OR/FU: Missed window/diving too deep

[steff]

This weekend I went out with a hot bartender girl, who I have already known, but we never really talked, just flirted a couple of times at the bar.

The date was set up quickly, just one text message about the time we had to meet so everything was handled. I didn't want to take her for a coffee, since she's doing that all day in the bar, so I took her in a nice and quiet park, and sat down on a bench. She seemed to love the idea.

One thing I noticed that since I am trying to find out more about other people, they tend to be very talkative. I don't actually have to say anything, just lead through the conversation. So from the very first moment, the girl seemed to enjoy her time with me. Few notes about her:

- she is 2 years older than me (i'm 24 she's 26), blonde, fit, killer a$$, beautiful skin
- she is very enthusiastic and ambitious, works as a bartender but she wants to start her own business someday
- she had an exciting, but in the same time troubled childhood because of her parents (i'd feel guilty to expose anywhere why), but she works very hard to prove herself
- she's been with 3 boys in her life, each of them were long term relationships
- she has a very strong opinion about everything (both positive and negative)
- she talks very much about career, and has no respect for those who don't do anything with their lives
- she's never been in a friends with benefits relationship
- she never even made out with guys at parties while she was drunk (the way she talks, I can actually believe her, but I don't think I should always take this seriously)
- she leads a normal life, with plans for the future, has normal friends (each of here girlfriends are in relationships)
- she used to be a party girl but she doesn't like it anymore, has bigger plans for the future
- someday she plans to have a family and babies

Overall she is a very very cute girl, most of my friends say that she's the type of girl who you should have as a girlfriend. I actually like the idea myself, and I had the plan that in case we click, I'd love to make this girl my girlfriend, for some time (some months, maybe a year). I feel like she is someone who I can learn from, in return I would give her all the support and motivation she needs.

So everything went just fine, we talked, laughed a bit, teased her a bit, went deeper in the conversation, it was so easy to be playful with her. I kept touching her here and there, she kept touching me, everything went just fine, until:

We went for a little walk, and sat down again at another bench. I tried to move a bit closer to her, and she seemed like she was freaked out just a bit. After that she was confortable with me touching her, but I just didn't feel like she is ready to be kissed. I think this was the big mistake. At one point, the conversation reached a peak and I think that was the moment, when I should have made my move, but I didn't. So it just started to fade out. We still had to make a little walk back to my car, I told her that I would take her home, because it was 1:00 AM already. To avoid the complete death of the conversation, I had to start talking about myself, asked her for some opinions about my job, then I put my arm around her again, she didn't refuse (but I really don't know if this one is a good idea). I somehow pulled it back into a quite acceptable conversation, teased her a bit more, she started laughing again.

We got into my car, I took her home, I tried to go for a goodbye kiss on the lips, but she turned her cheek. I asked: next time? She replied: we'll talk about it.. yes.

So I think it's kind of a f----d up situation. I would love to make her my girlfriend, because I am not too experienced sexually (especially in sex, and I think a relationship would be better to work on this, than one-night stands), but I honestly don't know what would I do with her on a second date, since we haven't even kissed on the 1st one. Maybe some more teasing would do the trick, but I just don't know.

I am also not sure if I should invite her on another date. There would be nothing else to talk about. Even now, towards the end we started talking about complete nonsense topics, like prostitutes in Thailand and stuff like that (lol).

It was also a long time since my last date with a girl so I think my body language was kind of week. I can't say I felt completely relaxed, I was a bit nervous, and I think she noticed that at some points, even though I could relate to absolutely everything she said.

Overall, I still think she's a cute girl, and I would really like to spend more time with her. Even after these 2 or 3 hours of conversation I completely forgot my last relationship with the girl who I felt very bad for, because I lost her. But is worth to invite her on another date? Or should I just wait for some reaction from her? Could she still have some respect for me after not moving fast with her on the 1st date?

 

[steff]

So still went on that second date. Everything went just as i expected.. she seemed much more resistant to absolutely everything. When i went for the kiss,she pulled her head away.. it was very awkward. The end of our conversation was this:

Her: i talked about you with a friend. You are still young and you still need to party and you need all that stuff, girls, etc. You're very cute but i need a long term relationship now.
me: how can you judge something if you haven't even tested it?
her: *cold laugh* i've seen it happen thousands of times, trust me
me: what you see is a lot different from what you experience
her: whatever.
Me: i'm still not convinced that you believe everything you say
her: well you should be... gotta go now

And then we walked back. Kissed on the cheek and goodbye. If there is one thing i hate more than anything on the planet is the coldness of auto-rejection. I'm 110% sure that she wouldn't have any problem with a younger partner, but my low speed and lack of experience brought me here.

If this would've happen to me half a year ago i would curse and blame everything. Right now i'm feeling more determined than ever to approach more girls. I still think she was very cute and a considerable girlfriend option, but on the other hand i can even agree with her. She wanted sex from a younger guy and i failed to grant that wish. Pretty embarrasing, but i'm sure there are lots of other girls like her out there, i just need more experience to move a lot faster.

Anyway some good advice would be appreciated on the type of this girl (not this one particular girl)
- she was absolutely unreactive to teasing from the very beginning, but adored talking about herself and her opinions about stuff.. why?
- her body language wasn't that open.. she didn't liked it when i tried to get a bit closer, but still sat next to me, sometimes she would get up to stretch

I am still convinced that she wanted sex.

Anyway.. can't wait to go to the mall and talk to some beautiful strangers.

Steff

 

[Mr.Rob]

Hey steff, just checked out your report and I can totally relate to that. Im personally pretty inexperienced with women... okay very inexperienced and when you say you were nervous and you think she could tell. Brother I know she could tell you were nervous. I don't know if you've studied much on emotions but women, and men too, subconsciously feel what your feeling, just one of those things. But that's a very normal thing to be nervous on a date, and just because your nervous on a date won't mean it's a failure but how you act and react because of your emotions (ie. not capitalizing on escalation windows because you were apprehensive) can lead to a failure on a date (failure being you not taking her as a lover etc.). Luckily for us failure doesn't exist. Ha failure is make believe. A myth! What really happened here was you learned something and progressed yourself as a seducer, PUA, person trying to date (whatever you want to call yourself). These field reports are here for us to learn. To me it sounds like you learned you need more experience first and foremost (don't worry I probably need more than you), and I can't tell for sure but it sounds like you invested to much mentally pre-date

Overall she is a very very cute girl, most of my friends say that she's the type of girl who you should have as a girlfriend. I actually like the idea myself, and I had the plan that in case we click, I'd love to make this girl my girlfriend, for some time (some months, maybe a year). I feel like she is someone who I can learn from, in return I would give her all the support and motivation she needs.

meaning you weren't as outcome independent as you would have liked to have been because you already had a plan for if things go right, which im guessing you were also hoping things would go right. Am I right? I have this same tendency to hope that the date goes a certain way because I would enjoy having girl xyz in my life but this always ends up harming me because I over invest and either my vibe or actions will show my attachment to the outcome (ie. not capitalizing on escalation windows because I didn't know if it was the right time or not) which can be quite annoying. The best thing I've found to do when this happens is first forgive yourself and realize what you learned from the experience to better prepare yourself for the future. Anyway Steff sounds like you got the right attitude about getting more experience under your belt looks like it's time for you get out there and start posting some field reports soon. See you on the boards bro!