PinotNoir's Scroll

[PinotNoir]

2013.

New year. Time to fucking embrace it.


Introduction

I'm 25. I'm getting back in the game. Life after college has been a little tough on my love life. I only went out with 3 women last year (didn't go anywhere), and I'm hoping to change that... no, I am changing that this year.

I'm fine with long-term relationships, and that's ultimately my goal. However, I'm also fine with one-night stands, and I definitely wouldn't mind making love to some stunning women this year. Practice makes perfect, right?

My Flaws:

• Too much of a nice guy. Recently outside of a bar, I told a slightly shivering girl I was too much of an asshole to give her my jacket. I realize that this is being a little too much of a jerk, but I need change in this area (people always say I'm a nice guy), and I wanted to try the suggestion here to alter my nice guy persona. I'm trying to avoid "sorry" and "excuse me" in my conversations now -- unless appropriate. By the way, the girl didn't say anything back, and her friend just laughed lol. Her friend had a boyfriend though. And you know what? Why the hell did she not bring a jacket... it's been cold for months.
• Moving too Slow.
• Cold Feet. If a girl looks at me in a sexy way, I need to talk to her. If I'm in good conversation with a girl, I need to exchange numbers. I was recently at a New Year's Eve party having great conversation with a woman and didn't ask for her number. The nice guy in me also kind of screwed this up. Her friend was there and was clearly interested in me, but I was not interested in her at all. I felt bad to ask for her number in front of the friend I didn't like.
• Eye Contact. If I lock eyes with a girl, I tend to look off to the side. It's a hard habit to break. I guess I don't want her thinking that I'm creepily staring. Instead, I need to just slightly smile or even wink.
• Remembering Names. I need to make more of a conscious effort here and probably just drink less. This has definitely burned me in the past, and I didn't know how to ask a girl for her number after realizing I just forgot her name. Oops! My memory focuses on the visual and the experience. If I see someone, I remember them instantly, but then I can't remember their name for the life of me...

Newbie Assignment

First, I may not be doing every day in order. I have some other "resolutions" to take care of. Most importantly I need to move out of my parent's house. Because of the economy, I had to move back in with them, but I've had a job again for the past 2 years, so I can afford to move out now. I need to do this ASAP!

I think I will do every other day (so step 1 for tomorrow, step 2 the day after the day after tomorrow).

I've been reading the book How to Make Girls Chase, but it's moving a little slow, and I want to go ahead and get out there. I'm not sure if it's bad to skip to this before the book or what...

So for tomorrow, I plan on going to...

• Barnes and Noble
• Books-a-Million
• Whole Foods (during lunch; why not knock out 2 birds with one stone, right?)
• Outside Mall (removed name for privacy; it's just a little strip mall outside that I'll walk around)

Do you guys have any other suggestions?

The clubs in my area suck. 80% men compared to 20% women. Last time I went to a club (middle of last year), I approached a -- what I consider -- somewhat ugly girl. I was just trying to get my feet wet, and she slammed me hard! My approach was just god awful though. I admit this was partially my fault:

*girl is standing next to a table near the dance floor*
*I walk straight up to the table next to her*
Guy: Hey, I'm PinotNoir. What's your name?
Girl: I'm DontWantToTalkToYou *walks away* (I can't remember exactly what she said, but it was something like that)

Ouch!

I wish I had read some GC posts before that. It's such a dull opener too. I've thus learned the error of my ways. If I'm ever at a club again, I'll be using more eye contact and seeing who is interested in me first and try to just talk to women from "the side" while I'm getting a drink at the bar.

I'm not sure about bars either. Most of the bars in my area are just like buddy meetups, and I'm not sure how I would integrate myself. I also feel so awkward and embarrassed to just sit at a bar alone; any ideas for this? If I had a wingman, I'd go to bars more, but my guy friends can be fickle (want to play Call of Duty instead, etc.). I still end up going to bars about once every 2 weeks or once a month though, so I'll still try when I'm out with them.

