People nervous around me?

[Unknownymous]

Hey guys, I've started to notice that it seems like people get nervous around me sometimes, and I'm struggling to find out why.

I would say I'm a chilled out guy, and I don't talk too much. I greet people with a smile / eyebrow flash generally, and I enjoy being by myself.

When I'm around others, engaging in conversation, it seems like quite a few people get nervous.

Is it due to low attainability or what? Sometimes I feel like I come across as intimidating possibly but I'm not fully sure what it is.

How can I fix this?

 

[Mr.Rob]

How can I fix this?

Don't forget to Smile

Remember the golden rule - "she feels what YOU feel" if you're nervous (or awkward) she'll feel nervous or awkward. If on the other hand YOU feel warm and welcoming SHE'll feel warm and welcome to be in your company.

This is the first thing to troubleshoot and consider at least.

 

[Unknownymous]

Don't forget to Smile

Remember the golden rule - "she feels what YOU feel" if you're nervous (or awkward) she'll feel nervous or awkward. If on the other hand YOU feel warm and welcoming SHE'll feel warm and welcome to be in your company.

This is the first thing to troubleshoot and consider at least.

I don't usually feel awkward, I usually smile and I think give a calm positive energy.

People seem to be very fidgety and restless around me, it seems like people generally like my company because they mostly stick around, but it seems like it gets too much for some people and they eject.

A positive aspect is that most people are super accommodating for me, but they just don't seem very comfortable.

Do you think it could be something to do with my fundamentals? How can I help people feel more comfortable? because it really throws me off sometimes

 

[Mr.Rob]

Hmm, well fundamentals maybe but vibe definitely. Could be that your intimidating because your well put together. If thats the case the onus is on you to be warm, dial your attainability/value down a notch, and put ppl at ease immediately so they think "wow this guy seemed intimidatingly perfect but he's actually just a cool regular dude. Thats refreshing."

 

[Tony D]

You probably don't want to hear this, but perhaps you're projecting some insecurity. I've personally never felt "nervous" around anyone except maybe an authority figure. For some women, all men are potential authority figures, and they will act awkward just because you're a confident man. Many people lack self-confidence and social skills, so it probably has nothing to do with you. And always remember, you're not psychic. Everything you interpret is usually through the lens of ego.

 

[Glow]

It might be that youre well put together. it could be that youre too intense and that people are wondering whats going on w. this guy. it could be that you have a dark vibe that dominantly lies around you despite calmness and self-perceived warmth. It might be that you appear dangerous.

Your point about coming across and smiling etc. is when you actively engage face to face. What when you dont? Could you have more that comes forward in response to different things? No need to answer - just trying to open your mind.

That you talk less could provide more tension especially if youre calm and content as you write. But its all dependent on your appearance with it. how you deliver it all.

There might be other things you dont see yourself.

Ask around. Study it.

Owning your appearance and how you come across is one of the first keys

Your providing us with your perception of things and what you believe you do. Wondering from it. Theres prob more to it than you think - so dig into it and understand the components.

The people closer to you as well as others can often provide good insight. Some are totally off. So Study the responses and talk to people around you about it. Know that their answers will more be indications you need to feel into and take further. Some are better at articulating it than others. But slowly get to the source of it.

 

[Unknownymous]

Thanks for the replies. I'm pretty sure it's to do with my warmth mainly.

be warm, dial your attainability/value down a notch

This is along the lines of what I was thinking, I usually warm people up after getting to know them for a while, will try and adjust this.

You probably don't want to hear this, but perhaps you're projecting some insecurity.

Possibly, when initially meeting people I kinda feel like I don't want to give away too much too fast, which may be coming across as coldness. Is it always good to be warm?

I think my perception of being warm means being slightly needy. Doesn't being warm violate the law of least effort to some extent?

The people closer to you as well as others can often provide good insight.

I don't usually receive criticisms from my close friends, but I don't really have many close friends. Maybe i'll ask some people, but won't it make me come across as more insecure since i'm concerned about what they think of me?

 

[Glow]

I don't usually receive criticisms from my close friends, but I don't really have many close friends. Maybe i'll ask some people, but won't it make me come across as more insecure since i'm concerned about what they think of me?

In relation to the criticism - People dont say this unless you ask mostly. Unless its a huge problem for them and theyre the sort that bring it up. Especially non-friends.

Nothing wrong with being insecure w friends or people. its actually attractive to most people to be asked if theyre just a lil sane. Youre opening up to them which is a gesture of trust and interest in what they have to say. Maybe if youre around teen boys lor late puberty type guys its not the place to do it. Pick one whos a warm type and ask in a more private situation.

You can do this insecurely. Or you can do it with more weight. Its not the doing. Its how you do it.

 

[Cody Lyans]

Ok, so you keep using "people". This says to me that you are hiding something, or trying to make a specific situation into a general problem.
If a woman was nervous and ejected, just say that is what happened. Making these problems into a personal trait that is unsolveable is just a bad way to go about ironing issues out.

Generally though, women ALL get nervous to some degree around men. The very first body language cue you SHOULD be seeing from most women is that they seem timid or to shy away. The task is to then help her feel it is okay to assert herself and stand her ground. Once she does she will then softly reject you with gestures, like a stop sign palm or a touch to the shoulder to say "I'm fine, thanks though" and at THAT point you want to encourage her smiley happy dancing side.

There is always a process women must be taken through, sounds to me like you are just stuck at the start of that process and not moving it along, so thusly are looking to paint it as a personal trait of yours that excludes other people. Don't do that mental gymnastics, its a trap.
Get your head straight, ITS NORMAL, life is just a bit weird... learn to host and coax out her confidence by helping people assert themselves.

 

[Unknownymous]

Ok, so you keep using "people". This says to me that you are hiding something, or trying to make a specific situation into a general problem.

I keep using "people" because it doesn't just happen with girls. Should I just assume that it's generally a problem with the other person, rather than think I could be causing those reactions?

Get your head straight, ITS NORMAL, life is just a bit weird...

I do overthink quite a lot but I probably need to let things go I guess.