Phone date tip to make her feel like she's missing out by not meeting up with you

[Beam]

Hi guys, I just had a phone date (ew..) with a real cutie who I met online and managed to get her out tomorrow (we're going to grab wine and go for a walk) despite us being "incompatible" in her words. Now this girl was a special case in that she liked doing phone call dates since before the outbreak, but now that so many more girls are probably wary about meeting up it might become more common over the next few weeks - so I'd like to share something that might be helpful if you're on a "first date" phone call with her and want to make her feel that she'll be missing out by not meeting up with you. FYI the reason she said we were "incompatible" is because she said she said she was looking for something serious and didn't generally sleep with people for months (i ribbed her about that) and me telling her upfront that I wasn't looking for anything serious and was most likely not going to be able to offer her what she wanted).

During the conversation I brought up how phone calls were going to be a lot more common now that people were self isolating - at this point she brought up how she did it beforehand anyway, and that she loved it because it allowed her to screen for common qualities beforehand and to see if there was any connection before going out. I agreed with her that it might be a good screening tool, but then countered that it was much more difficult to form a connection over the phone opposed to meeting them in person. Because in person you could see their eyes, and feel their body language, which was so important to forming a connection. I also planted the idea in her mind that she was missing out if she decided she didn't want to meet in person after the phone call, framing things that otherwise might be awkward and kill any interest (awkward pauses, mumbling over the phone) as limitations of the medium you're communicating through and not of you personally.

For example (and I'm really proud of this one) I tried to defend awkward silences by saying that "over the phone if there was a silence you might think it was just an awkward silence, but in person I might just be looking you in the eyes right now and not saying a word". When I said this she giggled.

Now of course there was more to it than just that, especially trying to get around the "incompatible" part. In summary I defended myself quite well when she probed into why I wasn't looking for anything serious, saying that I would be open to a relationship if I really liked hanging out with the girl and other priorities didn't get in the way, which she probably saw as a challenge (I'll go into that in more detail in my journal if you're interested). But the phone tip anyone can use!

 

[Hue]

Always thought phone calls were an underrated tool to add to the box. Let us know how the wine + walk date goes!
If it were me I'd probably go for wine --> walk --> more wine --> sex.

Hue

 

[Beam]

Always thought phone calls were an underrated tool to add to the box. Let us know how the wine + walk date goes!
If it were me I'd probably go for wine --> walk --> more wine --> sex.

Hue

Spoilers: She came straight over to my house instead - we didn't kiss or have sex, but she wants to meet again. This happens to me a lot - don't have enough sexual edge to me yet I think. Sorry to disappoint ;P

So an hour before we were going to meet up she texts me saying "100% chance of rain by 3:00 " with a screenshot of the forecast (It was 2)

I texted her back saying with no dine ins available our options were limited, but proposed three options:

1. Chilling at one of our houses (made sure to say "one of ours" instead of "mine", and "don't worry, i won't do anything you're not comfortable with" to put her at ease.
2. Postpone to tomorrow (she was working so this would be late and it would be getting dark. Sort of a non-option if we were going outside for a walk and wine)
3. Saying that we might be able to find a good undercover spot in an hour - risky but doable XD (again sort of a non option)

She then asked if I had housemates and if they'd mind if I had anyone over. I was surprised at this since I honestly thought she would pick option 2. I responded saying one but he didn't mind, and also said there were a couple of parks near my house that we could walk to as well, to put her more at ease knowing she has the option of meeting me in public before coming straight to my house.

She took half an hour to respond but said she'd come straight to mine, which surprised me again. I went to get the wine beforehand and in 20 minutes she was at mine (but she drove). Damn, she was even cuter in person.

We sat and chatted, me making physical contact but she was not really reciprocating so I didn't really get far. She had one glass of wine because she was driving. We were there for a few hours before she said she had to leave to meal prep for the week. At the door, she thanked me and said she wanted to catch up again if I was keen. I said sure, we discussed certain lockdown related date ideas, then she started walking away. I said "come on, give me a hug at least" cheekily, she came back and I did - and she said "but what about social distancing??". She seemed genuine about it too, which baffled me considering we'd been less than 50 cm apart for the last few hours. I felt going for the kiss would be way too awkward at this point but I turned not doing it into a joke, saying "I would kiss you too but I can't because of social distancing".