~PinotNoir

 

[PinotNoir]

I also wanted to mention that for the new year I finally decided to ask a girl out that I was on the fence with. Last time we were out (week ago), she squeezed my butt, which was a huge shock.

Anyway, I text her for a date earlier today, and she is dating someone... I tried to play it off cool and just mentioned how you can date multiple people and asked if it was serious. She said "yes" to it being serious, so I just congratulated her and stopped texting. :\

But, still proud of myself. I need to just go on dates and not worry about if she's the "one" or not. How can I know if she's the "one" if we don't go on a date?

I tend to only like unique-looking girls and don't go for the typical "model" type. I just find it a little fake and not as intriguing. This year though even if I'm just a little interested I'm going to pursue. Maybe her personality is a 10? I shouldn't be so quick to judge on looks.

~PinotNoir

 

[PinotNoir]

Newbie Assignment - Day I

Even though this is Day 1, I went out hoping to approach a bit, but I didn't. I'm kind of disappointed in that. I was a little tired from work, and I usually don't approach during the day. I know, I know, excuses, excuses... As always, any suggestions, tips, pointers, remarks are greatly appreciated.

The whole day I really tried to maintain good posture -- shoulders slightly up & back and chin parallel to the ground -- and also eye contact. This sometimes makes me feel a little too arrogant, but I think that's just because I'm not used to it.

I definitely admire the quality of women out during the day compared to night, and the women seem more aligned with what I want. I hope to get over the initial hurdles and really craft my day game.


Whole Foods

I went here for lunch with a buddy. There seemed to be mostly groups of people, and I'm not sure how I would approach a group of women. Also, everyone was moving. It was mainly guys sitting down eating. For a lone woman shopping, I feel like I'd have to follow her to strike up conversation; this seems to stalkerish, creepy, and just plain unnatural. I tried to linger at the drink section for a chance encounter, but nothing. I did the same at the cookies section.

Having said that, I do like this venue simply because I can kill 2 birds with 1 stone: practice on women and eat lunch. I just hope more lone women emerge... and I figure out how to get an interaction.


Barnes and Noble

I went here after work. I held the door open for an elderly lady; this made me wonder if this action would put me in the "provider"/"boyfriend" peg with a girl of interest.

I walked in and went straight to the coffee shop. My eyes found a girl waiting for her coffee and maintained eye contact and did a side smile. I like the side smile a lot, don't know why. She glanced to the side. I remember reading that this is a good sign of interest. However, we were about a table away from each other, and the cashier was about to approach me. Do I just say, "Hold on one second missy; I want to converse with this pretty lady that I just locked eyes with!" or do I just ignore the cashier and walk straight over to her and say "Hi"?

The cashier kept looking down the entire time. I thought about trying to deep dive with her, but she seemed completely uninterested in even looking up. I also decided that it's a bad idea to make moves on a person you'll potentially see once a week -- as I want this to be one of my "venues." However, if I can become friends and exchange names, that may make me look good and desirable with social value.

So after I received my coffee... boom. I see a knockout. She has this "fairy" style short, brunette hair. (In another thread, I posted how I like this.) She's petite, nice complexion, etc. She may have been in college still; I actually like girls closer to my age or older, so I'd rather her be a bit older. This girl alone made me keep B&N on "my list of venues." The problem...

She was with a friend engrossed in conversation. I glanced at her a few times hoping that she'd look back at me, but never did. How do I approach 2 girls when they're rapt in conversation? And, I'm only interested in one of them.

I walked around the store some and read a few books... not any other attractive women.


Struttin' the Strip

The B&N is on a long strip of malls, so I walked all the way down it and back -- coffee in hand.

I really focused on my walk, posture, and eye contact here. A few guys looked away when I looked at them. However, there were 3 guys that stared me down. 1 was ripped and with his GF. We stared at each other a bit, and then I looked off to the side -- not sure how to handle this. The next time I saw a couple, I just stared at the GF's eyes and smiled lol -- just avoided locking eyes with the guy completely. For the 2nd guy to stare me down, I just nodded and slowly looked off to the side. For the 3rd guy, we just both said "hey, how are you?" to each other -- with me initiating it.

