OR/FR: being "invited" by girls to go over them then ?!?!?!?

[stratvm]

yesterday went to a very relaxed bar i really like, on sundays it is pretty quiet and women are there to meet men

- when arrived few girls acknowledged my presence // recently worked on my fundamentals and was particularly well dressed as i originally wanted to go to uscale place

- went to the tap, ordered a jack+coke, saw a cute girl with a friend of hers sitting in front of me but other side of the tap (it is a big 3 sided area). she avoided eye contact initially
- started conversation with 2 older guys on my left, usual boring general small talk which made the girl clearly interested, unfortunately her friend i didnt like liked me even more
- to illustrate how obvious they were: even one of the guys made me aware that the girls like me A LOT especially the one i didnt like
- acting without intent: i went to chat with the girl who was ultranice but just for the sake of chat instead of approacing the girl i liked - WHY?!?!?!?!? i mean WHY?!?!?
- both were happy that i went there without hesitation (focused only on the girl i didnt really liked but thought a chat wouldnt hurt) BUT
- i didnt introduce myself. totally forgot about it. dunno how bad it was.
- didnt state my intentions. probably this was confusing too. went there to chat and she/they thought i wanted more?
- "conversation" was complete fail. i mean i couldnt strike a convo at all. she gave me totally dumb and/or vague and/or boring answers to topics that are going otherwise well in that pleace
- the cute girl entered the "conversation" (didnt pay attention to her really) but they were even more hopeless together. i mean if they can lead a conversation why dont the just sit and drink then leave?
- i just gave up, i didnt have the willpower to carry on even a non-working small talk. moreover it completely killed my motivation for the rest of the night so i left home.


CONCLUSIONS & QUESTION MARKS
- next time when i notice girls acknowledge my presence instead of going to the tap i just start speaking to them. i noticed that this shock&awe is ONLY when i enter and walk through, never again, should capitalize on that. very unusual situation for me as before i didnt experience it.
- next time if women are so obvious that they want to meet me and conversation is difficult i just tell `em im going home and inviting them/her to come. nothing to lose and maybe they are already sold
- i shouldnt let a girl i dont like but which much nicer smile and much firmer gaze to divert me from approaching the girl i like. choose the GAME instead of chatting ffs stratvm. chosing the easy but unrewarding path is pure failure
- wondering whether they were nervous (probably) or i failed misrably (this is likely too) or this stupid (can hardly believe) or just wanted to have fun (again, unlikely but possible)

 

[AFCnoob]

Re: OR/FR: being "invited" by girls to go over them then ?!?

Seems like a lot of negative emotions and criticism of yourself circling around there, but I think you should actually remain positive. I find that the lessons I learn the "best"--the ones that really get seared into my brain--are the ones that cause me pain in actual, live interactions.

There was the girl you really wanted to talk to, and yet approach anxiety got the best of you, and you ended up talking to the less appealing, but more open friend. I've been there--I bet everyone has, but now you've learned how ultimately fruitless that is. So that's something good--you won't waste your time with that again.

What's more, you're out there doing it, which is more than I can say for myself right now, so that's something too. Every moment you spend overcoming anxiety and discomfort is a chance for you to sharpen your skills and learn something, again--a plus.

You described conversation as being tough, but this is something you can work on too---YOU should be leading the conversation. 99.9% of people love nothing more than to talk about themselves, if they are even a little open to you, it's quite a simple task to get them going on and on about themselves while you present real interest, and spur them on to say even more. The weird thing is, they'll come away from the exchange feeling like they know a lot about--and can really trust and rely on YOU (for some reason).

There are some really great posts on the GC blog about banter, deep diving, and general conversation skills that even have textbook examples of things you can use to create great conversation from nothing. It's not a total loss, rather it's a very valuable (if a bit painful) learning experience. Good stuff man, keep at it.

 

[stratvm]

Re: OR/FR: being "invited" by girls to go over them then ?!?

cheers bruv!

 

[Just_Dave]

Re: OR/FR: being "invited" by girls to go over them then ?!?

yesterday went to a very relaxed bar i really like, on sundays it is pretty quiet and women are there to meet men

- when arrived few girls acknowledged my presence // recently worked on my fundamentals and was particularly well dressed as i originally wanted to go to uscale place

- went to the tap, ordered a jack+coke, saw a cute girl with a friend of hers sitting in front of me but other side of the tap (it is a big 3 sided area). she avoided eye contact initially
- started conversation with 2 older guys on my left, usual boring general small talk which made the girl clearly interested, unfortunately her friend i didnt like liked me even more
- to illustrate how obvious they were: even one of the guys made me aware that the girls like me A LOT especially the one i didnt like
- acting without intent: i went to chat with the girl who was ultranice but just for the sake of chat instead of approacing the girl i liked - WHY?!?!?!?!? i mean WHY?!?!?

Always go for the one you like as to not create confusion with the girls. Because the one you approach first the girls will assume you like the most.

- both were happy that i went there without hesitation (focused only on the girl i didnt really liked but thought a chat wouldnt hurt) BUT
- i didnt introduce myself. totally forgot about it. dunno how bad it was.

This gave you the mysterious vibe but without intentions you come off either as a social guy or a creeper guy. Fortunately here the girl liked you.

- didnt state my intentions. probably this was confusing too. went there to chat and she/they thought i wanted more?
- "conversation" was complete fail. i mean i couldnt strike a convo at all. she gave me totally dumb and/or vague and/or boring answers to topics that are going otherwise well in that pleace

This goes with having a goal, deep dive with the girl ask them what brought them out tonight. Talk about what they like to do when they're not at the bar.

- the cute girl entered the "conversation" (didnt pay attention to her really) but they were even more hopeless together. i mean if they can lead a conversation why dont the just sit and drink then leave?
- i just gave up, i didnt have the willpower to carry on even a non-working small talk. moreover it completely killed my motivation for the rest of the night so i left home.

One failure doesn't mean the end of the night, it's in the past now.


CONCLUSIONS & QUESTION MARKS
- next time when i notice girls acknowledge my presence instead of going to the tap i just start speaking to them. i noticed that this shock&awe is ONLY when i enter and walk through, never again, should capitalize on that. very unusual situation for me as before i didnt experience it.
- next time if women are so obvious that they want to meet me and conversation is difficult i just tell `em im going home and inviting them/her to come. nothing to lose and maybe they are already sold
- i shouldnt let a girl i dont like but which much nicer smile and much firmer gaze to divert me from approaching the girl i like. choose the GAME instead of chatting ffs stratvm. chosing the easy but unrewarding path is pure failure
- wondering whether they were nervous (probably) or i failed misrably (this is likely too) or this stupid (can hardly believe) or just wanted to have fun (again, unlikely but possible)

If they were nervous it was because of meeting a sexy stranger or they couldn't completely figure you out.