She texted me later in the day saying it was nice meeting me. I responded likewise saying I'm down to hang out again, she responded just now saying she's down too and asking if I have any creative date ideas. Let's see where this goes... It's funny because it's like, since reading the site it's almost like I can see the future. I know where this is headed and I know she's going to hold off on sex, but I'm not yet skilled enough to make it happen sooner. Funny situation to be in.

 

[Hue]

I know where this is headed and I know she's going to hold off on sex, but I'm not yet skilled enough to make it happen sooner. Funny situation to be in.

It's good you have the social intuition to have an idea of where she's at mentally, emotionally, etc.

Do you think that would stop the majority of high rank members here from trying something?

Why don't you do the same date, just at her house "since you haven't seen her house yet". This time, make an effort to be more aggressive.

Were you touching her legs? Were you using sexy non-verbals, voice, and facial expressions? Did you use sexual humor or any sexual framing?


Once you do those things, see how she opens up.


It's unwise to think that her rationalization "what about COVID???" is going to stop her if you get her emotions and arousal for you high enough. Remember how women think. If she were actually thinking logically about the situation, she'd know that sitting next to eachother for that long is generally going to have the same effect as a hug. You have to override her (ir)rationalization about it so that she succumbs to her desire to fuck you.


So, take her out of that sort of thinking and have more fun with her by framing things as going with the flow and positive topics (emotions), use more touch (arousal), and have the date be at her house (logistics). Lastly, if the date is at her house she'll be able to let her guard down more. Her house is safe, and she doesn't have to worry about driving home later.

Try these things for round two, and get back to us.

 

[Beam]

So, round two did not happen at her house. And there was no kiss, and she has stopped responding . I appreciate your responses man and will try to give more details of why I did what I did. For round two I made a few suggestions - one was cooking a meal and the second was a run/workout - both good opportunities to get physical. She said since she had already meal prepped she didn't need to cook but she was down for a run/workout, and asked if I was free that night in a few hours (this was Tuesday). I wasn't free so suggested Wednesday instead. She agreed and suggested meeting at the beach we were supposed to go to for a walk last time. I mistakenly thought this was near her house and we'd be able to go there later so agreed to that (it turns out it was 20 minutes away, same as from mine). But part of me was also afraid of inviting myself straight over to her house, for reasons I'll go into below.

I got there 10 minutes late but she was fine with it and seemed excited to see me. I suggested we start off with a walk - we walked and chatted mainly about the number of people that were still out and how the beaches were officially closed but people were still on them (we weren't walking on the beach, we were following the rules). I made an effort to brush up against her and touch her lightly when talking to her. After a while we decided to start the run. I had my wallet in my shorts so they started to come off. I made a sexual joke here "my pants are starting to come off, it's too early for that" which she laughed at. We ran quite far before finding a spot to sit down (and it was now dark). She was asking most of the questions which wasn't good, but she was still doing most of the talking. I really hadn't touched her at all at this point but she was slightly pointed towards me. We talked for a long time before she suggested leaving. We walked back, and along the way (I was walking on her left) I said my right arm was feeling a bit cold in a cocky way, then put it around her waist which she had no objection to. Then I said my left arm was cold - she then put her arm around mine and we walked close together like that for 20 minutes. I should have probably gone for the kiss at some point here. This is also the point I found out she lived 20 minutes away and I was probably not going to be able to go back to heres.

We sprinted up a hill on the way back, and when we were side by side again I awkwardly told her to put her up in front of her. She did, and I put mine out to link them together "that's better". She gave a little laugh and we walked arm in arm the rest of the way. When we had to separate to go to our cars, she said "I'm going to give you a hug". I was pretty taken aback by how matter of factly she said it, so made the same joke I made last time about coronavirus meaning we couldn't kiss. When leaving I saw a confused look on her face - I know what you're thinking and no it wasn't a "why aren't we going home together" confused look. I know I hadn't turned her on enough for that. I suspect she thought the entire date was underwhelming and not as stimulating as she'd hoped.

I texted her the next day (yesterday 3:00pm) saying "Hey J, I'm so damn sore today after yesterday. I really hope you've held up ok X)". It's now been 33 hours and no response.

This time, make an effort to be more aggressive.

Were you touching her legs? Were you using sexy non-verbals, voice, and facial expressions? Did you use sexual humor or any sexual framing?

