- Joined
- Jan 24, 2021
- Messages
- 2,039
From a daygame perspective, the most important thing for a beginner IMO is to never, ever feel resentment when things don't work out.
You're there to learn what you don't know, and to learn you have to experience things not working with complete acceptance.
A pleasant and open disposition is the most fundamental commodity of social interaction, and before you know what you're doing, your social skills are the resource that gets you into situations where there is a potential to seduce someone. Any kind of resentment and bitterness gets you locked out of that first gate.
...
I went approaching yesterday and had a crap time, due to allowing myself to descend into a crap state over a period of a day or two. Ended up with a bunch of decent interactions grinding to a halt and girls closing off suddenly (no doubt as they sensed the bad vibe or some negative tension).
After feeling a bit low I decided today I only wanted to know how to have conversations with strangers, nothing more. I just wanted to be able to stand next to a girl and enjoy myself and have her enjoy me being there. And so I went up to a very cute Thai girl swinging her arms around after a jog, went in super indirect, and ended up in a 40 minute conversation. Somewhere in the middle of it, I got really turned on (she smelled wonderful) and enjoyed touching her as we were talking, getting very close etc. But I wasn't dependent on it, it happened naturally off the base of the social interaction that I was using my social skills to maintain.
That to me is the basis of the beginner mindset, to be able to return to a focus on core fundamentals whenever you need to without being angry or resentful that you aren't everything you expected to be, to be able to return to the practice of a simple skill with all the attention and care that is required of a student, at any time it's called for.
You're there to learn what you don't know, and to learn you have to experience things not working with complete acceptance.
A pleasant and open disposition is the most fundamental commodity of social interaction, and before you know what you're doing, your social skills are the resource that gets you into situations where there is a potential to seduce someone. Any kind of resentment and bitterness gets you locked out of that first gate.
...
I went approaching yesterday and had a crap time, due to allowing myself to descend into a crap state over a period of a day or two. Ended up with a bunch of decent interactions grinding to a halt and girls closing off suddenly (no doubt as they sensed the bad vibe or some negative tension).
After feeling a bit low I decided today I only wanted to know how to have conversations with strangers, nothing more. I just wanted to be able to stand next to a girl and enjoy myself and have her enjoy me being there. And so I went up to a very cute Thai girl swinging her arms around after a jog, went in super indirect, and ended up in a 40 minute conversation. Somewhere in the middle of it, I got really turned on (she smelled wonderful) and enjoyed touching her as we were talking, getting very close etc. But I wasn't dependent on it, it happened naturally off the base of the social interaction that I was using my social skills to maintain.
That to me is the basis of the beginner mindset, to be able to return to a focus on core fundamentals whenever you need to without being angry or resentful that you aren't everything you expected to be, to be able to return to the practice of a simple skill with all the attention and care that is required of a student, at any time it's called for.