- Joined
- Feb 10, 2017
- Messages
- 24
It's been years since I last posted a field report. A lot has changed since then as I am no longer a virgin and have had sex multiple times now but even so my progress hasn't been what I was hoping. I now feel stuck in a bit of a loop of relatively positive interactions that don't end up anywhere. This report is interesting because I largely don't know if I could have done any different as there were a lot of outside factors that played a role. Anyway, preamble over. Let's get into it!
So after reading some articles and getting back to the basics I was feeling pretty good and decided to go out solo. I have a group of friends that I like to go out with but I sometimes feel that going out with them takes me out of state because they're a little jaded with the dating scene and often don't approach the way I do. So, tonight I go solo. I'm wearing blue skinny jeans with black Jordans, a white cashmere long sleeve sweater, and a black hat.
Line isn't too bad thankfully. With this venue, it can really be packed by the time I got there which was around 11:30. Upon entering, there really isn't too much to report. It's a bit of a dead night for this place. However, about twenty minutes in I see someone I went to high school with who is currently taking classes at the college I'm attending. We catch up a bit and just chill for a bit. He's solo as am I. While I had fun catching up and shooting the shit with him, I quickly see he wouldn't be approaching anybody tonight so I know I'll need to excuse myself for a bit.
I leave to go grab water and I see a man stop a woman to approach. The woman has a friend. He asks if he saw her earlier (whether this was a line or he was being sincere I honestly do not know). However, his girl seems to lock in and they engage in conversation. While this was happening her friend looks utterly disinterested in what is happening. She'll tell me later that that happens a lot.
Anyway, I happened to find the friend the guy wasn't talking to more attractive so I decide to scoop in and help. It's funny because he had friends with him who didn't step in. Either way, I mosey next to my target, wait for a moment where she seems particularly bored and tell her:
Me: You look utterly disinterested right now
Her: Oh ya I'm just watching my friend
Me: I see that. You're just being the ultimate third wheel right now
That's how the conversation started and to her credit she seemed to open up when I spoke to her. And her friend was definitely interested in the guy so it seemed to be all going good. A big sign of interest was when the other guy and her friend moved up to an open space she waved for me to come up with them.
So we start having a fun conversation and honestly she seemed like a pretty cool girl. One thing I made sure to do was to have a lot of incidental touch so I asked her about her rings and asked if any of them meant anything to her, while touching her hands. She said none of her rings meant that much but she loved her tattoos--none of which were visible. Incidental contact kept happening and soon we interlock arms and I'm putting my arm around her waist and she's reciprocating. At some point during this, her friend looks back to check on her, which is totally fine and everything seems cool. I tried isolating her to go somewhere to sit down BUT she said she has to stay with her friend. This would be a recurring theme.
Something to note was a little bit of frame control that I did while getting her information. On a high note, I told her to take out her phone. It was completely off and she hits the power button to turn it on. She then tells me "Why don't we use your phone?" and I say "Nah I asked you. We can wait. I have patience" and she agrees. Is it the biggest deal? Maybe not. But this builds compliance with me. I never told her what to take out her phone for but she immediately goes to instagram and has me put it in (Side note: I've personally stopped caring about whether I get instagram or phone number).
Eventually we get to the front of the line for drinks and I get my drink refilled and the guy orders the friend a drink. Soon after, they run to the bathroom. Pretty typical stuff. At this point me and the guy--who once again are complete strangers--eventually start talking. Unfortunately, we don't really click too well despite my best efforts. He's a bit closed off, which I thought strange since at that point we weren't competing. His success was my success and vice versa. I see my friend from high school and introduce them to each other, hoping that might open things up. But no, he's pretty cold to him too and just talks to his friends that he came with.
I'm in an interesting predicament. I could stay here with these guys who I'm not vibing with while we're waiting for the girls (who could very realistically never come back) or I could walk around the venue and have a better time and try circling back. I choose to do the latter. I walk around the venue and vibe to the music (DJ was fucking A1 all night).
Eventually, I circle back and I see the two girls. However, the girl I was talking to is now talking to the other guy's friend who I had briefly met while the girls were in the bathroom. Normally, I am very much the type of person that doesn't interrupt when another guy is talking to a girl I had talked to. However, in this situation, I felt me and this girl had adequately locked in earlier so I think it's appropriate to do so. I simply walk up next to her. She beams:
Her: There you are!
Me: Yep! How was the trip to the bathroom--everything you dreamed of?