This strip is a great place. I saw a good bit of attractive women alone shopping -- leaving stores, entering stores, sitting on benches, etc. The one downfall is that most of them are well-dressed. I usually just wear a collared shirt and jeans...

I locked eyes with one girl and smiled. We were walking towards each other, so I was going to say "hey, you look like Hilary Hahn" because she did! But, when we locked eyes, she looked off to the side at the windows. I thought she might glance at me right when we passed each other, but she didn't. She just kept her eyes glued to the windows, so I assumed she wasn't interested and kept my mouth shut.

I also passed a group of 4 women together. 2 were young and hot, and 2 were old. Again, not sure what to say/do when that happens...

The other women I saw were not my type, nothing interesting to say about them, or were enthralled in phone banter. If I see a girl on the phone, I'm tempted to say, "Ah, wish you weren't on that phone... now I can't talk with you" -- seems a little cheesy and stupid though.


CD Store

Stopped here for a few minutes since it was on the strip. Complete waste of time. No girls, and I ended up wasting money on 2 CDs when I should be saving...


Grocery Store

Instead of Books-a-Million, I ended up going to a local grocery store since I needed to buy some stuff anyway. There was a hot girl with pink hair, but with her BF. Again, just a complete waste of time for finding ladies.


That's it. It's a pretty dull, uninteresting read, but I'm pretty tired and don't have time to jazz it up. I'll try to bring some more excitement in the future!

Safe travels space fans.
~PinotNoir

 

[nino]

Hey thanks for stopping by my Newbie Assignment! That way I also found yours, will definitely follow, was a good read so far

A couple of points I want to address:

I went here after work. I held the door open for an elderly lady; this made me wonder if this action would put me in the "provider"/"boyfriend" peg with a girl of interest.

This doesn't put you in any "spot", it doesn't turn you into boyfriend material, nor does it put you into friend zone. It just shows you have good manners. I know you're working on not being that nice guy, and Chase even suggests going full jerk to train that a little, but something like that is completely normal and it's safe to say a girl's more attracted to you when you hold the door open for her instead of letting it crush her face. When I'm in a group of (male) friends and I happen to be the first to enter it's a no brainer for me to hold the door open for them either.

So after I received my coffee... boom. I see a knockout. She has this "fairy" style short, brunette hair. (In another thread, I posted how I like this.) She's petite, nice complexion, etc. She may have been in college still; I actually like girls closer to my age or older, so I'd rather her be a bit older. This girl alone made me keep B&N on "my list of venues." The problem...

She was with a friend engrossed in conversation. I glanced at her a few times hoping that she'd look back at me, but never did. How do I approach 2 girls when they're rapt in conversation? And, I'm only interested in one of them.

Actually, approaching two girls isn't as difficult as it appears to be. When I started out I too found it straight impossible and I was really put off and I'm not sure if I ever approached two women alone during my Newbie Assignment but now I think it's a great opportunity to sell yourself. First of all, it helps your cause to come across as confident since you have the guts to go there although you're outmatched. Next, it helps the girls feel comfortable as well since they have a friend on their side. I've never been ignored by two girls but it happens all the time that a lone girl will just keep walking. Also a great way to show what a good conversationalist you are as well as getting approval of her friend, something women find to be very important.

Approach them confidently, and greet the one you're interested in first as the same applies here too: you want to make your intentions clear. Also, moving fast is important, otherwise they'll just think your a crazy (not necessarily in a negative way) guy who likes to chat with random women to have a good laugh or two but nothing else. These days, as I got more confident and experienced I just like to approach them, greet both of them but then excuse myself to the friend but I need to kidnap the one I like for a second, grabbing her hand already and gently pull her away.