In summary, I still wasn't aggressive enough, but I did touch her. I did use sexual humour. My non-verbals, voice and facial expressions were a little goofy and immature at points which might have killed some attraction, my physical escalation was quite clumsy but she still complied. I did not use as much sexual framing as I should.

Why I'm afraid of being more sexually aggressive:

The last four girls I've slept with have been on the first date, and the one before that on the second date. All of these have happened within the last 14 months. And while the girls made it somewhat easy, I wouldn't have been able to make it happen without this website. But... most of the experiences have been disappointing for the girls. I can just tell that in all cases they had really high expectations of me and after the fact, most probably had regrets. This has destroyed my sexual confidence.

What's worse, it is making me want to slow things down (the opposite of what this site teaches) to lower the girls expectations, so that when we have sex, I won't have built myself up in her mind so much and so she won't feel lied to when I give her a disappointing experience. Of course, this hasn't been working (with the exception of one girl who I used date compression on last year and got a LR- on the third date, all the others who I have gone on multiple dates with have fizzled out)

Basically, I'm afraid to be sexually forward and aggressive because I'm afraid of getting her expectations really high, and then the fallout when the sex is bad and she realizes she has been lied to. She will be thinking "wow, I thought since he was so forward and aggressive the sex was going to be great, that was disappointing". Being sexually aggressive without currently being able to deliver makes me feel like a total fraud.

Is there any other way to get her into bed quickly without lying to her like this? Or do I have to keep going through the same process again. Seeing excited girls build up their excitement for me and seeing their disappointment over and over again as they realize I'm not who I portrayed myself to be (a really sexually confident and great lover). I can withstand the ego hit of sucking at sex until I get good at it. But what I can't withstand is constantly lying, constantly building myself up as a great lover when I am not yet one. It honestly feels like I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.

 

[Velasco]

Basically, I'm afraid to be sexually forward and aggressive because I'm afraid of getting her expectations really high, and then the fallout when the sex is bad and she realizes she has been lied to. She will be thinking "wow, I thought since he was so forward and aggressive the sex was going to be great, that was disappointing". Being sexually aggressive without currently being able to deliver makes me feel like a total fraud.

I'll dm you a bunch of clips (for obvious reasons lol) that I watched back when I was complete shit at sex. watching these really helped me more than anything (i know guys always like to link daniel rose's sex god method whenever there's talk about "how do i fuck girls?" but for me seeing a visual representation of what good sex actually looks like (not your mainstream porn you see on porn websites) is what truly helped me to become what I am today). and this is obvious but its worth repeating: none of us were born sex gods. It was something we inspired to become, and so we took it upon ourselves to do everything we can to become one.

Here is also some super helpful non-mainstream tips on lasting longer that helped me as well:

• Keep your eyes wide open. during intense emotions in the moment, your eyes will start to close. Once this starts to happen its gonna push you over the edge and you're gonna cum.
• Monitor your breathing. Just notice that you're gonna focus on your breathing for a second. Quick breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Don't hold your breath. it leads to tension.
• Slow down. She wants variation. Once you calm down you can go back up. if she's really close to an orgasm you've got to keep up the same speed but don't need to go faster. nothing wrong with stopping for a minute. '
• know where your limit is. Sometimes you gotta ignore the girl saying "fuck me harder"

 

[ljrozz69]

Hey Mooser,

You should be able to express your sexually as much as you want! I don't see why you shouldn't express yourself.
Although there is a chance you can do this much better. Especially, avoid qualifing yourself (telling/subcommunicating that you have big dick/ you'll fuck her for hours... etc).

Now you must understand that sex is not only about sexual performance, so even with ED and no fucking you can still give her an amazing time. There is something about sex that you must grasp... and it is that it is also a psychological experience.
How do you lvl up the psychological experience?

Well, first of all, lead. Lead by ordering her how to position, what to do or how to feel, hold her dominantly (by the neck for instance) etc.

Physicaly tease a shit-ton, in order to make her super horny: you can do this by caressing her around sensible spots (pussy, tits etc) or by letting her expect that you are going to lick her but delay delay and delay.