Her: I didn't even go. I only went because she had to go!
At this point, what I was suspecting was basically confirmed to me. She was annoyed by her friend. I knew that this might be an issue, BUT the friend was still locked in with that other guy so I didn't think it would be too big of a deal. We keep talking and it's really the two of groups of us separate. We're not really interacting with each other. On my end, it's because 1. The guy didn't seem all that interested in talking to me and 2. We were both having good convos from what it looked like so why introduce a group dynamic.
While we're in conversation, I overhear the guy's girl ask her if we're friends. He whispers something in my ear and just from looking at her I get the sense he told her he didn't know me.
Here's where things take a very noticeable turn for the worse.
At this point, the guy's friends had dipped off to wherever the fuck so it was just us and the girls. Which is PERFECT. Honestly I would have liked us to go to the couches or something but because of what happened previously I thought my girl was deadset on staying with her friend. The guy whispers something to his girl and then his girl says something to my girl. She says "What" and then her friend says "He wants to show us something" and they start walking outside where it's more crowded. This was absolutely horrible, but I don't have much of a choice but to tag along.
My girl and I interlock arms and we follow them outside where it's busier and louder and he leads us to his friends. I ask my girl "Why did we just come out here?" and she says "I have no idea." I attempt to continue the conversation we were having indoors but it's clear she's not as engaged so I decide to play it a little cool and keep chit chat to a minimum. She asks if I know the guy that's with her girl and I tell her the truth that I don't. It's also at this point where it becomes clear to me her friend doesn't like me:
Me: *notices her J necklace* Hey does your name start with a J too?
Her: *ignores question* What's your name?
Me: (My name) What's yours?
Her: *ignores me*
It's increasingly clear that my girl's mood is starting to sour but I have no idea of how I should attempt to remedy as it seems to be stemming from the fact she doesn't like what her friend is doing.
To make matters worse, ANOTHER one of the dude's friends starts talking to my girl. This time, I let 'em rock cause I can immediately see it's not going that well. But this seems to make her mood even worse. After this, she talks to her friend and asks when she wants to leave, saying she has to work early tomorrow. The friend is very content to stay there, but my girl says she wants to wait outside by herself. The friend asks her to stay but my girl decides to take off and doesn't really invite me to tag along. Normally I wouldn't go after her but I've recently realized that I may be giving up too easily in sets and since me and this girl had built a connection to a certain degree I decide to follow her. I call out her name and ask if she's okay and she just goes off about how she's annoyed with her friend. She sits on a couch and I sit next to her and I put my arm around her.
If I could point to anything I did wrong, it's this. Putting my arm around her showed a lack of calibration, especially since she didn't reciprocate by pushing into my body like she had done before. This may have made it seem like I wasn't truly empathizing with her, even though with my words I absolutely was because I told her how I get how she's feeling. We talk for a bit and then she leaves and says she's going to the bathroom. I figure there's a chance she's not coming back and since it's near the end of the night I decide I wanna go say bye to the homie from high school in case I don't see him. But on the way, I pass her and she says she's looking for her friend so I look around with her for a bit until she enters the bathroom, where I then continue on my mission of finding my friend. I do and as I do I also see her friend and I inform her that her friend is looking for her. Though she doesn't seem to care at all.
As everything's closing out, I walk around a bit more but don't see her at all. But her friend is still with the guy, so I figure I'll see them when they walk out. We walk out and she was alone sitting on the steps and her friend sees her and starts talking to her. I walk by and ask if she's good and she's a bit cold and waves me away saying she's good and I take it as it is and head down. I actually get into a convo with a group because a girl asked me my name so I start talking to her. It's a good conversation but her friends have to leave. I ask for her instagram but no dice as she says she doens't have one. After this, I walk back toward my car past my girl and I say "I'm bouta dip but it was good meeting you" ending the night. She was a bit nicer this time around.
Ultimately, I left this night feeling pretty frustrated. If things mess up and it's because I made the wrong moves, I can shoulder that. Hey at least I know what to do next time. But when this girl's mood soured, it didn't have anything to do with me. Going outside was the wrong move, I knew it was the wrong move, but I couldn't do anything about it. To my knowledge, besides what I already said, I don't think of anything I did "wrong".
Of course, there are things you don't know that you don't know which is why I bring it here to see if any of you have advice on anything that I could have done to turn this around or, more importantly, prevent things from souring in the first place.
