like that was a good move. However, as it has been mentioned multiple times on this site, my understanding is there should still be a bit of a "rush" and interactions need to be kept moving forward, otherwise the interest will die down. The way I'm thinking of executing this "rush" is by offering small alternatives (let's have Starbucks, let's hang out, let's meet after uni, movie night, etc.) to continue increase physical time spent together and then dinner and sex.
My difficulty at this stage is with the Covid situation. Omicron has just started to mass spread here in NZ and she doesn't want to get the virus. She is more concerned about bringing it back to her parents rather than her own health, which is a point of view that I agree with. Because of the two long lockdowns that NZ had in 2020 and 2021, she said that she doesn't really like to go out for dinner anymore and is now enjoying doing things at home. However, I feel like she is not ready to bring me back to her family home yet. All of this means that I have to be a bit creative in my date ideas and I haven't been to many dates before so that is another shortcoming for me.
My confusion is when she really freaked out on Day 10. And then for Day 14, 15, 16. I have noticed her interactions are different when we are alone vs. around other people. She is much more relaxed and open when there is no one around. So does this means, because of her culture and family background, there is almost two sides that is fighting each other (e.g. personal desires vs. social expectations)? And, not stereotyping, but her Middle Eastern and South Asian background probably contributes to having very strong social expectations to be put on her? She has also said that she is always home before dark. Taking that into account with what happened on Day 10 and the fact that her mom doesn't know she is working at my company, could it mean that she has overprotective parents and is very concerned about that? I can see that behind all the strong teasing, she is a sweet and somewhat shy person so perhaps the teasing and being strong is another front that was put up in response to social and family expectations?
My questions:
Thank you in advance for your suggestions and advice!
First, a bit of background: I recently met this girl at work. I'm employed there full-time as my graduate role whereas it is more of a summer job for her. She is the same age as me, comes from a family of half Middle Eastern and half South Asia, but fully raised in New Zealand. She hasn't even visited any countries outside of NZ. I initially expressed my interest with a long handshake with thumb caressing and good playful eye contact. Then in the subsequent days, I screened and she qualified on a few different points which is why I'm moving the interactions forward:
- Similar interest: She is more technically minded - likes computers, cars, games, etc. Studying IT and Business, which I both like.
- Appearance: Tasteful make-up, good grooming and knows how to make herself a lady. And I have to admit, her eyes are my weakness.
- Fashion: Knows how to put an outfit together. At the moment, because of the clean-room environment, she is wearing more casual clothes - sneakers, fashionable pants, cardigans, sweaters, etc. (Still look amazing, though) She also claims that if she was working in the office, she would be wearing high heels and be more properly dressed up.
- Conversing: Easy, comfortable conversations between us. Natural, playful teasing back and forth. Some light-hearted competition. We both often insert sexual innuendos while talking. A lot of people can tell that we are flirting.
- Others: Conversationally-fluent in 5 languages. A beautiful mix of naughty and nice. Knows when to do work properly and knows when to play. Good-hearted person.
Below is a detailed interaction log so you can see what I have been doing and potentially any mistakes that I have done.
Interaction Log:
- Day 1 Afternoon: Introduction - handshake, eye contact.
- Day 2: Invited to lunch. She quickly agreed. At lunch, she asked why I invited her. I said I'm a simple man, I see a pretty lady, I ask her to lunch. She smiled and said okay. (Note: Our lunches are strictly limited to 30 mins because we have too many backlogged mask orders to produce. As a supervisor, I'm using my privileges to extend about 5-10 mins but I won't do anymore than that because it would be unprofessional).
- Day 3: Lunch again. She was worried about time limit because it is only her third day in the company. I said if she is with me, no one will say anything. She smiled and said perhaps she should have lunch with me everyday. She said she loves chocolate so I suggested taking her to a chocolate place in the city centre. Exchange phone numbers. Said maybe we will meet up in the weekend.
- Day 4 and 5 - Weekend: Texting conversations. She let me know her weekend plans - which are mostly family hangouts. She sent me a photo of her cat and a selfie of her posing with a bucket hat and mask.
- Day 6 - V-day: Lunch as usual. We were already in close physical proximity at work - standing very close, touching lower back, whispering, etc. so I requested her to give me a hug at the end of the day. She initially said just a high-five, but I didn't fold so she complied with a hug. Straight after the hug, she said that not everyone gets a hug. I smiled and said I know.
- Day 7: Lunch as usual. Hug requested, she playfully said I'm not getting one today; yesterday was a special day. I held my frame and she complied again.
- Day 8
- Afternoon: I made an excuse to hold her hand at lunch. Then later on, my boss came in while we were working and very strongly ordered me to go find some tables. He said "If you don't find it, don't come back", which can clearly be interpreted as aggression. I was away for 2 hours and she sent me a text asking if I am okay.
- Evening and Night: Text conversation from around 10pm. At 11pm, she asked why I held her hand today. I deflected and said maybe I will tell her in person tomorrow.
- Day 9: Another guy in the company gate-crashed our lunch, intentionally. I know this girl and I are both trying to make it not too obvious in the company so no flirting at today's lunch. Later on at night, text conversation again. She mentioned again that I didn't tell her about the hand holding. I deflected again and blamed the other guy for interrupting our lunch.
- Day 10:
- Evening: We both worked late today. A small incident happened - one of the other girl at work gave my girl some shit because she was flirting with me. I noticed that something happened because I saw a change in body language and mood of my girl. I quickly checked in and she said she will tell me about it later. I told her I had a small surprise for her after work. I bought some ice cream and we hung out in the car. It was going well until she noticed a suspicious guy parking near us. I went to check him out. As soon as I said that he looked Middle Eastern, she got super spooked out, said sorry, thank me and hurriedly left.