 

[PinotNoir]

Actually, approaching two girls isn't as difficult as it appears to be. When I started out I too found it straight impossible and I was really put off and I'm not sure if I ever approached two women alone during my Newbie Assignment but now I think it's a great opportunity to sell yourself. First of all, it helps your cause to come across as confident since you have the guts to go there although you're outmatched. Next, it helps the girls feel comfortable as well since they have a friend on their side. I've never been ignored by two girls but it happens all the time that a lone girl will just keep walking. Also a great way to show what a good conversationalist you are as well as getting approval of her friend, something women find to be very important.

Approach them confidently, and greet the one you're interested in first as the same applies here too: you want to make your intentions clear. Also, moving fast is important, otherwise they'll just think your a crazy (not necessarily in a negative way) guy who likes to chat with random women to have a good laugh or two but nothing else. These days, as I got more confident and experienced I just like to approach them, greet both of them but then excuse myself to the friend but I need to kidnap the one I like for a second, grabbing her hand already and gently pull her away.

Thanks man!

I've been thinking about what you said, and it definitely makes sense.

I've also been thinking about how to apply your approach for the next time.

(1) Straightforward approach.
"Hello Ladies"
"Hi" "Hi"
*to the lady of interest* "I hate to break up a good conversation, but I'd also hate to miss this opportunity. May I speak with you alone for a second?"

(2) Asking-the-Friend approach:
"Hello Ladies"
"Hi" "Hi"
*looking at the friend* "May I steal your cute friend for a second of conversation?"

(3) Comment 1 approach:
"Hello Ladies, I have to ask about your conversation because you 2 look so engrossed compared to the others here."
or
"Hello Ladies, this conversation looks a little too intense for a Coffee/Book store!"

(4) Comment 2 approach:
"Hello Ladies, let me know when you get a break from conversation." *looking at girl of interest* "I'd love to speak with beauty instead of simply reading about it. I'll be in the New Releases section when you get a chance."

(3) and (4) feel weak, but I'm just thinking aloud trying to invent some fresh ideas.


It's pretty rainy today; I'm not sure if I will go out or not after work because I feel like this will make less people come out. I'll log it here if I do anything. I've partially convinced my friend for next week to come out with me.

Let me know what approach you like the best, and I'll apply it next time it happens!

 

[PinotNoir]

Because of current life situations, I'm just going to make this a general "learning-to-be Casanova" journal instead of the exact newbie assignment. I plan on going out once a week and keeping a record of how many girls I approach/date per month. Hopefully, I'll have some good stuff to share each week.

This month I asked out 4 girls. I met probably 5x that amount, so not such a good number, but it's a start. After college, I'm just not around enough single women, and I think this will really force me to be.

To protect the "innocent," I'm just going to use the first letters of women's names. If there are duplicates in the future, I'll just add a 1/2/etc.

• H - Started the year off deciding that I would date girls even if I'm only half-interested again. For this girl, great looks, but just nothing in common lol. I have been pseudo-friends (not close) with her for a while and always on the fence, so I finally asked her out via text. Found out she had a boyfriend. I tried to play it off and see if it was serious, and she said it was. Last Friday, she called saying that she had broken up with her boyfriend and wanted me to take her and her friend to a club because "too drunk." This sounded too much like I was being used, and they didn't sound drunk at all, so I turned it down. I'm wondering if she mentioned the boyfriend because she wants me to ask her out now, but I feel like she's had her chance. The only way I would date her is if she asked me out, but I don't think that's going to happen. I'm just moving on from this, but I do want to maintain a friendship (she had a couple of good parties last year and is nice) -- but that may be ruined now :\
• B - Girl from my "Waitress Trap" post. I think I did a good job of deep-diving with her, but I didn't flirt at all or chase/sexual frame enough at all. I asked her out and she said that she had a boyfriend.
• J - Girl from a quick-eat restaurant (not fast food, but not a restaurant). My friend (on a hunch) started talking about tattoos, and she chimed in (had a bunch, but hidden, like on back/legs/etc.). Out of all of the girls this month, I felt like i deep-dived the best with her. I asked questions and got her talking. I noticed mistakes from my friend too just talking too much. However, I again didn't sexual/chase frame it well enough, and I asked her out as she was leaving instead of during a high note. She said no bluntly and left. Honestly, tattoos are a turn off to me, but her face reminded me of a young Courtney Cox, so I was willing to pursue.
• T - Girl from my "Lesbian" and "Friend-Zoned Girl" post. I messed up here by going too slow, being affected by her being a lesbian, and getting to know her by hanging out with friends instead of one-on-one. However, at a concert, I did well deep-diving. I did well sexually framing my texts. And, I did well on our very first interaction (kissed/made out, but I was drunk, so didn't care about going for it). I think these ultimately got her to say yes to the date. Unfortunately, she is busy, and I think she's genuinely busy because she continues to text me every other day. Based on her schedule, I should have a date this weekend, but I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket here lol. If nothing or something happens, I'll be going out more alone next month anyway.