Learn how to dirty talk by:
- Sexually pacing the shit out of her ( tell her how she feels, how wet it makes her to do X etc...)
- Focus mostly on HER PLEASURE.
- Using taboos topics that you are comfortable with.
You can get a book on this, ie Orgasmic Dirty Talk: How to talk Dirty & Supercharge Her Orgasms by Sean Bapier.

Then know how to properly eat pussy and finger her and you'll already great.

Klimax

 

[Velasco]

avoid qualifing yourself (telling/subcommunicating that you have big dick/ you'll fuck her for hours... etc).

How you communicate these things to her is what determines if you are qualifying yourself or DHVing about them

Qualifying:

her: why should I go home with you?
me: well I have a big cock. I know how to last a really long time. I have a big cock. and no girl has ever not orgasmed from having sex with me. Did I mention I have a huge cock? (although it may still work because of the humor lol)

DHVing:

her: why should I go home with you?
me: that's really up to you. but you probably shouldn't come with me if your sensitive to big cocks lol. In my experience there are just some girls who can't handle them, so I'd rather they go for someone smaller so they can have a not so painful experience. Also, if you can't keep up for more than 30 minutes. bad idea to come home with me lol.
her: I don't like small cocks.
me: lol ok then lets go.

- challenging her/not qualifying myself/willing to walk away. but still communicates what I want her to know about me.

 

[ljrozz69]

Well @Velasco, thats the same to me, demonstrating (high) value after a test is accepting her frame and qualifying to her, giving her the power/lead-see how you have to disqualify yourself in order to get some of your power back in your example-. Althought this is another topic that may be good for another thread than this one.

Klimax

 

[Velasco]

thats the same to me, demonstrating (high) value after a test is accepting her frame and qualifying to her

Hot girls shit test. Its an unavoidable part of seduction. Responding to her shit test is not qualifying yourself. Qualifying yourself is ONE way of responding to her tests (the unattractive way). While DHVing (any response (verbal or nonverbal) that is not qualifying/defending yourself) is the other. In this example I opted to go verbal, to show how you can communicate what you want her to know about you (universally attractive things about yourself (majority of girls will prefer a bigger dick to a smaller dick (and by that I don't mean every girl prefers 11 inches vs 6 inches (because we know that 11 inches is too big for some girls). I mean if the girl had the choice (all else being equal) between 5 inches and 3 inches, they will all pick the former) and all girls prefer guys who last longer (15 minutes vs 5 minutes)) in the attractive way of responding to tests (DHV) Vs the unattractive way (qualifying/defending yourself).

 

[Beam]

I appreciate the responses guys. I will continue to read, re-read and try to really internalize everything you guys have said. Stamping out old behaviours is more difficult than I thought.

You should be able to express your sexually as much as you want! I don't see why you shouldn't express yourself.

See the thing is, I don't know if it's a lower sex drive or what, but I don't have that overwhelming desire to sleep with a girl as soon as I see her unless she's really hot, so at times I don't even mind multiple dates. It's just that obviously multiple dates doesn't work for the girl, and that's why I am changing myself and trying to reprogram myself to make myself more turned on. First girl I ever slept with years ago I slept with on like the 4th date after 2 weeks, and later she confessed that she wanted to sleep with me on the first and how frustrated she had been. It's funny because the things that people say to do to turn girls on work on me too. I guess touching her more on the first date will fix all problems - it won't only turn her on but will turn me on too - then I'll be congruent when escalating, doing it because I want to instead of because it's what I need to do to keep her around.

I will check out that book on dirty talk!

challenging her/not qualifying myself/willing to walk away. but still communicates what I want her to know about me.

I never thought about flipping the script like this to turn something so weak (qualifying yourself) into something so strong, this is great!

 

[ljrozz69]

See the thing is, I don't know if it's a lower sex drive or what, but I don't have that overwhelming desire to sleep with a girl as soon as I see her unless she's really hot, so at times I don't even mind multiple dates. It's just that obviously multiple dates doesn't work for the girl, and that's why I am changing myself and trying to reprogram myself to make myself more turned on

Well you can imagine her naked while you are talking to her. You can imaging her doing that thing you love girls doing to you, ie: sucking your dick, scratching your body, telling you dirty things, whatever turns you on.

Also you're right on that escalating will make you horny, as it builds the expectation of sex happening.

I will check out that book on dirty talk!

Thats the book I read but there are many of them, just be sure to find one that you like -or that a friend gives you wich was my case xD-.

Klimax