As it stands, she follows me on instagram but it remains to be seen if she'll accept my request to follow. Being honest, I don't expect anything to come from this because of how it ended, but if anything does happen, I'll make an update to this thread. Shame because she was fun to talk to.
So after reading some articles and getting back to the basics I was feeling pretty good and decided to go out solo. I have a group of friends that I like to go out with but I sometimes feel that going out with them takes me out of state because they're a little jaded with the dating scene and often don't approach the way I do. So, tonight I go solo. I'm wearing blue skinny jeans with black Jordans, a white cashmere long sleeve sweater, and a black hat.
Line isn't too bad thankfully. With this venue, it can really be packed by the time I got there which was around 11:30. Upon entering, there really isn't too much to report. It's a bit of a dead night for this place. However, about twenty minutes in I see someone I went to high school with who is currently taking classes at the college I'm attending. We catch up a bit and just chill for a bit. He's solo as am I. While I had fun catching up and shooting the shit with him, I quickly see he wouldn't be approaching anybody tonight so I know I'll need to excuse myself for a bit.
I leave to go grab water and I see a man stop a woman to approach. The woman has a friend. He asks if he saw her earlier (whether this was a line or he was being sincere I honestly do not know). However, his girl seems to lock in and they engage in conversation. While this was happening her friend looks utterly disinterested in what is happening. She'll tell me later that that happens a lot.
Anyway, I happened to find the friend the guy wasn't talking to more attractive so I decide to scoop in and help. It's funny because he had friends with him who didn't step in. Either way, I mosey next to my target, wait for a moment where she seems particularly bored and tell her:
Me: You look utterly disinterested right now
Her: Oh ya I'm just watching my friend
Me: I see that. You're just being the ultimate third wheel right now
That's how the conversation started and to her credit she seemed to open up when I spoke to her. And her friend was definitely interested in the guy so it seemed to be all going good. A big sign of interest was when the other guy and her friend moved up to an open space she waved for me to come up with them.
So we start having a fun conversation and honestly she seemed like a pretty cool girl. One thing I made sure to do was to have a lot of incidental touch so I asked her about her rings and asked if any of them meant anything to her, while touching her hands. She said none of her rings meant that much but she loved her tattoos--none of which were visible. Incidental contact kept happening and soon we interlock arms and I'm putting my arm around her waist and she's reciprocating. At some point during this, her friend looks back to check on her, which is totally fine and everything seems cool. I tried isolating her to go somewhere to sit down BUT she said she has to stay with her friend. This would be a recurring theme.
Something to note was a little bit of frame control that I did while getting her information. On a high note, I told her to take out her phone. It was completely off and she hits the power button to turn it on. She then tells me "Why don't we use your phone?" and I say "Nah I asked you. We can wait. I have patience" and she agrees. Is it the biggest deal? Maybe not. But this builds compliance with me. I never told her what to take out her phone for but she immediately goes to instagram and has me put it in (Side note: I've personally stopped caring about whether I get instagram or phone number).
Eventually we get to the front of the line for drinks and I get my drink refilled and the guy orders the friend a drink. Soon after, they run to the bathroom. Pretty typical stuff. At this point me and the guy--who once again are complete strangers--eventually start talking. Unfortunately, we don't really click too well despite my best efforts. He's a bit closed off, which I thought strange since at that point we weren't competing. His success was my success and vice versa. I see my friend from high school and introduce them to each other, hoping that might open things up. But no, he's pretty cold to him too and just talks to his friends that he came with.
I'm in an interesting predicament. I could stay here with these guys who I'm not vibing with while we're waiting for the girls (who could very realistically never come back) or I could walk around the venue and have a better time and try circling back. I choose to do the latter. I walk around the venue and vibe to the music (DJ was fucking A1 all night).
Eventually, I circle back and I see the two girls. However, the girl I was talking to is now talking to the other guy's friend who I had briefly met while the girls were in the bathroom. Normally, I am very much the type of person that doesn't interrupt when another guy is talking to a girl I had talked to. However, in this situation, I felt me and this girl had adequately locked in earlier so I think it's appropriate to do so. I simply walk up next to her. She beams:
Her: There you are!
Me: Yep! How was the trip to the bathroom--everything you dreamed of?
Her: I didn't even go. I only went because she had to go!