I think I did fine this month, and I'm proud of myself. However, there weren't really any cold approaches. I went out alone a few times but didn't approach. I need to get over the whole "clique" and "group" thing and just approach. I know of 2 malls that I may try instead of my current venues.

Here's to next month!
Cheers,
PinotNoir

 

[PinotNoir]

Back to basics. Life update.

Yesterday, I broke up with my long-distance girlfriend. I was a little sad over it, but really not that sad as past relationships. I guess it's because of reading the articles on this site. I just feel like I have more freedom now and more opportunity to find someone better. It's really not a big deal.

I learned a good bit from it, so I don't have any regrets. We had a good time, both physically and playfully.

Here are my new rules going forward based on this recent event. I call them "Rule 6" because rule #6 is the most important.

• I do NOT initiate conversation with ex-girlfriends, via text or call.
• If an ex sends me a text/call (assuming we're still friends), I do NOT answer until the next day at the earliest (unless it's some emergency, but that's not going to happen).
• I do NOT agree to be in a relationship (i.e., her boyfriend) unless we have had sex (or she has given me some other sexual pleasure).
• I must actively pursue my goals in life; currently, they are 5K races, writing more, and meditating more
• If I break a rule, I must feel TERRIBLE about it; this is the way to change
• If I see an attractive Asian girl, no matter WHAT I'm doing, I must greet her, compliment her, and ask if she's single.

*An exception to Rule #6 is at work or gym, as this will hurt my reputation and will not be as appropriate to be so direct. I would also say a waitress or server, but if she's pretty enough, I shouldn't waste the opportunity.

Two days ago, I did break Rule #6. I was running a 5K for training, and I saw a pretty Asian girl as I was rounding the lake. I made eye contact and said a very confident, "Hi." She returned the greeting and held eye contact. My hope was to finish my 5K run fast and then talk with her afterwards. I was even thinking in my head about the future FR I'd write on the GC forums. Well, when I finished (I ran so fast that I made a PR [personal record]), she was gone. I couldn't find her. I may... may... have another chance to see her there again running, but that is a very slim chance according to my past life experiences. No matter what you're doing, at that moment, you have to approach, as it could be your last chance. I followed Rule #5 and hated myself for it the whole day.

Current problems:

• For right now, I am really into Asian women, and they're in small numbers where I live.
• Also, my parents are in some financial problems, so I have to stay home and help support them (pay house payments, etc.), so that sucks big time.

Think about what you can solve.

For #1, I'm thinking... hit local Asian markets, local Asian restaurants, etc. That's really the only places I can think of haha. If you have any suggestions, let me know. I'm also thinking about doing a dating website, and I'll just have to hope that there are some Asian women in my area on the site.

I also need to change my style -- my clothes. I need to buy some good button-down shirts. Honestly, I hate the clothing stores around me, and I don't want to waste money frivolously. I may not worry about this for now. When I was trying to upgrade my style a few months ago, I bought 3 bracelets and 2 necklaces, but that's it.

As for the dating website, I may just try with the pics I have. And if I don't get any bites, then try professional ones.

I think that's it. Thanks for reading.
-PN