- Night: I texted her to check if she is okay. She said everything is good (false alarm) and apologised again for leaving in a hurry. She explained that some of her cousins are not nice people; apparently they snitch on her before or something like that. Thank me again for the ice cream and said "we always have next time".
- Day 11 and 12 - Weekend: She sent me some photos and videos. I suggested meeting up for a few hours, but she said her mum is taking her to a furniture store. She said her mom has high standards; I said I'm confident she won't have any problems with my standards; she said yeah, maybe her mom will like that because I'm an engineer.
- Day 13: Lunch as usual. I implied that I will take her out for dinner in 2 days. She resisted and asked why dinner, so I reasoned that these lunches are too short for us to get to know each other properly. She said (in a more serious tone) let's not rush things. I don't see it being productive to keep pushing so I said okay. She invited me to share her vape, but since we were both not sure about the nicotine content, I declined. At night, she texted me at 9pm and said she will bring lunch for me tomorrow. Then she apologised because the vape juice turned out to have 3% nicotine, but she swore that she did not know that beforehand. I accepted the apology and said it's fine (because I didn't do anything anyway).
- Day 14: She texted me during work that my hair looks good. I winked at her. Lunch as usual. After work, I sat with her in the car and said that I thought about what she said about not rushing. I said I understand what she means (implied dinner = sex). I stated that we both like each other, and I would like to do something with her outside of work, but since dinner is too much, let's do something lighter, like lunch/coffee/movie. I said I don't know what the other guys she has dated are like, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. She smiled, thanked me and agreed. She said she would like to get to know each other more before anything happens between us. We both agree that the timing is an issue, and if I was going to uni as well then it would have been easier (she is returning to uni this week). But she said hopefully going back to uni means she can be more available with schedule and timing. At the moment, sometimes she is tired after a long day of working.
- Day 15: She asked to share my water bottle because she forgot hers. Then when we were alone before lunch, she requested a hug and gave me a proper close hug. At the end of work, she waited for me to finish, then we drove to get some chocolate, drinks and hanged out in the car again (I know I should have gone to a different location, but I didn't know any place close by and we had less than 1 hour). She insisted on paying for the chocolate and drinks.
- Day 16: Flirting and teasing - I said she doesn't know my weakness. Just before we left work, she gently pushes me to the wall, pressed her body on mine and pull out the extra cute eyes. She is shorter than me too, so the eyes worked extra well This definitely took me by surprise, but I didn't show it and held on to her firmly as this was happening. I moved my head closer to hers like I was going for a slow kiss. She moved her hand to touch my crotch a bit and then pulled away, promptly added a tease that this is not happening again. Later on at night, she texted me at 11pm and asked if I was shocked by that situation. I replied by asking if she thought I was shocked with a winky face. She said it looked like I might have enjoyed it.
- Day 17: I was travelling so she wishes me a safe flight. Later that day, she texted and said she missed me because she has "no one to annoy at work".
- Day 18 - Weekend: Send me a random video of the neighbour having a kids' birthday party at 9pm. We texted for a bit then I went to sleep.
My analysis:
I feel like for an inexperienced guy like me, I'm not handling this too horribly. (No doubt all thanks to Chase's books and all the information on the boards here). This girl is quite nice and would be the only one that I would classed as relationship-worthy out of all the girls I met recently. The way she looks and acts turns me on more than most of the "hot girls" I meet at the bar. I like that it is very natural and fun for me to have interactions with her and I like the sexual attention that I am getting from her. In my opinion, she opened up more after I had the conversation with her about "rushing" on Day 14 above, so I feel like just giving a verbal reassurance like that was a good move. However, as it has been mentioned multiple times on this site, my understanding is there should still be a bit of a "rush" and interactions need to be kept moving forward, otherwise the interest will die down. The way I'm thinking of executing this "rush" is by offering small alternatives (let's have Starbucks, let's hang out, let's meet after uni, movie night, etc.) to continue increase physical time spent together and then dinner and sex.
My difficulty at this stage is with the Covid situation. Omicron has just started to mass spread here in NZ and she doesn't want to get the virus. She is more concerned about bringing it back to her parents rather than her own health, which is a point of view that I agree with. Because of the two long lockdowns that NZ had in 2020 and 2021, she said that she doesn't really like to go out for dinner anymore and is now enjoying doing things at home. However, I feel like she is not ready to bring me back to her family home yet. All of this means that I have to be a bit creative in my date ideas and I haven't been to many dates before so that is another shortcoming for me.
My confusion is when she really freaked out on Day 10. And then for Day 14, 15, 16. I have noticed her interactions are different when we are alone vs. around other people. She is much more relaxed and open when there is no one around. So does this means, because of her culture and family background, there is almost two sides that is fighting each other (e.g. personal desires vs. social expectations)? And, not stereotyping, but her Middle Eastern and South Asian background probably contributes to having very strong social expectations to be put on her? She has also said that she is always home before dark. Taking that into account with what happened on Day 10 and the fact that her mom doesn't know she is working at my company, could it mean that she has overprotective parents and is very concerned about that? I can see that behind all the strong teasing, she is a sweet and somewhat shy person so perhaps the teasing and being strong is another front that was put up in response to social and family expectations?
My questions:
- Is my analysis of the situation correct?
- What should I do to keep moving interactions forward with this girl?
- For dates, can you please suggest some suitable creative ideas and what do you think would be a good timing for dates (i.e. after my work day or during the day in the weekends)?
- How fast can I move things forward with this girl without her feeling like it is being rushed?
- How would you handle things with her family? Should I just try to meet them as soon as possible because if they like me then that might relieve some of the social expectations from her? And also, it might open up an option of having dates at her house which might work easier for all parties involved?
Thank you in advance for your suggestions and advice!
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