At this point, what I was suspecting was basically confirmed to me. She was annoyed by her friend. I knew that this might be an issue, BUT the friend was still locked in with that other guy so I didn't think it would be too big of a deal. We keep talking and it's really the two of groups of us separate. We're not really interacting with each other. On my end, it's because 1. The guy didn't seem all that interested in talking to me and 2. We were both having good convos from what it looked like so why introduce a group dynamic.
While we're in conversation, I overhear the guy's girl ask her if we're friends. He whispers something in my ear and just from looking at her I get the sense he told her he didn't know me.
Here's where things take a very noticeable turn for the worse.
At this point, the guy's friends had dipped off to wherever the fuck so it was just us and the girls. Which is PERFECT. Honestly I would have liked us to go to the couches or something but because of what happened previously I thought my girl was deadset on staying with her friend. The guy whispers something to his girl and then his girl says something to my girl. She says "What" and then her friend says "He wants to show us something" and they start walking outside where it's more crowded. This was absolutely horrible, but I don't have much of a choice but to tag along.
My girl and I interlock arms and we follow them outside where it's busier and louder and he leads us to his friends. I ask my girl "Why did we just come out here?" and she says "I have no idea." I attempt to continue the conversation we were having indoors but it's clear she's not as engaged so I decide to play it a little cool and keep chit chat to a minimum. She asks if I know the guy that's with her girl and I tell her the truth that I don't. It's also at this point where it becomes clear to me her friend doesn't like me:
Me: *notices her J necklace* Hey does your name start with a J too?
Her: *ignores question* What's your name?
Me: (My name) What's yours?
Her: *ignores me*
It's increasingly clear that my girl's mood is starting to sour but I have no idea of how I should attempt to remedy as it seems to be stemming from the fact she doesn't like what her friend is doing.
To make matters worse, ANOTHER one of the dude's friends starts talking to my girl. This time, I let 'em rock cause I can immediately see it's not going that well. But this seems to make her mood even worse. After this, she talks to her friend and asks when she wants to leave, saying she has to work early tomorrow. The friend is very content to stay there, but my girl says she wants to wait outside by herself. The friend asks her to stay but my girl decides to take off and doesn't really invite me to tag along. Normally I wouldn't go after her but I've recently realized that I may be giving up too easily in sets and since me and this girl had built a connection to a certain degree I decide to follow her. I call out her name and ask if she's okay and she just goes off about how she's annoyed with her friend. She sits on a couch and I sit next to her and I put my arm around her.
If I could point to anything I did wrong, it's this. Putting my arm around her showed a lack of calibration, especially since she didn't reciprocate by pushing into my body like she had done before. This may have made it seem like I wasn't truly empathizing with her, even though with my words I absolutely was because I told her how I get how she's feeling. We talk for a bit and then she leaves and says she's going to the bathroom. I figure there's a chance she's not coming back and since it's near the end of the night I decide I wanna go say bye to the homie from high school in case I don't see him. But on the way, I pass her and she says she's looking for her friend so I look around with her for a bit until she enters the bathroom, where I then continue on my mission of finding my friend. I do and as I do I also see her friend and I inform her that her friend is looking for her. Though she doesn't seem to care at all.
As everything's closing out, I walk around a bit more but don't see her at all. But her friend is still with the guy, so I figure I'll see them when they walk out. We walk out and she was alone sitting on the steps and her friend sees her and starts talking to her. I walk by and ask if she's good and she's a bit cold and waves me away saying she's good and I take it as it is and head down. I actually get into a convo with a group because a girl asked me my name so I start talking to her. It's a good conversation but her friends have to leave. I ask for her instagram but no dice as she says she doens't have one. After this, I walk back toward my car past my girl and I say "I'm bouta dip but it was good meeting you" ending the night. She was a bit nicer this time around.
Ultimately, I left this night feeling pretty frustrated. If things mess up and it's because I made the wrong moves, I can shoulder that. Hey at least I know what to do next time. But when this girl's mood soured, it didn't have anything to do with me. Going outside was the wrong move, I knew it was the wrong move, but I couldn't do anything about it. To my knowledge, besides what I already said, I don't think of anything I did "wrong".
Of course, there are things you don't know that you don't know which is why I bring it here to see if any of you have advice on anything that I could have done to turn this around or, more importantly, prevent things from souring in the first place.
As it stands, she follows me on instagram but it remains to be seen if she'll accept my request to follow. Being honest, I don't expect anything to come from this because of how it ended, but if anything does happen, I'll make an update to this thread. Shame because she was fun to talk to.
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